Immediate support
Immediate support

PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

All discussions

Start a discussion

Sunbury Trauma from death
  • replies: 9

Monday night my dad died in my arms after a heart attack. It took so long for an ambulance to arrive, I tried getting him on the floor, he’s a big man and the bed was high and the space small but did it and tried compressions but no hope. Paramedics ... View more

Monday night my dad died in my arms after a heart attack. It took so long for an ambulance to arrive, I tried getting him on the floor, he’s a big man and the bed was high and the space small but did it and tried compressions but no hope. Paramedics worked on him for 30mins. I can’t stop seeing his face on arrest. I can’t stop hearing his panic before and our panic begging for the ambulance to come. I can’t forgive myself for not saving him. I can’t forgive the GP for not seeing him when I called at noon and explained he wasn’t well. I can’t forgive myself for not taking him to ED. I can’t stand hearing placations about him being in a better place. I can’t take the sorrow of others when my head is in agony for not being able to do anything but scream for help. Today I thought about ending my life for the first time. I can’t face my husband, my kids, the family. I can’t unsee what I saw and they don’t understand what’s in my head.

Jayla An ‘insignificant’ trauma is causing me great pain 12 years on
  • replies: 12

I am not even sure whether I should be posting this here as I am not sure it counts as ‘trauma - I feel my experience was so long ago and so ‘small’ that it does not belong. lately, I’ve been experiencing waves of sadness or panic as I think back to ... View more

I am not even sure whether I should be posting this here as I am not sure it counts as ‘trauma - I feel my experience was so long ago and so ‘small’ that it does not belong. lately, I’ve been experiencing waves of sadness or panic as I think back to an experience 12 years ago when I was 12 years old. I was watching the show ‘Sex Education’ this evening and the show deals with assault in a way I have not seen on screen. The character does not think her experience is ‘serious’ or really enough’ to be an issue. I’m now crying, and so overwhelmed thinking of an experience when I was 12 years old and along in the city before sunrise. I always assumed my experience did not matter as I was not physically assaulted, but I experienced such extreme fear after being crowded by a group of older men who threatened me in graphic ways. I’m not sure how reasonable and rational it is that I still cry about this now, but it really seems to have stunted my sexual development and trust of men. I need some help to understand and move past this. I am so sorry if this is triggering for anyone.

Jayjay4 Ptsd/abused
  • replies: 2

To try and cut a long story short I was abused by my uncle when I was 9 until I was 13. It’s taken a toll on my life in ways I can’t even begin to explain. I tried taking him to court but he walked free he had to many people to cover his tracks. Afte... View more

To try and cut a long story short I was abused by my uncle when I was 9 until I was 13. It’s taken a toll on my life in ways I can’t even begin to explain. I tried taking him to court but he walked free he had to many people to cover his tracks. After this I stopped talking to my whole family a short time after I lost my nan the last time I seen her she was on her death bed where she met my first child. It broke my heart and my nans last words to me was he’s a bastard talking about her son for everything that he’d put me and the family through. I’ve tried to move on with my life but everything I do I can never fully get past this. I later got married and had another two children. My marriage ended he is now in jail and I’m trying to move forward with my life with a new Man. He doesn’t have kids so he doesn’t fully understand. He doesn’t no all of my past because I feel like I can’t be open and honest with him because he just doesn’t understand I feel like it’s something he won’t listen to either. We have been on and off for two years. The last time I took him back he begged and pleeded and done everything he could to win me back. I went back three months down the track we are back where we started same old man who I feel like has no time for us or my kids who can’t put our relationship first for abit to try and sort us out. Our sex life has now gone from amazing to nothing he’s working 12plus hour days making no time at all for us. I’m crumbling to pieces and I just wanna cry and run away but my kids need me and I wanna work my relationship out but everything I do seems to make it worse. I don’t no how to move forward and be my old happy self again. I’m so broken.

