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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Jen-Jo Manipulation
  • replies: 8

I am completely lost. It is dawning on me that my husband has used manipulation to control me. We have been married for 21 years and this started before we were married. Over time he has isolated me from family and friends so I no longer have any fri... View more

I am completely lost. It is dawning on me that my husband has used manipulation to control me. We have been married for 21 years and this started before we were married. Over time he has isolated me from family and friends so I no longer have any friends. We have two children 19 and16. My daughter 16 has had ongoing issues that have involved her having a ‘secret life’, lying very convincingly, making up stories, attention seeking and manipulating me and segregating me from my husband and son. She can be extremely vile towards me too. It has been a rollercoaster and she has also struggled with suicide tendencies, self harm anxiety low self esteem depression and an eating disorder. In my plight to get her help, I ‘offloaded’ to her psychologist and mentioned how I had noticed the manipulating, secret life and lying traits in my husband. It was like opening a can of worms that I have kept the lid firmly shut on for 21 years+ The more I spoke about it the more I realised that I have been controlled and manipulated big style! My husband lies to me and I have strong suspicions that he may be involved in porn and maybe gets his sexual pleasures from other sources too. I think he has coerced me into sexual activities that I have not wanted to do including naked photo shoots. If i try to say no he still continues so I just go along. He wears me down and makes me feel guilty if I dont. I think he has filled my head with lies and rubbish that have confused my perceptions. He has a temper and makes me and the kids feel scared. He tried to hit me a long time ago but didnt and he has rough handled my daughter to the extent i had to intervene. I am so confused and messed up. dont know whats real and what isnt in our relationship. I love him and have given myself completely to him but he has held back. My kids see the same behaviours I see. My daughter has no clue that she has the same traits and my husband seems to have no clue that he has them. I am lost, broken, gutted, betrayed but feel incredibly guilty and like I am betraying him by talking about this. He has no idea I have figured this out and I am too scared to broach any of it with him as he will get angry and tell me Im imagining it. I have no idea what to do next. I have no friends here but I have talked to my sister in the uk who is not surprised as they have seen his behaviour. My kids are now fully aware of the situation. I have no idea what to do next because I dont want to leave him either!

Chonchon PTSD , trauma need advice
  • replies: 3

Hi my name is chantelle - I’m 32 , I can’t can’t retain information , so I can have a conversation and listen and look like I’m present and listening and engaging in the conversation but my brains like elsewhere and not remembering any of it . I can’... View more

Hi my name is chantelle - I’m 32 , I can’t can’t retain information , so I can have a conversation and listen and look like I’m present and listening and engaging in the conversation but my brains like elsewhere and not remembering any of it . I can’t sit and listen to a audio book or read normal book as still can’t retain it , I can sit and watch a movie for few hours again afterwards forget a lot of it . Growing up for 20 years I had trauma from moving around a lot , to abuse , being put in foster care , my mum sent me to a special school for social skills which shouldn’t of gone to as everyone said there I was smart and popular , I also been told there was may some sexual abuse but I don’t remember anything ( I don’t remember a lot growing up and I don’t remember stuff from even last year , it’s like I block everything out that happens . Then about 10 years ago I left home , broke free from it all , and became a live in nanny , put myself into work 24/7 , I have now been living in with families and being apart of their family’s which I guess I have loved as never had that growing up and I love looking after kids . I’m now with my 4th live in family , I have been with them now for 4 years ( they have said maybe ens of year I’ll need to maybe move as there won’t be a need for me anymore and every time i think about it I break down into tears as I’m scared about the future , I want to figure out what will help me with my retaining stuff , if I’ll need to take medication if it will help , I don’t know . I want to fix this as I want to be able to get to a place where I can study , get a stable Job in a kinder , make friends , I’m so scared as I’m worried if I leave here I’ll have nothing no friends , no job , no family , no where to live and it really frightens me and makes me so upset thinking about it . And I think what if I move and rent how will I afford rent and bills on my own.

EH7991 New C-PTSD Diagnosis
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend broke up with me messily and over the course of two weeks. Because of that break up I have discovered and started exploring the fact that I have complex PTSD (has been diagnosed). As I am researching trauma to understand my brain and my ... View more

My boyfriend broke up with me messily and over the course of two weeks. Because of that break up I have discovered and started exploring the fact that I have complex PTSD (has been diagnosed). As I am researching trauma to understand my brain and my coping behaviours, I am often reminded of my ex and the reasons for our breakup (because of those trauma coping mechanisms). Should I be refraining from starting my recovery (e.g. researching) until I see my psychologist in a fortnight, or should I continue but monitor how my mind and body feels? I’m also struggling with so much sadness at this loss because it was such a beautiful connection. I am accepting of the situation and at peace with it yet still get waves of grief. Any advice or similar stories would be so very appreciated

