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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Roo123 Being misrable
  • replies: 2

Hi, I ve had about 12 years of misery in my life, excluding being sexually exploited at 6 years of age, an alcoholic father, a toxic environment growing up, dating wrong men all my life, to Paint the picture, I have been absolutely misrable most of m... View more

Hi, I ve had about 12 years of misery in my life, excluding being sexually exploited at 6 years of age, an alcoholic father, a toxic environment growing up, dating wrong men all my life, to Paint the picture, I have been absolutely misrable most of my life. Now things are different I am over 30 and never really experienced true happiness in my life. I am a misrable person, I attract misrable people. I am so unhappy with the life I am living that I cry internally every waking minute of my life. I curse the day I was conceived and born, why was I made to live like this, most people tell me it's fate, askgod for forgiveness, but in all honesty I have never done anyone wrong. Even people that have used and abused me, I have never done them wrong. This can't be karma. Now I have this addiction where I make anyone who is mildly even connected to me misrable, I make my partner misrable I make my family misrable. How do I stop, how do I become happy. I am so unhappy, if Shakespeare wrote my life it would be the Prefect tragedy one of the classics. I feel Some people only born into this world to be misrable so other people who get everything at the right time can feel better about their perfect little lives. I think God forgot to write any peace into my life. I just seek peace and happiness, even though it evades me every single day. I always remember that famous saying misery seeks company, I guess I am misery indeed.

Fritz_01 I think I have PTSD
  • replies: 3

I’m 18 yrs old and i’m studying nursing... I have not been clinically diagnosed with PTSD but i think i have it. It started when I found out I had half sister(dad side) when I was 15yrs old and she was few days older than me. Me and my dad had always... View more

I’m 18 yrs old and i’m studying nursing... I have not been clinically diagnosed with PTSD but i think i have it. It started when I found out I had half sister(dad side) when I was 15yrs old and she was few days older than me. Me and my dad had always been very close to each other we have very great relationship, so it was very shocking to me I felt like the person who I trust most and the person I looked up to growing up and everything was just a lie to me. I had this massive trust issue. I felt betrayed by my family on my dad’s side. And my mom who ofc was hurt the most at that time just told me after 3 days to just forgive my dad and just be thankful that he chose to take care of us. I wasn’t happy about it but i felt terrible looking at my dad I saw how sorry he was and he told us he couldnt tell my mom coz he was sure back then that she’d leave her. Anyways time went by and I’ve forgiven him but the scar just stayed in there. I have been dating this guy for 3yrs now and he knows bout my dad. But the beggining of our relationship was not very well (at some ways). He’s very lovely man, whenever we’re together he seems to treat me right and everything else. Everyone who knows us personally thinks we’re like the ‘couple goals’ but that’s not rlly it behind those between our 1st to 2nd yr together... he have this huge feeling on one of my friendd. I knew bout this before we even started dating... we became so toxic as he would tell me how he’s not over her yet then we would have a huge fight then we’ll get back together then 3-4 months latur he’ll admit that he tries to get over her but then She will always have a part in his heart. (They never dated, they were just close to each other but she never liked him) then this pattern went on for about 1 and half yr. (WE’RE OKAY NOT AS A COUPLE BUT MAYBE NOT ME) I know my problem is not as big as everyone else here but this really affected me big time to the point that my trust issue is really bad ANd i wasnt like this before. I’m always open. I just doubt everything (i try not to but because of the things thats going on in my head im like going crazy) but anyways recently i’ve been having nightmares about it. Im getting lots of flashbacks (broad daylight and night) whenever something inconvinient happens or something reminds me bout it. I start to cry and it just keeps hunting me. I want all of this to end. Also i noticed i tend to like forget things reacently but i couldn’t forget the feeling it caused me.

g44 Tired, scared starting over again.
  • replies: 12

Spent 13 weeks in Hospital the first half of the year. Diagnosed with Depression by my GP who put me on a plan with a Phycologist. 3rd weeks in for the first time I spoke about my childhood after 50 years of keeping it a secret. Where I broke down. I... View more

