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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 275

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Collie5023 Worst year of my life
  • replies: 4

This has been the worst year of my life. I left an abusive marriage early in the year, lost most of my so-called friends as they didn't believe me, and felt that as I had not been hit, then it didn't count. as abuse I left with little more than the c... View more

This has been the worst year of my life. I left an abusive marriage early in the year, lost most of my so-called friends as they didn't believe me, and felt that as I had not been hit, then it didn't count. as abuse I left with little more than the clothes on my back, moving states, leaving my beautiful pets. I returned to where my adult kids are, had to find a job and somewhere to live, after being retired/carer for 10 years...and then Covid hit. I couldn't get the face-to-face counselling I needed, the human contact I craved, hugs, and many times I spent hours in the phone or online chat to Lifeline, crying for hours. Apart from my mental health, my physical health suffered greatly - I have collapsed and been hospitalised several times, with everything inevitably put down to stress (which is obviously "better" than it being heart condition or worse!) I managed to get phone counselling, but although it was good, for me at my age (60) I prefer face-to-face. After 10 sessions, I was told I still needed much more, and advised to see GP for mental health plan. For many reasons this has failed (not the least of which is being told if I didn't take the first appt they offered, then obviously my situation "wasn't that serious." I stupidly seek out photos of ex (Facebook etc) which then leads to me spiralling quickly into panic attacks, anxiety etc. He looks so happy. He moved on 5 weeks after I left him. I have nightmares about thinking he's going to kill me, or my family. My logical side knows this man is evil, he is a narcissist who screwed seriously with my self-esteem and mental health, and I am safer not to be near him. But my lonely side misses having someone around, even if I was scared of that person. Fast forward to recently finding a family member semi-conscious following a serious suicide attempt - I have had to compartmentalise the pain of this, in order to focus on helping her. I am scared of what she might do, scared of losing her, scared of saying the wrong thing, scared that I was part of her reasons for self-harm. I put on a brave face around people but underneath, my brain is screaming that I can't take any more. This time of year is full of horrible memories of violence from ex husband last year...I have a lovely kind man in my life recently, who treats me with such respect, but I worry that nobody will ever love me if I can't love myself. At the age of 60...

Emo Will I ever recover from my dads sudden death *Trigger Warning Domestic Violence*
  • replies: 325

Hi Everyone, I’m not sure where to start. It’s been two months since the sudden death of my dad and I feel more heartbroken now than when he first died. I feel like I’ll never recover. It’s like I’m drowning in grief. His death has made me face the o... View more

Hi Everyone, I’m not sure where to start. It’s been two months since the sudden death of my dad and I feel more heartbroken now than when he first died. I feel like I’ll never recover. It’s like I’m drowning in grief. His death has made me face the other things that I am experiencing in my life like domestic violence being perpetrated by my husband. I’ve been suffering abuse for years but I’ve had to hide the abuse from everyone as it’s my shame for putting up with it for so long. It’s a secret which I’ve tried to keep buried deep inside myself but it’s now come to the surface after my dads death. I’ve been trying to hide marks from everyone by wearing really thick makeup and always wearing long sleeves even during summer in 44 degree heat. I believe I’ve been able to hide it all from everyone but now I’ve reached my limit. To try to avoid the worst of the abuse I’m sleeping in my car which is keeping me a bit safer as the nights are the worst. It’s been so cold that I’ve been lucky to get more than 2 hours sleep a night. I’m just so tired. I’m still with my husband as I believe I deserve the abuse. Maybe if I’d let him do whatever he wants to me he wouldn’t hurt me as much. I feel like I don’t deserve anyone to care about me after years of name calling and being put down. I believe that I’m worthless and maybe looking at me does make people ill. Maybe I am lucky to have my husband. I’ve tried to get a counsellor but where I live they don’t want to take on new clients. I’m just really struggling with the awful thoughts that are going through my head. I’m just so very sad about everything. I’m starting to wonder why I bother continuing on with my life when there’s nothing to live for anymore. My dads death has made me realise that without the close bond we had I now have no one else to talk to. My mother isn’t someone I can talk to as we never got along. My dad was the person that was a buffer between us who stopped us fighting. I understand she’s grieving too but it’s different with her as she’s already talking of dating again even though she was married to my dad for 51 years. I’m sorry about the length of this post but once I started opening up about the awful things I’m experiencing it all just came flooding out. It feels so good to be able to talk about my life anonymously. Thank you for listening.

chelly23 Struggling to cope
  • replies: 4

Hi, im not really sure how to say this or how exactly how this works sorry. I have always been the one to help others and don't get me wrong i love helping others, but its come to the point in my life where i have realised that i am really struggling... View more

