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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Naptime We have DID and I’m seeing images that scare me.
  • replies: 2

We have DID can I still write here? I don’t know how much sense this will make, so I’d better say sorry now. The last few weeks I have been seeing pictures in my head, but not in a way that I see the event from start to finish. It is just like a flic... View more

We have DID can I still write here? I don’t know how much sense this will make, so I’d better say sorry now. The last few weeks I have been seeing pictures in my head, but not in a way that I see the event from start to finish. It is just like a flick of an event, then there is another flick of a different one. More like flicking through a photo album than watching a movie, I guess. Sometimes what I see is a couple of seconds, but it’s usually just a moment in time. It does help if I can describe the picture to our doc. I have told him about a couple of them. Not the actual bad stuff, I can’t remember a lot of the details. Things like talking about the room in detail, or the ground I am sitting on - that sort of stuff. And if I do that, that snapshot fades - but it’s replaced by another one. I probably should say we were diagnosed with DID quite a few years ago and I’m not the original, the one born into the body. And unfortunately my fear at what I see ‘bleeds’ through to some others in our system and they feel the fear but don’t always know why. That makes me feel so guilty. It has been happening for a few weeks now and I am so tired of it. I am tired of being scared. I hate what I see so much. I just want it to stop. How do I stop it? Thank you for listening.

Sapphre Looking for support through D.I.D.
  • replies: 19

Hi. We are new here. We are struggling a lot due to a huge variety of very stressful situations. We are looking to connect with people who also have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) for mutual support at this very triggering time. Our own situati... View more

Hi. We are new here. We are struggling a lot due to a huge variety of very stressful situations. We are looking to connect with people who also have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) for mutual support at this very triggering time. Our own situation is not just about what is happening in the world with Covid-19 and the physical isolation, but also the mental and emotional isolation we are feeling. New Alters have formed and some have integrated to form a hybrid Alter. This has been very distressing for all of us in our System. We are trying to come to terms with abuse and a failed marriage and being forced to leave the only country we cared about to live in Australia where the body was born. Really struggling with everything. Something hugely traumatic happened last night and we have been dissociating a lot and finding it hard to ground. I don't even know who we are anymore.

yvngxblud Bpd & domestic violence
  • replies: 1

I don’t know how to talk about this nor where to start. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at the beginning of the year. It took 23 years. I feel hurt and angry that my happiness was stripped of my at such a young age before I had a... View more

I don’t know how to talk about this nor where to start. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at the beginning of the year. It took 23 years. I feel hurt and angry that my happiness was stripped of my at such a young age before I had any idea. 2 years ago I dated a guy, and at first he was wonderful, I’d never felt so alive. But of course as it went on things got darker. Constant mental abuse alongside physical, I don’t know who to talk to about it nor how. It’s fed my BPD. I have a lot of empathy, too much. He was severely schizophrenic, he was also on drugs at the end which I had helped him to get off. but he had been up for almost a week, on methamphetamines. he was 20 at the time, I was 21. He is currently in jail for something else and is currently about to face about 4 years minimum. But being sober and medicated, I picked up a call from him, he sounded.. happy? So much healthier. I also received a letter off him saying he has not been able to love since me. I don’t know how to feel, as I I don’t know if I’ll ever lose what I had for him despite everything.

Rubybleu The wave - anxiety then depression then anxiety then depression
  • replies: 11

Who else is riding this high and deep wave? Will we ever get off? To the middle calm waters. Im a CSA survivor/victim (I don’t really know which one I am) and am currently going through the investigation process of bringing my abuser to justice. I’m ... View more

Who else is riding this high and deep wave? Will we ever get off? To the middle calm waters. Im a CSA survivor/victim (I don’t really know which one I am) and am currently going through the investigation process of bringing my abuser to justice. I’m at a really frustrating stage at the moment and my moods are all over the place. One week I’m flying high and then the other I’m sinking. My therapist told me this is what happens with trauma. I just don’t know how to get out. I don’t want this horrendous fluctuation all the time. Is anyone else experiencing this?

