I was sexually assaulted by my friend

[elliptic]

Hi,

I’m new here & don’t really know what to say. But I’m feeling so lost right now. 2 months ago I was sexually assaulted by a friend. We were out and he offered me a place on his couch to crash. When we got there he started hitting on me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He told me “I was asking for it” by coming there, and that “it didn’t matter if things were weird, it’d be awkward after anyways so it might as well happen”. He kept touching me and he had me pinned to the couch. I always thought that I was the type of girl who’d be strong enough to get out of that situation. Or that I would never be in that situation in the first place. But there he was touching me, and I was frozen. He didn’t rape me, but there was a point where I thought he was going to. I couldn’t say anything, or move, let alone push him off. Since then I’ve been a wreck. I’m too scared to tell my parents. Some of my friends know, but they don’t fully understand. And to make it worse we play the same sport so I have to see him every week. Every week I get worked up about seeing him, and it’s so hard. But if I don’t go, and do the thing I love, he wins. So instead I’ve been suffering in silence. This past week it’s really gotten to me and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can't concentrate on uni, I’ve stopped hanging out with my friends. He’s controlling me still and I hate that. I hate that he makes me feel weak and powerless. I hate that he makes me feel as if it was my fault, even though I tell myself it isn’t. I don’t know what to do next, but I know I can’t keep going on like this.
Just needed to get this off my chest to start with, maybe someone can help me work out what comes next.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome elliptic,

Thanks for reaching out here today - it's not always easy to write your first post, or to open up about such a sensitive matter. We are so sorry to hear about what you have been through. We are concerned for your wellbeing, especially since you are still having to see this person. We are getting in touch with you privately to offer some extra support.

We can hear that you're feeling a bit lost about what to do now. You've made a really strong first few steps in opening up to a few friends and to us here on the forums. We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to support to women who have been through trauma like this, so we think this could be a good next step. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/

We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums. Hopefully some of our community members will be by to welcome you. Please feel free to reach out here whenever you're feeling up to it. 

[Hope4tomorrow]

My heart goes out to you elliptic...

One doesn't have to be raped for prosecutions to proceed. A sexual assault constitutes any form of unwanted (especially if verbaly expressed or otherwise), physical contact, even some sexually derrogative verbals can aquire a charge of sexual assault, or so I heard. Don't quote me on that.

I can garuantee that if you were to go to the police about this, they'd investigate it and warn him to not contact you in any way whilst the investigation is taking place. This includes when sharing mutial hobbies etc. If you took the police report to your sporting club, hopfully the club would stand him down at least until the investigation is completed. This should hopefully bide you some to try and find some semblance of routine and normality in your life again.

people of this calibre, their power is in unerving their victims after the fact, and in the smallest audience knowing.

So tell whoever gou can, without looking like "you could be seeking attention", because people can be nasty, especially sympathizers of such a person. Word will get around about his a moral conduct If not, spread it. As long as you've not been told to not talk about it, the more who know, who know him directly, the less power and more pathetic he will be for it.

Not to mention friends will hopefully walk from their friendships with him. He sounds like a real piece of work.

Best luck in getting justice for this deplorable crime.

Take care and be kind to yourself. You didn't make any mistake in going there or in him fooling you into believeing that he was a decent person. He made the unlawful mistake of putting his hands on you as he was saying what he said.

Reach out for support to whoever you think will not turn on you e.g. anyone who has any respect for the grot currently. This is important. You don't want to subject yourself to further trauma. It sounds like you've been through enough already.

I hope you get justice in this.

[Bridget_Jones]

Hi,

Thank you for sharing -I suggest talking to someone you trust and share what happened to you, as far as he is concerned, you've done nothing wrong, go to your Sport, hold your head high, don't communicate with him unless absolutely have to - be strong and show him you are okay and don't hang out with him ever again. Block him from your phone if you have his number but talk to someone, it's too hard holding this stuff in - a trusted friend? You are not alone, unfortunately this situation has happened to many of us, remember you did nothing wrong, he did. I hope this helps you.