PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

All discussions

Sary Sary
  • replies: 2

I m sary and new here how do I see my my previous message that I posted today morning

I m sary and new here how do I see my my previous message that I posted today morning

Doolhof How to move on
  • replies: 220

Hi All, I've not been around for a while. It has been quite an interesting year since May last year. I've struggled quite a bit with Complex PTSD, BPD Depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and grief. Where to from here? I have been stuck for a... View more

Hi All, I've not been around for a while. It has been quite an interesting year since May last year. I've struggled quite a bit with Complex PTSD, BPD Depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and grief. Where to from here? I have been stuck for a while with little energy to move on and not much of an idea how to move on anyway. It is hard when my mind decides it wants to disconnect as that feels safer and then I wander through each day like a person in a movie set, just pretending. Empty. Distant. Anyone else have trouble getting from one day to the next, waking up in the morning and wondering what on earth you are going to do with that day? At least at work I know I need to be there and have a rough idea what I am supposed to be doing! I wrote more here and deleted it. I have reached out for help in so many places. Maybe I am just too broken to be fixed. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I just need to be more grateful for all I do have and continue to stuff my issues down inside of me hoping they don't find a way to the surface anymore. The last psychologist I saw told me I need to buy new curtains for the house, a comfortable chair to sit in and new pictures for the walls! Oh yes, that will certainly help with the CPTSD, BPD, Suicidal thoughts, past traumas and unresolved grief that all come uninvited to attack my mind. Why didn't I think of doing that earlier! I don't need a psychologist I need thousands of dollars and an interior designer! How to move on? I am open to suggestions!

Sary Itchy skin
  • replies: 2

Anyone on here has experienced itch skin and no matter what treatment u use it doesn’t help the itch

Anyone on here has experienced itch skin and no matter what treatment u use it doesn’t help the itch

Mossliy Nasty people and unsupportive partner
  • replies: 1

I have lived in a nice little area for the last few years with my young children. Lately neighbouring properties have been turned into moto X tracks (I am not against the bikes) I am being targeted as soon as my partner goes away for work. Kids ridin... View more

I have lived in a nice little area for the last few years with my young children. Lately neighbouring properties have been turned into moto X tracks (I am not against the bikes) I am being targeted as soon as my partner goes away for work. Kids riding motorbikes,constant loud revving, starting at 7am and not finishing until 6pm on the weekends.(only supposed to be a 2hour limit for dirtbikes in the area) I have already spoken to one of the parents asking them to not rev excessively near my house with a response of I don't care attitude. I have gotten used to the noise however my young kids wanted to go and play outside but were unable to due to the terrible dust created. I had to ask my kids to stay inside due to one of them having a chronic health issue. I felt unsafe to ask them to stop riding near my house. I called my partner who basically told me to"get over it" Now I just want to take my kids and leave as I can't stand living here and don't want to be with someone who can't help stand up for me . The only trouble is that having a chronicly ill child makes it hard to do that. I just needed to vent as theres no other help available to me

Jorge1 Working through my trauma to find myself again
  • replies: 3

Hi all I just needed a place to express how grateful I am to have reached this point in my life. I have been to many dark places and it's nice to recognise the light again. I can now understand how I was unable to move through my own trauma. I was fe... View more

Hi all I just needed a place to express how grateful I am to have reached this point in my life. I have been to many dark places and it's nice to recognise the light again. I can now understand how I was unable to move through my own trauma. I was feeling stuck for decades until I decided to park relationship troubles and life to focus solely on myself. It was hard, I felt selfish and unworthy. I realised I was skirting my issues and taking on my partner's crap that was being projected onto me. I was unable to untangle me and my mess from her mess. After a short stint in a Trauma Recovery Unit, I feel strong all of a sudden, all those attempts at boundary setting have paid off. Twenty years of working on myself with Psychologists, Psychiatrists, hospitalisations, EMDR, ACT, DBT, misdiagnosis, anxiety and depression have certainly paid off. I now have a definate sense of who I am and what my values are. Years of denying I was born into the wrong body has been pushed down for too long. Recently I outed myself to my immediate family and a few close friends. My anxiety levels rose but not to unmanageable levels. The excitement I feel at having options to explore now that I have accepted I am trans trumps the anxiety I feel poking my head out of the shadows. My partner has her own self growth journey and we are at very different stages. It saddens me and I know I am doing the right thing separating her stuff from mine. It may see us heading in different directions and that is okay. Incredibly sad and okay. I need to and will continue to put me first. I feel worthy now. I no longer feel selfish. I feel proud of the hole I have crawled out of. I feel excited by the future. Self compassion, self validation and sharing with others is such a beautiful place to be finding myself. Hugs to all x : )

