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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Moosie77 PTSD not sure how much more I can handle
  • replies: 4

Hi all. First time poster here but would appreciate all the advice I can get. I suffer majorly from PTSD from so many majors events that have happened in my life I wasn’t raised in the best household and have lots of torturous memories of being raise... View more

Hi all. First time poster here but would appreciate all the advice I can get. I suffer majorly from PTSD from so many majors events that have happened in my life I wasn’t raised in the best household and have lots of torturous memories of being raised by abusive parents my dad was an alcoholic. But the main things that have caused further issues for me mentally was in 2016 I Almost lost my eldest daughter to a brain bleed. We have since been given the good news that the treatment she had for it 3 years ago was successful. We were overseas by ourselves when this happened so I barely had any support my main issue now is this. Almost 2 years ago my partner was involved in an accident on his way home from work. He was riding his bike along the bike path when a vehicle connected with him. He came flying off head first into a pole suffering a broken neck. Broken tail bone and 4 fractured discs in his back. I have been his main support person. Whilst I’m truly thankful that he is alive and walking and all. The emotional outbursts I suffer from him I don’t know how much more I can take. I don’t understand the physical side of pain he has experienced but can definitely understand the emotional and mental side as this has effected us both. Our relationship has changed in many ways. We can’t do even a quarter of the things we used to because of his injury. Yet why do I have to be the one that has to take the anger outbursts over literally nothing. I’ve also had some physical damages because of these outbursts. I want to help him badly but I shouldn’t have to handle these alone. No one I talk to understands what I’m going through.

Exhaust_issues PTSD and depression
  • replies: 2

Hey, i have been diagnosed with complex ptsd and depression. I tried to take my life last night but I woke up today. I feel like I’m going into a spiral again today and I can’t stop it. I feel ashamed that I’m not getting better and don’t feel comfor... View more

Hey, i have been diagnosed with complex ptsd and depression. I tried to take my life last night but I woke up today. I feel like I’m going into a spiral again today and I can’t stop it. I feel ashamed that I’m not getting better and don’t feel comfortable talking to my psychologist. I feel I should be getting better but things are getting worse and the meltdowns I’m having are more and more, I feel I’ve just reached a level where I can’t cope anymore and I don’t know what else to do.

yutajp How do I stop fighting with my mum?
  • replies: 1

So recently my mum, sister and I moved to get away from our emotionally abusive father. I'm not going to go into detail what he did but he is generally very controlling, manipulative and can't admit whenever he does or says something wrong. My mum an... View more

So recently my mum, sister and I moved to get away from our emotionally abusive father. I'm not going to go into detail what he did but he is generally very controlling, manipulative and can't admit whenever he does or says something wrong. My mum and I have always been pretty close and never argued much but recently we've been disgreeing on a lot more things. For example, recently we went on a holiday and I was worried about leaving my cats at home (partly because we had just moved and partly because I've developed some sort of paranoia about something happening to them after multiple of them dying and also my father's threats to hurt them). Anyway, I was probably in a bit of a bad mood because of it but for some reason my mum took it the wrong way. On the way back we had an argument I don't remember exactly how it went but my mum said that I had been sad the whole trip and said something like "I'm still not allowed to do anything!"referring to how my father would try to stop us going places. So basically comparing me to my narcissistic father. I also recently deleted my instagram account because I wanted to separate my art account and my personal account (I can't explain why exactly, I just didn't like having them combined) but my mum saw this as a personal attack on her as if I didn't want her to see my art, which isn't the case at all. And when my sister and I try to explain things to her that she doesn't understand she gets offended and says things like "Ok, I'm sorry! I'm such a terrible mother, you just hate me.." I know it probably stems from trauma but I don't like how she seems to take it out on me. I don't think I'm saying or doing anything terriblr but I'm also scared to turn out like my father so maybe I'm doing it unaware. I just don't know why this is happening it just feels stupid that we're arguing after the situation we came out of but I don't know how to stop it.

Ayla_ A year after the attack, I’m still so angry, hating myself, pushing people away,
  • replies: 3

Hi all. I’ve read some posts here and it’s been pretty good to feel connected and read of shared experiences, but I thought I’d put some words to my own pain. Part one I hate myself. Hate how I look. Hate I can’t have another identity. Even this nast... View more

