PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 274

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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ophelia02 Trauma hitting hard after 10 years
  • replies: 2

I've just started university, moved to a big city, and done good things for myself. I'm happy with the path I'm taking at the moment, but something is wrong. I was raped when i was younger, and it didn't mentally bother me until now. I'm constantly w... View more

I've just started university, moved to a big city, and done good things for myself. I'm happy with the path I'm taking at the moment, but something is wrong. I was raped when i was younger, and it didn't mentally bother me until now. I'm constantly wanting to pull my hair out and tear off my skin and i can't stand my sheets touching me at night because i think of HIM. I want to reclaim my body as mine, I want to be able to hug my family without needing to scrub myself in a hot shower immediately afterwards. I'm on a prescription and I'm seeing a therapist but it isn't helping. I think about it constantly to the point where i don't feel happy, or sad, or angry, or afraid anymore. i just feel so deeply hollow and empty and i am so utterly numb. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but it feels like my fault that he is still walking around, able to do to others what he did to me. He was meant to be a father figure after my real dad left. i feel so much pain and hurt and there's nothing i feel i can do anymore to help myself through this. I've tried everything i can possibly think of. this is affecting my family, platonic, and romantic relationships. please help me. what do i do? - ophelia

SuperMeggy Don't know what else to do
  • replies: 4

Trigger warning i think.. First post, new to BeyondBlue. In 2012 I was raped, by a stranger. I've lived in denial & told no one, but I can't deny it or hold it in any longer. I can't. He acted like a guy who was interested in me, kind, easy-going and... View more

Trigger warning i think.. First post, new to BeyondBlue. In 2012 I was raped, by a stranger. I've lived in denial & told no one, but I can't deny it or hold it in any longer. I can't. He acted like a guy who was interested in me, kind, easy-going and considerate. This image very quickly smashed when he led me to the back of the club we were at, said he wanted to talk somewhere quiet and before I knew it i'd been pushed to the ground & my head was throbbing and i couldn't fight back. I couldn't make him stop. I couldn't move. I couldn't make the screaming in my head vocal. I couldn't alert anyone to my situation and i'd never ever felt more alone. He told me over & over that I liked it & i was enjoying myself & to stop fighting. I fought as hard as i could but it didn't matter. He left me with severe physical injuries that i hid from everyone & still to this day somehow feel pain from, but i can't talk about this out loud. But he left me with much more than physical injuries and its all taking its toll. Every day is a struggle. How can i find value in myself when he picked me & obviously saw something in me that made me easy prey. How do i feel physical pain from something that happened years ago? that doesn't even make sense. Every day is overwhelming. I shiver & jump if anyone tries to touch me or get close, even colleagues and friends. How can there possibly be a way out of this.

gucia6 Struggling with the past
  • replies: 6

Recently I have been going through a bit of a crisis, not the first one of this sort, and probably not the last one. Just this time it hit me really hard. The reasons that triggered it seem pretty absurd, but it brought lots of bad memories and ugly ... View more

Recently I have been going through a bit of a crisis, not the first one of this sort, and probably not the last one. Just this time it hit me really hard. The reasons that triggered it seem pretty absurd, but it brought lots of bad memories and ugly emotions from my quite dark past, and I mean some 20-25 years ago. I guess back then I could have had pretty bad depression, that was never diagnosed and treated, that eventually dispersed through many neutral and good events that followed, but also the fact, that in the most desperate times I simply closed myself in and didn't care about anything going on inside and outside. I avoided situations that were reminding me of the painful times or literally run away when things started giving me this uncomfortable feeling. I thought that I came in terms with the events from the past, but now I realised I was just sitting comfortably in my bubble of indifference. Now that I have things and people that I really care about, I fear loosing it because of my over-reaction and I feel overwhelmed by these negative emotions. I don't know how to cope with them and I am torn with what I should do. On one hand I just don't want to think about it on the other hand I am tired of holding it all inside and would really want to pour it all out, just have someone to listen. But I don't know if this is the way to go. I have kind of feeling that I should let it go, but I don't know how.

