PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Knuckleberry_Poe Using Poetry as a form of communication during therapy
  • replies: 12

I know this sounds weird but when I first started therapy with a psychologist for severe nightmares and panic attacks, his 1st question was had I ever been the victim of abuse. I immediately said no because he had a student with him. A few sessions l... View more

I know this sounds weird but when I first started therapy with a psychologist for severe nightmares and panic attacks, his 1st question was had I ever been the victim of abuse. I immediately said no because he had a student with him. A few sessions later I admitted that I had been at school. I couldn't look my psychologist in the eyes. And I couldn't really verbalise how my life had snowballed into being the victim of abuse several times. It took me over a year to say the word r**e. So I would write what I needed to say. Eventually it became a form of writing it through poetry. This is one such poem. You left me wounded A flicker of candle flame Burnt down to the nub Wax melted White like my spirit Red as thick as blood Your devious actions Burns too long In my memory Ash as hot as hades You moved on Unconcerned Of the hurt you inflicted I stayed here Languishing In the uncomfortable Pain of it The harder I try to heal The deeper the burn Your image implanted Deep in my soul

Leisa_E Advice for moving forward -
  • replies: 1

I guess you are the right people to ask. I separated from a 16yr relationship with my girlfriend. We have two children. We both had breakdowns. Hers was caused by a death at work. Mine was caused by my family suddenly dumping my kids when they had th... View more

I guess you are the right people to ask. I separated from a 16yr relationship with my girlfriend. We have two children. We both had breakdowns. Hers was caused by a death at work. Mine was caused by my family suddenly dumping my kids when they had there own biological grandchildren. They were growing up knowing my parents as nan and pop and the rejection definitely hurt my eldest the most. My partner gave birth to our babies as I had lost my younger brother at 5 and really could not. Previous to meeting my partner I had probably dated 20 women. After the separation the war started. I started getting terrible threats on my social media channels and all of my tech was hacked - often. I asked a friend whom I had had since the age of 6 to help me out. She suggested a friend of her husbands whom worked in tech security. So I agreed to meet him at a pub from there my drink was spiked, I was hypnotised and taken advantage of. Apparently it was filmed as "revenge porn". I reported it as rape to the local police as my consent was taken away from me and it was laughed off, they asked "what were you wearing?" After I went to the local pub and my drink was spiked, there were no cameras as it had just opened back up and I passed out unconscious for 30mins. I spent the night at RPA hospital. (where my ex and her sister used to work). My brother was involved in the "rape". I again reported to to police as my blood alcohol reading was 15 drinks - which was not at all the case. I had 2 drinks. I sourced the info from my blood alcochol and gave it to the police - nothing was done. I moved away after the abuse for protection and it affected my kids. I moved back to Sydney to try and be there for them. They would call me crying as my ex partner is sometimes ferocious and I was their "mum" at home whom they relied on. I would have to tell them to hide under their beds and it tore me apart. I moved back to sydney and received an invite to a bogus lesbian night which I attended, a woman gave me her number. I called her afterwards to meet up for a drink which she did. She asked to go to my place which we did and again I was taken advantage of. I am completely traumatised, cannot love someone without anxiety attacks and each time I try to book a psych with a GP or try and get help it is diverted. My trust is totally broken.

Ploughman Domestic violence & Male survivors
  • replies: 12

Hi All, here's my story. Three years ago I was attacked by my wife. It wasn't the first time I was abused by her, but it was certainly the most violent. I stayed in the 9 year marriage because very early in we had a daughter and I stayed because of h... View more

Hi All, here's my story. Three years ago I was attacked by my wife. It wasn't the first time I was abused by her, but it was certainly the most violent. I stayed in the 9 year marriage because very early in we had a daughter and I stayed because of her. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I finished with therapy in February because we came to the decision that I have got the tools to cope and I was doing OK. Some days I am OK, but some days I'm not. I cope ugly. I just wish that when people talk about DV, even experts, they could mention Male survivors. I feel that I don't have a voice and because domestic violence comes up in the media often it cuts deep into me. No one talks about male survivors, I feel like I am treated as nothing. Over the years I never hit my wife, but she hit me. Funnily enough it was my Psychologist who told me I was a survivor of DV, I thought it was something that men did to women. I just wish that people would speak the truth about it. Thank you for reading my post.

