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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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romantic_thi3f Grounding technique: what are things that make you feel safe around your home?
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm reading a book about trauma, and it has a technique I wanted to share with you and hopefully see what we can brainstorm together. So hopefully most of you are familiar with the 54321 technique, which is a grounding exercise: 5 things you can ... View more

Hi, I'm reading a book about trauma, and it has a technique I wanted to share with you and hopefully see what we can brainstorm together. So hopefully most of you are familiar with the 54321 technique, which is a grounding exercise: 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. This is super handy for when you're out in public but this is an interesting one you can do from home. Find things you can see, hear, touch that connect you to the present. For example, look at a picture or poster on the wall, listen to music that you like, taste something pleasant from the kitchen, and so on. Consider making a list. The point is for you to concentrate on these objects that help you to realise that you are in the present and have available for when you need to ground and orient yourself to the present in your home. I decided to look around my house and some of the things I really like are my book collection, soft blankets, plants (fake and real) and hand cream. Is there anything you can think of that feels really grounding, calming or even just nice to look at around your house? rt

Bw93 Cptsd and marijuana withdrawls
  • replies: 1

Hi my name is B, i am 27 and ive suffered complex ptsd since i was a child. Stating from 4 years old i was constanly sexually assaulted, raped and abused by family members and friends of family, all while having to look after my dying grandmother and... View more

Hi my name is B, i am 27 and ive suffered complex ptsd since i was a child. Stating from 4 years old i was constanly sexually assaulted, raped and abused by family members and friends of family, all while having to look after my dying grandmother and great grandmother aswell. After they died i was taken to my auntys house in another state to which sexual assult happened again over and over. I was then placed into numerous foster homes until 16 then i fell pregnant with my daughter. This is just the short version and not everything that happened to me is written here but the amount of pain and confusion these events create for an person is massive. I dont know how to handle life to be honest and i have a huge problem with marijuana disorder due to trying to mask the pain. I have decided to go cold turkey with giving it up because its not healthy for me but giving it up also has alot of negative impacts on my mental health, i guess what im asking is how do people cope with everyday life with cptsd and also how do people handle withdrawl symptoms from giving up marijuana?

Imarni Angry with GP & Clinician
  • replies: 3

I recently FOI my psych records for various reasons. I’ve seen 3 Psychiatrists, all diagnoses CPTSD & Bipolar 2. Very clear Hypomania and depressive episodes and PTSD is childhood sexual abuse based and I’ve had eating disorders - fair to say most pe... View more

I recently FOI my psych records for various reasons. I’ve seen 3 Psychiatrists, all diagnoses CPTSD & Bipolar 2. Very clear Hypomania and depressive episodes and PTSD is childhood sexual abuse based and I’ve had eating disorders - fair to say most people are somewhat messed up from childhood sexual abuse? In the records my clinician contacted my GP about medication, fair enough I’ve had Suicide attempts. My GP went on about worried she was about my uni child - this was 2018, he’s left home now “he is too dependent on his mother and she him and each has no supports ” how I have “spoilt my youngest son” um would they prefer I abused them? How she believes in her opinion I have Borderline personality disorder as I change day to day. Yes that called TRAUMA. I am so dumbfounded and struck with anger that my clinician who’s always been a great advocate. My trust for both is gone and now I have no place to access a GP, I have complex physical health also as well as mental. I quit community psych care I trust few and that blown rapport.

Kate26 Trigger: Suicide/Manipulative Room mate has abused me emotionally and caused me significant trauma
  • replies: 2

Hi, This is my first time using a forum so.. feel like I'm in unfamiliar territory but i will do my best to explain. I met this person at my second job at the time.. we got along very well, all seemed hunky dory. I allowed this person to crash on my ... View more

