PTSD and Trauma

Nudity - Seriously concerned and seeking advice - Is this ok?

replies: 9

Hi, I have PTSD. I have had several traumatic events happen in my life, both sexual and physical. I have a loving husband who has walked this with me and helped me each step of the way. However, last night he dropped, what felt like a bomb shell on m... View more

Hi, I have PTSD. I have had several traumatic events happen in my life, both sexual and physical. I have a loving husband who has walked this with me and helped me each step of the way. However, last night he dropped, what felt like a bomb shell on me. Some background. Last year I had suicidal thoughts and was in hospital for two weeks - my mental health got very bad at the time and I reached out via Beyond Blue who helped me at the time. In recent months my mental health has been a lot better - better than it has in a long time - or so I thought. Last night my husband tells me, tells me not asks me, he is going to a nudist board game night where nudists get together and play board games, quite casually. We are monogamous but neither of us have ever had any issue with the other socialising with friends outside the marriage - as friends. Like social events with other people that the other partner may not know - we have always trusted each other in this and I have never felt distrust or discomfort of my husband going to other things - Like a book club he was a member of. I do not consider myself a possessive person in any way. But when he landed this on me all my mental health issues came flooding back, everything, the visions, the intense anger.. I felt betrayed. He didn’t understand what my issue with nudity is. He has always liked to be nude around the house - generally, as long as it isn’t in front of the kids, I don’t have an issue with this.. But something just feels so off with him being nude in front of strangers who I guess will become friends over time, as this is a regular meet up group. I feel wrong that he is going without me as his partner, but with my past trauma there is no way I could get nude in front of people I don’t know. He respects that but wants to go alone. So what do I do? I have tried twice now talking to him about my discomfort and how serious it is making my mental health - he doesn’t seem to care. He has this innate need to go to something like this. To be fair he is being respectful and not going to the one he said he would this weekend - but intends to in future and is trying to turn me. He doesn’t understand why I see nudity as sexual - but to me it feels that way, like nudity should be between us. It doesn’t feel right to me that he walks nude in front of others regularly - I don’t know why, but it is tripping my mental health big time. How can I help him see my view? And am I wrong in having these thoughts?

Gender Identity/Expression and Sexuality After Trauma - Feeling revictimised by people invalidating mine

replies: 7

Hey all, I'm a straight woman but I've regularly had people make comments or question my orientation, even from childhood. It never really bothered me that people often assume I'm gay, it's not a big deal to me. However, I've had people make some rea... View more

Hey all, I'm a straight woman but I've regularly had people make comments or question my orientation, even from childhood. It never really bothered me that people often assume I'm gay, it's not a big deal to me. However, I've had people make some really horrible comments. My sisters exhusband called me a "man hating dyke" and said I was probably raped by our dad. This was because I didn't accept a lift home from him when he was first dating my sister. I wasn't abused by my dad, he left when I was a very young child and I have no memories of him. I had a counsellor in highschool who would make comments implying I was closeted and that's what my problems stemmed from, I've had conversations with friends where sexuality has come up and had people tell me I'm asexual, demisexual, ace, all kinds of things and it's starting to upset me. I assume they're well meaning but it feels like sexual orientation should be about how you identify yourself and not something other people prescribe you. I recently had two male friends describe themselves as asexual and say they think it's related to bullying and trauma they experienced during school. I think it's entirely reasonable that someone could have their sexuality impacted by these things, just that mine hasn't been. It's getting to the point where I almost feel revictimised, having people treat me like I'm broken by things people have done to me. It feels like my agency is being taken away. My old manager where I worked in my late teens, a woman who was a friend of my mothers and was a solid 30 years older than me, got on top of me while I was blackout drunk at a party and kissed me. She also made a comment about how she was bisexual and knew I was too. One weird or maybe ironic thing is no one would think that made me straight. On the other hand, I know my gender expression changed because of being raped. I started wearing very oversized clothing, gained a lot of weight, stopped dressing as femininely as I used to. To some extent I (sadly) equate femininity with victimhood. I'm trying to move past this because, (and I think this is what all of this is about for me), I hate feeling like what happened has to change me in such a large way. I also really don't like the idea that people who are gay and have been abused are assumed to be gay *because* of the abuse. Have any of you experienced anything like this?