Hi all. I’ve read some posts here and it’s been pretty good to feel connected and read of shared experiences, but I thought I’d put some words to my own pain. Part one I hate myself. Hate how I look. Hate I can’t have another identity. Even this nasty self-talk reminds me of the attack from over a year ago – saying to him, “I’m ugly, I’ve put on weight, go have sex with your wife”. It’s a horrible cycle. I know I’m not symmetrical but I can’t get over this disgust, I’m sure it’s 90% valid, objective. I’m considering getting a nose job (and fillers, eye lift) which just fills my feed with dreams of being less disgusting. I’m afraid it’ll be too painful and expensive, and I’ll still look ugly. I want to hide. That’s the crux of it. Second part It’s not fair. I was raped in France, the police were revolting then and afterwards – they literally misplaced my case. And he’s not charged. His family never has to believe what he did to me. My friends, a year in and knowing all the details, still get to question why I’m not friends with those ‘friends’ who didn’t support me. I’m beyond angry and just over it. I’ve withdrawn. I could tell them but why? Another average conversation, seems like I’m upset. Are they even worth it, if they’re asking that? Final/background I was on the trip of a lifetime, visiting a very old friend, throwing in some extra visits to meet his fam too. One drunken night, the only night in the entire trip where I just stupidly trusted and let loose, after vomiting on myself, I pass out in my bed in his spare bedroom. I’m only half aware of him fooling around with his wife next to me, like what the hell, I’ll just ignore it. And then he starts raping me. The first French policewoman I spoke to said it’s hard to rape a woman. And there’s nothing I can do about it – not now, from the safeness of my Australian bedroom. The embassy helped translate but it’s now up to me to find a costly French lawyer if I personally want to pursue it? Well. That’s some of my story. I’ve been through counselling when anxiety and PTSD was debilitating. But now I’m here, and it sucks. - A

Roho It never goes away
  • replies: 1

Had a flashback today by being subjected to a person in the office that wanted me to lecture me on my handling of a matter that was out of my control. I totally broke down and had the light head, heart racing, felt trapped and just wanted to be left ... View more

Had a flashback today by being subjected to a person in the office that wanted me to lecture me on my handling of a matter that was out of my control. I totally broke down and had the light head, heart racing, felt trapped and just wanted to be left alone. I felt attacked and had to flee. I was in a situation about 8 years ago in a violent relationship and managed to flee with my life. It took 2 years of planning after the incident to make my getaway. I avoided talking about it for years and still very guarded. Just finding it very hard right now

TheBigBlue Trauma Counselling - how do you get through it?
  • replies: 26

I’ve been seeing my psychologist for almost a year now. But we have only had one session (yesterday) where we started to look into my trauma. Prior to this both my psychologist & psychiatrist wanting me to be admitted for specialised care. I was cons... View more

I’ve been seeing my psychologist for almost a year now. But we have only had one session (yesterday) where we started to look into my trauma. Prior to this both my psychologist & psychiatrist wanting me to be admitted for specialised care. I was considered high risk. I didn’t want to, so I never did. Anyway, we barely touched touched the surface yesterday. In fact, it wasn’t even discussion of the trauma that triggered me. I was really anxious & I shaking so she asked me to breathe (as in my deep breathing exercises). But I couldn’t doing it if she could see or hear me. I don’t understand why, I don’t understand why I felt distressed, I don’t know why it was so hard. In the end she had to turn away from me & put her headphones in & play music before I could do it. i feel like such a failure because I can’t even live a normal life, or be “normal”. Can’t imagine anyone else being as stupid as me & not being able to to do some deep breathing in a room with someone else. It’s weird because when we talk I don’t have any issues looking at her or making eye contact, but something about the breathing triggers me. so we spoke about other things for a while & then she said she wants me to do just one thing. She wanted me to inhale loudly through my nose & then exhale loudly through my mouth. And this distressed me so much I started crying. She explained that we need to dig a bit deeper to find out the reasons behind it, but when she asked how I was feeling I didn’t know. I can’t explain why it’s happening. I just wanted to cry. i feel so stupid. I don’t know if there is anything behind this but I feel so distressed. I feel like my depression is so ready so come back. I was doing so well, had a routine, was going for morning walks, cooking dinners, doing dishes every night & was starting to sleep better. i got up this morning to find last nights dishes still in the sink. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I didn’t sleep well so had no energy to go for a walk. I’ve just sat on the lounge ALL day. I understand it can be difficult to work through the trauma but how do others manage to do it? I feel like a failure at life. And we still haven’t discussed the person, the abuse etc. i don’t know how I will get through this.......

Autumn_ Suicide/death threats over the prospect of breaking up
  • replies: 5

Hi All, I’m hoping to get a bit of advice as I’m currently dealing with a situation I feel completely out of my depth with. I’ve decided I want to break up with my live-in boyfriend of 2+ years because of the one-sided nature of our relationship. I’v... View more

Hi All, I’m hoping to get a bit of advice as I’m currently dealing with a situation I feel completely out of my depth with. I’ve decided I want to break up with my live-in boyfriend of 2+ years because of the one-sided nature of our relationship. I’ve realised I’m putting in a lot more than I get back in terms of life responsibilities, making effort with family, selfless acts etc. I think my boyfriend has started to feel me drift and a few times he’s made remarks to the effect he would kill himself, or me, if I ever tried to leave. He has a really dry and dark sense of humour but the comments make me really uncomfortable because I was previously in an abusive relationship. Although, I don’t think he’s suicidal, I’m feeling scared and really don’t know how to go about the break up. He lives at my house but has contributed financially to a few things in the past 6 months. Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m also going to let my counsellor know what’s going on in a fortnight (although, I’m pretty embarrassed to admit to the situation I’m in). August x

