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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Jorge1 Working through my trauma to find myself again
  • replies: 3

Hi all I just needed a place to express how grateful I am to have reached this point in my life. I have been to many dark places and it's nice to recognise the light again. I can now understand how I was unable to move through my own trauma. I was fe... View more

Hi all I just needed a place to express how grateful I am to have reached this point in my life. I have been to many dark places and it's nice to recognise the light again. I can now understand how I was unable to move through my own trauma. I was feeling stuck for decades until I decided to park relationship troubles and life to focus solely on myself. It was hard, I felt selfish and unworthy. I realised I was skirting my issues and taking on my partner's crap that was being projected onto me. I was unable to untangle me and my mess from her mess. After a short stint in a Trauma Recovery Unit, I feel strong all of a sudden, all those attempts at boundary setting have paid off. Twenty years of working on myself with Psychologists, Psychiatrists, hospitalisations, EMDR, ACT, DBT, misdiagnosis, anxiety and depression have certainly paid off. I now have a definate sense of who I am and what my values are. Years of denying I was born into the wrong body has been pushed down for too long. Recently I outed myself to my immediate family and a few close friends. My anxiety levels rose but not to unmanageable levels. The excitement I feel at having options to explore now that I have accepted I am trans trumps the anxiety I feel poking my head out of the shadows. My partner has her own self growth journey and we are at very different stages. It saddens me and I know I am doing the right thing separating her stuff from mine. It may see us heading in different directions and that is okay. Incredibly sad and okay. I need to and will continue to put me first. I feel worthy now. I no longer feel selfish. I feel proud of the hole I have crawled out of. I feel excited by the future. Self compassion, self validation and sharing with others is such a beautiful place to be finding myself. Hugs to all x : )

Zazu Is it sexual assault, or regret?
  • replies: 7

Well over ten years ago but still intrudes on my thoughts. More so lately after I've been seeing a therapist for something totally unrelated, send to be opening a Pandora's Box of memories. Out with my boyfriend at the time and his best friend from i... View more

Well over ten years ago but still intrudes on my thoughts. More so lately after I've been seeing a therapist for something totally unrelated, send to be opening a Pandora's Box of memories. Out with my boyfriend at the time and his best friend from interstate who I'd not met before. He hooks up with a girl and we all go back to my bfs place. I'm very drunk at this stage, so is the other girl. I don't even know how we got back to the house. All I remember of the night, is my bf telling me that the other girl is useless and to go help his friend out, then I remember the friend having sex with me. Next thing I remember is they're both having sex with me (dp) which I've never done before and still feel gross about. Next morning I wake up naked, sore and with my bf telling me I need to go home now, they have things to do. Had to get it off my chest. Part of me says it's my fault, I was drunk but remember it, so that means I could have said no, and the other part of me says that I was way too drunk to consent, and would not have done it if I was any more sober than I was. All I feel about it is shame.

Mgold23 Moving on from a traumatic past
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone! Just want to start off by saying thank you for reading this if you are. I know this is a safe space for me to vent and put all my emotions out in the open so thank you. I was adopted at the age of 2 weeks old by my aunt who was unable to... View more

Hi Everyone! Just want to start off by saying thank you for reading this if you are. I know this is a safe space for me to vent and put all my emotions out in the open so thank you. I was adopted at the age of 2 weeks old by my aunt who was unable to have a child, she was currently married at the time she adopted me. At a very young age of 4 years old, i was abused by a family friend whom I never disclosed to the family at that time. At such a young age, I was told to keep my mouth shut and not say anything as the old asian culture saying was "Children should be seen but not heard". My aunt's husband at the time was very abusive and I have seen a lot of things that a young child should never see. Luckily, she was able to escape him by leaving the country altogether and the way we left the country was very rushed and secretive. We moved to Australia as she married an Australian and we moved our simple life to a city where we had to start all over again - a new start they say! But sadly at the age of 13 - 19 years old, I was sexually abused every weekend by this stepfather. My aunt at the time worked a lot so she was not around to protect me but even then, she knew the abuse was happening as I would always be angry and sad all the time. She never questioned me or asked if i was okay when the abuse was happening. She too was being emotionally and financially abused by this man who had controlled every aspect of our lives. I was unable to stay connected with friends or passed high school as the abuse became more horrific and violent. I'm now 27 years old and started a new job at a law firm 5 months ago, but I'm hitting another low depression state where I'm unable to find the motivation to get up every day at work. I'm worried and stressed that I will be potentially losing my job.