Did I do the right thing?

replies: 2

Hi, I have struggled with this for close to 4 years. Did I do the right thing. I loved my partner so much, we did everything together, we owed 2 houses our life was everything we both wanted. But he had a problem, which I eventually found out about a... View more

Hi, I have struggled with this for close to 4 years. Did I do the right thing. I loved my partner so much, we did everything together, we owed 2 houses our life was everything we both wanted. But he had a problem, which I eventually found out about and yes it scared the hell out of me but I wanted to help him, I loved him. His problem destroyed lots of lives and caused a death. I couldn't sleep I couldn't eat I have the worse nightmares and no I couldn't support him anymore, we argued so much before the accident, I repeatedly told him he would hurt someone. Eventually I told the truth, which meant I would destroy his life, how do you know what's the right thing and what's the wrong thing. I feel so sick all the time, I still have nightmares, I am petrified of going out, I am a horrible person for doing this, I didn't want to hurt him but I didn't want him to hurt anyone else

How to support male partner CSA victim/PTSD

replies: 4

My partner and I have been together for 10 months. Early in our relationship he confided in me childhood sexual abuse perpetrated by two separate adult female caregivers (not related to him) when he was a young and mid teen. I believed him and want t... View more

My partner and I have been together for 10 months. Early in our relationship he confided in me childhood sexual abuse perpetrated by two separate adult female caregivers (not related to him) when he was a young and mid teen. I believed him and want to support him as best I can. He believes he has put this in the past, but I beg to differ. Although he doesn’t have a diagnosis, he fits all the symptoms of cPTSD. Intimacy has been very difficult for us, his moods can change very quickly, and with them his reaction to me. He is prone to avoidant and withdrawal behaviour. He can be erratic, struggle to go to sleep and has impulse control issues around weed, binge eating, alcohol and porn, none of which really cause a major impact on his life but it’s enough for me to notice. Talking about any of this only seems to make it worse. The only thing he’s been diagnosed with is anxiety and he feels he manages well with meditation, yoga and exercise (which he does to some degree). He says that any issues are me projecting my anxiety onto him. I do have generalised anxiety but it’s really well managed - my psychologist is very pleased with how far I’ve come and I no longer need meds. It’s just hard not to be triggered when his attitude towards me changes so abruptly, from loving and sweet to distant and cold. I really want to help him too - I can see that he is hurting when these things happen, but I just can’t seem to reach him and he doesn’t want to acknowledge that anything is off. Does anyone have any tips (either as partner/carer) of the person with PTSD?I’d be really grateful.

Living with emotional abuse - What to do??

replies: 1

Hello my name is V, I’m divorce with 2 kids who I care for full time. I left my ex 8 years due to domestic violence. I left with my boys and changed my life and together with my kids we live a very happy and peaceful life. I never had much money but ... View more