MT92 Bullying in high school shaping adult life
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I recently have found out my brother was severely bullied in high school 10+ years ago and it has negatively impacted his adult life in a pretty serious way. I knew back at the time he was getting some grief but I was busy skipping school etc... View more

Hi all, I recently have found out my brother was severely bullied in high school 10+ years ago and it has negatively impacted his adult life in a pretty serious way. I knew back at the time he was getting some grief but I was busy skipping school etc and stupidly put it down to just the usual high school issues I thought every kid faced and didn’t really think much of it. I have very recently learnt due to him telling me briefly the extent of the bullying being both very physical and emotional with regular beatings and emotional bullying all due to things that were made up about him from another student. As a result I am now seeing him struggle with depression, anxiety, and what seems to be in my unprofesssional opinion ptsd like symptoms. He now doesn’t like to be very social, has trouble trusting many people and is quite withdrawn from most things. He also doesn’t look after his health overly well. I took time to do some research and it led me to lost here for some help. How can I help him in any way to encourage him to get back to his former self or to get a positive outlook on life again. I don’t want to come on too strongly and cause him to shy away from the issues or not want to confide in me which may cause more issues being that I’m one of very few that he can talk to. I’ve always had very strong mental health so it’s hard for me to put myself in his shoes to be able to help in some way. Any advice would be super. thanks in advance

Hobbit339 My life/story/intro
  • replies: 2

Hello I am a 31 year old male who has recently found out that I suffer from ptsd, my father was an violent abusive alcoholic and at age 5 my mother threw him out,around this time I was out in the streets fighting other boys as I was angry about my fa... View more

Hello I am a 31 year old male who has recently found out that I suffer from ptsd, my father was an violent abusive alcoholic and at age 5 my mother threw him out,around this time I was out in the streets fighting other boys as I was angry about my fathers behaviour and I started school at this time my mother had to pull me out as I was getting bullied by older boys and getting into fights so my mother moved us to live with my grandmother I was enrolled back in school at age 6 I was bullied at this school and assaulted daily and verbal abuse and intimidation, I stopped reporting the abuse as teachers did not care and started fighting back this when on till grade 5 my mother put me in a different school which was not as bad but I still got bullied not physically just verbal abuse I then went on to highschool and only lasted 6 months as my life was a living hell my mother tried to homeschool me for the next six months but we ended up homeless and living in our car this was for some time just before my 14th B-Day I was taken by docs and placed in a home, the people who looked after me put me in school I was their for 4 months my mother got me back but we ended up homeless two more times on the last time we were pulled over by police and my mother,myself and my three sisters were assaulted by these police docs were called and they helped us get into housing,the area we lived in was a high crime area, our pets were killed my mother was assaulted by a drunk man our brakes were cut and the cars tampered with in other ways to cause an accident, try to set fire to the house, assault me, smashed windows and broke in, we became desperate to get out so we payed off a block of land but found out that the man sold us land we can't build on, we spent ten years living with no electricity and little water my family fell apart and we all have mental health problems , I have been unemployed my whole adult life as I can't be around people and I trust no one I have never been in a relationship and I don't function properly anymore, One of my sisters tired to kill herself and the other one has serious mental health problems that she rarely leaves the unit she lives in, sorry for the way this was written I am using my phone.

Jezza251 C-ptsd and child abuse survivor
  • replies: 2

Having a real tough time finding the right medication at the moment. everyday seems like a lottery on how I'll feel and what I remember. I've tried to do one thing everyday to take back who I want to be to fight against the way I was groomed conditio... View more

Having a real tough time finding the right medication at the moment. everyday seems like a lottery on how I'll feel and what I remember. I've tried to do one thing everyday to take back who I want to be to fight against the way I was groomed conditioned and beaten down. this will be medication number 8 and I have hopes that I'll find the one that works for me. this is more of a post to say stick with it, 12 months ago I was a mess, now I'm still a mess but I have a path and a plan. keep strong everyone and don't let the abusers win

brian23 Hello everyone. First post, seeking support for sexual harassment and PTSD.
  • replies: 9

Hey, everyone. I hope you're all doing well in your own journeys. I am very thankful to anyone who takes the time to connect with me here, and offer some comfort. I'm here because my PTSD has been triggered by recent sexual harassment. I'm a young ma... View more

Hey, everyone. I hope you're all doing well in your own journeys. I am very thankful to anyone who takes the time to connect with me here, and offer some comfort. I'm here because my PTSD has been triggered by recent sexual harassment. I'm a young man, and a middle-aged woman made sexual comments towards me in a digital setting. (She is probably 20 years older than me.) She was very judgemental when I expressed discomfort, and ultimately deleted her on social media. I have taken practical steps to separate from her, and have informed a relevant community organiser, who will be speaking with her about boundaries, etc. Practical safety aside, I'm feeling hollow inside, and scared. This is bringing up some negative stuff. When I was in year 8, an older girl emotionally manipulated me, and sexually harassed me into having a relationship with her. She performed sex acts in front of me, with her older boyfriend. When I was in year 10, two adult women sexually harassed myself and a friend, and instructed us to kiss in the backseat of a car, telling me afterwards not to inform my mum about what happened. It made me feel dirty and shameful, as though I had done something wrong, when I was simply the victim of adult inappropriateness. Those feelings are returning now, even though I logically know I am not at fault. My childhood experiences conditioned me to think "how could I have avoided this" and "how am I responsible for what happened", and even though I deliberately try to resist these nonsense impulses, they still creep up on me. I am happy about one thing. I told this woman that I was uncomfortable, I sought accountability, and I removed myself from the situation. So, this is a victory. Because in the past, I didn't resist. I was too afraid to stand up for myself. I would be unable to sleep, sick with terror, stomach in knots. Throughout all these experiences, I was never attracted to women (I am a gay man), so that made their perverted sexual advances even more frightening. At a young age, I knew I only liked boys, but I tried to convince myself I liked girls just to appease female predators. I think this is a fresh start. I will never allow another woman's inappropriateness to go unaddressed. I feel empowered, but I also feel disgusted. I feel angry. I want women to stop doing this to me, to just leave me alone. I want justice for the sexual harassment that occurred when I was young, but I don't know if I'll ever get it. Thank you for reading.

