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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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EH7991 Complex PTSD
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I wanted to reach out to the forums to hear your c-ptsd (or even ptsd) recovery stories. My background is I’ve known I had PTSD for a few years due to an assault but have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD which has changed my whole wo... View more

Hi all, I wanted to reach out to the forums to hear your c-ptsd (or even ptsd) recovery stories. My background is I’ve known I had PTSD for a few years due to an assault but have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD which has changed my whole world (in an amazing way). I now understand myself, my reactions and personality and the reasons for how I’ve been shaped as a child into an adult. I would love to hear your recovery stories (even if you’re like me and just at the beginning), to gain insight into what my recovery ‘could’ look like, remind myself I’m not alone and maybe gain some different perspectives. Thank you for reading, and if you do choose to share thank you for being vulnerable with me. Em x

Shil *Trigger warning - Domestic Violence* Separating from husband but scared
  • replies: 5

I don’t know where to start my life with. I am married to this man for 6 years and we have a healthy and wonderful 3 year old son. But my husband had always been very controlling he only wants things to happen in his way and he says he loves his fami... View more

I don’t know where to start my life with. I am married to this man for 6 years and we have a healthy and wonderful 3 year old son. But my husband had always been very controlling he only wants things to happen in his way and he says he loves his family but when there is an argument he says very bad things that a women can’t take. But Later when I ask he says that just to make me feel bad and make my mouth shut he spoke those words but do not mean it. How am I supposed to take those? he do not respect elders he doesn’t have much friends either. If he have any issues with any fiends he will not allow me to talk to them. He controls me of my clothing. He did not treat my family well. Still I loved him thinking that he will change. Still I think that he needs help. I myself know how much I cried for his behaviour. He got anger issues and he can’t control his mouth during anger. He says anything which comes out of his mouth during that time. He sees everything in a negative way sometimes I feel there is no positive ambience around him. He tries to control me by raising his voice or punching the door. All he did these in front of my son. But my son loves him so much and he loves our son too. That is the only thing which is making me think that I need to stay. Last year when we were arguing he hit the plate I am eating and it actually cut my chin. I still forgave him. I took intervention order but when he apologised that he didn’t treat me well and that he would take counseling sessions and he cried so much. I believed him and came back to him. He only took couple of sessions and he stopped. He behaved well for 2 months and later I can see that he has not changed much but thinks that I put him in that position. How am I supposed to tell this person that it is not working. I am broken, but I still tried for my son. I told him few times that we will separate but he wouldn’t listen and say things like I am only trying to separate from him. now I took a decision to not tell him instead go out renting a place with my son. I got a house approved and paid bond. But the feeling of pitiness on him and thinking how much my son loved him making me sick. I am mentally stressed at the moment. I have a full time job but still something in my heart is troubling me if I am doing the right thing. The feeling of separating a son and a father is killing me inside. I hope some thoughts would help me understand if I am taking a right path.

Joe44 Help please
  • replies: 3

My mother lost her brother, who lived in india, to sars-cov-2 and she is just completely traumatised and is not able to accept this massive loss. She gets panic attacks every 2-3 hours where she just cries and after about 10 minutes of crying she jus... View more

My mother lost her brother, who lived in india, to sars-cov-2 and she is just completely traumatised and is not able to accept this massive loss. She gets panic attacks every 2-3 hours where she just cries and after about 10 minutes of crying she just takes a nap. What should I do to prevent her from going into the depression stage and prevent these panic attacks she gets every few hours?

Dominic_M PTSD and trauma
  • replies: 3

So in September 2020, I normally get up and go to the bathroom then the kitchen but i also say hello to my dog willow. But as i walked into the kitchen, i saw blood everywhere and it was just me and my dad because the rest of my family was in the mou... View more

So in September 2020, I normally get up and go to the bathroom then the kitchen but i also say hello to my dog willow. But as i walked into the kitchen, i saw blood everywhere and it was just me and my dad because the rest of my family was in the mountains and so i walked in my dads bedroom and said to him “whatgoing on in the kitchen” he didn't respond so i said it again and he finally responded saying “don’t worry about it”. I was terrified but confused at the same time. So i grabbed my phone and called triple zero for an ambulance. The thing is that, my dad drinks a lot but he has a mood that somehow only i can see. As in when he is in his ‘mood’, everybody else thinks that he is normal and that explains what i mean by i can only see it and he also tends to fall over a lot when he is in his mood. Dad and i was going to have a fun night together but it turned out to be the worst. As i talked to the dispatcher, my dad got up and asked me who I’m talking to but i ignored him and talked to the person instead. When the paramedics arrived, I still didn’t know where all the blood came from assuming from when i said that he falls over a lot. But then the paramedics said “ do you want me to clean that up for you?" because there was a cut, and at that moment i realised that he tried to commit suicide. They took him away is the ambulance and i was to not see him for long period of time. I was sent to live with my mum and i got diagnosed with depression anxiety and stress and for ptsd too. I have been having flashbacks of what happened and they are terrifying.