Hello my name is V, I’m divorce with 2 kids who I care for full time. I left my ex 8 years due to domestic violence. I left with my boys and changed my life and together with my kids we live a very happy and peaceful life. I never had much money but we were happy. 5 years later I met someone and fell in love. We move in a year into the relationship. Soon I started to notice some concerning behaviours only to realise my new partner was abusive emotionally. He would shout at me, call me name, belittle me, bully me and mock me. Sometimes he would drink and become abusive in front of my kids. we were scared, but eventually he would apologise and say he was going to change. things would good for a while until the next time, even the slightest comments would make him angry. now almost 4 years on I’m struggle to continue on in the relationship. he has 2 young kids who come one night a week and his 6 year old son demonstrates similar behaviours, he rude and very angry if disciplined. overall I feel my mental health diminishing. I feel stressed, anxious and nervous all the time. I don’t eat and I feel sick in the stomach and have so much tension in my body. I feel as though I’m going to have a breakdown. a week ago I made a comment about his sons eating habits and he responded rudely to me. I asked he not to talk to that way and he became very aggressive and hurtful. We haven’t spoken since last night when he suggested we should talk buy that turned into him attacking me, telling me it’s all my fault, yelling and raising his voice and being very over powering. Not allowing to speak or finish a sentence and shutting me down the moment I tried to say how I felt. after that conversation I told him I wanted to break up. I felt the relationship just isn’t working and causing me so much stress. He didn’t respond. I slept in my sons room and that where I’ll stay from now in. I want out of the relationship but because we own the house together and I can’t afford to just leave I will need to stay until the house is sold and I have some money to find my own place. I don’t know how to deal with the tension in the house and share a roof with someone once you’ve ended the relationship. It’s affects my children too as he and I aren’t talking and avoiding each other. He’s very angry and it’s feel so uncomfortable. I need some advice. thank you in advance : )

My father died and I am not sure how to feel about it

replies: 12

My father was an abusive drunk. My mother divorced him in 1983 when I was 18. He remarried a woman who watched him abuse me and kick me out of my home when mum signed over the house to him on threat of death if she tried to claim it in the divorce se... View more

My father was an abusive drunk. My mother divorced him in 1983 when I was 18. He remarried a woman who watched him abuse me and kick me out of my home when mum signed over the house to him on threat of death if she tried to claim it in the divorce settlement. The gold digger and her children moved in and she married my father. He died recently and the gold digger did not tell us. I found out from a local hairdresser. I requested a copy of his will. It was dated 1991 and he left my brother and I $5 each because we never went to see him even though he violently drove us out of our home. my brother did visit him 3 years ago to make contact again. What bothers me the most is the lawyers who wrote his will think that we are arseholes for not seeing our father but he drove us away. I can't sleep, I am drinking way too much and I am swinging from deep rage to absolute depression over this and I deal with it. My father was sacked from his job for drinking when mum divorced him and he and the gold digger have never worked a day in their lives since. My mother worked her arse off in that house, even keeping debt collectors at bay. She did all the maintenance and ended up with nothing. She passed away from pancreatic cancer 9 years ago. The gold digger is laughing all the way to the bank at our expense. I have no idea how to get over this. We cannot contest the will because he left us $5 and I want to avenge my mother but I am not sure what to do

School yard sexual assaults, Almost blind, High Functioning Autusm and PTSD

replies: 1

Single mail in early 50s, was born almost blind and diagnosed with Autism during pre-school years, though this improved over my life, after 38 years have come out about my sexual assaults at high school. While in year 7 during 1983, pack of a few doz... View more

Single mail in early 50s, was born almost blind and diagnosed with Autism during pre-school years, though this improved over my life, after 38 years have come out about my sexual assaults at high school. While in year 7 during 1983, pack of a few dozen kids sexually assaulted me. From this point, I started showering immediately after school, and though I felt physically clean, I washed, and washed, and washed, as I felt mentally dirty. This overtime grew into a OCD of cleaning which I'm still dealing with today. There was a brief period in the twenty naughties when it went way down, and I had a relatively normal lower stress life. With my autism and visual impairment, I'm trying to get the things that heavily suppressed the OCD in the 00s, but though family was initially sympathetic about me coming out about the high school sexual assaults, I'm detecting a phase change. Wile staying with mother during last few days, I'm detecting a sense of psychological pushback from both family (well, they have to help many, and they don't have the funds). Uncle makes callous comment about me working in coal mine when washing hands. And as far as NDIS, Officers hanging up mid call when making enquiries regarding my application. After about a year of mucking around, I'd finally been granted access to the scheme in late March. Planning meeting with LAC, was helpful and friendly, but staff at 1800 number were obnoxious. I didn't notice at first, but my mother overheard the conversation, and noticed before she hung up that she was playing the "go slow" attitude, as the deadlines for approval became longer and longer during the call (this was personal). Toward the end, I may have said something like, "I'm not sure how those who make the decisions, having no idea what it's like to be sexually assaulted are responsible) I didn't explicitly say it, but I was getting frustrated with the "we're playing god" with you life attitude. I'm needing someone to advocate for me to the NDIS about my PTSD and Autism. PWD's got a lady in the local area, but (respectfully) she's not familiar with my issues and can't assist me much. I just don't have the mental and emotional energy to push this fight anymore.

