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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Anzee Feeling incapable of solo parenting
  • replies: 45

Has anyone experienced huge fear you’re not capable of looking after your kids on your own if you leave your abusive partner? We left my two daughters’ dad in January after my psych finally convinced me to make contact with a domestic violence servic... View more

Has anyone experienced huge fear you’re not capable of looking after your kids on your own if you leave your abusive partner? We left my two daughters’ dad in January after my psych finally convinced me to make contact with a domestic violence service. I didn’t know he was abusive. He’d been physical in the past but it was only a few times so I brushed it off. It’s mainly been sexual and emotional abuse. He used to yell and swear at the kids, which is why I left in the end! I knew it wasn’t right and I didn’t want them to think it was ok. Once we left, we were put in crisis accommodation and I had a risk assessment done which resulted in child protection being involved. They put restrictions in place which meant he was only allowed supervised visits and during those few months I barely spoke to him. I realised later I didn’t have a panic attack in that time. Fast forward a few months and we were on the verge of becoming homeless (the girls and I) so I let him buy a house under his name (when we went to buy a house I found out all of our accounts were under his name only, even my inheritance) my professional supports tried to talk me out of going back to/ live with him so they put us in crisis accommodation again while we waited for a unit and get our name on a list for a refuge. We were in a dark and dingy motel 40 minutes from home and I didn’t cope well! I couldn’t fight anymore. I felt so weak and so scared but was trying to be strong for my girls but I just couldn’t so we went back to my mums which was also toxic and now we’re here in our new house and he has been pretty good, still not great but I am so turned off by my previous experiences of getting out and going into the system. I feel completely incapable of looking after our daughters on my own, even though I did it for months. I just feel like now he’s back in our life I can’t do it on my own anymore. I feel like I need him for everything. I need someone else to be responsible for our daughters even if that doesn’t involve actually doing anything for them, just knowing I’m not solely responsible takes enough presssure off me to cope. I don’t feel like my mental health will survive me being on my own again. Has anyone else had a similar experience? And did you manage to overcome those fears? I cut off all of my professional supports because they kept voicing concern about our safety with him and it was stopping me from comfortably living with him, but I’ve re-engaged with my psychologist.

Ely_ Repressed memories and trauma
  • replies: 8

It's been a really tough month. I started Schema therapy with my psychologist, and had also started processing some of my adult trauma from a DV ex relationship from over 15 years ago. Unfortunately, it all brought up or allowed to surface some memor... View more

It's been a really tough month. I started Schema therapy with my psychologist, and had also started processing some of my adult trauma from a DV ex relationship from over 15 years ago. Unfortunately, it all brought up or allowed to surface some memories(?) that I am trying really hard to not believe are real right now from my childhood. It has the same feelings, the fear, etc. The body sensations. But I am struggling so much. Fighting so hard against it. One minute I am reminded of what my psych advised, make room for the thoughts and allow them. The next I am trying to escape my own mind anyway I can. My CPTSD and BPD are running riot right now. I feel like my world is falling apart. How can I face my family at Christmas? At all?? I am broken.

Doc88 FEELING LOST
  • replies: 4

I feel completely broken and alone

I feel completely broken and alone

Daniel_F I Am Officially Broken
  • replies: 4

Been to Hell and back too many times lately. My ex partner who i live with is a heavy drinker and has also become a frequent ice user over the past few months. His violent outbursts have become unbearable. We were given one last chance with our real ... View more

Been to Hell and back too many times lately. My ex partner who i live with is a heavy drinker and has also become a frequent ice user over the past few months. His violent outbursts have become unbearable. We were given one last chance with our real estate back in Feb with a little one bedroom flat. I lived there for the first 7 weeks by myself (he was in jail for a few months). I looked after the place like nothing else. Within the space of 2 months of him getting out of jail the place looks like a bomb hit it. Holes and gashes out of walls, bedroom door destroyed, main door, screen door, bathroom door all damaged, oven door damaged. Big screen TV destroyed + the small TV & playstation and other smaller items. I am only on the DSP, and i have also accumulated $5000 debt trying to make up for his lack of financial contributions due to his alcohol/drug use. We have been in a temporary 2 bedroom house for the past few weeks due to storm damage on the other property. He has already had several violent outbursts here and done even more damage. He is asleep now but today has been the worst in a while. I just know that more damage will happen. I am the only one on the lease. I just feel like running. But no where to go. I am against getting vaxxed and think on Dec 15th i just need to take off and leave this all behind me. I really don't know what to do

sadgirl57 How to navigate & function
  • replies: 6

I'm having a struggly time and I really am having a hard time seeking support because I can't talk and/or communicate effectly what's going with me. I cry and lose my words. I can't write anything down because I get too anxious then lose it. Or I do ... View more

