PTSD and Trauma

Reporting a crime to the police

replies: 17

Hi everyone. On Friday I made the decision to go to the police station a report a crime (assault) from Jan 2019. The day was long. I was there 6 hours. But now I’m stressed and anxious and really not coping. I thought reporting would make me feel bet... View more

Hi everyone. On Friday I made the decision to go to the police station a report a crime (assault) from Jan 2019. The day was long. I was there 6 hours. But now I’m stressed and anxious and really not coping. I thought reporting would make me feel better but it’s honestly made it worse. There are now so many steps that need to happen and there might not even be an arrest at the end. My boss from work also came with me to make the statement. I was feeling stressed that she wanted to come but it was nice having support. But now I suppose I’m panicking about going back to work tomorrow. She knows so much now and I feel like she will never look at me the same again. Ah it’s just all so overwhelming. On top of that I reckon I’ve only slept about 3 hours each night since last Tuesday and I’m not eating. But honestly I don’t feel hungry and the thought of food makes me want to vomit. Anyway. That’s where I’m at. I think I’ll call the police tomorrow and double check all my options. I want him to be held accountable and get in trouble, but I also know that I don’t think I’m emotionally stable enough to do it. But then I feel like I’m letting people down. Gahhh so many emotions and I don’t know what to deal with first.

Surviving PTSD

replies: 3

Hi, I’m new to forums altogether. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD late last year. I have suffered from anxiety attacks for more than 30 years, 20 of those I didn’t know what they were. I just thought I was going crazy! I was physically, mentally an... View more

Hi, I’m new to forums altogether. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD late last year. I have suffered from anxiety attacks for more than 30 years, 20 of those I didn’t know what they were. I just thought I was going crazy! I was physically, mentally and verbally abused as a child then had a traumatic experience at 17. From there the trauma didn’t really stop. Call me lucky....... sorry sarcasm is second nature to me.... suicide.....I have planned it multiple times and come very close. Self harm and physical pain I don’t feel. A GP once started to cut out a mole then gasped that he forgot the local, I told him to just keep going.... at least I could feel something! I learnt how to breathe this year and it made me vomit and pass out! I hadn’t taken a deep breathe in years! My brain and lungs went into overdrive! My question is my appointments have run out, apparently to see a psychologist, you are only allowed 10 a year through Medicare rebate? I can’t afford the full cost. What do you all do for the second half of the year? I was only just starting to make progress and now feel myself slipping back again...pushing people away. I don’t think I can bare to go back again....

Distressing thoughts

replies: 2

In 2015, I was threatened with my life and felt as though I was going to die in the hands of a loved one. I have heard of stories where people have been killed by their children. Like a lot of people I hope to start a family someday. Most people say ... View more

In 2015, I was threatened with my life and felt as though I was going to die in the hands of a loved one. I have heard of stories where people have been killed by their children. Like a lot of people I hope to start a family someday. Most people say things like "it won't happen" - when referring to me being killed by future children. No matter how many times I hear others say this or see people with kids and am understanding that it's normal to have kids... I cannot get this thought out of my head. I don't want these distressing thoughts stop me from living the life I hope to have. I have had counselling for it but just feel I am not really getting the help I need. I think ideally a support group might help but it's tough because of covid Thanks.

Sexual trauma and deep regrets

replies: 3

My cousin is the same age as me (20). We were quite lonely so having someone to talk to especially being family meant a lot. I invited him over for his birthday, we ended up drinking quite a lot. I was borderline tipsy-drunk but still self aware. He ... View more