Hi, This is my first time using a forum so.. feel like I'm in unfamiliar territory but i will do my best to explain. I met this person at my second job at the time.. we got along very well, all seemed hunky dory. I allowed this person to crash on my couch due to difficult home situation and i am very caring ( too caring ive been told) and like to help others in my professiaonl duties and personal life. I knew of some underlying anxiety and depression, however did not see the red flags initially. During this time, they attempted suicide in my prescence; and fortunately came out unscaved post ICU. I moved in with my roommate months ago despite this gut feeling telling me not to do it, i did it anyway, feeling obliged given everything that happened and they said id be doing them a huge favour by helping them out. Weeks go by, we have moved into the new place and a second suicide attempt occurs.. more brutal this time in nature.. again in my prescence and came out the other side unscaved. Multiple psychiatric admissions.. more suicide attempts.. and continually providing emotional support.. as the weeks go by. I found myself in a constant state of stress and anxiety.. avoiding her at all cost because she was constantly relying on me and everyone else around her to pick up the pieces for her, manipulating everyone to do whatever she ask because she has severe mental health. This person i found out does in fact have extremely severe mental health and manipulative behaviour is a huge trait of her disorder. I continued to allow her to manipulate me despite it affecting me deeply on a personal level. Feeling like im responsible for her problems. Ontop of everything going on with my living enviroment, i am a shift-worker, driving 40 mins each way to work everyday.. exhausted and unhappy. Despite trying to incorporate healthy boundaries and not be so involved; things have continued to escalate. The emotional abuse and manipulation has reached its peak, and i have had to remove myself entirely, and move out of the rental closer to place of employment for my own sanity and mental well-being. I now am faced with severe verbal abuse, and continued emotional abuse; telling me im delusional and everyone else knows it except you. im starting to feel like I'm well and truly losing the plot. I already have my own mental health problems and grief/loss that i have continued to work through over the years; however never experienced anything like this before.

G12345 Feeling worse due to trauma
  • replies: 20

After being sexually harassed it’s just as painful as being sexually assaulted and I’ve been through both my trauma won’t let me go it’s holding my mind and I’m fighting it I’m tired of fighting I need a community to help me feel less uncomfortable a... View more

After being sexually harassed it’s just as painful as being sexually assaulted and I’ve been through both my trauma won’t let me go it’s holding my mind and I’m fighting it I’m tired of fighting I need a community to help me feel less uncomfortable and less pain can some help me thank you

Joolia95 Sexually Abused at School PTSD.
  • replies: 15

This post is hard to write as I have been silent for 20 years. When I was 10 years old I was sexually abused at school by a teacher. I never told anyone because I was scared that no one would believe me. I don't want to be silent anymore I want to te... View more

This post is hard to write as I have been silent for 20 years. When I was 10 years old I was sexually abused at school by a teacher. I never told anyone because I was scared that no one would believe me. I don't want to be silent anymore I want to tell my story so others too feel that they have a voice. I have suffered during my adulthood with relationships, jobs and trusting other people and as time goes on I believe it is all because I was sexually abused. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you get help and did you get lawyers involved. So much has been taken from me I want justice.

Knuckleberry_Poe Less than 680 more than 599
  • replies: 1

Over the last few weeks I've been struggling. I've had moderately ok to even maybe good, and I've had really bad days. Then last fortnight as I sat in my therapists office I told her I'd calculated that from the age of 11 to 16 the school teacher had... View more

Over the last few weeks I've been struggling. I've had moderately ok to even maybe good, and I've had really bad days. Then last fortnight as I sat in my therapists office I told her I'd calculated that from the age of 11 to 16 the school teacher had abused me around twice a week over a 22 week period over four years. Then in yr 11:- 2 to 4 times a week over a 38 to 40 week period. And that at college it was on a daily basis 5 days a week over a 40 week period. Plus 2 other seperate times outside of school and then at 20 being raped. I just couldn't and still can't wrap my head around that number. I'm not a genius at Maths in fact it was the subject I struggled with the most. So I asked my therapist was I over calculating. Each person was a different occassion and each person abused me multiple times. So was each day it happened a singular attack or were they counted as a whole. Over 599 times but less than 670 was the number we arrived at. Even being cautious I couldn't go lower than 500. I told her my life is a mess. And if I told people I knew what had happened and how many times they'd think I was crazy. And the nightmares are getting worse.