Mum Chris Self soothing
  • replies: 10

Hi just wondering what do you do to calm yourself. I have a multitude of ways I can feel not calm. The hardest is when I feel uncomfortable and a little shaky can’t get motivated and if I do the yuck feeling follows me. messaged my better half and he... View more

Hi just wondering what do you do to calm yourself. I have a multitude of ways I can feel not calm. The hardest is when I feel uncomfortable and a little shaky can’t get motivated and if I do the yuck feeling follows me. messaged my better half and he said it’s the overcast windless day. He’s a sweetie it’s maybe a bit that but I’m a little sick in stomach too. Feel like I’m on a seesaw or I can feel the earth turn and I need to hang on. ive meditated and listened to relaxation track but it’s just making me sleepy.

nib Gaslighted.
  • replies: 14

I am a young female who has been sexually and romantically attracted to a single, older male since 2017. It was love at first sight for him (in 2016) although I did not become attracted to him until a year later. I did not realise at the time that he... View more

I am a young female who has been sexually and romantically attracted to a single, older male since 2017. It was love at first sight for him (in 2016) although I did not become attracted to him until a year later. I did not realise at the time that he was a package deal - and I am not just talking about his young daughter - I am talking about his crazy and clingy ex-wife (who refuses to let go of him as she is afraid of being alone) as well as everybody else in her family (including his ex's sons, daughters, nieces, nephews and grandchildren - none of which obtain any biological relation this this man.) The ex wife determines who is good enough for everyone in her family to date, and who isn't. The man I am attracted to co-parents with his ex-wife and I believe they continuously give their daughter false hope that they are getting back together. This obviously bothers me, as I am clearly attracted to him and wan to get to know him more/get into a relationship with him without his ex and her family involved. I ideally want nothing to do with the ex and her family. They are the kind of people who are "liked" by everyone. They need to understand that I do NOT like them and their family. They need to leave the man I am interested in ALONE. However, I cannot praise this man at all. He has lied compulsively about me to his lawyer and to my lawyer and to his entire family and to me as well. He has made me go crazy and has made me question my sanity, which has resulted in three trips to the psychiatric ward of a hospital in one year. He has also been verbally abusive towards me. He has said things to me like: 'whatever medication you're taking clearly isn't working', 'you have more issues than perviously thought', 'you're not very clever' and, he then stood to his feet and curled his hands into fists and screamed in my face that I am a 'retard.' But, get this - he thinks about me, but isn't sure about what he wants. I also did hear from a third party that his ex is psychotically jealous of me. She needs to grow up, really. I am currently seeing a psychotherapist privately and I usually talk to her about this and she has been excellent. I have also spoken with a BeyondBlue counsellor about this and they have stated that I am experiencing intimate violence from this man. I love this man very much, but I also think that I am too good for him, and I think that he knows this was well, hence the abuse I experienced from him.

Scooter82 Should I engage a lawyer to finally get out of limbo?
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I have been separated from my Narc ex for a bit over a year now. We have two kids together and during mediation he refused to really make any parenting plan until we sold our house. The little we have come to an agreement on are just bas... View more

Hi Everyone, I have been separated from my Narc ex for a bit over a year now. We have two kids together and during mediation he refused to really make any parenting plan until we sold our house. The little we have come to an agreement on are just basic human decency such as communicating to me instead of our children about plans. He can't even follow that. I am sick of him controlling every aspect of the situation and ignoring what many professionals have told him in not putting the kids in the middle which he does when he makes plans by making them with the kids and not through me. He, of course, sees our children when it is convenient for him and suits his social life leaving it difficult for me to make any plans for myself or with our children. I think I am going to forgo a second mediation and get a lawyer. He will not be happy but I feel like it is the only way to regain some control and do what is best for our children. I have heard horror stories of Narcs stretching this stuff out as they do not want to comply or agree...the cost of it all scares me....but my children and I can't do this anymore. I want a safe, predictable and secure plan for them and what we have currently isn't it. Is this the right move? I am nervous about "poking the bear" but I also don't care. The last straw for me was planning an event for our youngest's birthday without consulting me at all or informing me. I work full time and therefore won't be able to see my youngest on his birthday until he comes back home late that night. I had plans for us but then had to change them and now will celebrate with him Saturday. I think I'm expecting to be able to coparent with him and eventually he will come to the party but after this I realise that is never going to happen. Any advise anyone? I have tried to avoid lawyers but I think the very thing I was avoiding might be the only thing that will set me free. Regards, Scooter82

julsey Assault 3 Years Later
  • replies: 4

its been a while since i’ve been on here, but i need some support. it’s been 3 years since my trauma but somehow, it feels like yesterday. ive had a complete relapse over the past few months and know it’s due to this. ive been diagnosed with ptsd thi... View more

its been a while since i’ve been on here, but i need some support. it’s been 3 years since my trauma but somehow, it feels like yesterday. ive had a complete relapse over the past few months and know it’s due to this. ive been diagnosed with ptsd this year but i’m really struggling to cope with it. i’m having periods of time where i don’t remember anything (this only occurs when i am distressed) and i’m exhausted all the time. i’m wondering if maybe there is a support group for people who have experienced sexual assault? i think speaking to people who have gone through the same thing might help but i’m not sure where to turn. after the assault, i received no support from friends, family and school and i think this feeling has stuck with me through the years. lots of feelings of guilt and just worthlessness . anyway, just looking for some help.