kimlip after trying to recover for 10 years i am ready to give up
  • replies: 4

I feel like i know everything there is to know about ptsd. This is not a good thing. This isn't pride. I have been going to counsellors for more than 10 years. Good ones. I can meditate and be mindful. The large block of pain will sometimes dissipate... View more

I feel like i know everything there is to know about ptsd. This is not a good thing. This isn't pride. I have been going to counsellors for more than 10 years. Good ones. I can meditate and be mindful. The large block of pain will sometimes dissipate or go away as i observe it without trying to change it. The tension that developed in my neck won't. It is chronic now. But i can get relief with time and space. But it is not possible to sit 24 hours meditating on my pain. I do not have the means on any normal week. Actually it is clear that the crucial element always missing is that i need social support. I have been trying and failing for maybe 5 years. When i attempted to get my best friend to meet up more often so i could connect more deeply she was angry. "i don't have time" or something. She recently has been lonely and apologised for the way she reacted. But i feel we are past that connection i was trying to forge now. I don't really trust her. I have trouble trusting ppl. I lived 10 years with a genuine sociopath while being helpless. My girlfriend does give me comfort. She is understanding. She also has ptsd. She has an anger problem. She has a time management problem, a drug problem, a resultant money problem and low energy to deal. So her connection is real but her support is very limited. She needs to get help herself but procrastinates on that for obvious reasons. And i am also low on energy when supporting her. People in everyday life are very cruel. I take as compassionate an approach to ppl as possible. Mental illness will not make me sacrifice my values of kindness and understanding. Such an approach to life doesn't eliminate cruel people. It makes it harder to understand people though. I feel very alone. Anyway i don't think i'm depressed. I am very sad, literally alone and mainly, very very anxious. After 2 good days of meditating as I am on winter break i felt very positive. Somehow my nightmares became worse though. Last night i could not will myself to sleep. And now i just feel like this uphill battle is never ending. I don't trust anyone to treat me with as much respect and effort as i treat them. I just don't think a person like me can be happy in this world. There isn't enough space to breathe, feel safe and recover. It isn't really fair that i have to keep enduring this pain for others' sake when no one has really helped me. And yes i have been quite open about my mental illness. It hasn't made a difference at all.

Elizabeth CP Exposure Therapy How it works Advice or others experiences welcome
  • replies: 11

I have started exposure therapy for PTSD. I originally started earlier this year but the lockdown made it impossible to continue. Yesterday the psych showed me pictures then photos, news reports & finally videos. I had to watch the video several time... View more

I have started exposure therapy for PTSD. I originally started earlier this year but the lockdown made it impossible to continue. Yesterday the psych showed me pictures then photos, news reports & finally videos. I had to watch the video several times until it stopped causing high anxiety. I'm supposed to look up similar pictures on the computer at home between appointments. The aim is to become able to cope when I see or hear triggering images or information. Up til now I've been getting worse & then having to escape each time things trigger me which then leads to further avoidance & makes me worse. I would like to hear others experience & ideas to help me

SarahP13 PTSD - strange aftermath/ effect on body - anyone relate?
  • replies: 3

I suffered a severe nervous breakdown last year that turned into a psychosis (brought on by stress not drugs)... I was going through something very intense & couldn’t sleep for weeks because psychosis made me feel like I was dying... since then there... View more

I suffered a severe nervous breakdown last year that turned into a psychosis (brought on by stress not drugs)... I was going through something very intense & couldn’t sleep for weeks because psychosis made me feel like I was dying... since then there have been strange & perplexing changes to my body that have not changed back.... one of them is that alcohol no longer affects me at all?? Previously I could have 2 drinks & feel tipsy - now it doesn’t affect me at all... have tried to drink and experiment with different quantities to no avail... it’s very perplexing... not to use as a crutch but to not be able to experience any effects at all is bizarre? Anyone had this happen to them?

