PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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PumpkinPie Anger issues and PTSD
  • replies: 4

My husband was diagnosed with PTSD in 2014. He was slowly getting better and easier to live with. He had a car accident in March this year which triggered it again. Does anyone know if the terrible anger ever goes? I am sick of him yelling ,swearing ... View more

My husband was diagnosed with PTSD in 2014. He was slowly getting better and easier to live with. He had a car accident in March this year which triggered it again. Does anyone know if the terrible anger ever goes? I am sick of him yelling ,swearing at people he doesnt even know and yelling abuse at people on the TV if he doesnt agree with their opinion. His counselor says he is better and doesnt have any anger issues.

mrmonaro Hi
  • replies: 4

I only just joined and had no idea what to say or were to start. I went to a psychologist years ago and was diagnosed with extreme PTSD due to a lot of things I saw and did while on serving nearly 30 years ago. I also had a rather interesting childho... View more

I only just joined and had no idea what to say or were to start. I went to a psychologist years ago and was diagnosed with extreme PTSD due to a lot of things I saw and did while on serving nearly 30 years ago. I also had a rather interesting childhood with an abusive alcoholic step father who did things that I cannot describe here. I never went back to the psychologist because I was afraid he would have me locked up in a mental ward of some sort. So for the last few decades I have been trying to treat and control this myself. You would be amazed at how well I have been able to hide my condition. My wife knows but like me she is powerless to help. She is though always there for me and that has gotten me through a lot of "situations". Its nice to think that there are services available and what not but what services don't involve me getting the sack from work for being mentally unstable? I start every day wanting to end it all and by the end of each day I find I'm too gutless to go through with it which then makes me want to plan out my demise for the next day and so on. On the one hand I know there is help available but even one day off could see me out of work and then my wife has the burden of having to work longer hours just to keep us fed and housed. My condition is not hers to bare. I want to describe the daily things that I go through but its no different to whats millions of other people go through and have already spoken about so I will spare you all that BS. I'm not sure what else to say or what I even wanted from this post to be honest.

___2 Just putting this out there. Hi and keep smiling...I’m trying...
  • replies: 3

???? That’s my life right now. If I was honest it has been my life up until now anyway. My future is now ??? I was diagnosed with Lymphoma about 5 months ago. It was every where in my body. Now after 6 Chemo treatments it seems to have cleared but I ... View more

???? That’s my life right now. If I was honest it has been my life up until now anyway. My future is now ??? I was diagnosed with Lymphoma about 5 months ago. It was every where in my body. Now after 6 Chemo treatments it seems to have cleared but I won’t know for sure for a few more months. I still have 2 cycles to come that require hospitalisation. The effects of the chemo haven’t been terrible but they have affected and changed my body. On top of that I have PTSD. Had it most of my life. Which is why my life up until now has been ?? Always feeling that I’m better off dead. Not possessing the confidence to achieve financially or socially. A lifetime of acidic anxiety has a lot to do with that. Always running away or avoiding anything that I would feel is overwhelming. At 9 my father and sister were killed in a family car accident. When I was 18 my mother died and I felt guilty. I’ve had two marriages and a long term defacto relationship by the time I was 44. When my 2nd wife cheated on me I gave up on life. So I started living out of a car for several years until I felt that I wanted to try a normal life again. Then I rent/shared a house but within 3 months all my laptops and camera gear was stolen. I continued renting for a few more years, became complacent. Living week to week and never saving anything despite working full time. So I decided to return to van living again to at least be able to start buying a few things instead of taking out cash loans that only ended up putting me in more debt. Then in March 2020, Covid came to Oz and work asked all vulnerable team members (me) to stay home with reduced pay. So definitely no complaints there. So I camped out till June in the van and decided to start renting again with my partner of a few years. On the day I picked up the keys to the flat. I had back pain. Week later I was in hospital then found out that I have cancer. I am 51 years old feeling like 90. Feeling fat, sick and hopeless. Last month a pace maker was implanted to prevent my heart from stopping again and my depression is now coming back big time. I don’t see the point any more. Can I return to work after treatment? How will I get by if I can’t? What if I only have a few years left to live? How would you want to spend the rest of your life if you knew there was a good chance you would die within 3 to 5 years. It comes down to quality of life. Just feeling lost...

