Dear Emzp88~
I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here and her suggestion is a good one.
It would be silly to pretend that having your life deliberately threatened by anyone will not change you, one is reminded of one's hold on life, of what can happen and is most probably very frightened, initially for yourself, then sometimes for others too. Because you have been there you can see threats where others cannot, it does not mean they are not real.
I have had my life threatened, though it was in line of duty, and as a result am changed too. I like to think my views are now balanced and realistic, though some might consider me over-cautions.
If this threat came from someone you love then the comfort, trust and stability that comes from that relationship is shattered too.
The hard part is trying to come up with a reasonable balance between the instinctive fears and distrust this will have given you, and the normal precautions and feelings an informed but more confident person has.
Without that balance I'd imagine you can go though life always mindful of the worst.
Trying to attain that balance is not something I believe one can do on one's own. I am no doctor but would suggest there are three elements to achieving a reasonable view and being able to partake fully in life.
The first is medical help, whch means treatment by the right psychiatrist (or psychologist) who specialists in trauma and/or PSTD.
The second is your own willingness to be treated, establish a trusting relationship wiht the therapist (which is why I say the right one), and carry out what might be a quite lengthy program, during which time there may be distressing moments.
You have to be in charge though, and if you feel it is simply going though the motions or not giving you benefit, then the matter needs review. If the treating therapist has not established rapport, or is not willing to try alternative methods, then perhaps a second opinion or different therapist might be in order.
The third thing is life itself. You may meet someone who engenders trust and a feeling of being cherished and then wish to have children.
Are you alone, or do you have someone in your life that simply listens without judgment, does not argue, belittle the matter or try to fix, but simply cares?
You are not alone here , please speak as often as you like, we do care about you and your predicament
Croix