Trigger warning - Domestic violence Lost

replies: 2

I was married to my wife for 15 years. She has always been hot tempered, I accepted it. She always had a bad temper e.g. she would shout and scream at shop assistants, or her parents and occasionally this would be directed at me. I feel a coward for ... View more

I was married to my wife for 15 years. She has always been hot tempered, I accepted it. She always had a bad temper e.g. she would shout and scream at shop assistants, or her parents and occasionally this would be directed at me. I feel a coward for not standing up to her. About 2 years ago, we purchased a house and renovated it extensively - it went badly. Her aggression got progressively worse, calling me a variety of abusive names every day for small things going wrong. I was walking on egg shells and scared of her reactions, thinking I was the cause of all her pain. We eventually completed the renovation and moved in and the bad behavior continued. I meekly told her to stop and find each other again, but everything continued and got worse. The verbal abuse turned into physical at some points. I had very dark thoughts at the time, and contemplated ending it. I believe these feelings came from her upbringing where her dad gambled away all their money and created huge trauma. I talked to a female friend who helped me recognise this wasn't normal. I told the friend I would leave my wife, but my wife went through my phone and found out before I told her and attempted to commit suicide 2x. I was mentally broken, and my parents packed a bag for me and I left that evening, requesting peace. She called me over 1,000 times and texted double that in panic. Next day she came to work and assaulted a friend. I went to the police to try and get her help, but backed out. I had to move back into the house because of financial reasons. My anger grew towards her. She cried every night, blaming me wailing why did he cheat on me - I didn't. After at least 8 weeks of accusations, wailing, sleep deprivation (e.g. I'd move to a different rooms and she would barge in). I moved out of the house shortly after for my own safety and hers and tried to live by myself. I started dating as I saw no future with her. I dated others, but I miss my wife's company, but don't think its healthy. I submitted divorce papers. I feel guilty, ashamed things failed. I feel responsible for everything and I couldn't hold it together. I sleep 3-4 hours a night, self medicate with alcohol to sleep. I'm no longer interested in life. I dont kno what to do.

Leaving after domestic and family violence

replies: 18

Hi all, 3.5 weeks ago a domestic violence service convinced me to go into emergency accommodation for a couple of weeks to have a break from my abusive partner (also the father to our two daughters, 8 and 4) they said even if it’s just the wake up ca... View more

Hi all, 3.5 weeks ago a domestic violence service convinced me to go into emergency accommodation for a couple of weeks to have a break from my abusive partner (also the father to our two daughters, 8 and 4) they said even if it’s just the wake up call he needed to engage in the help and support he needed to start making some changes. He started talking to a psychologist via Telehealth, and told me he is just waiting for confirmation for him to start a men’s behaviour change program. I did a risk assessment and from that protective services got involved and put restrictions in place about only having supervised visits with us. They also told me if I didn’t take an IVO out against him they would because he was calling, texting and trying to visit me constantly and leaning on me for support and I was feeling so guilty and falling for the responsibility of his emotional needs because I’ve always carried that responsibility and it’s really hard to let that go. The IVO isn’t due to go to court until Friday so he is still contacting me a lot for support and I just feel to guilty and responsible to cut him off so I try to be brief and blunt but will usually give him an answer but he is really trying to get me back and I am struggling not to give in (obviously that is not possible until the protective services have taken away restrictions). How do you stop going back into that trap of the familiar cycle of abuse? It just feels so much easier than doing it in my own. My family have been quite unsupportive and have taken his side for a lot of it because I haven’t given them details and insight to the abuse we have suffered from him. I have told two of my sisters some details but they just think it’s fine and normal behaviour in a relationship. My mum was the first female for generations in her family to not be an extremely, life threatening physically violent relationship and has told us stories of rescuing family members from guns been held to them etc so I think to them unless it’s extreme physical violence it’s not family violence. I thought I could do it on my own without their support but I’m really struggling now and don’t think I can and when he sends me these messages begging for me back I just want to reassure him once restrictions are lifted I’ll take him back but I really want to show my daughters what’s right too but I really don’t know how long I can keep doing it alone. Any advice? Anyone in a similar position?