EH7991 Complex PTSD
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I wanted to reach out to the forums to hear your c-ptsd (or even ptsd) recovery stories. My background is I’ve known I had PTSD for a few years due to an assault but have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD which has changed my whole wo... View more

Hi all, I wanted to reach out to the forums to hear your c-ptsd (or even ptsd) recovery stories. My background is I’ve known I had PTSD for a few years due to an assault but have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD which has changed my whole world (in an amazing way). I now understand myself, my reactions and personality and the reasons for how I’ve been shaped as a child into an adult. I would love to hear your recovery stories (even if you’re like me and just at the beginning), to gain insight into what my recovery ‘could’ look like, remind myself I’m not alone and maybe gain some different perspectives. Thank you for reading, and if you do choose to share thank you for being vulnerable with me. Em x

Shil *Trigger warning - Domestic Violence* Separating from husband but scared
  • replies: 5

I don’t know where to start my life with. I am married to this man for 6 years and we have a healthy and wonderful 3 year old son. But my husband had always been very controlling he only wants things to happen in his way and he says he loves his fami... View more

I don’t know where to start my life with. I am married to this man for 6 years and we have a healthy and wonderful 3 year old son. But my husband had always been very controlling he only wants things to happen in his way and he says he loves his family but when there is an argument he says very bad things that a women can’t take. But Later when I ask he says that just to make me feel bad and make my mouth shut he spoke those words but do not mean it. How am I supposed to take those? he do not respect elders he doesn’t have much friends either. If he have any issues with any fiends he will not allow me to talk to them. He controls me of my clothing. He did not treat my family well. Still I loved him thinking that he will change. Still I think that he needs help. I myself know how much I cried for his behaviour. He got anger issues and he can’t control his mouth during anger. He says anything which comes out of his mouth during that time. He sees everything in a negative way sometimes I feel there is no positive ambience around him. He tries to control me by raising his voice or punching the door. All he did these in front of my son. But my son loves him so much and he loves our son too. That is the only thing which is making me think that I need to stay. Last year when we were arguing he hit the plate I am eating and it actually cut my chin. I still forgave him. I took intervention order but when he apologised that he didn’t treat me well and that he would take counseling sessions and he cried so much. I believed him and came back to him. He only took couple of sessions and he stopped. He behaved well for 2 months and later I can see that he has not changed much but thinks that I put him in that position. How am I supposed to tell this person that it is not working. I am broken, but I still tried for my son. I told him few times that we will separate but he wouldn’t listen and say things like I am only trying to separate from him. now I took a decision to not tell him instead go out renting a place with my son. I got a house approved and paid bond. But the feeling of pitiness on him and thinking how much my son loved him making me sick. I am mentally stressed at the moment. I have a full time job but still something in my heart is troubling me if I am doing the right thing. The feeling of separating a son and a father is killing me inside. I hope some thoughts would help me understand if I am taking a right path.

Joe44 Help please
  • replies: 3

My mother lost her brother, who lived in india, to sars-cov-2 and she is just completely traumatised and is not able to accept this massive loss. She gets panic attacks every 2-3 hours where she just cries and after about 10 minutes of crying she jus... View more

My mother lost her brother, who lived in india, to sars-cov-2 and she is just completely traumatised and is not able to accept this massive loss. She gets panic attacks every 2-3 hours where she just cries and after about 10 minutes of crying she just takes a nap. What should I do to prevent her from going into the depression stage and prevent these panic attacks she gets every few hours?

Dominic_M PTSD and trauma
  • replies: 3

So in September 2020, I normally get up and go to the bathroom then the kitchen but i also say hello to my dog willow. But as i walked into the kitchen, i saw blood everywhere and it was just me and my dad because the rest of my family was in the mou... View more

So in September 2020, I normally get up and go to the bathroom then the kitchen but i also say hello to my dog willow. But as i walked into the kitchen, i saw blood everywhere and it was just me and my dad because the rest of my family was in the mountains and so i walked in my dads bedroom and said to him “whatgoing on in the kitchen” he didn't respond so i said it again and he finally responded saying “don’t worry about it”. I was terrified but confused at the same time. So i grabbed my phone and called triple zero for an ambulance. The thing is that, my dad drinks a lot but he has a mood that somehow only i can see. As in when he is in his ‘mood’, everybody else thinks that he is normal and that explains what i mean by i can only see it and he also tends to fall over a lot when he is in his mood. Dad and i was going to have a fun night together but it turned out to be the worst. As i talked to the dispatcher, my dad got up and asked me who I’m talking to but i ignored him and talked to the person instead. When the paramedics arrived, I still didn’t know where all the blood came from assuming from when i said that he falls over a lot. But then the paramedics said “ do you want me to clean that up for you?" because there was a cut, and at that moment i realised that he tried to commit suicide. They took him away is the ambulance and i was to not see him for long period of time. I was sent to live with my mum and i got diagnosed with depression anxiety and stress and for ptsd too. I have been having flashbacks of what happened and they are terrifying.

