PTSD and Trauma

We were sexually abused by our grandfather

replies: 4

I can't remember the exact age I was when the abuse happened, but I do remember that I was still in pull-ups, so I was so young that I was still toilet training (I'm guessing between the age of 5-6). My younger half sister is 2 years younger than me,... View more

I can't remember the exact age I was when the abuse happened, but I do remember that I was still in pull-ups, so I was so young that I was still toilet training (I'm guessing between the age of 5-6). My younger half sister is 2 years younger than me, so she would have been 3 or 4. My brother is 2 years older than me. So he would have been either 7 or 8 years old. I have extremely clear and vivid memories of all of the abuse that occurred. I still remember what each room in the house looked like, the colour of the bed frames, the carpet, I remember everything like it happened yesterday. I am currently 23 years old, so this happened around 18 years ago. Throughout my teenage/adult years of life, I have struggled with intimate relationships. I have been cheated on multiple times, physically and mentally abused by previous partners, as I am an easy target for abuse. I struggle with abandonment issues. I have never had a relationship or friendship that has lasted. My main reason for this post is to talk about my older brother. He was living at home with me, my mum and our two younger half brothers since just over 4 years ago now. One day he decided to move out of home to go and live with grandparents (on my mum's side). My brother and I were super close before he left, and we were like best friends. Anyways, he moved into my grandparents house with them, and after a few months went by, I found out my grandma confronted my brother, asking if he was taking drugs, as she had noticed he was constantly sniffing. This seemed to distress my brother, and shortly after, he ended up moving out with some of his friends. A few months went by, I had tried to contact him, but would never get a response. My brother ignored me for months, then finally responded to me asking why he was ignoring me. He sent me a long message explaining that he felt guilty about what had happened with our grandfather, and briefly came out saying he had also been sexually abused. (At this point, I was unaware that he had also been sexually abused... I knew that he had watched me be sexually abused, as he had told our mum years after the abuse happened, but he had never told anyone that he too was abused.) Reading the message he sent me was very upsetting, and I felt extremely confused as to why my brother would not want to speak to me or see me. Another 3 years have passed. I still haven't been able to speak to or see my brother, as he has cut all contact with me. I feel I am being blamed.

Should I share trauma with my family

replies: 5

Hi all, I am a long time reader and first time poster here. I have been working through a trauma I experienced sone years ago with cognitive processing therapy and this has brought some things up for me. At the time, there was a complicated court cas... View more

Hi all, I am a long time reader and first time poster here. I have been working through a trauma I experienced sone years ago with cognitive processing therapy and this has brought some things up for me. At the time, there was a complicated court case and a lot of media that perpetuated what happened. I have never told my family (who are generally supportive) about what happened, but have been thinking about this for some time, especially now I am actively working on processing it. I am worried they won't react in a helpful way, and once they know there are things online where they would be able to see details of what happened and once I tell them it can't be un-told if that makes sense? I was wondering what people's experiences have been around this and if anyone has any advice. Thanks for reading

I found my deceased pet and can’t stop rethinking it

replies: 5

My pet cat went missing for 5 days the other day and I wasn’t sure what to think. Was he alive was he gone like I had no many thought rushing through my mind, I had a gut feeling something was terribly wrong and that he would be over my neighbours fe... View more