I'm having a struggly time and I really am having a hard time seeking support because I can't talk and/or communicate effectly what's going with me. I cry and lose my words. I can't write anything down because I get too anxious then lose it. Or I do and I'm not brave enough to hand over the letter. I need to find a new, regular doctor and psycholgist and I just can't man. Having to do the spiel and breaking down in front of them... far out. Me not really being able to convey myself. I'm so disconnected from my body. I regularly catch myself realising I'm not breathing or breathing really quickly and shallow. I haven't slipped in a hole this deep in a long time. I really thought I was past this. I just quit my job even after cutting down to 2 days. It took so much mental time to recover and the anxiety I felt outside of work constantly about going back. Having to pretend, put on face, be professional, giving, loving, patient, quick and on the ball. I couldnt. I just spent hours daydreaming and feeling pain when I have to 'come back'. I keep coming out of trances and I've binged on food or order delivery or smoked again. My dog isn'tgetting cared for like she should, I keep asking for help in my own way but can't convey how bad. My bf and Mum (the only people I really have) just say go to the doctor, any doctor. 'Go on meds, eat well & excercise' sure doc. I'm tired of being gaslit into being recommended 'what's best for me'. I just need some support in practicing healthy people skills. In a safe space. Constant flashbacks and painful memories violate my mind. I've gotten myself out of slumps before but this is different. The longer is goes on the harder it is to remember why bother at all. I'm starting to isolate again because I'm filled with shame and getting help is the hardest shiz. 10 years. Recovery faith dwindling. Where is all the actual trauma aware docs and psychoologists?

MaxnotKat I hate everyone because of my past trauma, and no matter what i cant respect anyone
  • replies: 5

hi, im khyana- im 12 years old and suffering from depression. when i was 8 months old, i was first taken away from my family- i was soon returned though. all my life i have been abused by my family and friends, bullied at school, and hurt by myself. ... View more

hi, im khyana- im 12 years old and suffering from depression. when i was 8 months old, i was first taken away from my family- i was soon returned though. all my life i have been abused by my family and friends, bullied at school, and hurt by myself. every time i get a friend, i freak out from pat trauma and unfriend them, whenever i fall in love- same goes. i have never accepted anyone into my life because of this. i have now been taken away from my family and put into foster care over 4 times, but each time i was returned after a year or so. Im starting to reject everyone who tries to enter my life, and ive become rude. i see the world in only its fails, and everyone in it as pathetic people. I have also been r@ped before, although i am not comfortable with talking about it. Im not scared nobody will ever like me, nor am i scared of people lonely. I am scared of myself for hurting everyone who tries to help me. It feels like im in an endless loop, and its making me restless. I dont care about people, as i think they are all stupid. I try and change my vision on people, but no matter what, it only takes me about 10 seconds to have at least 100 insults in my head about them. Anyone know how i can learn to respect humans instead of hating them all?

Camille_Lion Lost
  • replies: 4

Hi I’m a newbie to this. Feeling pretty lost and wondering if people can help with ways to move through PTSD. I’ve spent a few cat lives in the past and been through all sorts of pretty serious stuff but nothing like PTSD. I thought with my past that... View more

Hi I’m a newbie to this. Feeling pretty lost and wondering if people can help with ways to move through PTSD. I’ve spent a few cat lives in the past and been through all sorts of pretty serious stuff but nothing like PTSD. I thought with my past that I was very resilient and I have been, but this condition has knocked my socks off. Hearing people say get back just angers me. Basically I’m frustrated with myself and feeling crappy. I get that I’ll continue to have the symptoms for who knows how long but it’s so exhausting. Flashbacks, nightmares, flinching and reacting to movies/shows (that’s if I can focus enough to watch one), letting people down, missing major events like weddings/significant birthdays, can’t shop without headphones and support most of the time. But then, some days feeling completely normal for a while and wondering why I’m not back at work (knowing in the background I can’t handle pressure for panic attacks which are crippling). I’d like to draw on people for ways to get through it. Already have regular psychiatrist who is awesome, counsellor, awesome friends and family. Reading self help books and doing yoga, long stitch, gardening. Why won’t it just get better and:or go away. Feeling exhausted and fed up.

