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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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fire_fox My farther is abusive and I am stuck with him
  • replies: 8

trigger warning: discussion of sexual abuse, domestic voilence and mental health my father is abusive to my mum and I and we can't leave, I am really scared of him and he's yelling and his constant bullying of my mum makes me really angry, I feel my ... View more

trigger warning: discussion of sexual abuse, domestic voilence and mental health my father is abusive to my mum and I and we can't leave, I am really scared of him and he's yelling and his constant bullying of my mum makes me really angry, I feel my life is really going downhill, I have to deal with him and he doesn't let me see a therapist for my mental health problems and my cousin has been sexually assaulting me and I am being bullied at school. Whenever I talk about him I feel ungrateful because I know men in my position (with abusive wires) have it much worse and that makes me sad. Does anyone have any advice for living with an abusive person? and getting help for mental health without going to face to face psychology? thank you

Indy0 Found my neighbour post suicide attempt
  • replies: 6

I'm feeling weird, on edge, confused, I'm not sure. Iv been feeling pretty depressed lately in general but today I found my neighbour post suicide attempt. Her apartment is next to mine, i didnt know her super well, just the usual neighbour interacti... View more

I'm feeling weird, on edge, confused, I'm not sure. Iv been feeling pretty depressed lately in general but today I found my neighbour post suicide attempt. Her apartment is next to mine, i didnt know her super well, just the usual neighbour interactions. She was pretty chatty so i did get to know her a bit. Today my apartment buzzer went off, it was friends of my neighbour who were worried about her. I buzzed them in so they could enter the apartment block and chatted to them in the hall. The man grabbed my neighbours door handle and it opened where we saw her on the ground. First thought was she was dead, but then the woman got closer and saw she was still breathing. Adrenaline kicked in, I called an ambulance. The smell.. was like nothing I'd smelt before. Shed left a note and lots of food down for her cat. The paramedics came and did their thing and took her to intensive care, they said her vitals were low and wasnt sure if shed make it. I'm not sure how to feel, I'm laying here awake at midnight thinking about it. Having depression myself and in the past suicidal thoughts, today was confronting.

Casss Cautious
  • replies: 2

Hello, I've written this post under PTSD although I have not be diagnosed and I have never sought help. I have however been researching to try and find out why I am like I am and why I can't seem to get past it. This evening I thought I would Google ... View more

Hello, I've written this post under PTSD although I have not be diagnosed and I have never sought help. I have however been researching to try and find out why I am like I am and why I can't seem to get past it. This evening I thought I would Google PTSD and see whether my symptoms match at all. Gosh, nearly all my symptoms match what I read. My GP would call it Dr Google but we live in an information society and finding out how my suspicions match PTSD is a relief in itself. I believe my life changed in 2013 so I've been carrying this for several years already. During 2013 I had a very nasty employer who wouldn't listen to reason and then sacked me. I was encouraged to pursue him and her for unfair dismissal and other charges. I did, and I won, but the victory was shallow and I've been badmouthed all over the city I live in and consequently have not held a job more than a few months since. In the same year my much loved springer spaniel died at almost 16 years, and following that only a month later I was diagnosed with breast cancer. As I have read in other posts, my family don't believe in mental health and I am told to "get over it" and "get on with it" both of which I find insensitive and unsupportive. I am not suicidal, I'm too pig headed to want to do away with myself but I now find myself anxious about just about everything and the slightest thing will tip me over the edge. Surely there has to be a better way of moving toward retirement and happiness?

wateva9 fatal road trauma eating at me.
  • replies: 3

18 months ago I had front row seats and was involved in a MVA resulting in 1 person (motorcycle rider) horrifically losing his life. Long story short, peak traffic, I was stopped he ran into me and came off under the B-Double in the next lane all at ... View more

18 months ago I had front row seats and was involved in a MVA resulting in 1 person (motorcycle rider) horrifically losing his life. Long story short, peak traffic, I was stopped he ran into me and came off under the B-Double in the next lane all at walking pace. I cant let go of the fact I have been promised the help and support from everyone I speak too. But it's all been bullshit, ROAD trauma sent me a pack supporting the riders family 3 weeks after the incident and never called. VP never followed up on anything so kept finding out things 3rd hand & I haven't been included or spoken to to see if i'm ok. I've engaged a psychologist to help me but I think i'm at the anger stage, taking it out and being angry at the ones I love. I've stopped the visions of the incident and clear of any wrong doing now, but I get pissed off with silly things and If I don't change I am going to lose the most amazing woman in the world. How can I stop this? I want the person back my lady fell in love with because, I look at her and she looks defeated and I feel its me.

lilyhilly Trauma post bushfire and subsequent miscarriage
  • replies: 3

Hi this is my first time posting or really reaching out at all. Sorry it’s really long. Just a little background, I’m Lily, I’m 23, and in 2018 I moved from England to Australia to marry my husband. It was an extremely hard decision and I’m still inc... View more