My pet cat went missing for 5 days the other day and I wasn’t sure what to think. Was he alive was he gone like I had no many thought rushing through my mind, I had a gut feeling something was terribly wrong and that he would be over my neighbours fence where nobody lives. For the past few days he was missing I’d check over the fence regularly but the grass was too tall to see anything, come Monday night I couldn’t take it anymore I jump the fence and start searching for my poor darling. After searching high and low I find him laying in the position he would lay in when we would sleep and that broke my heart, it looked like he had been attacked and he just didn’t look like him but I could tell it was him because that’s my baby. I stood there for a bit trying to breathe and stop my heart from racing because I didn’t know what I was going to do and felt like I was having a heart attack, I picked him up and took him home I couldn’t stop crying and my heart wouldn’t stop racing. For the past couple of night when I’ve tried to sleep as soon as I close my eyes it just goes straight back to the moment I found him, my heart starts beating faster and faster my eyes start watering and in that moment again I can’t breathe I have to sit up and try to breathe but it won’t help. I wake up in the middle of the night having flashbacks to when I found his lifeless body on the floor and I don’t know what to do because it hurts so much trying to breathe. I just hope the pain and hurt stops because I can’t deal with this anymore it hurts to even close my eyes, I don’t know what it is everytime I close my eyes my heart just starts racing and racing and I can’t stop it I have to sit up in my bed for me to feel semi ok again. Please someone help me

My new Boyfriend and his old problems

replies: 6

So I have started dating someone and I recognise the signs of PTSD as I too have suffered with it. I have tried to be supportive, I have remained calmed and listened to all the stories that he has never told anyone else before. Sometimes I feel like ... View more

So I have started dating someone and I recognise the signs of PTSD as I too have suffered with it. I have tried to be supportive, I have remained calmed and listened to all the stories that he has never told anyone else before. Sometimes I feel like he is telling me these things and only seeing them for the first time himself because he spent so long trying to pretend they didn’t happen or push them aside to be able to keep going on. There has been times when I’ve felt hurt because he seems to still have so much emotions about the situation all which involves his ex and the trauma she inflicted on him over years. He has assured me that he no longer has any feelings for her at all. Is he just processing things? Dealing with them for the first time? There has even been intimate times that we have shared together where he ends up crying and saying that he can’t believe that he spent so many years feeling unloved and now he knows what love feels like. I want to be able to support him in the best possible way, and I think I could do that better if I understood what he is feeling. Any advice would be appreciated.

Losing a Mother

replies: 1

My story (extracts) goes back many decades ago ... I did not grow up with my mother and father. They divorced when I was almost 3 and we went to live with my father. I only saw my mother during school holidays. The two were constantly at loggerheads ... View more

My story (extracts) goes back many decades ago ... I did not grow up with my mother and father. They divorced when I was almost 3 and we went to live with my father. I only saw my mother during school holidays. The two were constantly at loggerheads over us and all I wanted to do was be with my mother. Due to my father's work, my brother and I were moved from one brother/sister of my father, depending on how things developed. Growing up I had very little interaction with my mom. As a teenager I 'demanded' to go and live with my mother who, in the meantime, had remarried and had two children. I spent my last two years of senior school living with them. I got married shortly after leaving school and then had even less interaction with my mother. After my second husband commited suicide , I invited her to come and live with me and my two younger kids (she had divorced by then) so that I could help take care of her. My two eldest kids were with my first husband. My mother refused, accusing me that I just wanted her to come and live with me so that she can become my babysitter. I was extremely hurt but said nothing. She ended up becoming the baby sitter to my younger sister and her husband. Despite this, I still loved and cared deeply for her. I never held this against my sister as she was unaware of what had transpired between me and my mother. When I eventually remarried for the third time, I left South Africa with my new husband to work in the Middle-East. We eventually settled in Australia and I brough my mom out for her 80th birthday. Despite everything that had transpired in our past, I still loved and cared for her. As she got older, I arranged with my siblings to take care of her and a year ago we got a live-in carer. In the past 6-months her health really deteriorated fast. As I did not want my sister and niece to be the two to discover my mom should she pass during the night, I, again, arranged with my siblings to have her rehomed into a frail care facility. She moved in on Monday and passed on Tuesday. I am really struggling to accept this and come to terms with her passing. I cannot understand why as she wasn't ever there for me when I needed her. I, in turn, tried to be there for her. I'm also concerned for the mental wellbeing of my siser and niece - they are both bipolar. I am already on anti-depression and anxiety tablets yet have this anxious, dead, dull feeling inside me. Why?

