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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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ACPP Trauma from the death of my newborn baby
  • replies: 6

Hi there, I want to make this brief. My first born son, Parker, passed away at 40 weeks pregnant due to medical negligence. This was a little over a year ago now. I am now blessed with another son who is 14 weeks old. Every day I am pained by what ha... View more

Hi there, I want to make this brief. My first born son, Parker, passed away at 40 weeks pregnant due to medical negligence. This was a little over a year ago now. I am now blessed with another son who is 14 weeks old. Every day I am pained by what happened. My whole life has changed. I have anxiety, depression and PTSD now. Iv never suffered from any of these before until the death of my son. Parenting after loss is so hard. I’m in constant fear of losing him too. I have flashbacks of when they confirmed “no heartbeat”, when I was begging to save his life but they wouldn’t listen. I have been seeing a psychologist since he passed Away very regularly but I feel like it’s just not helping as much as I want it too. Thank you for listening. Much love to all.

JMumma Dictator
  • replies: 4

I’m new to this, not really an emotional talker. Not really much of a talker at all but find myself questioning everything about my life at the moment. I find that my husband appears to have become a dictator in how I live - he controls who I can see... View more

I’m new to this, not really an emotional talker. Not really much of a talker at all but find myself questioning everything about my life at the moment. I find that my husband appears to have become a dictator in how I live - he controls who I can see, insisting on a word by word account of every conversation I have. previous requests by me to get marriage counselling result in more arguments and him belittling me. Maybe I do have some mental health issues but I believe that many of them are caused be his behaviour. we live in a small community and every time I try to become involved in any thing he takes over or belittles me in front of the community and I walk away. I would like to sell up a go our separate ways but he refuses to acknowledge the death of our marriage and we don’t have the finances for me to establish myself somewhere separate to him. he has caused a rift between me and anybody that I tried to reach out to. I wasn’t allowed to take HRT because he believed that it was bad for his health if we had sex while I was on it. He monitors every thing, dictating where I can work and what hours I can work. obviously I have allowed this to happen, but know the children are grown and moving on I scared to be alone with him the mental abuse is the issue. Is there anything I can do to save my sanity?

TheBigBlue AFTER the psychologist/psychiatrist appointment
  • replies: 7

Just curious. I always feel so drained & emotionally overwhelmed after my appointments, that all want to do is curl up in bed & cry. At the very least, I’ll nap on the lounge. I know I’m using sleep as an avoidance, but I can’t seem to break this cyc... View more

Just curious. I always feel so drained & emotionally overwhelmed after my appointments, that all want to do is curl up in bed & cry. At the very least, I’ll nap on the lounge. I know I’m using sleep as an avoidance, but I can’t seem to break this cycle. I just had a Telehealth session with my psychologist & as soon as the video call ended I just wanted to burst into tears. And now all I want to do is sleep for hours & hopefully the emotional pain will be less when I wake up. Does anyone else experience something like this? Has anyone managed to break the cycle? I know I should get up & do something to distract me from these thoughts but I can’t quite bring myself to take the first step. As soon as this is posted I am going to roll over & go to sleep

Starrysky1 witnessed mother in laws death. distressing content
  • replies: 11

Distressing content I'm not even sure what I am trying to get out of this, but I've been really struggling. Back in 2016 I found out I was about 6 weeks pregnant. I was on a medication at the time, that meant, IF my child even survived he or she woul... View more

Distressing content I'm not even sure what I am trying to get out of this, but I've been really struggling. Back in 2016 I found out I was about 6 weeks pregnant. I was on a medication at the time, that meant, IF my child even survived he or she would most likely have severe disability and physical deformations. We were advised to terminate. The day before my appointment I miscarried in the shower, at home, completely alone. The pain was unbearable, both mental and physical. This was pretty much hidden from everyone except my partner and mother, because mum thought it would be to hard for people to know. About 1 month later my partner had to unexpectedly fly over to another state to be with his mum, who was diagnosed with lung cancer and only given weeks to live. About a week after he fly over, I got a call to say get here now. At short notice I left work and got on a plane. I spent 1 day there. The next night, while we were at hospital and I was watching my partners nephew, while they had some family conversations. His nephew had an asthma attack and had to be taken to the hospital about 10 minutes away, but my partners, sister in law. My partners childhood friends also travelled over to say there goodbyes and we were staying at his brothers house. I was asked to stay with there mum that night (As she didn't want to be alone) Most of the night she just slept, her last son left the hospital at 7pm. I sat next to her all night and about an hour later I grabbed a pack of biscuits that was out. The rustling made her wake up and she started coughing and choking. I instantly hit the big emergency button and nurses came rushing in. I stayed there the whole time with her as she passed. Afterwards the nurses told me to go and get cleaned up before her family arrived. And for some reason once they all left the room, I rang her sons to let them know. I layed there next to her for about half an hour, (family was at least an hour away) before a nurse came in to start cleaning her up before her family got there. They covered her body upto her shoulders, so her family couldnt see the mess that had happened during her death. I am still struggling to deal with what I seen and the fact that I couldnt do anything to help her. Ive tried getting family and friend support, but they dont want to hear it, and obviously I cant talk to my partner or his family about it