HealingTheSoul Will I Ever Overcome This Depression?
  • replies: 3

Where to begin, this is my first time posting on this online forum and I find it difficult to even write down my feelings as I feel that for the first time in a long time I am acknowledging them. Living with trauma depression, accompanied by social a... View more

Where to begin, this is my first time posting on this online forum and I find it difficult to even write down my feelings as I feel that for the first time in a long time I am acknowledging them. Living with trauma depression, accompanied by social anxiety is extremely difficulty. I find myself constantly worried about what everyone is thinking with the never ending question "Where will I end up in my life?" From a young age, I was abused by my father both mentally and physically while spending each night praying and asking for my mum to leave him. At the age of 12, everything came crashing down when the police came and took my father away as my mum finally got the courage to go into the police station with myself and younger brother. From then my depression spiraled out of control as I was 12 years old, never going to school, self-harming and eventually landing myself in hospital for my second suicide attempt at the age of 14. From there I spent time in hospital in a children's ward for my own safety, although I eventually came out of it by choosing to leave school and complete my year 10 at TAFE. Although I did not have a formal education, I continued to pursue my dreams of becoming an educator, completing my Certificate III, Diploma and finally obtaining my Bachelor of Early Childhood Education and Care. After working, last week I left my job due to the work culture as I felt I was not supported and their was constant bitching about fellow staff members. With this, my depression and trauma resurfaced, while thinking to myself "Is this workplace culture good for my own mental health?" In reality, I knew it was not as both my mind, body and heart knew, and I immediately left without giving my 2 weeks notice which I feel horrible about. Before making this decision I did speak about how I was feeling, as well as explaining my current feelings of depression, thinking to myself "Maybe they can provide assistance or additional support?" With that question being asked, I then knew I was completely wrong based on the response. As I am sitting here now I find myself myself thinking "Will my depression be a constant struggle?" and "Maybe I wont get anywhere in life?"

falldown7timesstandup8 Broken and tired
  • replies: 3

Hello I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and BPD, stemming from childhood abuse and neglect as well as being sexually assaulted twice by a "friend" as a young teen. I have a serious problem with coming back to reality when i get in, what i like... View more

Hello I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and BPD, stemming from childhood abuse and neglect as well as being sexually assaulted twice by a "friend" as a young teen. I have a serious problem with coming back to reality when i get in, what i like to call fight or flight. I generally end up having a massive anxiety attack or sometimes, if I cant get control of that. Ill harm myself. Throughout my early 20's, at night clubs particularly, if a random guy would even just stare at me too long, I would without fail, become aggressive. I would instantly become fearful and thats when the fight or flight would come in, how ever, when it comes to men, its generally fight. The most frustrating part about all of this is i KNOW and can FEEL an episode arising and I KNOW that kind of behaviour is completely wrong, but back then, I couldnt control myself. I wanted these men to stop and leave me alone and just lacked the patience completely if they didnt listen straight away. I would just lose it, a handful of times I have turned around and used violence towards a guy for being grabby toward me, or if a guy sat down next to me i asked him to please move away, if he didnt listen that instant, the anger would just completely take over me. I did this for years. even today, i find myself grasping some what of control as I am a mum now of a three year old and i dont want to be this angry person anymore, But unfortunately recently and over the past few years I have been hurting myself through self harm, binge eating, bulemia, over exercising. I dont have parents.. sorry.. I do have parents but I havent spoken to neither of them since i was 33 weeks pregnant, because that was the day my mother assaulted me at my baby shower. She also assaulted my friends and other family members who were trying to protect my unborn child. My relationship with my parents was broken from a young age, but was destroyed when I asked for their support when I'd been raped. According to them I was a slut and probably drank too much.. I was 16 years old. I carry a lot of anger and resentment and even writing this has made me so angry. I am still on the waiting list to see a therapist but I just thought id try here.. maybe itll help. thank you so much for reading.