My cousin is the same age as me (20). We were quite lonely so having someone to talk to especially being family meant a lot. I invited him over for his birthday, we ended up drinking quite a lot. I was borderline tipsy-drunk but still self aware. He was very drunk. He got very touchy, kept complimenting me, saying gross things about me, hugging me (in an uncomfortable, somewhat intimate way) and kept kissing my cheek. (this is the first time anyone has touched me like this and is very uncomfortable for me). He talked about and asked me so many disgusting, rude, uncomfortable questions but me in my drunk state I just answered! Im so ashamed of myself. It was horrible. This is my cousin!!! Although not blood related someone who I saw as family and I feel so uncomfortable, ashamed and disgusted. I havent talked to him since. It was traumatising. I was scared. Not long after, a friend from work who is 37 years old (could be my fathers age lol) we went out to a restaurant together. I found comfort in him as I have always longed for an older brother and that is exactly what he was to me. I cant even remember everything that happened but whenever I do I panic and feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself. We were so drunk. I remember I was so tired, I just wanted to sleep. He took me to a motel room while I was crazy drunk, i cant even remember getting there. He wanted to have sex. Words cant describe how ashamed I am over myself because of that night. We didn’t go all the way but he still did everything else to me and I hate it. (for like 35-45 minutes I'd say? im sorry i cant go into detail. I cant handle the stress when I remember/think about it) I let him do it. He asked if he could do anything he wanted and I said yes. I was so drunk and tired I couldn’t think properly, I didn’t even really know what was going on. I just remember thinking, ‘hes my friend, so its okay’. He touched me everywhere. Whenever I remember everywhere he touched and the things he did to my body my anxiety becomes horrible, i freak out and start hyperventilating. It terrifies me and I feel so disgusted and ashamed of myself. Later he confessed that he loves me and wanted to be in a relationship. I was so upset. The same situation happened as my cousin but worse. These are my fault as I was drunk, and with the second instance I consented at the time. I feel horrible. I want to reserve intimacy for my partner..not this. my first time being touched and kiss was stolen in horrible ways. First of all I am 20 years old. Ive never been on a date (only ever 2 boyfriends who were long distance), no physical intimacy before. Im very shy and quite reserved. I want to reserve all of this for someone who I love and am in a relationship with. Now im terrified of everyone I get close to, that they have an ulterior motive, that I cant trust them and I become so scared to be with them. Im now scared everyone at work sees me in a different way to what I was expecting and are going to try to do things to me. Im scared of making friends and going out with people in case something happens again. But mostly the hatred i feel for myself is so strong, im so ashamed of myself for allowing it. Its all my fault... Please, I am not comfortable with seeking therapy at this stage which is why I am coming here. I would appreciate your thoughts/opinion and anything to comfort the turmoil I am in with these situations that recently happened. Writing this itself is making me feel absolutely horrible with my anxiety however I feel the need to get comfort and this is a big first step for me. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read my posts. Its greatly appreciated.

Workplace incident - PTSD

replies: 4

Hi, I'm struggling to deal with a workplace incident that has through a mechanical failure of High Voltage equipment resulted in an explosion. There has been two intensive investigations and although the company acknowledges that it was caused by equ... View more

Hi, I'm struggling to deal with a workplace incident that has through a mechanical failure of High Voltage equipment resulted in an explosion. There has been two intensive investigations and although the company acknowledges that it was caused by equipment failure they have taken a course to persecute me with intent to sack me. I forgot to disclose an insignificant action (that had no influence in the cause of failure) that occurred and they are alleging that I am being dishonest and deceptive. I have only recently recalled the forgotten action and have written a statement however I believe that management are looking for someone to blame. I am exhausted and traumatised by the incident and the intensity of the investigations and feel helpless and out of control to do anything about it. I am not sleeping properly, often having flashbacks of the explosion. I feel disrespected that my honesty and integrity is at question. My career is in jeopardy because if I get the sack and have these false allegations against me then I won't be able to find employment. I have sought counsel from psychologist and legal support, but feel the company just want me gone. The company has lined up a final meeting to hear my response to the allegations but I don't believe they intend to listen. I'm broken.

Lost and Confused

replies: 4

Hi,I'm new to this,so please bare with me.. I'm a 40yr old widow,with children. I'm also one of 8 children. I was sexually abused from 7-15 by my Vietnam Veteran 'father'. As were my siblings..I left home at 15yrs young,to be safe and not feel scared... View more