Zazu Is it sexual assault, or regret?
  • replies: 7

Well over ten years ago but still intrudes on my thoughts. More so lately after I've been seeing a therapist for something totally unrelated, send to be opening a Pandora's Box of memories. Out with my boyfriend at the time and his best friend from i... View more

Well over ten years ago but still intrudes on my thoughts. More so lately after I've been seeing a therapist for something totally unrelated, send to be opening a Pandora's Box of memories. Out with my boyfriend at the time and his best friend from interstate who I'd not met before. He hooks up with a girl and we all go back to my bfs place. I'm very drunk at this stage, so is the other girl. I don't even know how we got back to the house. All I remember of the night, is my bf telling me that the other girl is useless and to go help his friend out, then I remember the friend having sex with me. Next thing I remember is they're both having sex with me (dp) which I've never done before and still feel gross about. Next morning I wake up naked, sore and with my bf telling me I need to go home now, they have things to do. Had to get it off my chest. Part of me says it's my fault, I was drunk but remember it, so that means I could have said no, and the other part of me says that I was way too drunk to consent, and would not have done it if I was any more sober than I was. All I feel about it is shame.

Mgold23 Moving on from a traumatic past
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone! Just want to start off by saying thank you for reading this if you are. I know this is a safe space for me to vent and put all my emotions out in the open so thank you. I was adopted at the age of 2 weeks old by my aunt who was unable to... View more

Hi Everyone! Just want to start off by saying thank you for reading this if you are. I know this is a safe space for me to vent and put all my emotions out in the open so thank you. I was adopted at the age of 2 weeks old by my aunt who was unable to have a child, she was currently married at the time she adopted me. At a very young age of 4 years old, i was abused by a family friend whom I never disclosed to the family at that time. At such a young age, I was told to keep my mouth shut and not say anything as the old asian culture saying was "Children should be seen but not heard". My aunt's husband at the time was very abusive and I have seen a lot of things that a young child should never see. Luckily, she was able to escape him by leaving the country altogether and the way we left the country was very rushed and secretive. We moved to Australia as she married an Australian and we moved our simple life to a city where we had to start all over again - a new start they say! But sadly at the age of 13 - 19 years old, I was sexually abused every weekend by this stepfather. My aunt at the time worked a lot so she was not around to protect me but even then, she knew the abuse was happening as I would always be angry and sad all the time. She never questioned me or asked if i was okay when the abuse was happening. She too was being emotionally and financially abused by this man who had controlled every aspect of our lives. I was unable to stay connected with friends or passed high school as the abuse became more horrific and violent. I'm now 27 years old and started a new job at a law firm 5 months ago, but I'm hitting another low depression state where I'm unable to find the motivation to get up every day at work. I'm worried and stressed that I will be potentially losing my job.