Suesuesue Mental Health friendship disconnection
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m just wondering what coping strategies others have used to maintain friendships when struggling with complex mental health? Just like many others on this site, I’ve experienced & been diagnosed with complex grief, ptsd & sever depression. The ... View more

Hi, I’m just wondering what coping strategies others have used to maintain friendships when struggling with complex mental health? Just like many others on this site, I’ve experienced & been diagnosed with complex grief, ptsd & sever depression. The past decade has been a downhill run of unfortunate & traumatic events where I’ve only been able to function to a basic capacity. Last year this fell apart & I was seriously mentally unwell & admitted to hospital. I had some amazing friends around me, but the toll of my recovery & their struggles to understand the complexity around trauma has strained our friendships greatly. I feel that anxiety & depression are easier for others to understand & the path to recovery can be more obvious. Trauma is so complex. Some of the trauma I’m trying to work through is surrounding my fathers self inflicted death & abandonment due to a number of factors. The simplest of things trigger my ptsd & to others it would appear like overanalysing a situation, but its so real and raw to me. I have a wonderful GP, psychologist, psychiatrist; but the social disconnection is incredibly difficult. Trust is so difficult for me, the expectations from others for me to let my guard down feels rushed & intrusive. I can’t seem to manage letting others in, building trust & protecting myself in a healthy & balanced way. I either shut myself off, or open up to others & trigger feelings of fear, paranoia and panic. I’ve been working on “small disclosures” as a way to bridge this path, but that doesn’t seem to be enough for others. This year, the emotional overwhelm of the previous 12months, pressure from those around me to progress faster in my recovery and a trigger; sent me spiralling into psychosis. My medical team were fantastic, but I was extremely paranoid of my relationships & I quite irrationally disconnected myself; hurting & confusing those closest to me. None seems willing to discuss the matter or accept any sort of apology. We all seem exhausted & broken from the past year; this carries so much guilt on my behalf. I can’t help but feel worthless and incapable of maintaining relationships. The desire to forge new friendships is non-existent. I know my recovery is hard for others to understand, but it’s hard to be the person managing this & working so hard to make the progress I need. Relationships used to be so easy for me, but now I feel completely socially inept now. Does anyone else feel this way? Apologies for the long post 🤦‍

mandatory.happiness Back @ Work After COVID Iso + Intrusive thoughts
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, Newbie here & I thought I'd test the waters by making a first post to get things off my chest before I dive into the BB cafe or something else social. I'm 30, single & live at home. I do have a supportive network around me & I do realise... View more

Hi everyone, Newbie here & I thought I'd test the waters by making a first post to get things off my chest before I dive into the BB cafe or something else social. I'm 30, single & live at home. I do have a supportive network around me & I do realise that I am extremely lucky to be where I am. I do however have undiagnosed PTSD & severe anxiety. I battled with mental health as a teen & have had many successes & fails so far. Though in 2016, I witnessed the physical aftermath of my father's death in a light plane crash. After that, I did see & speak to a few professionals but mainly got by with the wonderful support of my family & sheer willpower using meditation as my main means of getting by. It has plagued me ever since (flashbacks, intrusive thoughts etc). It has crept into almost every aspect of my life & at times, I find myself physically shut down to the world - I make all my life choices based on how bad or good my anxiety & PTSD is. The big factors in my life are: I have severe anxiety driving at high speeds, driving generally & driving with people in the car, driving at night, when I'm in unfamiliar environments, speaking to relatively small groups & in moderately stressful situations. Flash forward to now, COVID has made my life a rollercoaster. At first, I was anxious about it. I am asthmatic & catch the flu easily. Then, I was oddly calm. I'd prepared for the worst in my mind & I knew I'd be able to accept anything that came my way because I'd done the mental work. Death could come swiftly. THEN, I was laid off work for over a month. It would be temporary but when I was told there was no more work, I didn't know for how long. I made huge steps to be productive at home & with my mental & physical health. I felt amazing for that period. Now that I am back at work, I feel incredibly underprepared. I miss those good feelings I had when I was on top of both of my mental & physical health. Things I had planned to do now feel too difficult to do & feel bad for it. I feel underproductive even though I am working hard on all the aspects of my life admin. Currently, I am struggling with the return of a *lovely* symptom PSTD/anxiety... intrusive thoughts. Some of which disturb me so greatly, I cry for hours & feel physically ill. I feel like a sick, twisted person for thinking some of these things but I know that I would never, ever act on any of them. Does anyone have any tips for alleviating them? Distraction can only do so much. Thanks guys. - MH x