Spent 13 weeks in Hospital the first half of the year. Diagnosed with Depression by my GP who put me on a plan with a Phycologist. 3rd weeks in for the first time I spoke about my childhood after 50 years of keeping it a secret. Where I broke down. In sort, I was sexually abused raped by 4 different people from the age of 11. I won't go into the details it's still too hard to deal with. While in hospital for 9 weeks at one hospital and 3 Weeks at another health facility I was diagnosed with Major Depression, Complex PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Dysthymia - (ongoing Depression). During my stay in hospital, it was decided that I could no longer be with my family due to my Mental health and physical health. My wife also has Mental and Physical health problems. I made the choice to move out. My eldest son moved in with his younger brother with their mum. This ended a 40-year marriage. A bit hard to take. We have slowly drifted apart over the last 12 years sleeping in separate rooms. So there I am in hospital homeless and nowhere to go. In the 9th week in the hospital, I finally found shared accommodation 100 mile away from family. Only to find out that 3 tenants were smoking. I did not feel safe, breathing in secondary smoke. I went backwards became more depressed, anxious started to self-harm again thinking I would be better off dead. Community Health Acute Team were keeping in touch with me. Spoke to them said do you want to go to ED? Yes. She rang for an Ambulance. I self-harmed. Lost everything why should I care or want to be heard. Spent 2 weeks in Mental Health Hospital 1 week in another. Then left thought I was good to go. Wasn't I was going back to the same place. One day sitting on the stone wall at the beach watching the waves people & dogs thinking I could quite easily take a long walk into the sea. A dog had run up to me sat on the wall next to me with his head on my shoulder. He would not leave me. His mum called for him to go back to her. He did. The owner & dog came back up to their car. The dog did the same thing again with his head on my shoulder. Both of us went home that day. I finally found a unit which is a lot safer. Second-hand car. Everybody thinks just because I have a unit and car I should be good & happy. I'm not living alone & was self-harming again 2 days ago. Just over it all having to start all over again.

Guest_09801 Introduction/asking for advice or your experiences
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Wasn't really sure what forum to put this in but was wondering if anyone knows any resources (especially online, since the covid-restrictions) for, or has any experience of dealing with childhood-trauma but with memory loss? I have a really g... View more

Hi all, Wasn't really sure what forum to put this in but was wondering if anyone knows any resources (especially online, since the covid-restrictions) for, or has any experience of dealing with childhood-trauma but with memory loss? I have a really good psychologist but would otherwise probably be looking for something like a support group also - if there are any? So as to not be triggering (hopefully) - I was already aware there was an environment of abuse in my childhood but had only remembered two moments but I've just learnt more about it from a family member in the last 2 days - including the duration the abuser would've been in my life - and I'm finding it very hard to process her emails, partly because I don't remember it. (I was of an age that you'd normally remember.) As the family member wasn't present physically, we can only cover so much and the information I have is regarding things I would've either witnessed or been in the place when it happened, if that makes sense, it's not towards myself (so unsure if abuse resources covers that) and it's also I guess not a PTSD-issue (as I don't remember)? If anyone wants to comment or has any tips that might be helpful, it would be much appreciated.

Unknown_User Diagnosed with PTSD and I need to clear out my head
  • replies: 2

I agree with my psychiatrist that I have PTSD. I educated my teachers and classmates at a school project. I got bullied for it, even my teachers. They said I should not hold on to the past, and focus on the future, and I should get over it and move o... View more

I agree with my psychiatrist that I have PTSD. I educated my teachers and classmates at a school project. I got bullied for it, even my teachers. They said I should not hold on to the past, and focus on the future, and I should get over it and move on... I was 8 when my father was violent towards me. He did it because my parents were arguing over who is the better parent and they demanded to me who is better. I said I can't choose and my father said he thinks I favour my mother more and so he was violent towards me. I was 16 when I was raped. In broad daylight. At a park. I haven't told anyone, not even the people I trust the most. I was constantly bullied at school by students and teachers. The principal didn't believe me, so I stopped opening up to my parents. Whenever my father found out I got bullied for anything, he said I was an embarrassment to the family. He was violence towards me for either no reason or a very small reason. My parents argued a lot, and I know they weren't arguing about me, but that doesn't make their voices any softer. I can't drive because I fear of having flashbacks and I fear that I might run over a person or crash into a car. I want to move out of house, but I can't find jobs around here, Covid happening or not. I'm almost 21. I constantly worry that I'll end up in a mental health institution and I fear of going into hospital full stop. I hate seeing masks, so I've not gone outside. I feel like the masks are representing mental health doctors. My counsellor just doesn't understand PTSD. My previous counsellor did, but she's now retired. My new counsellor has severe anxiety, and every time she coughs or sneezes she tells me she worries someone might die. I want to tell my parents I want a different counsellor but I'm afraid what they might say. I haven't told them about the rape. I don't think they'd care.

