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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Ishtahandmirabi Can’t sleep
  • replies: 3

Hi, Just struggling to sleep. A lot of the trauma I went through was related to the time I spent in bed. I probably only got maybe 3 or 4 hours a sleep a night when I was a child. Now it’s so hard to sleep, I find myself hypervigilant. My children bo... View more

Hi, Just struggling to sleep. A lot of the trauma I went through was related to the time I spent in bed. I probably only got maybe 3 or 4 hours a sleep a night when I was a child. Now it’s so hard to sleep, I find myself hypervigilant. My children both sleep in my bedroom with me (my eldest on a rollaways bed) it’s the only thing I can do to get at least a little sleep. I lock the door and feel safer. My eldest is ten and yesterday he wanted to sleep in his own room and I said okay. I tried but as soon as I went to bed the trembling started and I was so terrified I took him back to my bedroom. I feel like I’m failing him, because a boy should be able to sleep in his own room and not have to keep his mother company because she’s too afraid to sleep with her bedroom door unlocked. I just see them, you know. The people who’ve hurt me. I imagine them climbing in windows and kicking down doors. I imagine them creeping down the hallway to my bedroom and finding me asleep. These images are honestly terrifying. So I lock the door and I force my kids to sleep in my room. I’ve had counselling to try to deal with this, she got me to consistently try to sleep with the door open. It didn’t work and I tried it for 9 months. What ended up happening was that I’d fall asleep but even the slightest breeze would wake me so I was never going into a restful sleeps I’m just exhausted. I don’t want to do this forever. I don’t deserve this. I was just a child and I should have been safe and protected so I didn’t have to grow up with so many issues. Instead I’m tired and afraid every single day and the worst thing is that I feel like nobody sees it and if they did nobody would care.

NadineT Dealing with trauma
  • replies: 11

Hi. I'm in need of huge help... I had a bad relationship a few years back and I just can't get past it. I have tried to ask for help but I keep getting palmed off. I feel like this has broken me again and I don't know what's to do.

Hi. I'm in need of huge help... I had a bad relationship a few years back and I just can't get past it. I have tried to ask for help but I keep getting palmed off. I feel like this has broken me again and I don't know what's to do.

Jonathan03 Living with my abuser.
  • replies: 8

Hi, I am currently living with my father. He has abused me my whole life. I have been avoiding him the best I can for a very long time. I lock myself in my room and only leave if he has gone to work or I have to leave for school. I went to the police... View more

Hi, I am currently living with my father. He has abused me my whole life. I have been avoiding him the best I can for a very long time. I lock myself in my room and only leave if he has gone to work or I have to leave for school. I went to the police a few weeks ago to get an intervention order but was unable to get one due to my broken fragmented memory and because of the statute of limitations. I fear that he will hurt me or maybe even kill me. He has threatened to kill me and do other things if I ever told anyone about the abuse multiple times in the past and know he knows I have. I can’t sleep at night and tick all the symptoms for CPTSD. I am currently seeing the school psychologist and another psychologist out of school. I constantly have intrusive bad thoughts and it’s debilitating. None of my other family members really believe me and justify his actions. I doubt myself and question my sanity all the time but I know this really happened to me. What should I do? I hate living with him. I might go to boarding school but I would have to live with him on the holidays. I don’t really have any close friends and I don’t want to ask any of them if I can live with them because I don’t want to give them that burden and I have trust issues. I believe he has antisocial personality disorder and is a sociopath. He didn’t grow up in very good conditions and he has never shown any empathy, remorse or guilt. Is my fear of him irrational, is it just a symptom of CPTSD? He has hurt me hundreds of times but it hasn’t happened as lately because I started fighting back, got bigger than him and began avoiding him. I can’t remember much of the abuse but I have memories coming back all the time. Should I try mend my relationship with him even though I don’t want to, I hate him and I really doubt he will change? He tries to justify his actions. I think he enjoys doing it and he is always trying to assert control over me my touching me inappropriately, taking photos of me and humiliating me. He psychology, emotionally and verbally abuses me, making me question reality and believe in his deception and lies. I’m still dealing with the things he has done to my so many times and for so long and I don’t know how to recover. I really don’t know what to do. My mother tells me I should forgive him because it happened “a long time ago” but it didn’t, I feel like it’s still happening even if it isn’t, I don’t want to and he is no different to the days when he was bashing me and he doesn’t even feel sorry. I fear for my safety every moment, I’m really paranoid and I want to get out of here and I’m afraid I don’t really have any options. I can’t move out, I won’t survive, I’m only 16, I have no money, no job, no where to go.