Bailey18 I don't know how to make it stop
  • replies: 2

I am a victim of domestic violence perpetrated my ex-husband. My 5 year old is impacted. His medical and therapeutic teams are impacted My current parter is impacted. My abuse started after the relationship ended. I ended things and got a DVO because... View more

I am a victim of domestic violence perpetrated my ex-husband. My 5 year old is impacted. His medical and therapeutic teams are impacted My current parter is impacted. My abuse started after the relationship ended. I ended things and got a DVO because he couldn'tet go, and his life's mission is to pretty much destroy me, and it's working. I feel broken. Most of my abuse is systemic as he knows he can't directly abuse me, so he does things like make frivolous complaints about my sons teachers to the board of education, reporting our GP to the medical board, calling the police to say I abused him even when he chooses to live 2 states away, calling child safety to say I've abused my son. Yesterday I had the Police at my door because he wants to remove my son from the DVO. I have to court to court in January. He put in an IO application against my parter to say that he is intimidating and we have to go to court in January for that also. They have never physically met! My partner has a disability and isn't a threat to anyone. We are also fighting in the family court and have a court report in my favour outlining my ex husbands mental health issues and indactsting that he us domestically violent, and recommends reduced time but our trial is 9 months away. No one will acknowledge this report until then. Between all the lies and court cases and I am being mentally, financially and emotionally drained. My son is being affected because his therapy team are pulling out. They don't want to lose their registrations over my ex complaints. I keep screaming out for help and no one can help me, especially not the Police. Everytime I go to them he just gets smarter and more covert. Now that the borders are open, I genuinely fear that he will hurt my son during a visit one day just to hurt me. I am scared and drained and no one can help me. I've reached out to DV specialists, lawyers, psychologists, and even my local MP who can do nothing for me. The only thing I've been told I can possibly do is put in an injunction with my lawyer tonstop him from talking to my sons specialists but it will cost me $20k with no hope of success. That is on top of the $65k I already have to pay in legal fees next year that I can't afford. I tried. I even sold items in my house, saved frugally, even started a go fund me and nothing worked. I'm.drowning financially, which is his goal I'm sure. I don't know how to make the abuse stop.

gucia6 Jealousy over other's happiness
  • replies: 13

Hi all, Recently I have been trying to cope with a strange jealousy. I am not even sure how to name it. And I think it is completely unreasonable. The thing is, that I am jealous of the teenagers in my community, all the support they receive from the... View more

Hi all, Recently I have been trying to cope with a strange jealousy. I am not even sure how to name it. And I think it is completely unreasonable. The thing is, that I am jealous of the teenagers in my community, all the support they receive from the adults, friends they are surrounded with. For some reason it throws me to time when I was a teenager and didn't have any of it. Instead I had verbally and emotionally abusive mother, passive father, violent partner and bunch of bullies at school. And they are lovely kids, I am also going to support them as much as I can, and they did absolutely nothing to me, and I am not going to pour any of my frustration with my past on them, because it would be completely unfair. It's just this pain inside me, that is annoying me. I wonder if anyone experienced similar feeling, and how are you managing it?

Weaponsofmassdisstortion I just had to come on here and vent.....
  • replies: 2

I first gave serious thought to ending my life when I was 12 years old. That will give you an idea of the kind of life I have lived. Someone gave me the idea of writing about my life. The problem is; every time I write about it, the bad memories come... View more

I first gave serious thought to ending my life when I was 12 years old. That will give you an idea of the kind of life I have lived. Someone gave me the idea of writing about my life. The problem is; every time I write about it, the bad memories come bubbling up. And with it the dark thoughts and feelings. I feel like the trauma will never really leave. It feels like I am being punished for a crime someone else committed. After people have bullied you for such a long time, your the one who has to pick up the broken pieces and find a way to move forward. Why does it still hurt years later? Why can't I stop thinking about every thing that happened to me? Why do the people that hurt me get to move on with their life, while I am constantly struggling to get anywhere?..................Dear kharma I have a list of people you forget.

Moosie77 PTSD not sure how much more I can handle
  • replies: 4

Hi all. First time poster here but would appreciate all the advice I can get. I suffer majorly from PTSD from so many majors events that have happened in my life I wasn’t raised in the best household and have lots of torturous memories of being raise... View more

Hi all. First time poster here but would appreciate all the advice I can get. I suffer majorly from PTSD from so many majors events that have happened in my life I wasn’t raised in the best household and have lots of torturous memories of being raised by abusive parents my dad was an alcoholic. But the main things that have caused further issues for me mentally was in 2016 I Almost lost my eldest daughter to a brain bleed. We have since been given the good news that the treatment she had for it 3 years ago was successful. We were overseas by ourselves when this happened so I barely had any support my main issue now is this. Almost 2 years ago my partner was involved in an accident on his way home from work. He was riding his bike along the bike path when a vehicle connected with him. He came flying off head first into a pole suffering a broken neck. Broken tail bone and 4 fractured discs in his back. I have been his main support person. Whilst I’m truly thankful that he is alive and walking and all. The emotional outbursts I suffer from him I don’t know how much more I can take. I don’t understand the physical side of pain he has experienced but can definitely understand the emotional and mental side as this has effected us both. Our relationship has changed in many ways. We can’t do even a quarter of the things we used to because of his injury. Yet why do I have to be the one that has to take the anger outbursts over literally nothing. I’ve also had some physical damages because of these outbursts. I want to help him badly but I shouldn’t have to handle these alone. No one I talk to understands what I’m going through.