Tezza_101 Miscarriage Struggle
  • replies: 2

ok so this is harder then I thought it would be.. Hoping to get some advice. So last year in August I had a missed miscarriage. I was not in a serious relationship so no support from a partner. When I found out I was pregnant I started seeing a GP we... View more

ok so this is harder then I thought it would be.. Hoping to get some advice. So last year in August I had a missed miscarriage. I was not in a serious relationship so no support from a partner. When I found out I was pregnant I started seeing a GP weekly as I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, I'm 34 yrs old. My GP specialises in mental health, so after my missed miscarriage which has destroyed me, I continued to see my GP weekly. But instead of talking about the miscarriage he wanted to do EMDR therapy, so starting from the beginning of my depression/life. Which I found very difficult to put aside what had just happened and try to focus on the past. I stuck with it until recently and we still had not reached the topic of the miscarriage. I am wondering if this was the right approach? I'm feeling let down and like I had no support with what happened. I no longer talk to any of my friends who have kids, I still haven't gone to visit my sister and meet her 2nd child who will be 1 year old next month. I just cant bring myself to do any of it. But I also feel like its been nearly a year since it happened and that I should just be over it now. How do I just get over it and move on?

Mar8ie Still recovering from an abusive relationship
  • replies: 1

It's been a year and half now since I finally left, when it finally became too much. Which you might realise was about the same time the pandemic hit. The problems began well before then of course, what I didn't realise at the time was that his failu... View more

It's been a year and half now since I finally left, when it finally became too much. Which you might realise was about the same time the pandemic hit. The problems began well before then of course, what I didn't realise at the time was that his failure to get the medical and mental health help he needed was because he was in hiding. The guy I spent six years with, that I spent a good portion of that time trusting, loving, caring for, was actually on the run from the police and had been doing so for a good ten years. I am still in the slow process of understanding just how he slowly manipulated me and healing from that, learning from it so I know and aviod the signs if it ever happens again and also undoing the damage he has done to me on a mental and emotional level. It's hard because I had built up such a picture in my mind of how things should have gone. I feel like I am grieving and I am greiving the dream, if that makes any sense and I am dealing with the depression that is a result of the fact my life at 40 doesn't look remotely like the one I envisioned.

Tearainy Struggling to cope after multiple traumas and child loss
  • replies: 2

I'm not even sure where to start. The I've survived so many traumas yet now.... I'm at breaking point. I survived childhood physical abuse, a 2 year relationship where I experienced emotional, mental and physical abuse as well as repeated sexual assa... View more

I'm not even sure where to start. The I've survived so many traumas yet now.... I'm at breaking point. I survived childhood physical abuse, a 2 year relationship where I experienced emotional, mental and physical abuse as well as repeated sexual assaults which resulted in my 2 daughter's. I reached a point where I was so low I tried to kill myself, and that was how I escaped my ex. Yet I didn't really escape... I had to fight like hell to keep custody of my daughters while my ex kept dragging my name through the mud. A few years after I got out of that "relationship" Imet my husband. We had a son born with 1/2 a heart. I survived 6 months in hospital watching him go through multiple surgeries and procedures. Seeing him die and be brought back more times than I can count, then the terror of bringing him home where there was no nurses and doctors on hand..... Watching him get sick over and over again and rushing him to hospital fearing the worst every time.... While dealing with that our 2nd son was stillborn. My eldest daughter was diagnosed with autism and needed lots of therapy, my son needed therapy...I suffered through 5 miscarriages and when I was pregnant again our first born 3 year old ended up back in hospital and dieing in front of me. I kept going despite wanting to crawl into his casket with him. I had to think about my baby on the way. But now almost a year after my son's death.... I'm not sure how long I can keep pushing through and pretending I'm alright. I've endured so much stress and grief continuously over the last 8 years that I'm always in a heightened state of anxiety. I get panic attacks daily, I can't sleep because every time I do I relive the moment when my 2nd son was stillborn or the day my first sons life support was switched off and I felt his life leave his body. Food tastes like ash in my mouth.I jump at every noise. I can't let other people watch my kids anymore because I always freak out thinking of all the bad things that can happen to them. Every time my daughter has behaviour issues at school and I get called, I feel like I'm failing as a mum.... Because I can't seem to help her do better. And secretly I want to just crawl into bed and give up. Every single problem even the small ones seem like too much to handle. At this point I don't know how I can clime back out of the darkness. I love my kids too much to end my life I can't put them through that pain. But I don't want to keep going either.

halomusic I don't know if I actually have PTSD
  • replies: 4

Last year I had sex with this boy I'd been talking to for months. (we were both 13) I really liked him and trusted him and he'd said he loved me and I believed him. At the time it happened, he told me he liked another girl and I thought that was ok. ... View more