Frogy78 Mania
  • replies: 2

I am stuck in a dangerous loop.. I can see myself but can't stop , I get so angry and over react, I can't seem to stop reliving my trauma

I am stuck in a dangerous loop.. I can see myself but can't stop , I get so angry and over react, I can't seem to stop reliving my trauma

fyrefly My shrink says I dissociated and I think I might have PTSD.
  • replies: 8

I think my past is affecting my present and that I might have PTSD. In my late teen years I had a friend in school who was terribly unwell and suicidal. In her distress she did many violent things to herself including multiple suicide attempts; I oft... View more

I think my past is affecting my present and that I might have PTSD. In my late teen years I had a friend in school who was terribly unwell and suicidal. In her distress she did many violent things to herself including multiple suicide attempts; I often went to school not knowing if she would be alive and spent a lot of my time trying to keep her around. In 2018 she died of suicide while in a psychiatric hospital. She was then brain dead for three weeks; it was a very prolonged and painful event. I didn't really have a relationship to her as an adult, so that time was the strangest limbo-grieving the past in the present; of finally being 'allowed' to grieve, I guess. I saw a good shrink, I graduated from a degree, I spent 2019 collecting myself. Fast forward to now. I went back to study post grad journalism, but soon dropped out. I was already unemployed when the pandemic hit, and I struggled to cope with the anxiety of the 24 hour newsreel alone in my house. I was vomiting from anxiety. Couldn't concentrate. I got a job at a supermarket shortly after the first restrictions and layoffs were announced. I was grateful but still anxious, as one of my housemates has early onset Parkinsons' disease, and I couldn't live with myself if I gave her corona. One evening, without realising what I was doing, I cut big chunks out of my hair. I had to go to the barber to get it fixed with a number one shave, at a time when it felt irresponsible even to go outside. So I moved back to the folks and felt better. A month later, I told my therapist about the hair cutting incident and they were immediately concerned. I couldn't understand why they were worried for me, since I was feeling better. They told me they think I dissociated while cutting my hair; they know me to be quite a conscientious, measured person, and it was out of character for me. Since then I've spent excessive time questioning my sanity and trying to think of other times I might have dissociated, and does this mean that what I thought was garden variety anxiety might actually be something else. I'm okay. But I'm a 25 year old woman, washed up living at my parents, working minimum wage, and don't really know what else I want to be doing. My bachelor degree is in creative writing. I don't know how I feel about writing. It used to be my passion and now I find it very hard to put myself out into the world. I think I'm too sensitive for journalism. I'm okay but lost. At least the world is adrift with me.

sunflowergirl27 Anxiety post home invasion
  • replies: 4

In march 2019 mine and my partners home was invaded whilst I was home alone. It happened at 2am, there was 4 men inside and I was on the phone to 000, my partner is defence and therefore was away for work (goes away very often). It took the police 25... View more

In march 2019 mine and my partners home was invaded whilst I was home alone. It happened at 2am, there was 4 men inside and I was on the phone to 000, my partner is defence and therefore was away for work (goes away very often). It took the police 25 minutes to arrive at my house although I live 5 minutes from the police station. I had a man walking up and down my hallway continuously whilst the rest of them destroyed our home. I was holding my door handle locked. They stole our car as they left. The police arrived 5 minutes later. They only caught one person responsible for the crime and he said to police that he was not sorry and that if they hadn't of known police were on the way they would have come for me next. He admitted to the police about them watching the house for a week prior. the police investigation is still in court and I still to this day do not know what they look like, however they know what I look like, they are also free to walk on the streets and we live in a small town so very easily I could pass by them. They entered the property by removing my side doors from the rollers, its also presumed it was the same people who came back about a month ago and broke in through our garage roller door however they fled when I opened the door to the garage yelling that I was on the phone to police and I was armed with a weapon. Since all of this I cannot sleep, whenever I am home alone and this is often. I recently spent an entire month sleeping on couches of friends whilst my partner worked away. I was offered 3 counselling sessions when the original break in happened. I accepted however the counsellor didn't at all seem interested and he left our sitting early and then did not show for our next, since then I feel although its hopeless to see a councillor. I have moved furniture around in the house, I have now got security cameras that record motion, I ensure all glass doors are locked and windows are closed with curtains also drawn. I take my handbag and keys to bed. I still cannot sleep, I find myself dozing however my heart continues to race and it feels like I can't swallow. we have tried to move house but the only houses available to us through defence are in the same suburb which is being hit with bad crime and they will not allow us to move elsewhere. I feel even more trapped and my partner is due to leave for another month very soon. pls someone help me.

