Hey Em,
Thanks for your post. Your insight into what it is you are going through. Self Awareness is a key step to resilience. The next step is self regulation or as I heard on a podcast, crushing ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
In my case i have complex PTSD. My mother left me when she was 8 because she had mental health issues and my descendents on the material side were all removed from their homes in stolen generation. I lost my-stepmother years later and copped the icing on the cake with a career in emergency services witnesssing horrific things no one should see.
Yes I am traumatised by all of this and all my brother and sisters needlessly dying in custody across Australia. But i am aware of what all these barriers do to my behaviour - which I know i need to self regulate. 8/10 it works. Every day I’m alive is ultimately a miracle and there was a defining moment in my recovery i experienced with my dad. Since that day i have pledged to keep going, saying busy and being the best version of me and help ing mybrothers and sisters to the best of my capacity. Doing all these things give me a purpose. I know that your thoughts drive your behaviour and it’s something i am always trying to regulate. I have achieved some great things since. But there is always a process in which you can improve your self. This is my journey and 9/10 days it brings me Joy and im better equipped to deal with adversity. Our past, our experiences, past behaviours don’t de fine us or our scucess. We are the masters of our own destiny. Life never was, is and never will be fair. Once i acceoted the fact and assumed more control over what i could control, my reactions, my fortitude, have placed me in a better poist íon because i am no longtar personally identify ing with whats happening to me. ‘You can’t stop people trying to limit yout dreams, but you can stop it from becoming a reality..You’re dreams are up to you”
cheers