Hi, im not really sure how to say this or how exactly how this works sorry. I have always been the one to help others and don't get me wrong i love helping others, but its come to the point in my life where i have realised that i am really struggling to cope! i have grown up with many traumatic experiences. About 2 months ago i was in a high speed single vehicle motor accident where i got airlifted to the hospital, since the accident i had friends and family who mean the most to me walk away as it caused a massive fight with my friend who was in the wrong (which she caused the accident) and facts and reports were miss understood. We were told that I'm lucky to be alive and if we were going any faster we would all be dead and top that all off i was forced to move states because my mum knew i wouldn't be able to cope being alone but in all honesty right now i feel more alone then ever. I have no family or friends where i am and I've been separated from my sibling because they are back in my previous state, it its honestly the hardest not having anyone and I'm struggling and don't know what to do, Christmas and not having family around was the worst! my anxiety, depression and PTSD has been playing up the worst and my medication is starting not to help, how do y'all cope with this stuff!? My heart goes out to anyone who's had to experience the same or similar things to what i have!

romantic_thi3f Coping with Christmas when things aren't jolly?
  • replies: 7

Hi, I couldn't seem to find a post like this so I thought I'd make my own. Christmas is a time for a lot of families to get together and a lot of gift giving and happiness- but I don't really have that, and I'm hoping I'm not alone in it. To stay ano... View more

Hi, I couldn't seem to find a post like this so I thought I'd make my own. Christmas is a time for a lot of families to get together and a lot of gift giving and happiness- but I don't really have that, and I'm hoping I'm not alone in it. To stay anonymous here I'm not going to give much detail but basically every year I go and see them as family tradition. Breaking that tradition is going to cause more harm than good even though I've thought about that a lot. They live further away so it's not really possible for me to leave early either, and I can't afford to stay at a motel - so I end up staying overnight with them. It flairs up my trauma like no tomorrow and there's no real gap in between so it's so hard to stay grounded. I also tend to forget that I'm kind of an adult now and I end up feeling like I'm back there again. I'm in therapy too but it feels like all of that goes out the window. I might be logically in a better place (because I don't live there anymore), but it's almost like I forget everything. Does anyone have any coping strategies? While it's still a couple of weeks away the anticipation of it all is so painful right now. Thank you rt

Haylzz missing mum during this holiday season
  • replies: 3

Hi, my brother, dad and i witnessed my mum have a brain aneurysm a month ago which was absolutely terrifying to see my mum in such a state of health as before she was a healthy woman. This trauma extended to seeing her with tubes and machines in the ... View more

Hi, my brother, dad and i witnessed my mum have a brain aneurysm a month ago which was absolutely terrifying to see my mum in such a state of health as before she was a healthy woman. This trauma extended to seeing her with tubes and machines in the icu for a week. She is now progressing very well with her rehab but it is just completely changed my families life as we are trying to adapt as it would take her a long time to hopefully get back to normal again. But it's just sometimes i try to do the little things like cooking dinner that just make me miss her even more because thats the stuff she usually does and was going to teach me now that i have finished school. things like cooking dinner also sometimes bring me back to the moment where my brother and i found her in her condition 4 weeks ago because we found her in the family room across the kitchen. Ive tried strategies to help me cope like even looking for psychologists but there a 4-6 months waiting list due to covid (which is understandable) so if anyone has any other strategies or ideas that can help me adapt to such trauma or talk about it then it would be very helpful

Rosie321 New to C-PTSD and learning to cope *Trigger warning: Self harm*
  • replies: 3

Hello, I am quite new to C-PTSD, I was officially diagnosed 4 months ago. In that time I've spent a week on a psych ward and a month at a Step up Step Down/mental health rehab accommodation. I've also weaned off a medication I've been on for the last... View more

Hello, I am quite new to C-PTSD, I was officially diagnosed 4 months ago. In that time I've spent a week on a psych ward and a month at a Step up Step Down/mental health rehab accommodation. I've also weaned off a medication I've been on for the last 15 years, under the guidance of the hospital Psychiatrist. I had quite a traumatic discharge experience from the mental health rehab two months ago and things have spiralled since then. In this time I've also been assaulted and gone to police over an indecent assault but neither had enough evidence to charge. I feel I have exhausted the mental health system and have given up hope of any recovery by utilising it. My counsellor had told me it's not a good system to have to rely on and now I can see why. Especially being in a rural city, I went to school with half the nurses in ER and I am over having my issues spread around publicly by going into the tiny ER. I was sectioned and my abuser found out about it because there was someone in ER he knew. He then used this as evidence that I'm crazy and to further degrade my self esteem. I have found self harm is helping as is casual sex where I don't know the person and they don't know anything about me or what I'm going through, I can pretend I'm not unwell for a few hours. I have PMDD and will be getting symptoms this week. I don't want to go to the ward. Does anyone else have any coping mechanisms I can use at home during this time? Thankyou for reading this far

Anna_L EMDR & Neurofeedback for PTSD / Childhood Sexual Abuse - Tic Disorder - anyone tried this?
  • replies: 4

Hi guys, Long story short, when I finally told my family about my childhood sexual abuse from a family relative at the age of 24, which unravelled a bunch of negative/seriously stressful outcomes and a few weeks on, my top right lip (and right lip an... View more