Centaured The news and politics these days
  • replies: 6

You can't escape the stuff on sexual assault and violence against women and minorities. It's hard and it hurts. Memories in my head that should never have been put there by men that I was supposed to trust, even a complete stranger. This isn't a go a... View more

You can't escape the stuff on sexual assault and violence against women and minorities. It's hard and it hurts. Memories in my head that should never have been put there by men that I was supposed to trust, even a complete stranger. This isn't a go at men. Rape culture sucks. Society sucks. People deserve to feel loved and safe, and to be believed when they say those things were violated. If this stuff on the news hurts you too, I see you, I hear you, I sit with you. Know you are valid and your story matters. I'm sorry for whatever happened. Know you aren't alone.

Ashs PTSD and Sexual Assult- I need advice
  • replies: 7

Hello peoples! I'm 13 and lived quite a normal teenage life. But in January 2021, I got sexually assaulted. I was on a family holiday and my cousin tried to rape me. He grabbed me without consent and attempted to rape me. Even thought it only happene... View more

Hello peoples! I'm 13 and lived quite a normal teenage life. But in January 2021, I got sexually assaulted. I was on a family holiday and my cousin tried to rape me. He grabbed me without consent and attempted to rape me. Even thought it only happened for a few seconds, it was very traumatic. Now its May 2021 ( so 4 months later) and i'm kinda stuck. Recently ( since March/April) I have started to have symptoms of PTSD/Trauma. I constantly have flashbacks during the day of the event (at very random moments) and also get triggered/have bad thoughts when kids at school talk about rape and sexual assault. I also feel a lot more stressed and am worried/afraid to walk/go anywhere by myself and am generally afraid of men. Whenever i walk to school alone and pass a man, I get anxiety and freak out. My heart starts beating and i breathe faster. Even thought they aren't doing anything. Just walking past. It happens every day, and my parents are starting to become worried. I also am a little bit stressed/guilty since because of the event, my family is split up and i can't see my cousins/aunt/uncles again since its traumatic to see my cousin who caused everything. My parents know what happened and want to help but i need advice on what to do. Where do i go from here? How do i get help? Do i go see someone like a therapist or doctor or psychologist? So please respond and help me cause i really need it. Thanks, Ash

Sadsec How do we forgive ourselves?
  • replies: 8

Married far too young, felt isolated by his family, he was their “baby”. My family had split so no support from them either, He drank far too much, I thought I could change him,, went from bad to worse, had a child trying to gain acceptance from him,... View more

Married far too young, felt isolated by his family, he was their “baby”. My family had split so no support from them either, He drank far too much, I thought I could change him,, went from bad to worse, had a child trying to gain acceptance from him, his family, anyone, emotionally abused by him when drunk,(every night), no way out, no idea how to escape, nowhere to get help. Had a horrific birth experience and nearly bled to death, needed a transfusion but it was at the start of HIV, so hospital wouldn’t give transfusions because of the risks. I was existing on practically no sleep, no strength due to such low blood counts, no help at home with new baby, he was as demanding as ever. When bub was 3 months old had to start back at work, night shift because he worked days, so was surviving on maybe an hour of sleep between working night shift, looking after bub and him, I found myself in a horrific situation with absolutely no idea of a future, I just knew this was impossible. A workmate made me laugh while at work, made me feel like a human, and for reasons I have decided were probably a sub conscious attempt to end my situation, I slept with him one day while my hubby was at work. I went out to the workmate’s home and destroyed my life. My sister in law who I was close with, knew and she told my hubby, so one night while i was at work, hubby rang my work, told me he was taking our child away and they’d be gone before I could get home. Sure enough by the time I got home from my shift, he had gone and taken our child with him, she was 5 months old, and he had (while drunk) taken her and drove interstate to his family. Since then my life spiralled from one problem to another, bad relationships, drug dependence,(which I have since beaten completely) until I finally found a partner who I married and only lost when he died from cancer, 12 years ago now. Sorry for the long back story, there is so much more there, but my initial question stands...I have never forgiven myself for cheating on my hubby, he never remarried, although he still has his alcohol problem. After all my soul searching and some therapy, I still consider my self a bad person for what I did, and dont know if I can ever “let myself off”. It has coloured my entire life, I am sooo very hard on myself in every way, what do others think....I dont feel like a bad person.......Ive spent the rest of my life volunteering and and trying to make up for my youth....

kellyd Changes in life and living with PTSD
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I'm new to the forums, I joined for lots of reasons but one is because I hope discussing my PTSD and sharing my experience might be helpful for myself and others. I've lived with PTSD for a decade or so now, as a result of an abusive relation... View more

