Help please

[Joe44]

My mother lost her brother, who lived in india, to sars-cov-2 and she is just completely traumatised and is not able to accept this massive loss.

She gets panic attacks every 2-3 hours where she just cries and after about 10 minutes of crying she just takes a nap.

What should I do to prevent her from going into the depression stage and prevent these panic attacks she gets every few hours?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Joe44, 

We are really sorry to hear that your mother has been so distressed recently, that must be increcibly difficult for you to support her through. We think that it is a great step to come to the forums to seek some advice and support and we want to thank you for showing so much courage and care. 

We think that it could be best that your mother gives the BeyondBlue phoneline a call on 1300 22 4636 so that she can talk through how she is feeling and get some advice. It would also be beneficial for you to call us as the team are wonderful at giving advice to those giving care to loved ones. 

Another resource could be the Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service which has a phoneline 1800 512 348 and a website https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/?utm_campaign=hp_banner

There are also few articles that might be of interest to you if you prefer to get information that way. 

https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/covid-normal/family-life/how-to-support-overseas-family-and-friends-dealing-with-covid.html
https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/i-am-supporting-others/family-and-friends/being-a-supporter-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic.html
https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/i-am-supporting-others/family-and-friends/how-to-check-in-with-someone.html

It is really important to make sure that you are looking after your own wellbeing at this tough time as well Joe44. If you feel like you are overwhelemed or in need of someone to talk to, please give those numbers above a call. 

Thank you for reaching out and we hope that there is something that you can use in the information above. Please feel to check back in and update us on how you are going if you feel comfortable doing so.

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[Summer Rose]

Hi Joe44

Welcome to bb and thank you for sharing your story. I am so very sorry for the loss of your Uncle in India.

I really feel for your mother who is highly distressed and grief stricken. It must be very hard for her right now. I am sending her a hug.

Grief is a process and everyone handles it differently. Sounds like your mum becomes overwhelmed with sadness and this then leaves her exhausted.

She needs lots of tender loving care and time to heal. I encourage you to remind her to eat and get good sleep. Be ready to listen or talk if she needs you. Ask her directly how you can best offer support—perhaps helping with cooking, cleaning, laundry and/or gardening would help her.

Your mum may also need professional mental health support and the best person to advise what’s required would be her GP. If she’s willing you could make her a double appointment to talk about how she’s feeling. You could even offer to go with her for support.

Your love and concern for your mum is very touching. She is lucky to have a son like you to help her through this difficult time.

Kind thoughts to you both

[therising]

A warm welcome to you Joe. I feel so deeply for both you and your mum at this time.

As a mum myself, I have to say what an incredible gift you are to your mum. For you to come here in search of making a positive difference to your mum, she truly is blessed to have you in her life, especially at this time.

These overwhelming waves of grief your mum's experiencing sound thoroughly exhausting for her. In a way, it's good she's venting and not holding her pain in. It's natural to vent/let out such overwhelming heartbreak. Being there for her and encouraging her to both vent and heal heartbreak, may rely on you feeling or sensing what she's feeling. Of course, this will feel painful for you, given your love for your mum. If she wants to cry, give yourself the freedom to cry with her, even embracing her through this if she's comforted by this. If you sense yourself sighing a lot (a natural form of venting stress/emotion) encourage her to do the same. You might also research 'How to breath out emotion' or emotional breathing. This may esp help if she's finding it difficult to catch her breath at times. If you can think of anything that typically brings a sense of comfort and security, this may help a little in comforting her through her grief. May sound a little silly but even something like a plush/super soft toy may give her something to feel other than feeling the pain of her thoughts. Even if this offers a few seconds here and there away from her thoughts, you've given her something to feel other than her thoughts.

Giving your mum the freedom to express her thoughts and feelings is a true gift not many may think to give her. As she's trying to make sense of her loss and heartbreak, helping her make sense of it all is a gift. While involving a very different sense of grief, I recall many years ago experiencing a couple of miscarriages and finding not a lot of people around me to help me make sense of things. There was no one who encouraged me to vent my feelings and talk my way through my grief. A lot of people let me down and left me vibing in that down state. I raised myself through it.

You're now in the process of raising your mum. Raising her to feel free to be herself and express herself and raising her to be conscious of what she's feeling (heartbreak) may make a big difference to her, in helping her heal a broken heart.

Again, she's truly blessed to have you. My own kids raise me in many many ways. I would not be who I am today without them.

🙂