Exhaust_issues PTSD and depression
  • replies: 2

Hey, i have been diagnosed with complex ptsd and depression. I tried to take my life last night but I woke up today. I feel like I’m going into a spiral again today and I can’t stop it. I feel ashamed that I’m not getting better and don’t feel comfor... View more

Hey, i have been diagnosed with complex ptsd and depression. I tried to take my life last night but I woke up today. I feel like I’m going into a spiral again today and I can’t stop it. I feel ashamed that I’m not getting better and don’t feel comfortable talking to my psychologist. I feel I should be getting better but things are getting worse and the meltdowns I’m having are more and more, I feel I’ve just reached a level where I can’t cope anymore and I don’t know what else to do.

yutajp How do I stop fighting with my mum?
  • replies: 1

So recently my mum, sister and I moved to get away from our emotionally abusive father. I'm not going to go into detail what he did but he is generally very controlling, manipulative and can't admit whenever he does or says something wrong. My mum an... View more

So recently my mum, sister and I moved to get away from our emotionally abusive father. I'm not going to go into detail what he did but he is generally very controlling, manipulative and can't admit whenever he does or says something wrong. My mum and I have always been pretty close and never argued much but recently we've been disgreeing on a lot more things. For example, recently we went on a holiday and I was worried about leaving my cats at home (partly because we had just moved and partly because I've developed some sort of paranoia about something happening to them after multiple of them dying and also my father's threats to hurt them). Anyway, I was probably in a bit of a bad mood because of it but for some reason my mum took it the wrong way. On the way back we had an argument I don't remember exactly how it went but my mum said that I had been sad the whole trip and said something like "I'm still not allowed to do anything!"referring to how my father would try to stop us going places. So basically comparing me to my narcissistic father. I also recently deleted my instagram account because I wanted to separate my art account and my personal account (I can't explain why exactly, I just didn't like having them combined) but my mum saw this as a personal attack on her as if I didn't want her to see my art, which isn't the case at all. And when my sister and I try to explain things to her that she doesn't understand she gets offended and says things like "Ok, I'm sorry! I'm such a terrible mother, you just hate me.." I know it probably stems from trauma but I don't like how she seems to take it out on me. I don't think I'm saying or doing anything terriblr but I'm also scared to turn out like my father so maybe I'm doing it unaware. I just don't know why this is happening it just feels stupid that we're arguing after the situation we came out of but I don't know how to stop it.

Ayla_ A year after the attack, I’m still so angry, hating myself, pushing people away,
  • replies: 3

Hi all. I’ve read some posts here and it’s been pretty good to feel connected and read of shared experiences, but I thought I’d put some words to my own pain. Part one I hate myself. Hate how I look. Hate I can’t have another identity. Even this nast... View more

Hi all. I’ve read some posts here and it’s been pretty good to feel connected and read of shared experiences, but I thought I’d put some words to my own pain. Part one I hate myself. Hate how I look. Hate I can’t have another identity. Even this nasty self-talk reminds me of the attack from over a year ago – saying to him, “I’m ugly, I’ve put on weight, go have sex with your wife”. It’s a horrible cycle. I know I’m not symmetrical but I can’t get over this disgust, I’m sure it’s 90% valid, objective. I’m considering getting a nose job (and fillers, eye lift) which just fills my feed with dreams of being less disgusting. I’m afraid it’ll be too painful and expensive, and I’ll still look ugly. I want to hide. That’s the crux of it. Second part It’s not fair. I was raped in France, the police were revolting then and afterwards – they literally misplaced my case. And he’s not charged. His family never has to believe what he did to me. My friends, a year in and knowing all the details, still get to question why I’m not friends with those ‘friends’ who didn’t support me. I’m beyond angry and just over it. I’ve withdrawn. I could tell them but why? Another average conversation, seems like I’m upset. Are they even worth it, if they’re asking that? Final/background I was on the trip of a lifetime, visiting a very old friend, throwing in some extra visits to meet his fam too. One drunken night, the only night in the entire trip where I just stupidly trusted and let loose, after vomiting on myself, I pass out in my bed in his spare bedroom. I’m only half aware of him fooling around with his wife next to me, like what the hell, I’ll just ignore it. And then he starts raping me. The first French policewoman I spoke to said it’s hard to rape a woman. And there’s nothing I can do about it – not now, from the safeness of my Australian bedroom. The embassy helped translate but it’s now up to me to find a costly French lawyer if I personally want to pursue it? Well. That’s some of my story. I’ve been through counselling when anxiety and PTSD was debilitating. But now I’m here, and it sucks. - A