lately a topic i hadn't thought about in a couple years has become
prevalent again because i started opening up to a friend, for some time
i've thought something happened to me as a child, that someone did
something sexually inappropriate to me as a ...
View more
lately a topic i hadn't thought about in a couple years has become
prevalent again because i started opening up to a friend, for some time
i've thought something happened to me as a child, that someone did
something sexually inappropriate to me as a child. when i was 16 was
when the idea and thought effected me the most because an incident
happened when seeing family members, though the incident was small, what
really effected me was how it made me feel, i completely sank into
myself so much so that the world felt like it was closing in and i felt
like i was going to throw up, it effected me so much after that because
it felt like i was a child and i had no voice, and it took me to such a
place that almost felt repressed, it felt like it dwelled up all this
disgust and guilt and shame that was so familiar but i hadn't felt for a
very long time. after the incident i just left the kitchen and went to
my bed (we were staying in a rented home for a family members birthday )
the next day, i asked my dad to wear his hoodie even though we were in
qld and i was sweating , but i just wanted to hide and get the rest of
the day over with and go home, i started to feel guilty for wearing so
much makeup and acting older than my age, but in hindsight i did feel a
little nervous going there and that was my way of putting a mask on , by
acting grown up. although to some it might seem insignificant it pushed
me into a full blown thing for the next year because of the way it made
me feel , it felt like such a trauma on my body that i was convinced
something had happened when i was younger. other reasons before that i
had thought something happened was because i used to feel unwell
everytime i was in qld, the smell, the feeling of the air,when i was
younger i would feel it and i tried to push it from my mind ( my dads
side of the family live in qld and we would visit them every so often
when i was younger) ive had body dysmorphia since i was as young as i
can remember, i used to try starve myself when i was like around 7 id
say and onwards, keep in mind i was a thin kid, i remember i used to get
really uneasy unwell feelings around men when i was younger and male
authority figures, like teachers, principles, bosses!! and i always for
no reason feel slightly resentful and bitter towards them, like when
someone makes you uncomfortable and your only defense is to disregard
their character even when none of them did anything wrong and were all
actually quite polite, even though this is the case a lot of my sexual
thoughts were always around someone with authority. my dad was also kind
of not great at times and didnt put us kids in the best of situations
when we were young, because of a court order i wasnt even allowed to
leave the state with him until i was seven, my mum has expressed a lot
that she always worried something happened to me as a kid or something
would . ive had bad anxiety control since i was a kid, i couldnt eat in
public , starving myself comes up all the time in my life since i was a
kid.
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