Zoe-PTSD_OCD_MDD_GAD Uncontrollable anger and irritability
  • replies: 6

Hello, My name is Zoe and I am a long term survivor of cPTSD, anxiety, depression and OCD. Lately I have been struggling a great deal with my anger, particularly anger attacks and outbursts of rage. I have a couple of tools I have been given from the... View more

Hello, My name is Zoe and I am a long term survivor of cPTSD, anxiety, depression and OCD. Lately I have been struggling a great deal with my anger, particularly anger attacks and outbursts of rage. I have a couple of tools I have been given from therapy but I feel like I need more tools. I am especially raging out when my carer doesn't do what I nneed them to. He is around me almost 24/7 and I feel suffocated. any tips?

Lil_b PTSD - Domestic Violence - Triggered by the month
  • replies: 2

4 years ago I was physically assaulted by my boyfriend of the time in August. We were together for almost six years, I was 19. Now, at 23, living a wonderful life and for the most part happy (Although still navigating my anxiety) I find myself floode... View more

4 years ago I was physically assaulted by my boyfriend of the time in August. We were together for almost six years, I was 19. Now, at 23, living a wonderful life and for the most part happy (Although still navigating my anxiety) I find myself flooded with memories of him, of the night it happened and memories that never come to surface, until around this time of year, the second it hits the first of August. I am so confused how still four years on, the name of the month can be such a trigger for me, I feel ashamed I am feeling this way, it has been so long now, and yet there he is in my dreams again still haunting me, and unlike my general anxiety, I have no idea what to do with these emotions. Being this sad makes me feel as though he still has ownership of me. Does this happen to other people? A day? Place? Month? That is an instantaneous trigger, and what do people do? Thank you x

Catz12 Always Forgiving People Is A Positive Start To The Day
  • replies: 1

Hello, Apparently, it has been said that regular and vigorous exercise creates a 'high' feeling in the brain. So, if you ever experience bouts of depression, then go out for a walk or do some exercise. Sunlight also can help people feel better too. S... View more

Hello, Apparently, it has been said that regular and vigorous exercise creates a 'high' feeling in the brain. So, if you ever experience bouts of depression, then go out for a walk or do some exercise. Sunlight also can help people feel better too. So, get plenty of that. Apart from these things that alleviate depression, keeping life's stresses to a minimum can improve your lifestyle, and keep depression at bay. A further technique that keeps you in a positive mood state is hanging around people who smile and laugh more than negative people. In mindfulness, it is recommended that you keep away from negative people. Then, it will be easier to be happy.

Rhianna_n Scared, anxious and angry
  • replies: 1

Hi there, Two months ago my ex fiancé held me against my will in our bathroom and threatened to take his life. I’d never felt so scared and trapped in my whole life, and I feel like I’m only now starting to process it. I had no idea how to counteract... View more

Hi there, Two months ago my ex fiancé held me against my will in our bathroom and threatened to take his life. I’d never felt so scared and trapped in my whole life, and I feel like I’m only now starting to process it. I had no idea how to counteract the situation, so I stayed with him and tried calming him down for over an hour. I managed to escape with what he was threatening his life with and I was able to return him to the care of his parents. What kills me is that, without knowing this particular situation, his family and friends blamed me. All I did was help him, and it frustrates me to no end that I was blamed, and I still get frowned upon, for assisting him in a situation where we were both vulnerable. My ex has always been troubled and has a tendency to threaten suicide when he feels overwhelmed, which others are well aware of because they warned me about it. I care for him and I want him to get better, but I’m dealing with my own emotional fragility and I’m starting to spiral downwards again. Last year I was diagnosed with PTSD. I’d been feeling better up until that night and now I’m worried I’m slowly retreating back into that angry, scared and anxious person. I’m thinking about that night more often and I suffer from really bad panic attacks. I’d really like to connect with others who may understand this particular situation. I just really need to reach out as I can’t see a counsellor at the moment, but would like to as soon as I can.