jemma09 I wish my loved ones understood that you can't just 'get over' something traumatic.
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone I hope you are doing well today. First off, I am so thankful that this forum exists and all you wonderful people are part of it. I feel like this is a place I can always go to and I can get things off my chest. As per the title, my loved ... View more

Hi everyone I hope you are doing well today. First off, I am so thankful that this forum exists and all you wonderful people are part of it. I feel like this is a place I can always go to and I can get things off my chest. As per the title, my loved ones often tell me to 'get over it' if I am struggling about a traumatic time I had in the past. I understand why they take this stance, they are stoic and believe in just keeping on keeping on. I wish they would listen to me if I wanted to talk about it. But I have had to manage on my own with it a lot. I feel that some people may not realise that something traumatic does not just 'go away' once the event itself finishes. Sometimes something will trigger it again and the trauma resurfaces. I have got a friend I can talk to, but they have having some struggles so I might talk to them about it in a day or two. I have also been to therapy for this issue which helped a lot. My ex partner stalked me after we ended the relationship mutually. This kept going for about two years after. I had to tell the police. I saw him today. I just can't believe it. I was planning to enjoy catching up on some shopping and browsing the aisles for what I fancied. He was there. I could not escape. I was forced to be near him and interact with him as he works at that store. I still did my shopping, I do not let this beat me. There were other people around, I felt safe. He had to check my shopping bags before I left as their store policy. I hope he did not see my hands shaking. I do not want him to know how much what happened has impacted me, and still does. I did some more shopping. But I felt like I could not go home right away. I wanted to just drive, get away. I almost decided to drive to another town but stopped myself. I just felt this need to be distanced. I was still shaking. I hate I was so close to him, it was less than a metre. When I got home I showered. I scrubbed my arms because they were close to him. I threw away the bag he touched. I have felt very numb and odd for the rest of today. I am upset. I told my family it was 'a lot' seeing him again. I tried to see if I could have a hug from one of my loved ones and they said no. We do not hug much generally and joke a lot. But that hurt a lot. They make me feel as if I am weak for what I am feeling. So, I stopped talking and went to bed to lay down. I am trying to manage it. I am still feeling upset. I know I will be okay. Thank you for reading!

KGT Family Sexual Abuse
  • replies: 1

As an 8 yr old I was sexually abused by my Dad once. This was the one & only time this happened. I told my sister once when we were in our teens & she didn’t believe me & I have never spoken of it since. The impact has not been a problem for me or so... View more

As an 8 yr old I was sexually abused by my Dad once. This was the one & only time this happened. I told my sister once when we were in our teens & she didn’t believe me & I have never spoken of it since. The impact has not been a problem for me or so I thought til recently. My Dad is a good Dad & everyone loves him & if I spoke of this it would devastate so many who I love so much. I can’t do that to them. This is my choice as he is actually a very good person & I feel like I’m the only person he’s ever tried this shit on. It changed me from that moment on. It’s so unfair as the implications for me from that moment have been life changing. I am a very highly functional person with a successful business & I’m talking decades later. It’s my choice to protect al those I love so much & he only did it once. It still actually happened & I can’t talk to anyone about it. I know it’s not my fault but I know my hyper vigilance & relationships are a product of this one single event.

Steelcat41 Ex-military feeling the same
  • replies: 2

Ex-military PTSD…have bad thoughts and hidden self balm, is there any other military feeling the same….? Is this normal?

Ex-military PTSD…have bad thoughts and hidden self balm, is there any other military feeling the same….? Is this normal?