Hi this is my first time posting or really reaching out at all. Sorry it’s really long. Just a little background, I’m Lily, I’m 23, and in 2018 I moved from England to Australia to marry my husband. It was an extremely hard decision and I’m still incredibly homesick over my family and friends back in England, but it’s been worth it as my marriage is amazing and my husband is truly my best friend. As a wedding gift he built a house for us to live in. In December 2019 I discovered I was pregnant again after a previous miscarriage earlier that year. Things were looking up. We were dealing with the fires but only to a minor degree, even the RFS said our house was safe and well defended. Unfortunately huge winds picked up in January whilst we were at home, we ran and hid in a neighbouring house’s bathroom with wet towels around us whilst our house burnt to the ground, terrified we’d be the next to burn. I was truly convinced we were going to die, flames were literally licking the windows. We ended up shaken, but alive, and fortunately found somewhere new to live quickly and were helped out a great deal. And then I had a miscarriage three weeks later. It was the most brutal and agonising thing I have ever endured and I was completely neglected by the medical staff who accused me of being a hypochondriac until I passed out from the pain & complications in the waiting room. As it turns out my chances of having children in the future are extremely slim. I haven’t even begun to wrap my head around that yet. I’ve really kept this all fairly secret and miscarriage feels like such an awkward taboo topic. I previously suffered from PTSD due to being raped at a party when I was 14. I’ve been doing really well with this until now, but after all of the above, and losing my job, and being so far from parents and best friends, it’s really all flared up again. I’m not suicidal because despite everything I still really love life, but am just struggling to function and do normal things again like job hunting. I’m very good at pretending I’m fine so people see no issue in bringing up stressful topics like my unemployment and immigration status (currently working on my visa) because they don’t realise I’m not coping and don’t understand why I’m being “lazy”. I don’t really know what I want from posting this, I think I just needed to get it all off my chest.

Ween First Visit
  • replies: 3

Forum noob, and so BB forum extra noob with noob on top. So I have reached my maximum pain tolerance level of recent weeks. Have been living a particular designation of psychological anguish the past 3-4 years (I don’t even know how long anymore), bu... View more

Forum noob, and so BB forum extra noob with noob on top. So I have reached my maximum pain tolerance level of recent weeks. Have been living a particular designation of psychological anguish the past 3-4 years (I don’t even know how long anymore), but the depth and force of depression and grief feelings have been turned to a level beyond my capacity to endure nearly a month ago. CSA survivor, raped and kidnapped at 14, later stabbed resulting in disability, beaten by a bunch of pissed teens, but got lucky this time that cops were watching them and pulled them off me. I was a lone female returning from work at 7pm. So I suspect being the worthless vehicle for others anger, rage, or whatever has probably affected me a wee bit. About a month ago I got robbed again, and you know what? I bloody surrender. I quit. I am handing in my notice. Effective immediately. Not poor me. No foot stamping or wails or fists to the heavens crying “it’s not fair”! Of course it’s not. And why not me? And suck it up sad sack I say agin and again to myself. Along with a lifetimes worth of self directed disgust, despair, and denigration because I owe it to the world to not be part of the problem. There is another way too. No, I am not able to be part of the solution. Removing myself ensures my badness won’t taint the good and the beautiful and the worthy and the striving and the deserved. The offensive stereotype comes home to roost. Damaged goods. I can’t fight the badness anymore. Inside or out.

Harry_S Spiralling out of control
  • replies: 2

Hi I’m Harry, 20. I’m not the one to try and reach out, talk to my friends or family cause I hate people I love, worry about me so I thought I’d try this I honestly can’t remember the last time I was truly happy. anyway long story short. I was sexual... View more

Hi I’m Harry, 20. I’m not the one to try and reach out, talk to my friends or family cause I hate people I love, worry about me so I thought I’d try this I honestly can’t remember the last time I was truly happy. anyway long story short. I was sexually abused by a family “friend” multiple time around the age of 9-10. I grew up in a India till the age of 12 with my mum and sister, my dad was rarely in my life as he was working in aus trying to get us here. The person I looked up to, a father figure I guess, was my uncle, my best friend. Just before we were ready to move to aus he committed suicide. Ever since that day I’ve just been just numb. I started experiencing major depression and anxiety towards the end of high school. It has progressively gotten worse, I’ve tried committing suicide 3 times now. I’ve tried pretty much everything. SSRIs, Therapy, even talking to a close friend. Nothing works and it keeps getting worse. Now, Difficulty sleeping and when I do sleep I have horrible nightmares. They usually end with me dying. Recently i have been experiencing something wired it feels like I’m someone else, like my arms and hands don’t belong to me and I keep catching myself Making up these wild imaginary worlds with people I know in them and playing out scenarios in so much detail. Last weekend I broke down I’m front of my mates and started weeping. I only see one path forward and I don’t want to do that for the sake of my friends and family. Any help and guidance would greatly be appreciated. Thx

lillicat Aftermath of child sexual abuse. Separation
  • replies: 3

Two months ago I became a single parent. I was with my partner for ten years. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and we share a four year old son together. We also have a joint mortgage. My twelve year old daughter told me she had been s... View more