Rosebud2020 Do PTSD sufferers understand how their partner feels?
  • replies: 5

My PTSD partner wants space and has gone away for a while. I've been feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. She gets angry at me for so many things that seem so unreasonable to me. I never point out how unreasonable I feel she is being. These past fe... View more

My PTSD partner wants space and has gone away for a while. I've been feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. She gets angry at me for so many things that seem so unreasonable to me. I never point out how unreasonable I feel she is being. These past few months is the first time I have witnessed the effects of her trauma being triggered. She has gone back to therapy. My questions is... after this passes, will She realise how unreasonable she has been and look at things from a different perspective?

fire_fox My farther is abusive and I am stuck with him
  • replies: 8

trigger warning: discussion of sexual abuse, domestic voilence and mental health my father is abusive to my mum and I and we can't leave, I am really scared of him and he's yelling and his constant bullying of my mum makes me really angry, I feel my ... View more

trigger warning: discussion of sexual abuse, domestic voilence and mental health my father is abusive to my mum and I and we can't leave, I am really scared of him and he's yelling and his constant bullying of my mum makes me really angry, I feel my life is really going downhill, I have to deal with him and he doesn't let me see a therapist for my mental health problems and my cousin has been sexually assaulting me and I am being bullied at school. Whenever I talk about him I feel ungrateful because I know men in my position (with abusive wires) have it much worse and that makes me sad. Does anyone have any advice for living with an abusive person? and getting help for mental health without going to face to face psychology? thank you

Indy0 Found my neighbour post suicide attempt
  • replies: 6

I'm feeling weird, on edge, confused, I'm not sure. Iv been feeling pretty depressed lately in general but today I found my neighbour post suicide attempt. Her apartment is next to mine, i didnt know her super well, just the usual neighbour interacti... View more

I'm feeling weird, on edge, confused, I'm not sure. Iv been feeling pretty depressed lately in general but today I found my neighbour post suicide attempt. Her apartment is next to mine, i didnt know her super well, just the usual neighbour interactions. She was pretty chatty so i did get to know her a bit. Today my apartment buzzer went off, it was friends of my neighbour who were worried about her. I buzzed them in so they could enter the apartment block and chatted to them in the hall. The man grabbed my neighbours door handle and it opened where we saw her on the ground. First thought was she was dead, but then the woman got closer and saw she was still breathing. Adrenaline kicked in, I called an ambulance. The smell.. was like nothing I'd smelt before. Shed left a note and lots of food down for her cat. The paramedics came and did their thing and took her to intensive care, they said her vitals were low and wasnt sure if shed make it. I'm not sure how to feel, I'm laying here awake at midnight thinking about it. Having depression myself and in the past suicidal thoughts, today was confronting.

Casss Cautious
  • replies: 2

Hello, I've written this post under PTSD although I have not be diagnosed and I have never sought help. I have however been researching to try and find out why I am like I am and why I can't seem to get past it. This evening I thought I would Google ... View more

Hello, I've written this post under PTSD although I have not be diagnosed and I have never sought help. I have however been researching to try and find out why I am like I am and why I can't seem to get past it. This evening I thought I would Google PTSD and see whether my symptoms match at all. Gosh, nearly all my symptoms match what I read. My GP would call it Dr Google but we live in an information society and finding out how my suspicions match PTSD is a relief in itself. I believe my life changed in 2013 so I've been carrying this for several years already. During 2013 I had a very nasty employer who wouldn't listen to reason and then sacked me. I was encouraged to pursue him and her for unfair dismissal and other charges. I did, and I won, but the victory was shallow and I've been badmouthed all over the city I live in and consequently have not held a job more than a few months since. In the same year my much loved springer spaniel died at almost 16 years, and following that only a month later I was diagnosed with breast cancer. As I have read in other posts, my family don't believe in mental health and I am told to "get over it" and "get on with it" both of which I find insensitive and unsupportive. I am not suicidal, I'm too pig headed to want to do away with myself but I now find myself anxious about just about everything and the slightest thing will tip me over the edge. Surely there has to be a better way of moving toward retirement and happiness?

wateva9 fatal road trauma eating at me.
  • replies: 3

18 months ago I had front row seats and was involved in a MVA resulting in 1 person (motorcycle rider) horrifically losing his life. Long story short, peak traffic, I was stopped he ran into me and came off under the B-Double in the next lane all at ... View more

