I’ve been scoping out this forum for awhile now, I’ve been afraid of
posting... until now I guess, okay then. Recently I was diagnosed with
c-PTSD due to living with child/adulthood trauma. I am 25 yrs old and,
well, I don’t remember a day in my enti...
View more
I’ve been scoping out this forum for awhile now, I’ve been afraid of
posting... until now I guess, okay then. Recently I was diagnosed with
c-PTSD due to living with child/adulthood trauma. I am 25 yrs old and,
well, I don’t remember a day in my entire existence when I wasn’t being
subjected to trauma or abuse. If the abuse wasn’t being dished out by
another, then it was me abusing me, after all I could only take so much
until I had to stop and think, if in fact there was something internally
wrong with me that was the reason why these horrible things kept on
happening to me. I was bullied from the day I walked into primary until
the day I left high school in year 11. I was verbally abused, physically
harassed, humiliated and neglected at every turn by the people (i.e.
teachers and parents) who were meant to protect me from such acts of
cruelty. The teachers I blame the most, my parents, well they are
certainly at fault in many ways, but there came a time where my trust in
adults evaporated, and as a result I kept a lot to myself... I can can
go on and on about my childhood with the bullying, the neglect and my
battle with mental illness which between the ages 18 & 20 I spent more
time in mental health institutions then out —
s-harm/s-attempts/dissociation etc.— same as recently tbh, but none of
that compares to the last 5 years. At 20 yrs of age I got on NDIS,
shortly after my last hospital admission my family had very little hope
left, so their last attempt was to put me on NDIS. Thus began the 5
worse years of my life... I was soon paired with a DSW who became my
full-time “carer”... well that was a joke, because in those 5 years he
raped me/physically and psychologically abused me/threatened
me/manipulated me into being his slave by working intensively for 90hrs
a week without a dime, only with the promise of not facing his wrath if
I do... not that he kept that promise anyway. He put my life in danger
(erratic driving/taking me to his drug dealer/other)/he leveraged my
already addictive persona by getting me on the drugs & alcohol (“drink
with me or you’ll regret it”) controlled my finances putting me in dept
after my escape and worse of all making me bare witness to his abuse of
others (“tell anyone and you’ll regret it”)... gaslighting — made me
believe I was Bisexual to justify him raping me (“I see you’re confused,
if you want you can experiment with me, let me help you” etc.) I’m
scared and I don’t know how to cope with any of this.
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