Centaured The news and politics these days
  • replies: 6

You can't escape the stuff on sexual assault and violence against women and minorities. It's hard and it hurts. Memories in my head that should never have been put there by men that I was supposed to trust, even a complete stranger. This isn't a go a... View more

You can't escape the stuff on sexual assault and violence against women and minorities. It's hard and it hurts. Memories in my head that should never have been put there by men that I was supposed to trust, even a complete stranger. This isn't a go at men. Rape culture sucks. Society sucks. People deserve to feel loved and safe, and to be believed when they say those things were violated. If this stuff on the news hurts you too, I see you, I hear you, I sit with you. Know you are valid and your story matters. I'm sorry for whatever happened. Know you aren't alone.

Ashs PTSD and Sexual Assult- I need advice
  • replies: 7

Hello peoples! I'm 13 and lived quite a normal teenage life. But in January 2021, I got sexually assaulted. I was on a family holiday and my cousin tried to rape me. He grabbed me without consent and attempted to rape me. Even thought it only happene... View more

Hello peoples! I'm 13 and lived quite a normal teenage life. But in January 2021, I got sexually assaulted. I was on a family holiday and my cousin tried to rape me. He grabbed me without consent and attempted to rape me. Even thought it only happened for a few seconds, it was very traumatic. Now its May 2021 ( so 4 months later) and i'm kinda stuck. Recently ( since March/April) I have started to have symptoms of PTSD/Trauma. I constantly have flashbacks during the day of the event (at very random moments) and also get triggered/have bad thoughts when kids at school talk about rape and sexual assault. I also feel a lot more stressed and am worried/afraid to walk/go anywhere by myself and am generally afraid of men. Whenever i walk to school alone and pass a man, I get anxiety and freak out. My heart starts beating and i breathe faster. Even thought they aren't doing anything. Just walking past. It happens every day, and my parents are starting to become worried. I also am a little bit stressed/guilty since because of the event, my family is split up and i can't see my cousins/aunt/uncles again since its traumatic to see my cousin who caused everything. My parents know what happened and want to help but i need advice on what to do. Where do i go from here? How do i get help? Do i go see someone like a therapist or doctor or psychologist? So please respond and help me cause i really need it. Thanks, Ash

Sadsec How do we forgive ourselves?
  • replies: 8

Married far too young, felt isolated by his family, he was their “baby”. My family had split so no support from them either, He drank far too much, I thought I could change him,, went from bad to worse, had a child trying to gain acceptance from him,... View more

Married far too young, felt isolated by his family, he was their “baby”. My family had split so no support from them either, He drank far too much, I thought I could change him,, went from bad to worse, had a child trying to gain acceptance from him, his family, anyone, emotionally abused by him when drunk,(every night), no way out, no idea how to escape, nowhere to get help. Had a horrific birth experience and nearly bled to death, needed a transfusion but it was at the start of HIV, so hospital wouldn’t give transfusions because of the risks. I was existing on practically no sleep, no strength due to such low blood counts, no help at home with new baby, he was as demanding as ever. When bub was 3 months old had to start back at work, night shift because he worked days, so was surviving on maybe an hour of sleep between working night shift, looking after bub and him, I found myself in a horrific situation with absolutely no idea of a future, I just knew this was impossible. A workmate made me laugh while at work, made me feel like a human, and for reasons I have decided were probably a sub conscious attempt to end my situation, I slept with him one day while my hubby was at work. I went out to the workmate’s home and destroyed my life. My sister in law who I was close with, knew and she told my hubby, so one night while i was at work, hubby rang my work, told me he was taking our child away and they’d be gone before I could get home. Sure enough by the time I got home from my shift, he had gone and taken our child with him, she was 5 months old, and he had (while drunk) taken her and drove interstate to his family. Since then my life spiralled from one problem to another, bad relationships, drug dependence,(which I have since beaten completely) until I finally found a partner who I married and only lost when he died from cancer, 12 years ago now. Sorry for the long back story, there is so much more there, but my initial question stands...I have never forgiven myself for cheating on my hubby, he never remarried, although he still has his alcohol problem. After all my soul searching and some therapy, I still consider my self a bad person for what I did, and dont know if I can ever “let myself off”. It has coloured my entire life, I am sooo very hard on myself in every way, what do others think....I dont feel like a bad person.......Ive spent the rest of my life volunteering and and trying to make up for my youth....