Hi all, I'm new to the forums, I joined for lots of reasons but one is because I hope discussing my PTSD and sharing my experience might be helpful for myself and others. I've lived with PTSD for a decade or so now, as a result of an abusive relationship in my 20's. It took me years to seek help for the way I felt and only learned how connected my anxiety, panic attacks and other symptoms were to surviving that relationship after spending a lot of time working with a psychologist - something which changed my life for the better. In the past 4 or 5 months, I have quit my job working in quite a senior role in a corporate environment (something I worked pretty hard to get to) and have started studying with the aim of working in counselling and social work. Obviously this is a pretty big gear change and it's triggered some old feelings of questioning my self-worth and abilities. I guess I knew this was a possibility because I now know how my PTSD works, but I really wasn't expecting how much I've struggled to control my reactions to my known triggers lately. I'm doing all the things I've learned to do and I've been as open as possible with my partner on what's going on. She has been incredibly supportive and I feel safe and loved. But no matter what I do or what tools I pull out of the tool kit I've built up over the years, I am fairly consumed with these negative thoughts and the anxiety that comes along with being affected by my triggers. I'm not sure if I'm asking for help or seeking some empathy or both, but I do hope sharing my experience might start some conversations where I can be supported and supportive. I'd love to discuss how others experience their PTSD through life changes. Take care, Kelly

Skwish What I wouldn’t give..
  • replies: 1

Hi everybody, I’m in the calm before the storm. That moment where you can feel the tide pull away before the wave crashes forward. Things were going reasonably well. I’ve been free for nearly 18 months. I finally started sleeping in my bed instead of... View more

Hi everybody, I’m in the calm before the storm. That moment where you can feel the tide pull away before the wave crashes forward. Things were going reasonably well. I’ve been free for nearly 18 months. I finally started sleeping in my bed instead of in the lounge. My tablets seemed to be doing something. I’d stopped dissociating throughout the day and my flash backs were minimal-ish. I’m working, studying and raising a superstar daughter. I thought I’d crested that hill. Success of a sort. I went out to see a band for the first time in I don’t know how long and survived the crowds. I drank a bit to do it but I made it. Then I slept with a friend. I had three seperate panic attacks. I seemed to be ok after. Went on with life. But Its been 4 days and I can feel it. That swell before the crash. I’m not sleeping great but I’m diagnosed PTSD, insomnia, depression, anxiety so what’s new? But I can feel it. My mind slipping at the edges. Where I just want to disappear inside my self. What I wouldn’t give for the world to stop. Just pause for a day or two. So I can catch my breath. Readjust my armour. I’m aware of everything and nothing and I’m exhausted. I try running but I can never seem to run far enough lol So here I am writing to the internet. How is it I can survive 13 years of hell but some days it feels like I can’t survive the freedom without struggling for breath? I knew I was slamming down hard on some pretty big triggers, but I thought I needed to face life.. some sort of home made exposure therapy lol I thought it was progress but maybe it was just maladaptive behaviours sneaking through in disguise.. Ive got tools in my kit for when I’m experiencing my flash backs and panic attacks but I’ve not felt this build up so intensely before. I think the anticipation is worse. Maybe I finally cracked? The annoying thing is there’s no stopping. Life goes on. The world keeps spinning and all I can do is keep moving with it. But man... what I wouldn’t give for it to pause for just a moment.

Mike47 Broken - My father abused my daughter
  • replies: 8

2 years ago my adult daughter revealed she had been sexually abused by my father from 8 to 15. Our world fell apart. My poor daughter! My immediate and ongoing attention has been to ensure that she is ok. I am pleased to say she is doing well with th... View more

2 years ago my adult daughter revealed she had been sexually abused by my father from 8 to 15. Our world fell apart. My poor daughter! My immediate and ongoing attention has been to ensure that she is ok. I am pleased to say she is doing well with the love & support of family + trauma counselling. I feel broken - not just heartbroken, but completely broken. I was so angry, sad, guilty & grieving my daughter's trauma & the loss of a close relationship with my dad. One of the hardest conversations I ever had was to tell my Mum what had happened. I love my children dearly. They + my wife are my life. I have always tried to be the best Dad I could. But I had failed my daughter 7 had allowed the abuse to go on. It was my job to protect her - that I did not know is not the point. I failed her when she needed me & she was not able to let me know. On 4 Jan I contemplated ending my life. I will always remember that day with a sense of shame & despair. I was alone. I sat for more than an hour going through the way out. What stopped me was realising that it would have been the ultimate selfish act. I would have added that burden to the rest of the family & I could not do that. Checking in regularly with my daughter has helped as I see she is going well. But I feel like a coward as I struggle to discuss this properly with my wife and family. We get on with the day to day but we know there are other triggers coming that we are not prepared for. Now my daughter will soon have a baby of her own. Whilst this is a joyous milestone, I am again wracked with guilt & sadness. This baby will be welcomed into a loving family & will be our first Grandchild. But I can't help feeling sad that my Mum & Dad won't be able to see their first Great Grandchild. I wonder what emotions this will bring for my daughter and for my wife. I know this is always looming like a shadow cast over everything. We have a great relationship and I always check in to ensure that my daughter is doing well - which she is. I am so fortunate to have them and my other now adult children all close with my wife 7myself. We have a lot to be thankful for. I am so very lucky in many ways. But I remain broken. I remain sad - every day. I grieve what we thought we had. I am guilty for failing my family. I get through each day, week, month. But I constantly look to these milestones with dread & deep regret that the most wonderful moments are forever tainted by my failure to protect my daughter.

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