Mum Chris Self soothing
  • replies: 10

Hi just wondering what do you do to calm yourself. I have a multitude of ways I can feel not calm. The hardest is when I feel uncomfortable and a little shaky can’t get motivated and if I do the yuck feeling follows me. messaged my better half and he... View more

Hi just wondering what do you do to calm yourself. I have a multitude of ways I can feel not calm. The hardest is when I feel uncomfortable and a little shaky can’t get motivated and if I do the yuck feeling follows me. messaged my better half and he said it’s the overcast windless day. He’s a sweetie it’s maybe a bit that but I’m a little sick in stomach too. Feel like I’m on a seesaw or I can feel the earth turn and I need to hang on. ive meditated and listened to relaxation track but it’s just making me sleepy.

nib Gaslighted.
  • replies: 14

I am a young female who has been sexually and romantically attracted to a single, older male since 2017. It was love at first sight for him (in 2016) although I did not become attracted to him until a year later. I did not realise at the time that he... View more

I am a young female who has been sexually and romantically attracted to a single, older male since 2017. It was love at first sight for him (in 2016) although I did not become attracted to him until a year later. I did not realise at the time that he was a package deal - and I am not just talking about his young daughter - I am talking about his crazy and clingy ex-wife (who refuses to let go of him as she is afraid of being alone) as well as everybody else in her family (including his ex's sons, daughters, nieces, nephews and grandchildren - none of which obtain any biological relation this this man.) The ex wife determines who is good enough for everyone in her family to date, and who isn't. The man I am attracted to co-parents with his ex-wife and I believe they continuously give their daughter false hope that they are getting back together. This obviously bothers me, as I am clearly attracted to him and wan to get to know him more/get into a relationship with him without his ex and her family involved. I ideally want nothing to do with the ex and her family. They are the kind of people who are "liked" by everyone. They need to understand that I do NOT like them and their family. They need to leave the man I am interested in ALONE. However, I cannot praise this man at all. He has lied compulsively about me to his lawyer and to my lawyer and to his entire family and to me as well. He has made me go crazy and has made me question my sanity, which has resulted in three trips to the psychiatric ward of a hospital in one year. He has also been verbally abusive towards me. He has said things to me like: 'whatever medication you're taking clearly isn't working', 'you have more issues than perviously thought', 'you're not very clever' and, he then stood to his feet and curled his hands into fists and screamed in my face that I am a 'retard.' But, get this - he thinks about me, but isn't sure about what he wants. I also did hear from a third party that his ex is psychotically jealous of me. She needs to grow up, really. I am currently seeing a psychotherapist privately and I usually talk to her about this and she has been excellent. I have also spoken with a BeyondBlue counsellor about this and they have stated that I am experiencing intimate violence from this man. I love this man very much, but I also think that I am too good for him, and I think that he knows this was well, hence the abuse I experienced from him.

Scooter82 Should I engage a lawyer to finally get out of limbo?
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I have been separated from my Narc ex for a bit over a year now. We have two kids together and during mediation he refused to really make any parenting plan until we sold our house. The little we have come to an agreement on are just bas... View more

Hi Everyone, I have been separated from my Narc ex for a bit over a year now. We have two kids together and during mediation he refused to really make any parenting plan until we sold our house. The little we have come to an agreement on are just basic human decency such as communicating to me instead of our children about plans. He can't even follow that. I am sick of him controlling every aspect of the situation and ignoring what many professionals have told him in not putting the kids in the middle which he does when he makes plans by making them with the kids and not through me. He, of course, sees our children when it is convenient for him and suits his social life leaving it difficult for me to make any plans for myself or with our children. I think I am going to forgo a second mediation and get a lawyer. He will not be happy but I feel like it is the only way to regain some control and do what is best for our children. I have heard horror stories of Narcs stretching this stuff out as they do not want to comply or agree...the cost of it all scares me....but my children and I can't do this anymore. I want a safe, predictable and secure plan for them and what we have currently isn't it. Is this the right move? I am nervous about "poking the bear" but I also don't care. The last straw for me was planning an event for our youngest's birthday without consulting me at all or informing me. I work full time and therefore won't be able to see my youngest on his birthday until he comes back home late that night. I had plans for us but then had to change them and now will celebrate with him Saturday. I think I'm expecting to be able to coparent with him and eventually he will come to the party but after this I realise that is never going to happen. Any advise anyone? I have tried to avoid lawyers but I think the very thing I was avoiding might be the only thing that will set me free. Regards, Scooter82