Two months ago I became a single parent. I was with my partner for ten years. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and we share a four year old son together. We also have a joint mortgage. My twelve year old daughter told me she had been sexually abused by her stepfather. It happened more than once. I am a shift worker and the abuse happened when I was on night shift. I still feel sick thinking about it. I confronted my x, but he denied it. That night we fled the family home and stayed with family for a few days. He eventually left the house, so my children and I returned to our home. I felt like I had no choice but to inform police. Then followed an apprehended violence order. He ended up getting arrested, but released on bail with strict conditions. I felt so guilty and confused. I still cared about him at the time even though he did these horrible things. I think most of those feelings have since developed into pure hate and anger. I am angry at him. I am angry at myself for not knowing what was happening. When we first met I thought I had met someone really amazing. It didn't take long for things to go pear shaped. He was a heavy drinker. Drinking turned him into someone else. He had a short fuse. He humiliated me in public. He was so controlling. I was not allowed to spend $10 on myself. My daughter and I have started counselling, however I feel the road to recover is going to be very long. I had to go on medication to function. I am sick of pretending I am okay when I'm not. I have continued going to work to support my family but it has been an effort. I can't tell my work friends the truth. It is too full on. I just say I had to separate as he did something that was unforgivable. It is like bottling everything up inside. Things just got worse as I heard from his lawyer the other day. It is clear he wants us out of the house. It has only been two months. I am too miserable to sort my life out at the moment. Now I have had to organise legal advice and an evaluation on the house. I don't think I can afford to buy him out. I am worried we may become homeless next. I am worried about money. There will be lawyer fees and my daughter needs braces. How do you ever recover from something so horrible? How do you ever trust someone again. The pain is too much. The betrayal is too huge. My life is a mess.

Guest_2350 Losing the war with myself
  • replies: 12

Hi everyone. I first posted in this forum 5 years ago. Everything that had to do with mental illness, medication, treatment was new to me and the people on this forum helped me heaps, I have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and from war. Bipolar. Anx... View more

Hi everyone. I first posted in this forum 5 years ago. Everything that had to do with mental illness, medication, treatment was new to me and the people on this forum helped me heaps, I have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and from war. Bipolar. Anxiety. Bushfires and Covid haven’t helped. Since that first post I’ve lost my job because of discrimination. I tried to kill myself twice. I’ve had countless admissions, meds, one on one and group therapies. I work hard to implement what I learn, I try not to work so hard... I try new things, I try old things... I’ve lost friends and family, made new friends, lost most of them... I don’t know what else to try, I feel defeated.

Elsam Marriage problems
  • replies: 37

I have been with my husband 25 years, i feel like I do still love him but hate him at the same time for the way he treats me and destroys our life. We have been together 25 years and there has been a long history of Domestic violence, abuse, cheating... View more

I have been with my husband 25 years, i feel like I do still love him but hate him at the same time for the way he treats me and destroys our life. We have been together 25 years and there has been a long history of Domestic violence, abuse, cheating and dishonesty. I cannot trust him. The violence has now stopped but he has now started with emotional abuse. I left him in August last year and then he begged me to come home after 8 weeks, I finally came home because he promised me the world (all fake promises, just telling me what I wanted to hear). By Christmas he abandoned me on Boxing Day for 2 months, I never saw him and he never spoke to me for the 2 mths. February I went to see a Solicitor and they sent him a serious letter, he then called the Solicitor saying he wanted to work things out with me. My brother has just passed away and now he has abandoned me again and I have not seen or spoken to him for the last 3 weeks. I cannot go on like this but I am suffering from depression and PTSD from the trauma he has put me through. He is a narcissist and very controlling and manipulative. He is good at Gaslighting and giving me this silent treatment to make me feel guilty so I come crawling back to him! It is just a cycle of abuse that never ends I just don’t know how I am ever going to get away and feel as though I can survive on my own I am so scared. He has made me co-dependant. I want to be on my own and he happy but feel like I still love my husband but cannot keep letting him treat me the way he does. Does anyone have any experience with this abandonment? Is it another form of abuse? He never used to do this before? I have tried for so long to get him to address our issues and problems and attend marriage counselling together but he just runs away from the truth all the time! We are living separately in the same house! I just don’t know what to try next or who to turn to, it is always me making the effort in this marriage