Hi,I'm new to this,so please bare with me.. I'm a 40yr old widow,with children. I'm also one of 8 children. I was sexually abused from 7-15 by my Vietnam Veteran 'father'. As were my siblings..I left home at 15yrs young,to be safe and not feel scared anymore. I ended up being a ward of the state,and was fortunately placed with a lovely family. I stayed with them until I was 17..I left the state angered that despite disclosing to my mother everything that happened,she didn't believe me..yet..Then I met my future husband and partner of our 4 beautiful children. It started off seemingly good,but when all you've known is abuse, violence and exposure to zero communication skills,nor boundary setting. You don't realise being abused is not 'normal'..I stayed with him for 12yrs,through his cheating/gambling/drinking(father was also an alcoholic)/manipulation/drug abuse/mental instability. Because I was taught"good girls don't cause a fuss" "he's probably had a bad day" and so on.... I tolerated it as long as I possibly could,to the point it nearly killed me.. LITERALLY..he strangled me in front of our eldest. That was the final straw..I seperated from him..he threatened me with killing himself if I didn't take him back.. 1 week later he completed suicide,and SENT ME A VIDEO of him doing it.. It's been 10 yrs since that day,I lost my house/my hopes/nearly everything. And had a nervous breakdown. My kids are now adults and still struggle with severe PTSD and trauma. And I've recently been diagnosed with throat cancer.. Despite my positive attitude.. someone please tell me this gets easier.. Sorry for my rant

I get the feeling that somethin' ain't right...

replies: 1

I'm just now starting to uncover the original problem. I thought it was alcohol and opiates, but now I'm starting to realise that I was coping how I had learned as a young teen. I've spent years running away from it. I've found success and found a gr... View more

I'm just now starting to uncover the original problem. I thought it was alcohol and opiates, but now I'm starting to realise that I was coping how I had learned as a young teen. I've spent years running away from it. I've found success and found a great wife. Our life is idyllic in many ways but I can't shake the self-hatred, the hyper-vigilance, the anger, the intense desire to be on my own in the bush with no one else around. I'd self-diagnosed with everything but I've never just admitted that it was trauma based as opposed to a mental illness lacking precipitating factors. My father was abusive. It seems so strange to say as he's such a quiet old man now. The physical things were just the little things though. The biggest horror was the emotional abuse. His hair-trigger. My sister and I would walk home from school, peering over our fence to see if his car was there. If it was we'd both have bricks in our stomach...I'd have sweaty palms. I'd ready myself to avoid him lest I drew his anger. He'd oscillate between the funniest man in the world, who'd do anything from his kids but he'd turn on a dime and tell us he never wanted us and we'd ruined his life. But here I am. Up since 3am thinking about it. I don't allow myself to see it most of the time, what I'm thinking of that makes me so on edge. I just think I hate myself because I'm fundamentally flawed, and I congratulate myself on a sharp diagnosis. It's hard to talk about. He's a nice man in his heart, and other children have been abused horrifically in their lives. Both arms have been tied behind their back, while I have only one tied behind mine. Enough complaining for now. I'm still figuring it out. I want to be a better man.

Depression & Anxiety after partner cheated while on a drug bender

replies: 4

My story is that I was 38 weeks pregnant with my second child and due to some bleeding I had to be flown via the flying doctors to hospital which was a long way away. My partner stayed behind to look after our son (which because of covid couldnt visi... View more

My story is that I was 38 weeks pregnant with my second child and due to some bleeding I had to be flown via the flying doctors to hospital which was a long way away. My partner stayed behind to look after our son (which because of covid couldnt visit the hospital) and organise everything and then a few days later got over to stay and see our beautiful little boy be born. I thought all was well apart from a real funny feeling. When we finally got home a week later I could not shake this feeling of something had gone on while I was gone, so while my partner was sleeping I checked his phone and there hidden was messages and videos from a woman he works with. It was said in the messages that it would now unfortunately have to end because I was coming home. I immediately woke my partner and questioned him over it! He admitted he was on a drug bender and it had just happened. He has a history of drug abuse but had not done it for a really long time. He says it only happened that one night while I was away and I'm not sure if I believe him. The other thing is I am so upset he had our 18 month son with him but had put him to sleep on the couch while under the influence of drugs and drinking. He has made every effort to got to drug counseling etc and talk to me honestly about everything when ever I need to talk. I am struggling with everything right now from trusting him while he is at work because she works there too, not being able to stop thinking about it all, cry on and off all the time, depression, not feeling like I'm enough as a person, mother and partner. Feeling like I'm living in a haze and there is no way out! I do not want to end our relationship because I love him dearly, he is such a strong, loving, caring, supportive, and awesome father and this is the first time he really fucked up! What can I do to get through this? And what more can he do?