Using Poetry as a form of communication during therapy

replies: 12

I know this sounds weird but when I first started therapy with a psychologist for severe nightmares and panic attacks, his 1st question was had I ever been the victim of abuse. I immediately said no because he had a student with him. A few sessions l... View more

I know this sounds weird but when I first started therapy with a psychologist for severe nightmares and panic attacks, his 1st question was had I ever been the victim of abuse. I immediately said no because he had a student with him. A few sessions later I admitted that I had been at school. I couldn't look my psychologist in the eyes. And I couldn't really verbalise how my life had snowballed into being the victim of abuse several times. It took me over a year to say the word r**e. So I would write what I needed to say. Eventually it became a form of writing it through poetry. This is one such poem. You left me wounded A flicker of candle flame Burnt down to the nub Wax melted White like my spirit Red as thick as blood Your devious actions Burns too long In my memory Ash as hot as hades You moved on Unconcerned Of the hurt you inflicted I stayed here Languishing In the uncomfortable Pain of it The harder I try to heal The deeper the burn Your image implanted Deep in my soul

Advice for moving forward -

replies: 1

I guess you are the right people to ask. I separated from a 16yr relationship with my girlfriend. We have two children. We both had breakdowns. Hers was caused by a death at work. Mine was caused by my family suddenly dumping my kids when they had th... View more

I guess you are the right people to ask. I separated from a 16yr relationship with my girlfriend. We have two children. We both had breakdowns. Hers was caused by a death at work. Mine was caused by my family suddenly dumping my kids when they had there own biological grandchildren. They were growing up knowing my parents as nan and pop and the rejection definitely hurt my eldest the most. My partner gave birth to our babies as I had lost my younger brother at 5 and really could not. Previous to meeting my partner I had probably dated 20 women. After the separation the war started. I started getting terrible threats on my social media channels and all of my tech was hacked - often. I asked a friend whom I had had since the age of 6 to help me out. She suggested a friend of her husbands whom worked in tech security. So I agreed to meet him at a pub from there my drink was spiked, I was hypnotised and taken advantage of. Apparently it was filmed as "revenge porn". I reported it as rape to the local police as my consent was taken away from me and it was laughed off, they asked "what were you wearing?" After I went to the local pub and my drink was spiked, there were no cameras as it had just opened back up and I passed out unconscious for 30mins. I spent the night at RPA hospital. (where my ex and her sister used to work). My brother was involved in the "rape". I again reported to to police as my blood alcohol reading was 15 drinks - which was not at all the case. I had 2 drinks. I sourced the info from my blood alcochol and gave it to the police - nothing was done. I moved away after the abuse for protection and it affected my kids. I moved back to Sydney to try and be there for them. They would call me crying as my ex partner is sometimes ferocious and I was their "mum" at home whom they relied on. I would have to tell them to hide under their beds and it tore me apart. I moved back to sydney and received an invite to a bogus lesbian night which I attended, a woman gave me her number. I called her afterwards to meet up for a drink which she did. She asked to go to my place which we did and again I was taken advantage of. I am completely traumatised, cannot love someone without anxiety attacks and each time I try to book a psych with a GP or try and get help it is diverted. My trust is totally broken.

Domestic violence & Male survivors

replies: 12

Hi All, here's my story. Three years ago I was attacked by my wife. It wasn't the first time I was abused by her, but it was certainly the most violent. I stayed in the 9 year marriage because very early in we had a daughter and I stayed because of h... View more

Hi All, here's my story. Three years ago I was attacked by my wife. It wasn't the first time I was abused by her, but it was certainly the most violent. I stayed in the 9 year marriage because very early in we had a daughter and I stayed because of her. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I finished with therapy in February because we came to the decision that I have got the tools to cope and I was doing OK. Some days I am OK, but some days I'm not. I cope ugly. I just wish that when people talk about DV, even experts, they could mention Male survivors. I feel that I don't have a voice and because domestic violence comes up in the media often it cuts deep into me. No one talks about male survivors, I feel like I am treated as nothing. Over the years I never hit my wife, but she hit me. Funnily enough it was my Psychologist who told me I was a survivor of DV, I thought it was something that men did to women. I just wish that people would speak the truth about it. Thank you for reading my post.