Last year I had sex with this boy I'd been talking to for months. (we were both 13) I really liked him and trusted him and he'd said he loved me and I believed him. At the time it happened, he told me he liked another girl and I thought that was ok. After it, he kept ignoring me and blocked me a couple of times, syaing I was "too clingy", "attention seeking" and "annoying". I completely believed it all. I then got really depressed becuase of what he said to me and considered suicide. I told the boy and he said that I should and it's a good idea. One night after he'd blocked me again I tried to end my life. But it's a year later and I'm alive. I think I forgive the boy but i'm not sure because I still can't do some things or think about certain things because of what he did to me. For example, he used to play basketball, and up until 2 weeks ago, I still couldn't sit at a basketball game without havign a panic attack. I'm not sure if this is PTSD or what but I know it was traumatic for myself. Also, I have autism so I'm already not good at relationships so I'm not great at seeing red flags and things and now i'm worried that because my first romantic/sexual relationship was literally only sex and then isolation that's what I expect from the rest of my relationships which is bad because I'm almost 15 and I still don't know how to have a healthy relationship. But idk if it really is PTSD or not. I know I was in denial for a long time that the boy didn't cause my depression, but now I know he at least triggered it so, yeah. does anyone know what i should do?

ACPP Trauma from the death of my newborn baby
  • replies: 6

Hi there, I want to make this brief. My first born son, Parker, passed away at 40 weeks pregnant due to medical negligence. This was a little over a year ago now. I am now blessed with another son who is 14 weeks old. Every day I am pained by what ha... View more

Hi there, I want to make this brief. My first born son, Parker, passed away at 40 weeks pregnant due to medical negligence. This was a little over a year ago now. I am now blessed with another son who is 14 weeks old. Every day I am pained by what happened. My whole life has changed. I have anxiety, depression and PTSD now. Iv never suffered from any of these before until the death of my son. Parenting after loss is so hard. I’m in constant fear of losing him too. I have flashbacks of when they confirmed “no heartbeat”, when I was begging to save his life but they wouldn’t listen. I have been seeing a psychologist since he passed Away very regularly but I feel like it’s just not helping as much as I want it too. Thank you for listening. Much love to all.

JMumma Dictator
  • replies: 4

I’m new to this, not really an emotional talker. Not really much of a talker at all but find myself questioning everything about my life at the moment. I find that my husband appears to have become a dictator in how I live - he controls who I can see... View more

I’m new to this, not really an emotional talker. Not really much of a talker at all but find myself questioning everything about my life at the moment. I find that my husband appears to have become a dictator in how I live - he controls who I can see, insisting on a word by word account of every conversation I have. previous requests by me to get marriage counselling result in more arguments and him belittling me. Maybe I do have some mental health issues but I believe that many of them are caused be his behaviour. we live in a small community and every time I try to become involved in any thing he takes over or belittles me in front of the community and I walk away. I would like to sell up a go our separate ways but he refuses to acknowledge the death of our marriage and we don’t have the finances for me to establish myself somewhere separate to him. he has caused a rift between me and anybody that I tried to reach out to. I wasn’t allowed to take HRT because he believed that it was bad for his health if we had sex while I was on it. He monitors every thing, dictating where I can work and what hours I can work. obviously I have allowed this to happen, but know the children are grown and moving on I scared to be alone with him the mental abuse is the issue. Is there anything I can do to save my sanity?

TheBigBlue AFTER the psychologist/psychiatrist appointment
  • replies: 7

Just curious. I always feel so drained & emotionally overwhelmed after my appointments, that all want to do is curl up in bed & cry. At the very least, I’ll nap on the lounge. I know I’m using sleep as an avoidance, but I can’t seem to break this cyc... View more

Just curious. I always feel so drained & emotionally overwhelmed after my appointments, that all want to do is curl up in bed & cry. At the very least, I’ll nap on the lounge. I know I’m using sleep as an avoidance, but I can’t seem to break this cycle. I just had a Telehealth session with my psychologist & as soon as the video call ended I just wanted to burst into tears. And now all I want to do is sleep for hours & hopefully the emotional pain will be less when I wake up. Does anyone else experience something like this? Has anyone managed to break the cycle? I know I should get up & do something to distract me from these thoughts but I can’t quite bring myself to take the first step. As soon as this is posted I am going to roll over & go to sleep