Driving people away

replies: 6

I’ve recently started seeing a psychologist and am on antidepressants to help with anxiety and PTSD as a result of growing up with a narcissistic father (psychologists words not mine - she met with him and my mum and my sister when my parents divorce... View more

I’ve recently started seeing a psychologist and am on antidepressants to help with anxiety and PTSD as a result of growing up with a narcissistic father (psychologists words not mine - she met with him and my mum and my sister when my parents divorced). The emotional and physical abuse shaped who I am today and recently I’ve started to deal with everything I’ve been through because in the past I’ve just soldiered on but that’s not working so well for me now. In my bid to try and work through this baggage I found myself unloading the depths of my mind on a close friend and I know it’s all become too much for him. I have been so emotionally dependant and needy that it’s caused a shift in our friendship. He’s been absolutely supportive and dealt with countless meltdowns and in no way has he failed me but I know it gets to be too much and he ends up finding himself busier in life as a way to get his own downtime and a break from my crazy anxiety. He takes longer to reply or times things to make conversations shorter. Little subtle things all while trying his absolute best to reassure me he is always there because I know he wants to be but just can’t. So my answer to driving him away is to call it out and tell him that I know he needs air and he needs for me to stop relying on him so much. He didn’t disagree but said he doesn’t want me to feel let down. I’ve cut him the slack he deserves and have pulled away. I’ve told him to get the air I need and suddenly I’m back to a state of panic. My safety net is gone and I’ve gone back to feeling like the burden I grew up feeling. I’ve gone back to feeling like I don’t matter enough for anyone to fight for me. My partner is so supportive and so loving but I don’t let my emotional baggage intrude on my relationship. My friend was my leaning post because it kept my relationship safe from the damage that my emotional self would cause. Now I feel alone and as much as I feel desperate to reach out to him I know I need to give him this space and air. I know I need to stop needing him but it leaves me terrified because he’s been my rock. I have no replacement. I have no safety net. I don’t ever want to ruin my friendship and leaning on him the way I have is just not fair. It’s affecting his own mental health. So what do I do now? How do I stop needing someone? How do I stop feeling like I’m falling? I don’t have his hand to grab on to anymore and it’s making the anxiety rise more and more.

Really not sure what to do....husband is a sex addict

replies: 22

I'm not 100% sure that I'm posting in the right spot but I thought that this post may offend some people, so I shouldn't be posting in the new members area. To try to cut a very long story short: my husband of 20+ years is a sex addict. When we first... View more

I'm not 100% sure that I'm posting in the right spot but I thought that this post may offend some people, so I shouldn't be posting in the new members area. To try to cut a very long story short: my husband of 20+ years is a sex addict. When we first moved in together, we had a regular sex life - but looking back on it, not normal. He was always "zoned out", I felt like he wasn't present when we had sex. He was there in person, but certainly not in mind. Within seconds of finishing, he was asleep. He always had his eyes closed, and tried to avoid any kissing, and there was no foreplay at all. Fast forward a few months, he was pushing me away. He joined Whatsapp and I saw messages on his phone from women younger (after I looked them up on FB) than his daughter (from previous marriage). I told myself that I was stupid for looking at his phone, by the way these messages were coming up on the homescreen. I wasn't unlocking his phone as I didn't know his password. I realised that something was really off, and I discovered that these messages were all from prostitutes. Some he was in "relationships" with. Buying them gifts, giving them money etc. I might add that at this point in time, we didn't have a joint bank account. I was continually worried about paying bills and didn't know where all his money was going. He kept telling me that he had to help out his ex-wife or his daughter so I couldn't really question him any further. I left him once but a couple of days later he got his mother to ring me and beg me to come back. He rationalised everything that had been going on, I now know that he was gas-lighting me. It got to the point where I had to hire a P.I, I couldn't prove what was going on and I was extremely anxious all the time. I spent thousands having him followed but the PI couldn't catch him. Two days after I sacked the PI, I found proof. Of course, he denied and tried to say I was mad and crazy. I more or less forced him into therapy. There was individual therapy for both of us, followed by couples therapy for almost two years. Then he cut it all off. Two years after the therapy ended, I have caught him out again. Screwing prostitutes only several days after the covid restrictions have been somewhat reduced. I have told him to return to therapy or move out immediately. He is going back to see a therapist next week (first available appointment). I'm running out of space to write but can tell more if anyone asks. I'm stuck ATM - financial reasons

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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