Hi guys, Long story short, when I finally told my family about my childhood sexual abuse from a family relative at the age of 24, which unravelled a bunch of negative/seriously stressful outcomes and a few weeks on, my top right lip (and right lip and right eye) started to twitch and spasm. This was 5 years ago (and many tests/therapies later) and since then the spasm has moved into my neck and back and now foot (with pain from the tightness/spasm!)....dystonia, tourettes...who knows. The spasms also come with a feeling of intense panic and chest tightness. I've recently tried EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) for past trauma which has helped me cognitively reframe memories with new empowering narratives however the tic/spasm is still there (pain with this is the biggest issue). Next week I have my first Neurofeedback session which I'm pretty hopeful about. I definitely have issues focusing and regulating mood/emotions so am hoping this will help to calm the nervous system and therefore help to resolve the tic...maybe. To note, I also had seizures as a child which I now know are related to the trauma. Does anyone have similar issues with facial pain/tics? Has anyone tried neurofeedback for PTSD / tics and if so, have you seen any benefit? I'm also looking to document this experience so let me know if you have any questions! Thanks, A

Anzee Looking for some online reading
  • replies: 9

Hi all, I suffered childhood sexual abuse and have been working with a psychologist for around 7 months and she is great but is having four weeks off over Xmas. I did a few sessions with CASA (centre against sexual assault) but they said I wasn’t in ... View more

Hi all, I suffered childhood sexual abuse and have been working with a psychologist for around 7 months and she is great but is having four weeks off over Xmas. I did a few sessions with CASA (centre against sexual assault) but they said I wasn’t in a safe place in my relationship to continue with them at the moment. It has been put to my attention by quite a few professionals that my partner can be abusive, particularly emotional/ verbal. I have been in and out of denial about it for a while but I am starting to accept some of his behaviours aren’t ok. The thing is though I think a lot of it does stem from my history of abuse especially sexual and that is one of the main areas I suffer in our relationship. He puts a lot of pressure on me to regularly be intimate even after I have been triggered and if I said no he was so grumpy to the kids and I and yelling at us for the smallest things so I would just give into him to try and keep everyone happy BUT after a long journey he is slowly accepting that him putting that pressure on me isn’t fair and he is trying not to be as forceful and dominating but I still feel that obligation to satisfy and give into his sexual needs and I’m wondering if I can find a good link connecting that to my childhood abuse (I have never had a healthy sexual relationship, I almost feel like I need to go back to the start and learn what healthy and safe sex is. Any ideas or tips on finding ways to 1. Get rid of that guilt and obligation I feel about giving into my partners needs 2. The effects of childhood sexual abuse on an adults sexuality and relationships and 3. Learning what a healthy sexual relationship looks like.

AnonymousID Still trying to understand what to call it
  • replies: 5

I am still having troubles understanding my childhood trauma and I find that I can't talk about it to anyone because I don't know what to call it or whether I should be so ashamed of my involvement in it that I shouldn't tell anyone to avoid judgment... View more

I am still having troubles understanding my childhood trauma and I find that I can't talk about it to anyone because I don't know what to call it or whether I should be so ashamed of my involvement in it that I shouldn't tell anyone to avoid judgment. i was very very young when I had my first sexual experiences. I was asked to do some pretty disgusting things at a young age before I knew what they were or what they meant. The kid or asked me to do it was my age so idk if I can get angry at them because they got the knowledge of how to do that stuff from somewhere. But I do get angry and physically assault them in my dreams. I get so angry at them and then I get so angry at myself for going along with it and doing what I did. Besides getting bad dreams it's really messed with my sex life. I haven't had sex since I remembered this suppressed memory 7 years ago. It just all seems so disgusting now. I even remember an instance where someone saw and told me I was disgusting. And then I also feel bad about myself for being able to forget it for so long. Can I call it sexual assault or what? Who do I get angry at? Who's fault is it?

PinkFeather Dehumanising experience at doctors
  • replies: 3

Today I drove 3 hours to the doctors to get my psych re-evalutation. I am falling apart. It's official, I'm experiencing anxiety at unprecedented levels. To get there wasn't easy. You see I had to travel with my husband whom I'm on the brink of break... View more

Today I drove 3 hours to the doctors to get my psych re-evalutation. I am falling apart. It's official, I'm experiencing anxiety at unprecedented levels. To get there wasn't easy. You see I had to travel with my husband whom I'm on the brink of breaking up with...the icing upon so much trauma it doesn't even bear thinking about. The necessity for this second dr's trip was because the first time, said husband had a melt-down and punched a car in the street... all before my all important dr's appoint. Yes, I felt I had been purposely derailed. Needless to say, I'm a blithering mess at the appointment and the dr gives me meds and walks me to reception to make the next appointment. Next appointment (today) I arrive and they've changed dr's on me, and as he isn't my normal dr, said he couldn't give me a psych assessement so I can get a referral for some much needed help. Again I'm a blithering mess with this unknown dr today, who instead of apologising to me, just rings the receptionist and blasts her instead. Between tears I explain it's a 6 hour round trip and I don't have my own transport. On a positive note the meds are starting to help; they make me feel vulnerable thinking that I need to rely on them, so I was stubborn to seek help again on this front. They are working and I'm glad that I did. Love and blessings to you all.