JazzJ88 Recovering from bad fights with partner/anger issues
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I've never posted on here before... I just wanted to ask for some perspective or advice... Ive been with my partner for nearly 3 years and he is a wonderful boyfriend. However, throughout our relationship we have had some very heated fights... View more

Hi there, I've never posted on here before... I just wanted to ask for some perspective or advice... Ive been with my partner for nearly 3 years and he is a wonderful boyfriend. However, throughout our relationship we have had some very heated fights, and it has led to his anger getting worse and it resulted in him physically hurting me and saying very hurtful and spiteful things. He feels so bad about what he has done, and as I am someone who has made mistakes too and lived with mental health issues, I have compassion that nobody is perfect. He truly treats me so well outside of these moments. But I am struggling as I feel shame to share my story with anyone as people will so often tell me to just leave, like its all that simpe. But its not. I am having trouble moving through the emotions, trauma and pain this has all caused. I feel we both had to change our ways and learn to communicate better with one another which is why things have gotten better lately. I am afraid though that it would only take me slipping up to cause a bad fight and him to react with his hostile ways. He said he is willing to work on himself and wants to rid these parts of himself. We are both spiritual and open minded and I have hope for us, but i want to know what is the next best steps? Couples therapy? I have suggested individual therapy too. I do have trouble even talking to therapists about all this though as the stimga is so high on domestic violence (as it should be). I don't condone any violence. But i do have a big heart and want to grow with my partner but also never be scared of him again. Thank you kindly

Living57 Sexual assault 12 months on
  • replies: 12

12 months ago Rememberance Day a day I will remember for all the wrong reasons. A late night knock at the door A person in a police uniform standing there. Yes I let him in What ensued was a violent nasty sexual assault. Yes I reported it Yes I went ... View more

12 months ago Rememberance Day a day I will remember for all the wrong reasons. A late night knock at the door A person in a police uniform standing there. Yes I let him in What ensued was a violent nasty sexual assault. Yes I reported it Yes I went through with the forensic examination And 12 months on I am a shell of who I was. I have moved interstate I am a prisoner in my own home scared of people I don't know terrified of crowds. And above all absolutely NO TRUST or FAITH in the police. I was made to feel it was my fault l blame myself they found my mental health meds in my bedside table and assumed I'd lost the plot. It has cost me more than I could have ever anticipated I understand why women don't report it pull out throw their hands in the air walk away refusing to take the matter any further. I understand what it's like to be made to feel it was your fault, you asked for it I know what it feels like recounting your story to every bloody police that crosses your path afterwards doing a photo ID of the person seeing the likeness staring at you from a computer screen. I know this and much more and I hate it, that one person could cause this to happen. I hate myself for allowing it to happen for trusting a uniform we are taught to trust I hate the thought that one day I may need to call them for help that I will never ever make that call no matter what. I hate that this I question my existence. I hate my life I am not living I am existing going through the motions day after day. My nights are not peaceful slumber but screaming nightmares and flashbacks. I look in the mirror I see a broken shattered person I barely recognise who I dislike, whose stupidity in trusting has left her wondering why she continues each day who cries until there are no tears left and cries some more. Who has professional help but one step forward, three steps back makes her wonder why she bothers but if she doesn't it will get worse. Who is living in absolute fear of next week the 11th day of the 11th month because the horror will be relived over and over, more so than it is every bloody day of my useless existence.

Bridget_Jones Looking for Support and a place to feel safe........
  • replies: 4

Hi, This is my first time on here - I've just been diagnosed with Complex PTSD by my psychiatrist. I'm also three years sober and to be honest I thought my thoughts, anxiety and fears were related to the disease of alcoholism as some are similar. I'v... View more

Hi, This is my first time on here - I've just been diagnosed with Complex PTSD by my psychiatrist. I'm also three years sober and to be honest I thought my thoughts, anxiety and fears were related to the disease of alcoholism as some are similar. I've had childhood sexual abuse, emotional abuse from early teenage relationships, domestic violence in a relationship in my 20's where I was physically assaulted and other episodes of sexual abuse in my 30's. It all makes sense - I'm constantly frightened in the world, I can't seem to express myself or have a voice, I'm constantly on edge and hypervigilant with all my surroundings, I'm never really comfortable. I can't seem to relax and be myself and find most people a threat. My body tenses up with anxiety and I'm never present, always in the future. I life my life in fear. I know now this is Complex PTSD from multiple traumas. I'm glad I have a diagnosis now but am scared of facing life and wonder how I'm going to get through this when I've lived my life this way my entire life, it's all I know. I don't even know who I am anymore and what my identity is. My psychiatrist is going to help me with treatment, I feel lost and afraid - it's lonely and I can't connect to other people out of fear. If anyone can suggest anything that has helped them, I'd love to hear from you. I'm 43 years old, female, single with no children, I just want this to go away and have the time to heal. Thank you for listening,