Stephens_son Can’t help the ones I love most
  • replies: 5

As a child I was sent to a family group home to finish grade 9 and 10 After waging school constantly . Whilst there I was molested for 12 months straight , every night . After leaving the home I never returned to mum and dads and Blame them for what ... View more

As a child I was sent to a family group home to finish grade 9 and 10 After waging school constantly . Whilst there I was molested for 12 months straight , every night . After leaving the home I never returned to mum and dads and Blame them for what happened . I’ve had very little to do with them for 35 years . No party’s no celebrations no picnics . I lived a Loners life and let very few people into my life . I can’t work because of ptsd and secondary major depressive disorder. Mum died 24 years ago . I had nothing to do with dad until the last 2 years . He came to my house more and more over the last ten years . For the last two years he has heart disease. I have been there for him taking him everywhere he had to go . Meals , washing , medication . It was costing me money . Twice a day for over 12 months I was there everyday . He had 4 falls in 12 months . This last time I told the hospital I can’t do it anymore . He is now in a home . Now it’s really effecting me . He has rang and asked why I put him there . I tried to tell him he needs 24 hr care and I just can’t do it . I have my 10 year old daughter who lives with me and a 14 year old who lives with her mum . I have spend no quality family time with them . We have missed out on life . This man I call dad is actually my great uncle only by defacto relationship.so I’m not even related , yet here I am . Doing all this for him while in lockdown . And yes I did come into contact with a positive covid case whilst getting his tablets from the chemist and had to isolate . He has a biological daughter and son but they have nothing to do with him . I feel so used . I have my own problems . I’ve just shut down . I won’t answer any phone calls ,i just want to walk away and leave him in the home like he done to me . I’m hurting so much . I feel the worst ive ever been . This is just a fraction of what I have done for him . Help

Ellie_ SUPRESSED CHILDHOOD TRAUMA?
  • replies: 5

Hey, i don’t have a question but just reaching out. i have been struggling with depression(suicidal thoughts), anxiety(with panic attacks), an eating disorder(anorexia,bulimia), low self esteem with feelings of disgust, guilt, and greed, as well as m... View more

Hey, i don’t have a question but just reaching out. i have been struggling with depression(suicidal thoughts), anxiety(with panic attacks), an eating disorder(anorexia,bulimia), low self esteem with feelings of disgust, guilt, and greed, as well as mood swings, self harm and urges to escape/disappear/runaway. have recently been wondering if I have some sort of supressed childhood trauma as I struggle to find the source of much of this and remember having some of these thoughts from a very young age?? My family life is good and I cannot recall any traumatic instances however this may be due to memory blank? this may sound gross/weird although I have also had strange sexual desires regarding older men, incest, persons of authority (e.g.teachers), and rather violent rape from a questionably young age (11 is the earliest I remember), plus a few small slightly sexual actions as a kid (although this may be overthinking it). I also have a lot of trouble with my sense of self (often feel no connection to my name, feel as if I am staring at a stanger when looking at childhood photos, often feel a need to change who I am and select a persona of some sort), sometimes I also seem to almost leave my body/the world and feel as if I am viewing everything through a screen, also when I was younger I had moments where I seemed to not believe that I wasnt actually the child of my parents(photos prove I am), even thinking I was an alien at one point(I was a kid). Hope you can understand/relate/support without judgement. Dont worry, be happy - El