I don't know where to start- everything has been falling apart *Trigger warning- suicide*

[Beth14]

I am 14 years old and I have been through more than any teen ever should. It began with my awful parents, who verbally abuse me and have told me my whole life I am not good enough. They lecture me and shout at me, and today only an hour ago my dad put hands on me and hurt me and now I am a bit scared.

Everything began to fall apart when I was 11 years old. My parents had told me I was not good enough, and I had had enough. I lost the will to live and at just aged 11, one day after school I made a suicide attempt. I didn't go through with it as you can tell, and I have regretted it every moment since. But it cannot be undone, and the ramifications are ongoing, ranging from anxiety and panic attacks to depression to confidence issues to trust issues and even to the feeling of numbness and emptiness I feel every day when I get home or when I have even a moment to think. And I don't know what to do. I saw a counsellor and I made her cry with all the issues and crap I was going through, and yet my parents don't care. They think mental health only exists for depressed teenage girls who struggle with social media, and that suicide is selfish and lazy and wrong because it hurts the person's friends and family, not once thinking about the person.

I never outright told the counsellor about the suicide, but she kind of knew, and so said to me that sometimes last resorts can become our last resorts multiple times in our lifetimes, and she said there is a chance that I made resort to my last resort again since the conditions and causes have remained constant and only worsened. I don't think I am strong enough to deal with another suicide attempt alone (since I haven't told anyone or gotten help in 3 years), so if there is a second there may possibly be a third, and I am worried that might not just be an attempt. However, at this moment, I would never commit suicide, and I am holding out for my 18th when I can leave and never speak to them again.

I know none of you can physically help me, or even come in here and stop my dad from all the verbal and increasing physical abuse, and that's ok because I have learnt to fend for myself, but it would be nice to know someone else out there cares and that there are good people in the world. Please reply to this with kind words, because those are increasingly scarce in my life, and I need someone to help me feel good about myself and about life again.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Beth14,

We're so sorry to hear what you're going through right now. However, we are so grateful that you decided to reach out to our friendly community, and we hope that you can find some help and advice in the kind words that they can offer. Please know that you are strong, valuable and you have a right to live in safety. Our Support Service are currently reaching out to you as we are worried about your wellbeing and safety.

We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely, supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to people in your situation, and you can contact them anytime on 1800 737 732 or through https://www.1800respect.org.au/  if you'd feel more comfortable talking online.

We'd also encourage you to reach out to our friends at Kids Helpline who are available to you 24/7 on 1800 55 1800 or through online chat at https://kidshelpline.com.au/ One of the friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings and experiences with you and can offer some great support as well as advice and referrals to help you through this.

However, if you ever you feel unsafe, it's really important that you contact triple zero and ask for the police. We know it has taken a lot of strength and courage for you to share your story tonight, so thank you. We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums and please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey. We're all here for you.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Beth,

Thank you for showing the kindness and fortitude to present your story on the BB forums.

At 14, you have not enjoyed the caring upbringing of unconditional love and support which one naturally expects from parents - they are your rock, but you seem to have encountered only sand dunes. In return, you have acquired great conviction to realising your independence - I admire your ability to focus on the positive.

But coping alone can be tough - do you have siblings or cousins to confide in? Sometimes relatives can have an impact on inappropriate behaviour by banding together for solidarity (a sort of family 'naming & shaming' thing to arrive at common sense). Although you mention trust issues, having a few close friends at school can bring some relief by providing ongoing support and encouragement and a line of communication to keep you centered.

If none of the above suffice, I welcome you to utilise the forum's non-judgmental platform to keep in touch. You will find many caring members and readers who support your endeavours. Of course, Sophie's recommendations are excellent if situations deteriorate further or you need immediate support.

Regards,

t.