corvid-patrol Do you ever get weird physical symptoms?
  • replies: 6

Hi all, This is my first post. Thanks for reading. I've been living with affects of trauma for about 4-5 years. There's something I've wanted to ask for a while, to see if I'm not alone. I won't go into details now but I first developed symptoms afte... View more

Hi all, This is my first post. Thanks for reading. I've been living with affects of trauma for about 4-5 years. There's something I've wanted to ask for a while, to see if I'm not alone. I won't go into details now but I first developed symptoms after a traumatic event, which was an incident that happened in the process of me trying to end a 6 year abusive relationship. The symptoms started a week later when I was stuck in a situation at work where I felt I might get into trouble. I totally left my body. My legs kept buckling. I was shaking so much I couldn't hold onto things. I couldn't feel my body and it felt like I was looking at someone else in the mirror. Loud sounds made me cry. Everyone's faces looked cartoonishly angry. I couldn't walk properly or at a normal pace. Colours looked bleached. I couldn't think or really explain to anyone what was happening. This lasted for 5 days until somehow, something made me laugh and I started to get feeling back in my stomach. After that I would get episodes of similar symptoms, often swinging between high energy/ anxious states to being completely zoned out and slowed down. It took me a long time to connect what had happened with my ex to how I was feeling. PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS - Does anyone else get these? I still get symptoms sometimes. They are generally less extreme than they first were, but worse and more consistent lately. One thing that's always confused me is how *physical* some of my symptoms are: - Muscles randomly twitching or contracting, making controlled movements hard (like my arms/ shoulders randomly tense up, hands shake) - I get a weird, slow "gait". I look stiff like I'm limping or favoring one of my legs. Body generally feels stiff and tight. I can release it for a second but it comes right back. - My breathing feels constricted and slow. - General exhaustion and extreme fatigue after exercise, sometimes for a day or so after. - Dizziness. - My eyes have trouble focussing on things, and just zone out. Or, they dart around randomly. Mental symptoms are usually confusion/ fog/ overwhelm. I can't really "feel" very much. Sometimes I can get in touch with my emotions and that helps me get "unstuck". But often I forget that there is emotional "stuff" there. Are these symptoms familiar to anyone else? Am I on the right track viewing this as a "freeze" response? I feel like if I could understand it better, I'd be more confident in how I approach it. Thank you!

Jlee81 C-PTSD & Bullying at work
  • replies: 2

Hi Firstly thanks for reading and replying in advance. As of late things in my workplace have become increasingly worse. This includes the feelings of being bullied. I had a psychologist appointment Saturday night to which i went through everything t... View more

Hi Firstly thanks for reading and replying in advance. As of late things in my workplace have become increasingly worse. This includes the feelings of being bullied. I had a psychologist appointment Saturday night to which i went through everything that has been happening at work. I automatically went to ,” my ptsd is high”, etc... To her telling me that i am being bullied, that my reactions at work where not my ptsd. They where normal and yes “ valid” responses and emotions. Her suggestion is to leave and find a new job. Ive been there over 7 years, i love my job and what i do. And most people are great. Im afraid to leave. Im afraid of the unknown so much . Social anxieties are high. Im afraid of being able to survive financially . I have no family here. My work is all i know. 🥺 Has anyone experienced this. I would appreciate any thoughts, experiences, advice et.. I hope you are all well and loved through this crazy time Jlee ☺️

Guest_363 Workplace issues, PTSD
  • replies: 2

Hi. I'm reaching out as have recently experienced some difficult issues in the workplace (exclusion, feeling ostracised for speaking up about issues, having my emails accessed and eventually being treated differently by co-workers). I feel the need t... View more