Cjjj I’m completely lost.
  • replies: 3

Hey. I do apologise if this has been posted in the wrong area, I’m new to this and pretty nervous about it. five years ago today my best friend committed suicide and I was the first person too find him. I was 21, working in the mining industry and ha... View more

Hey. I do apologise if this has been posted in the wrong area, I’m new to this and pretty nervous about it. five years ago today my best friend committed suicide and I was the first person too find him. I was 21, working in the mining industry and had never experienced anything like that before in my life. the thought of any one taking their own life was just unheard of so it was extremely shocking too find him the way I did. I had too call emergency services, I had too call him Mum and explain. ever since then I’ve been completely lost. I ruined my career, jumping between jobs at various mine sites and basically burning every bridge I had. I lost my relationship, I pushed good friends away and I completely lost who I am as a person. every bit of interest in anything I had has been lost. I’m coming here today because I want advice. I want the nightmares too stop, I want too have a normal life, I want the thoughts of what happened too stop because they completely ruin my day. I’ve been too a doctor who’s recommended me too a phycologist, I’ve been in contact with a drug and alcohol counciller because I was drinking too forget. I’ve been sober for a week now. I apologise too anyone I may have triggered or upset. any Help, tips or tricks would be really appreciated.

Living57 I want to be normal, whatever that is
  • replies: 9

I'm so fed up. So tired, mentally, physically and emotionally. I dread going to bed at night and then the thought of another day, OMG and the thought of more of the same. I exist and go through the motions, its not living though. I have limited famil... View more

I'm so fed up. So tired, mentally, physically and emotionally. I dread going to bed at night and then the thought of another day, OMG and the thought of more of the same. I exist and go through the motions, its not living though. I have limited family near me and only one true friend. They ask how I am and its easiest just to say I'm fine, everything's okay. Nobody really wants to know the inner struggle and I find it hard to discuss my problems for fear of bring told to get over it, how I wish I could, or you've got so much to live for and comments like that. When I hear those things I clam up even more. I live alone which, when I'm like this is probably a good thing. I can be my real self with my feelings and not have to pretend all is good with my world. I try to see all the things around me, the people, nature, the sky, the sunrise and sunset as positives, but when my world is black and threatening its so hard to do. Its got worse this week with police calling to ask questions about my sexual assault after months of nothing. Its just triggered me again, the flashbacks and nightmares have never gone away and now they're worse and I'm reliving the assault. I have complex mental health issues including CPTSD, anxiety, depression and other health problems and I see my doctor and psychiatrist regularly but even with the medication and talking it doesn't seem to be helping right now. Im hardly sleeping and rarely eat...when I do I get nauseous and feel like vomiting. I cry until I think I have no tears but they come back again. I scream in my head so no one can hear me. I really don't know how I can keep going. Its not that I want to die, but I think about it a lot, I just don't want to keep living like this. I want to be normal, whatever that is.

The_Bro ANOTHER FRIEND IS NOW DYING FROM CANCER - WHAT SHOULD I SAY?
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone As we get older and certainly wiser, it becomes easier I think, to deal with what life throws at you as life's priorities become much clearer. You learn to walk away from what's just not important, stop worrying so much about trivialities... View more

Hi everyone As we get older and certainly wiser, it becomes easier I think, to deal with what life throws at you as life's priorities become much clearer. You learn to walk away from what's just not important, stop worrying so much about trivialities and think more about what it really means to life a good life - 'A life well lived' in other words. Well last year the best friend of my wife and myself got cancer, and now has about three months to live. She in in New Zealand and we speak every couple of weeks on Face Time. Yesterday I got shocking news that the wife of one of my best friends also has cancer. Not sure what the prognosis is but she is on her second round of chemo and losing her amazing hair already. So - what are the best words to use when speaking or writing to a cancer sufferer? The friend due to die shortly has confided that she is really tired of people telling her how strong she is, you have got this, be strong, you are a fighter etc etc. Last week I said to her that she must feel really awful and sometimes angry about what has happened to her, and she burst into tears saying all she wants is friends to understand make an effort to listen. In other words, show a little true empathy and not just empty words of encouragement that can sound so false. Now a second friend has cancer - we learn about in on Facebook only yesterday. Her husband is a really good mate and told me they just weren't up to ringing people so please forgive them for posting on Facebook a couple of weeks after the diagnosis. Nearly all the posts on Facebook are all about how strong she is, what a fighter, give it a big kick in the bum etc etc. I sent a post and a personal message as well, reminding them about the holiday we had early last year (before Covid) and how much we should all look forward the the opportunity to do that again! Not that I look for this at all, but did notice my post got heaps of likes. So the big question is - what does the cancer sufferer really want to hear? I know everyone is different and so are friendships. It's just that this double lot of rotten news has been really hard to take and made an impact on me that I wasn't expecting. And it's going to get worse as the end nears for both of them. Any comments from forum users who have battled through close friends deaths would be appreciated. Especially concerning what is was that the dying friend found most comforting to hear. Thanks very much, I hope to hear from you. All the best, The Bro