Wanttofadeaway **trigger warning - sexual abuse** This is hard to write but is not all of it but some
  • replies: 11

this might be long but i need to get it out Trigger Warning C/A Childhood Sexual Abuse this is a biit of what happened This is a what i can remember this is will long there is alot im sorry i cant remember exact order of events there is abuse from 0 ... View more

this might be long but i need to get it out Trigger Warning C/A Childhood Sexual Abuse this is a biit of what happened This is a what i can remember this is will long there is alot im sorry i cant remember exact order of events there is abuse from 0 to 7 years as well age 07 1980 year 1 abuse started age 08 1981 year 2 abuse ongoing age 09 1982 year 3 some abuse still age 10 1983 year 4 more abuse age 11 1984 year 5 more abuse age 12 1985 year 6 more abuse age 13 1986 year 7 more abuse parents interviewed by police for sexual abuse on sister age 14 1987 year 8 highshcool ..parents charged and jail time for abuse.. age 15 1988 year 9 more abuse age 16 1989 more abuse left WA went to victoria age 17 1990 abused again by sibling ..

ImTired Diary: Venting
  • replies: 1

A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with ocd and ptsd then at the start of last year with complex trauma, bpd and depression, recently I have had next to no outside support. I had so much happen to me growing up and had some bad cards dealt. I've r... View more

A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with ocd and ptsd then at the start of last year with complex trauma, bpd and depression, recently I have had next to no outside support. I had so much happen to me growing up and had some bad cards dealt. I've recently lost someone unexpectedly close to me. I feel stuck, I don't know who to talk to and just need to vent and let some stuff off my chest. My partner knows I'm not well, but I feel like if I talk to him (he has bipolar) and that's just makes things harder not better. He says I can but I feel like it does more bad than good. I'm the one who helps everyone else and I know I always put myself last Sometimes I look at the people around me and wonder what it feels like to shut off and just let go, even just for a little while The bright star in my life is my son, he is the best thing to happen to me. I want to get better for him, I have my good and bad days, but the last couple of months I've felt so numb. I tried to reach out to a counsellor in regards to a close family member I lost 2 months ago but so far I've heard nothing back. With everything going on with the pandemic and constant in and out of lockdown the mental health system is so backed up I don't know where to turn. Last year I was was sent on my way very quickly, it was the most raw experience, the nurse was crying to what I had to say, at the time I was paying for outside therapy so they advised to continue that but it didn't work out, I lost my job due to having a mental breakdown last year and struggled to afford it and had to stop going.

Ammee Nudity - Seriously concerned and seeking advice - Is this ok?
  • replies: 9

Hi, I have PTSD. I have had several traumatic events happen in my life, both sexual and physical. I have a loving husband who has walked this with me and helped me each step of the way. However, last night he dropped, what felt like a bomb shell on m... View more

Hi, I have PTSD. I have had several traumatic events happen in my life, both sexual and physical. I have a loving husband who has walked this with me and helped me each step of the way. However, last night he dropped, what felt like a bomb shell on me. Some background. Last year I had suicidal thoughts and was in hospital for two weeks - my mental health got very bad at the time and I reached out via Beyond Blue who helped me at the time. In recent months my mental health has been a lot better - better than it has in a long time - or so I thought. Last night my husband tells me, tells me not asks me, he is going to a nudist board game night where nudists get together and play board games, quite casually. We are monogamous but neither of us have ever had any issue with the other socialising with friends outside the marriage - as friends. Like social events with other people that the other partner may not know - we have always trusted each other in this and I have never felt distrust or discomfort of my husband going to other things - Like a book club he was a member of. I do not consider myself a possessive person in any way. But when he landed this on me all my mental health issues came flooding back, everything, the visions, the intense anger.. I felt betrayed. He didn’t understand what my issue with nudity is. He has always liked to be nude around the house - generally, as long as it isn’t in front of the kids, I don’t have an issue with this.. But something just feels so off with him being nude in front of strangers who I guess will become friends over time, as this is a regular meet up group. I feel wrong that he is going without me as his partner, but with my past trauma there is no way I could get nude in front of people I don’t know. He respects that but wants to go alone. So what do I do? I have tried twice now talking to him about my discomfort and how serious it is making my mental health - he doesn’t seem to care. He has this innate need to go to something like this. To be fair he is being respectful and not going to the one he said he would this weekend - but intends to in future and is trying to turn me. He doesn’t understand why I see nudity as sexual - but to me it feels that way, like nudity should be between us. It doesn’t feel right to me that he walks nude in front of others regularly - I don’t know why, but it is tripping my mental health big time. How can I help him see my view? And am I wrong in having these thoughts?