anxiety about child’s Health after trauma

replies: 3

Hi guys, does anybody struggle with anxiety about their baby/toddler’s health? i seem to get myself into a mad fuss and spiral anytime he is surrounded by people or go to a Park etc, I think he’s going to pick up some sort of rare disease that takes ... View more

Hi guys, does anybody struggle with anxiety about their baby/toddler’s health? i seem to get myself into a mad fuss and spiral anytime he is surrounded by people or go to a Park etc, I think he’s going to pick up some sort of rare disease that takes his life and I will have to say goodbye to him while he looks at me this has happened ever since my partner had complications after birth and I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety initially it was anxiety about my partners health after she recovered and now it has morphed into a constant worry and fear about my sons health It gets so bad, I get so worked up that I can’t cope and I begin to freak out I struggle to enjoy my life with him during this time, considering he’s been the pinnacle of health ever since he was born Any one else have any advice?

Pinned discussions

If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here

replies: 8

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

All discussions

Nudity - Seriously concerned and seeking advice - Is this ok?

replies: 9

Gender Identity/Expression and Sexuality After Trauma - Feeling revictimised by people invalidating mine

replies: 7

Did I do the right thing?

replies: 2

How to support male partner CSA victim/PTSD

replies: 4

Living with emotional abuse - What to do??

replies: 1

My father died and I am not sure how to feel about it

replies: 12

School yard sexual assaults, Almost blind, High Functioning Autusm and PTSD

replies: 1

Trigger warning - Domestic violence Lost

replies: 2

Leaving after domestic and family violence

replies: 18

anxiety about child’s Health after trauma

replies: 3

PTSD and trauma

If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here replies: 8

PTSD for Medical and First Responders replies: 276

Nudity - Seriously concerned and seeking advice - Is this ok? replies: 9

Gender Identity/Expression and Sexuality After Trauma - Feeling revictimised by people invalidating mine replies: 7

Did I do the right thing? replies: 2

How to support male partner CSA victim/PTSD replies: 4

Living with emotional abuse - What to do?? replies: 1

My father died and I am not sure how to feel about it replies: 12

School yard sexual assaults, Almost blind, High Functioning Autusm and PTSD replies: 1

*Trigger warning - Domestic violence* Lost replies: 2

Leaving after domestic and family violence replies: 18

anxiety about child’s Health after trauma replies: 3

If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here

replies: 8

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

Nudity - Seriously concerned and seeking advice - Is this ok?

replies: 9

Gender Identity/Expression and Sexuality After Trauma - Feeling revictimised by people invalidating mine

replies: 7

Did I do the right thing?

replies: 2

How to support male partner CSA victim/PTSD

replies: 4

Living with emotional abuse - What to do??

replies: 1

My father died and I am not sure how to feel about it

replies: 12

School yard sexual assaults, Almost blind, High Functioning Autusm and PTSD

replies: 1

Trigger warning - Domestic violence Lost

replies: 2

Leaving after domestic and family violence

replies: 18

anxiety about child’s Health after trauma

replies: 3