Miscarriage Struggle

replies: 2

ok so this is harder then I thought it would be.. Hoping to get some advice. So last year in August I had a missed miscarriage. I was not in a serious relationship so no support from a partner. When I found out I was pregnant I started seeing a GP we... View more

ok so this is harder then I thought it would be.. Hoping to get some advice. So last year in August I had a missed miscarriage. I was not in a serious relationship so no support from a partner. When I found out I was pregnant I started seeing a GP weekly as I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, I'm 34 yrs old. My GP specialises in mental health, so after my missed miscarriage which has destroyed me, I continued to see my GP weekly. But instead of talking about the miscarriage he wanted to do EMDR therapy, so starting from the beginning of my depression/life. Which I found very difficult to put aside what had just happened and try to focus on the past. I stuck with it until recently and we still had not reached the topic of the miscarriage. I am wondering if this was the right approach? I'm feeling let down and like I had no support with what happened. I no longer talk to any of my friends who have kids, I still haven't gone to visit my sister and meet her 2nd child who will be 1 year old next month. I just cant bring myself to do any of it. But I also feel like its been nearly a year since it happened and that I should just be over it now. How do I just get over it and move on?

Still recovering from an abusive relationship

replies: 1

It's been a year and half now since I finally left, when it finally became too much. Which you might realise was about the same time the pandemic hit. The problems began well before then of course, what I didn't realise at the time was that his failu... View more

It's been a year and half now since I finally left, when it finally became too much. Which you might realise was about the same time the pandemic hit. The problems began well before then of course, what I didn't realise at the time was that his failure to get the medical and mental health help he needed was because he was in hiding. The guy I spent six years with, that I spent a good portion of that time trusting, loving, caring for, was actually on the run from the police and had been doing so for a good ten years. I am still in the slow process of understanding just how he slowly manipulated me and healing from that, learning from it so I know and aviod the signs if it ever happens again and also undoing the damage he has done to me on a mental and emotional level. It's hard because I had built up such a picture in my mind of how things should have gone. I feel like I am grieving and I am greiving the dream, if that makes any sense and I am dealing with the depression that is a result of the fact my life at 40 doesn't look remotely like the one I envisioned.

Pinned discussions

If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here

replies: 8

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

All discussions

We were sexually abused by our grandfather

replies: 4

Should I share trauma with my family

replies: 5

I found my deceased pet and can’t stop rethinking it

replies: 5

My new Boyfriend and his old problems

replies: 6

Losing a Mother

replies: 1

Using Poetry as a form of communication during therapy

replies: 12

Advice for moving forward -

replies: 1

Domestic violence & Male survivors

replies: 12

Miscarriage Struggle

replies: 2

Still recovering from an abusive relationship

replies: 1

PTSD and trauma

If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here replies: 8

PTSD for Medical and First Responders replies: 276

We were sexually abused by our grandfather replies: 4

Should I share trauma with my family replies: 5

I found my deceased pet and can’t stop rethinking it replies: 5

My new Boyfriend and his old problems replies: 6

Losing a Mother replies: 1

Using Poetry as a form of communication during therapy replies: 12

Advice for moving forward - replies: 1

Domestic violence & Male survivors replies: 12

Miscarriage Struggle replies: 2

Still recovering from an abusive relationship replies: 1

If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here

replies: 8

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

We were sexually abused by our grandfather

replies: 4

Should I share trauma with my family

replies: 5

I found my deceased pet and can’t stop rethinking it

replies: 5

My new Boyfriend and his old problems

replies: 6

Losing a Mother

replies: 1

Using Poetry as a form of communication during therapy

replies: 12

Advice for moving forward -

replies: 1

Domestic violence & Male survivors

replies: 12

Miscarriage Struggle

replies: 2

Still recovering from an abusive relationship

replies: 1