18 months ago I had front row seats and was involved in a MVA resulting in 1 person (motorcycle rider) horrifically losing his life. Long story short, peak traffic, I was stopped he ran into me and came off under the B-Double in the next lane all at walking pace. I cant let go of the fact I have been promised the help and support from everyone I speak too. But it's all been bullshit, ROAD trauma sent me a pack supporting the riders family 3 weeks after the incident and never called. VP never followed up on anything so kept finding out things 3rd hand & I haven't been included or spoken to to see if i'm ok. I've engaged a psychologist to help me but I think i'm at the anger stage, taking it out and being angry at the ones I love. I've stopped the visions of the incident and clear of any wrong doing now, but I get pissed off with silly things and If I don't change I am going to lose the most amazing woman in the world. How can I stop this? I want the person back my lady fell in love with because, I look at her and she looks defeated and I feel its me.

lilyhilly Trauma post bushfire and subsequent miscarriage
  • replies: 3

Hi this is my first time posting or really reaching out at all. Sorry it’s really long. Just a little background, I’m Lily, I’m 23, and in 2018 I moved from England to Australia to marry my husband. It was an extremely hard decision and I’m still inc... View more

Hi this is my first time posting or really reaching out at all. Sorry it’s really long. Just a little background, I’m Lily, I’m 23, and in 2018 I moved from England to Australia to marry my husband. It was an extremely hard decision and I’m still incredibly homesick over my family and friends back in England, but it’s been worth it as my marriage is amazing and my husband is truly my best friend. As a wedding gift he built a house for us to live in. In December 2019 I discovered I was pregnant again after a previous miscarriage earlier that year. Things were looking up. We were dealing with the fires but only to a minor degree, even the RFS said our house was safe and well defended. Unfortunately huge winds picked up in January whilst we were at home, we ran and hid in a neighbouring house’s bathroom with wet towels around us whilst our house burnt to the ground, terrified we’d be the next to burn. I was truly convinced we were going to die, flames were literally licking the windows. We ended up shaken, but alive, and fortunately found somewhere new to live quickly and were helped out a great deal. And then I had a miscarriage three weeks later. It was the most brutal and agonising thing I have ever endured and I was completely neglected by the medical staff who accused me of being a hypochondriac until I passed out from the pain & complications in the waiting room. As it turns out my chances of having children in the future are extremely slim. I haven’t even begun to wrap my head around that yet. I’ve really kept this all fairly secret and miscarriage feels like such an awkward taboo topic. I previously suffered from PTSD due to being raped at a party when I was 14. I’ve been doing really well with this until now, but after all of the above, and losing my job, and being so far from parents and best friends, it’s really all flared up again. I’m not suicidal because despite everything I still really love life, but am just struggling to function and do normal things again like job hunting. I’m very good at pretending I’m fine so people see no issue in bringing up stressful topics like my unemployment and immigration status (currently working on my visa) because they don’t realise I’m not coping and don’t understand why I’m being “lazy”. I don’t really know what I want from posting this, I think I just needed to get it all off my chest.

Ween First Visit
  • replies: 3

Forum noob, and so BB forum extra noob with noob on top. So I have reached my maximum pain tolerance level of recent weeks. Have been living a particular designation of psychological anguish the past 3-4 years (I don’t even know how long anymore), bu... View more

Forum noob, and so BB forum extra noob with noob on top. So I have reached my maximum pain tolerance level of recent weeks. Have been living a particular designation of psychological anguish the past 3-4 years (I don’t even know how long anymore), but the depth and force of depression and grief feelings have been turned to a level beyond my capacity to endure nearly a month ago. CSA survivor, raped and kidnapped at 14, later stabbed resulting in disability, beaten by a bunch of pissed teens, but got lucky this time that cops were watching them and pulled them off me. I was a lone female returning from work at 7pm. So I suspect being the worthless vehicle for others anger, rage, or whatever has probably affected me a wee bit. About a month ago I got robbed again, and you know what? I bloody surrender. I quit. I am handing in my notice. Effective immediately. Not poor me. No foot stamping or wails or fists to the heavens crying “it’s not fair”! Of course it’s not. And why not me? And suck it up sad sack I say agin and again to myself. Along with a lifetimes worth of self directed disgust, despair, and denigration because I owe it to the world to not be part of the problem. There is another way too. No, I am not able to be part of the solution. Removing myself ensures my badness won’t taint the good and the beautiful and the worthy and the striving and the deserved. The offensive stereotype comes home to roost. Damaged goods. I can’t fight the badness anymore. Inside or out.