PTSD and Trauma

Recovering from bad fights with partner/anger issues

replies: 2

Hi there, I've never posted on here before... I just wanted to ask for some perspective or advice... Ive been with my partner for nearly 3 years and he is a wonderful boyfriend. However, throughout our relationship we have had some very heated fights... View more

Hi there, I've never posted on here before... I just wanted to ask for some perspective or advice... Ive been with my partner for nearly 3 years and he is a wonderful boyfriend. However, throughout our relationship we have had some very heated fights, and it has led to his anger getting worse and it resulted in him physically hurting me and saying very hurtful and spiteful things. He feels so bad about what he has done, and as I am someone who has made mistakes too and lived with mental health issues, I have compassion that nobody is perfect. He truly treats me so well outside of these moments. But I am struggling as I feel shame to share my story with anyone as people will so often tell me to just leave, like its all that simpe. But its not. I am having trouble moving through the emotions, trauma and pain this has all caused. I feel we both had to change our ways and learn to communicate better with one another which is why things have gotten better lately. I am afraid though that it would only take me slipping up to cause a bad fight and him to react with his hostile ways. He said he is willing to work on himself and wants to rid these parts of himself. We are both spiritual and open minded and I have hope for us, but i want to know what is the next best steps? Couples therapy? I have suggested individual therapy too. I do have trouble even talking to therapists about all this though as the stimga is so high on domestic violence (as it should be). I don't condone any violence. But i do have a big heart and want to grow with my partner but also never be scared of him again. Thank you kindly

Sexual assault 12 months on

replies: 12

12 months ago Rememberance Day a day I will remember for all the wrong reasons. A late night knock at the door A person in a police uniform standing there. Yes I let him in What ensued was a violent nasty sexual assault. Yes I reported it Yes I went ... View more

12 months ago Rememberance Day a day I will remember for all the wrong reasons. A late night knock at the door A person in a police uniform standing there. Yes I let him in What ensued was a violent nasty sexual assault. Yes I reported it Yes I went through with the forensic examination And 12 months on I am a shell of who I was. I have moved interstate I am a prisoner in my own home scared of people I don't know terrified of crowds. And above all absolutely NO TRUST or FAITH in the police. I was made to feel it was my fault l blame myself they found my mental health meds in my bedside table and assumed I'd lost the plot. It has cost me more than I could have ever anticipated I understand why women don't report it pull out throw their hands in the air walk away refusing to take the matter any further. I understand what it's like to be made to feel it was your fault, you asked for it I know what it feels like recounting your story to every bloody police that crosses your path afterwards doing a photo ID of the person seeing the likeness staring at you from a computer screen. I know this and much more and I hate it, that one person could cause this to happen. I hate myself for allowing it to happen for trusting a uniform we are taught to trust I hate the thought that one day I may need to call them for help that I will never ever make that call no matter what. I hate that this I question my existence. I hate my life I am not living I am existing going through the motions day after day. My nights are not peaceful slumber but screaming nightmares and flashbacks. I look in the mirror I see a broken shattered person I barely recognise who I dislike, whose stupidity in trusting has left her wondering why she continues each day who cries until there are no tears left and cries some more. Who has professional help but one step forward, three steps back makes her wonder why she bothers but if she doesn't it will get worse. Who is living in absolute fear of next week the 11th day of the 11th month because the horror will be relived over and over, more so than it is every bloody day of my useless existence.

Looking for Support and a place to feel safe........

replies: 4

Hi, This is my first time on here - I've just been diagnosed with Complex PTSD by my psychiatrist. I'm also three years sober and to be honest I thought my thoughts, anxiety and fears were related to the disease of alcoholism as some are similar. I'v... View more

Hi, This is my first time on here - I've just been diagnosed with Complex PTSD by my psychiatrist. I'm also three years sober and to be honest I thought my thoughts, anxiety and fears were related to the disease of alcoholism as some are similar. I've had childhood sexual abuse, emotional abuse from early teenage relationships, domestic violence in a relationship in my 20's where I was physically assaulted and other episodes of sexual abuse in my 30's. It all makes sense - I'm constantly frightened in the world, I can't seem to express myself or have a voice, I'm constantly on edge and hypervigilant with all my surroundings, I'm never really comfortable. I can't seem to relax and be myself and find most people a threat. My body tenses up with anxiety and I'm never present, always in the future. I life my life in fear. I know now this is Complex PTSD from multiple traumas. I'm glad I have a diagnosis now but am scared of facing life and wonder how I'm going to get through this when I've lived my life this way my entire life, it's all I know. I don't even know who I am anymore and what my identity is. My psychiatrist is going to help me with treatment, I feel lost and afraid - it's lonely and I can't connect to other people out of fear. If anyone can suggest anything that has helped them, I'd love to hear from you. I'm 43 years old, female, single with no children, I just want this to go away and have the time to heal. Thank you for listening,

Partners of DID systems.

replies: 4

Gosh where to start. Our life looks so quiet from the outside but truly it is chaos Just below the surface. I'd dearly love to hear some positive stories and strategies reguarding moving forward with a DID system for partners (12 alters) and regular ... View more

Gosh where to start. Our life looks so quiet from the outside but truly it is chaos Just below the surface. I'd dearly love to hear some positive stories and strategies reguarding moving forward with a DID system for partners (12 alters) and regular family life. The host I married is gone but there are a few whom I'm close with since then. (4 years ago next month) they don't therapy but instead work on their head themselves. They are also highly intelligent autistic folks. I run into problems often with my communication issues As I'm clinically depressed and highly anxious myself. I have a tendency not to share everything. I'm a quiet person naturally. This really bothers them. Is there anyone out there who gets it. Knows how complex this kind of relationship is?