Guest_342 How should I feel?
  • replies: 4

Hi there. My nephew is very sick and in palliative care. He has been sick his whole life and this time it is looking like we might need to say goodbye. We don't know for sure. We have put our all into loving him and I have been very sad to see him su... View more

Hi there. My nephew is very sick and in palliative care. He has been sick his whole life and this time it is looking like we might need to say goodbye. We don't know for sure. We have put our all into loving him and I have been very sad to see him suffer in the years since birth. I want his parents to have the happy lives they deserve with their other little one who they welcomed last year. Does anyone have any advice on how I can feel I'm not thinking badly of him or devaluing him when I wish for his suffering to end? I know I've given him nothing but love but I have a guilty feeling weighing heavily on me for wanting to see the end. My dear brother is exhausted. What thought processes are normal and how can I do the right thing by him in that regard? How should I feel if we lose him? Even though this was inevitable and can't go on indefinitely, try as I might, I cannot seem to prepare emotionally for the time that we do eventually lose him, whenever that might be.

Treejaydoo Don't really know.
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I'm really struggling today. My children woke me up early which hasnt helped. I cry myself to sleep most nights, my kids are always fighting and I just want to walk out on them. Their dad gave up with them a while ago, doesn't speak to them.... View more

Hi guys, I'm really struggling today. My children woke me up early which hasnt helped. I cry myself to sleep most nights, my kids are always fighting and I just want to walk out on them. Their dad gave up with them a while ago, doesn't speak to them. Maybe I parent out of resentment. It wasn't a good marriage, he isolated me from friends, sexually abused me and wouldn't let me leave the house. Its been 5 years since we split, he had a partner a month after we split and the two of them have dragged me to court for the last 4 years as a way to exhaust me, I always gave them what the wanted. My partner of a year has been helpful, but I feel like I'm sabotaging our relationship because I've got all these codependency habits. I have my own house now, wonderful family that support me. I put on a lot of weight over the last few years and suddenly I feel crap about myself every night. My dv councellor was no help, my kids all have supports, I have 2 good friends I can talk to. Why am I getting these horrible feelings and bad thoughts in my head when things are finally going okay for me? I don't even know what the point of this post is. .y mental health was used against me in family court, I can't even seek help or its used against me somehow. I worry that when me kids are older, I'll have no point in this world.

Knuckleberry_Poe New Here, Old Trauma
  • replies: 8

Hi, I don't know how to start this post. So I'll just post what I wrote late last night. Hell found me. Once more after many years. It found me but I went looking for it. The flashes of faces in my head just wouldn’t stop. I just wanted them to stop.... View more

Hi, I don't know how to start this post. So I'll just post what I wrote late last night. Hell found me. Once more after many years. It found me but I went looking for it. The flashes of faces in my head just wouldn’t stop. I just wanted them to stop. Why won’t they stop? So on a windy night, after midnight, curled up in my blankets with the big tv still on because I can’t sleep in the dark, I stumbled into purgatory. I’m tired and anxious and shit scared. His face won’t leave me alone. Tap, tap, tap in my memory he goes. It’s so frustrating that I want to cry. His face is there. It’s always there. It’s been in my memory for thirty years. The problem is, I can’t see his features, it’s like something has taken a sheet of course sandpaper to it and wiped it clean. I get snatches of a smile, a whiff of sawdust and cologne. An impression of strong firm hands and shock of white hair. It’s a jumbled puzzle that my brain can’t piece together, because I don’t want to. I’ve been looking for Hell for thirty years and Hell has found me tonight. It found me through an old photo I found online. It found me because the memory is a scab that won’t close over. The photo was there with memories from a history of time. And it wasn’t his face I noticed first. It was his name, listed as the teacher but he wasn’t in the photo. The next time I found him it was those all too familiar clothes and his physique. The third time I found him was in a photo from 1985. Six years before my hell began. It was in a staff photo and there were no names, but I recognised some of the other teachers too. Maybe not their names but there was a familiarity about them. Til I found him, it was that shock of white hair that drew me. The photo was small and as I zoomed in it blurred the faces of every teacher there. Still that feeling of fear from thirty years ago became a living entity inside of me. I froze and stopped breathing. Scared that he would reanimate from the photo and become a holographic nightmare in front of me. Hell found me. Tonight. It found me again because thirty one years ago as I attended school Hell found me. And released a monster into my life that I’ve never been able to get rid of.