Hi. I'm reaching out as have recently experienced some difficult issues in the workplace (exclusion, feeling ostracised for speaking up about issues, having my emails accessed and eventually being treated differently by co-workers). I feel the need to say I did not engage in misconduct. I raised problems with managers and it went downhill from there. I have now left the job as it all got too much for me to navigate through. I was constantly on edge. Now having left I feel like I have to try and pick up the pieces. I feel very low, worthless and ashamed like I've been kicked out which I've never experienced before. My worth is rock bottom. The few friends I had there are slowly dwindling, partly on my behalf because I feel like I'm radioactive or something and didn't feel I could keep getting rejected (e.g. if they ignored my message, etc). I feel like I've actually lost my mind and no longer can tell what has actually happened- whether it was me or them. It was probably a bit of both. I have one friend (who doesn't work there) who I have spoken about this too and she has been a great help but I don't want to burden her anymore with it. So, I'm now looking for other work and trying to deal with feeling like I don't want to leave the house. I am now super vigilant and constantly checking what I write in emails, or any messages- checking over everything word by word in case something is wrong or someone else reads it. I'm even scared of posting this thinking someone might see it and know what workplace I'm talking about. Would love to hear from anyone else who can relate. It's just such a horrible, isolating feeling.

Slipperyfish Worried my feelings are destroying my life
  • replies: 2

So. Here’s the thing. I have been through a lot. Especially the past 4 years. Assaults, miscarriages, new jobs, failed friendships, I’ve had it all. But the past 6 weeks have been particularly hard. I reported my assault to the police and from there ... View more

So. Here’s the thing. I have been through a lot. Especially the past 4 years. Assaults, miscarriages, new jobs, failed friendships, I’ve had it all. But the past 6 weeks have been particularly hard. I reported my assault to the police and from there it’s been a whirlwind of emotions. I cry all the time. At everything. I’m on this rollercoaster where I’m up and then I’m down. I started a new job in June and I really loved it. Throughout the reporting process to the police my bosses have been great. They have been by my side whilst I emotionally try to make it through each day. But now it’s different. Now I feel like they see me as broken goods that can’t be fixed. And that’s how I feel. I feel like this is another good moment in my life that my past trauma and all my feelings are yet again ruining for me. The stage 4 restrictions in Victoria haven’t helped. I mean I know they need to be happening, but it’s made everything worse. Work has been my happy place, but now our hours are less and I’m more confined to my house. Then of top of all this I fell over at work and injured my ankle and my knee and now I don’t even know when I’ll be back. I have started to dive into some parts work at therapy which is also another stress. But I know it needs to be done. And hopefully it works. But right now all I want to do is shove all of my feelings back inside and just fade away. Maybe it’s better for everyone. Who knows. My housemate informed me on Friday night that I’m too emotional, I make others around me sad, she thinks I’m autistic and should get tested for that because then at least there would be a reason I’m the way I am. And the worst part. She knows of everything I’ve been through. She knows I’ve got PTSD. She knows I don’t sleep well and she knows I’m in therapy. But honestly maybe she doesn’t care. Maybe this is yet another situation I am in where I am too much for my support network. My network is disappearing. And maybe I deserve to be left behind. I don’t know anymore. I just know I’m sad and tired and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going on like this. Because I don’t want to keep upsetting people, and I don’t want to keep dumping my life on people. Because when I dump on people I let myself feel loved, and then it all comes crashing down, and I don’t think I can do it anymore.

Hotpink Is it abuse? Alcoholic boyfriend. Confused
  • replies: 3

My partner of 10 years (on and off, mostly on) is an alcoholic, every time he gets drunk he finds something to yell at, whether it be my past, how I was promiscuous as a teen, or how I'm a terrible mother that is doing it all wrong with our 18month o... View more

My partner of 10 years (on and off, mostly on) is an alcoholic, every time he gets drunk he finds something to yell at, whether it be my past, how I was promiscuous as a teen, or how I'm a terrible mother that is doing it all wrong with our 18month old daughter, I had left him for nearly a month and told him to sort himself out, when I went back he was really good but when he gets drunk its on again, if I argue back he gets in my face which scares me (having come from a previous abusive relationship),most of the time I'm too scared to give an opinion in case he doesn't like it, I've lost the ability to make choices on my own. I love him but I dont think its right for our daughter to grow up thinking this is ok. If I leave he'll tell her how I'm a terrible person etc he might even try to go for custody, I'm on a disability pension for Crohn's disease and I'm not the best housekeeper. I dont know what to do. Please help.