I live with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) & I have struggled most of my life with relationships

replies: 3

My names Vanessa & Im a single parent living in country Vic. Ive been diagnosed with BPD since 2009. I was previously diagnosed with Depression prior. Its been a very diffcult journey for me, especially prior to being diagnosed with BPD..BPD is one o... View more

My names Vanessa & Im a single parent living in country Vic. Ive been diagnosed with BPD since 2009. I was previously diagnosed with Depression prior. Its been a very diffcult journey for me, especially prior to being diagnosed with BPD..BPD is one of the most complicated & complex Mental Illness you can have. Most of the trauma that happened to me, to trigger my mental illnesses (my BPD) occured when I was a teen that sent me on a spiral of self medicating with self distructive behaviours, & ruining my first serious romantic relationship. I havent felt good enough in my own skin for most of my life, & still dont. So as the years went along, I saw therapist after therapist, with most of it not really helping me till 2009, when I was offically diagnosed with BPD. Then 16 yrs ago I met a man whom had narcasstic traits that I wasnt even aware off. He soon became my "favourite person" & wanted to be loved so desperately. Life seem good & this man whom I was besotted with...6 months after being together I found out that I was pregnant. What a huge & delightful suprise, but not known to me after this man found out I was pregnant, he changed....We started fighting alot & he started to become verbally abusive with me....I didnt know what was happening at the time. I started to resent the way his was & see that he was had very narcissistic traits.. So after my beautiful baby boy was born, the relationship with my sons father really turned bad & not only did more veral abuse start, the physically abuse started too. I was very confused & eventually reached out to the Domestic Violence Support Group. It certainly opened my eyes to the fact that I was dealing with domestic violence. So after that, after about 3 yrs I wanted out of this toxic relationship with my sons father. But he certainly didnt make it easy for me to leave. So many AVO"s & court appearances drove me insane. All these huge difficult issues made my BPD SO much worse, which I didnt even realise at the time...I have suffered quite alot of other traumas in my life also, with a parent who im sure has BPD as well, my mum & a dad who invalidated my feelings & emotion most of the time. Even though I have gone through alot that I wasnt prepared for & have survived quite alot, I still feel very lonely, to scared to get in a relationship again & misunderstood. Can you relate & understand my story??

Advice on VoCat

replies: 1

Hi. Just wondering if anyone has had any experience with VoCat (victims of crime)? It’s been 4 months since I started talking with the lawyer and we still don’t really know what’s going on. For me I suppose my biggest stress is that I need them to ap... View more

Hi. Just wondering if anyone has had any experience with VoCat (victims of crime)? It’s been 4 months since I started talking with the lawyer and we still don’t really know what’s going on. For me I suppose my biggest stress is that I need them to approve funding for therapy, otherwise it’s $195 a week. Anyway. Any feedback if you have any idea please let me know! Also wondering if anyone on here has had to go in and face the tribunal! The lawyer seems to think that because of Covid they may just send out a letter of offer. Who knows. Again any info would be much appreciated!

Mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Struggling.

replies: 9

Hi all, I could not sleep even though I'm utterly exhausted so thought to get my thoughts out here. I am 40 years old. Late in December last year I finally realised my mother had been abusing me for a long time. I decided to cut all contact virtually... View more

Hi all, I could not sleep even though I'm utterly exhausted so thought to get my thoughts out here. I am 40 years old. Late in December last year I finally realised my mother had been abusing me for a long time. I decided to cut all contact virtually immediately. I do not regret that. Last night I came to the full realisation my mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Reading about daughters of mothers with NPD finally put some pieces of the puzzle together. I have a name now behind the reasons for my mother's abuse of 34 years towards me. I have read that many don't discover this till later in life. I KNOW now it was definitely abuse and an explanation for mother's cruelty to me. No wonder my therapist said it is like you have been brainwashed in some terrible cult. She did not know my mother has NPD either. I'm truly struggling with this. Many pennies dropping at once and my head can't stop spinning. I am feeling beyond angry. NPD is a horrible disorder. The thing is they are never responsible for anything. Anyhow this is very new territory for me sadly. I feel like I can't breathe, just be

My disability and trauma

replies: 4

I'm embarrassed that I have a life long disability and now trauma won't leave alone suicide was traumatising self harm was traumatising my history of sexual abuse was even more traumatising what's next I want someone to talk to me who can realate I d... View more

I'm embarrassed that I have a life long disability and now trauma won't leave alone suicide was traumatising self harm was traumatising my history of sexual abuse was even more traumatising what's next I want someone to talk to me who can realate I don't feel like I have a right to be happy

I don’t like my dad

replies: 2

Me and my dad have always have had our ups and downs. He is anger issues, is very loud and stubborn, and always thinks his right. I am also 20 years of age. So earlier this year, my dad got very angry and short tempered that I didn’t help my brothers... View more

Me and my dad have always have had our ups and downs. He is anger issues, is very loud and stubborn, and always thinks his right. I am also 20 years of age. So earlier this year, my dad got very angry and short tempered that I didn’t help my brothers homework properly, so he physically assaulted me. He didn’t apologise or anything to me but after a few weeks we moved on. Today we had a big argument, he doesn’t like one of my friends and gets annoyed when I hang with him. He’s heard rumours about him from family members which are lies, and I told my dad they are lies but he believes them. I told him that I am 20 years old , and that I am responsible for my own decisions , and you can’t pick and chose who I am friends with because I’m not a child. He then got very angry and was threatening in his words. I just really dislike him and want nothing to do with him.

EMDR

replies: 2

I’ve started EMDR please tell me it gets easier? It’s just causing more anxiety at the moment but I physically cannot tell my psych how I feel about it. The traumatic memories are too hard to relive.

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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