Angelinawan Post infidelity PTSD & the abuse from the outbursts
  • replies: 6

I was unfaithful when I was manic (It was a one off episode, not a bipolar diagnosis) I was really horrible & left the marriage. When The episode ended I was horrified & didn’t know what had happened until a psychiatrist explained it. My husband was ... View more

I was unfaithful when I was manic (It was a one off episode, not a bipolar diagnosis) I was really horrible & left the marriage. When The episode ended I was horrified & didn’t know what had happened until a psychiatrist explained it. My husband was determined to work on us & we have had an awful time over the last 18months. He has PTSD & CPTSD & now he has been traumatised by what I did. There’s been so many nights awake with him demanding answers and screaming at me and saying awful things about me, telling me to leave because he thinks I am going to leave him anyway. He says sorry afterwards but I feel everything he says. It’s all real and he says at the time that it’s final…this has happened dozens of times so I try to work out what I need to do to leave & what to do with the kids. Then he calms down & changes back to wanting to be together. Yesterday’s was so bad I haven’t recovered & had nightmares. I don’t know what to do. I don’t trust my judgement after the manic episode as everything felt so genuine in it but I wasn’t thinking straight, and I know he has PTSD & this is a reault of my actions but he is triggered so badly so frequently & yesterday it was so obvious he hasn’t recovered. I am burning out, I am traumatised by his behaviour, I am in survival mode & I don’t know what I should do.

Akiner Toxic Family
  • replies: 7

Hi, In my early childhood 5-7 years old I would be first hand witness to my mother & father arguing which led to my father leaving the house & seeing other women, & also witnessed my father being violent towards my mum. I witnessed my mum & her side ... View more

Hi, In my early childhood 5-7 years old I would be first hand witness to my mother & father arguing which led to my father leaving the house & seeing other women, & also witnessed my father being violent towards my mum. I witnessed my mum & her side of the family always throwing shade at my dad & bagging him to his kids. My 2 older sister's would get psychically violent with one another if they didn't agree on something. My family never had a healthy way of communicating, everything just resulted and ended with violence. Due to financial reasons, my family decided that it was best off they leave me with my grandmother till they could get back on their feet as they were struggling to find somewhere to live & we would never have stable accomodation. My grandmother treated me very poorly & would always favour my 1st cousin which was my age over me. If my cousin would do something wrong, I would get the blame for it, no questions asked. I think I heard her say once that she Neva liked me because I looked like my father. My father passed away when I was 7 years old due to having a liver failure from too much alcohol consumption, even though he knew he was going to die that didn't stop him from drinking & leaving us financially broke. At the age of 10 I witnessed my mother suffer her first heart attack when we got an emergency call to make our way to the hospital, and witnessed her eyes roll back as she was suffering a heart attack right in front of me. A few years later she suffered another 2 heart attacks and I was first hand witness and called the ambulance. Due to financial difficulties that my father left us in, my mum had to continue to work to pay for the food, rent, clothes etc, and I was left in the care of my 2 older sisters. They had their own demons they were facing & started consuming heavy drugs and I was around 9-10 years old when it first started. The drug habit of my 2 sisters went on for years, and I would always be there to support them being the youngest sibling I felt like the eldest. My school life wasn't the best, it wasn't very organised and I would hardy ever attend because of my family issues & I felt ashamed because I thought my friends knew about what was happening at home. My middle sister had a toxic ex that was on heavy drugs, that would stalk & harass her, try to control her & that's something that I took onto my shoulders and would try my best to help her with also. She passed away at the age of 26 in 2014 due a drug overdose.

tooth vicarious trauma
  • replies: 2

is it possible to experience vicarious trauma without being a psychologist/police officer/first responder? im just a kid and every friend ive ever made has had some sort of horrible ptsd that they've shared with me. ive experienced emotional burnout,... View more

is it possible to experience vicarious trauma without being a psychologist/police officer/first responder? im just a kid and every friend ive ever made has had some sort of horrible ptsd that they've shared with me. ive experienced emotional burnout, compassion fatigue and panic attacks. everyone sees me as the person whos ok with them trauma dumping and venting out of nowhere and i understand that people need supportive friends but pretty much everyones only support network and i just get really tired. i dont know how to express my feelings at all, especially when im angry and sometimes all of this horrible stuff just builds up and i get panic attacks or just break down and won't be able to function for a few days. i also sometimes feel like everyone i know could die and i wouldn't be sad, or that someones dying is the only way the world will be quiet and stop harassing me. i dont know if this is something everyone experiences but lmk