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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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nexttime Need help
  • replies: 9

I am in my 60s and have struggled with psychological pain, anger, isolation, self loathing, etc all my life. I’ve had a lot of counseling and therapy and medication, but nothing really got anywhere near making a difference. Recently a chance comment ... View more

I am in my 60s and have struggled with psychological pain, anger, isolation, self loathing, etc all my life. I’ve had a lot of counseling and therapy and medication, but nothing really got anywhere near making a difference. Recently a chance comment led me to realise that I have carried a huge load of toxic stress all my life on account of childhood emotional abuse and neglect. I had never recognised what happened to me as trauma because it wasn’t physical abuse. While the realization of what is actually going on is a massive relief (I am not mad or bad, I am not mysteriously a failure at talk therapy), it does bring another load of anger and despair about why none of the people I turned to for help ever recognised my trauma symptoms, and about all the time I have lost to this pain. After a difficult search I have found a trauma focused therapist but starting this again is slow and I am still struggling to deal with the episodes of extreme anger, fear and sadness that erupt when I am triggered - and I find myself triggered more and more often by more and more things. I am exhausted and frightened. An hour once a week with a new therapist is not helping yet, particularly as I have to tell the whole story all over again just to get to a starting point. I don’t have any effective strategies to get through my days and nights, or to start to calm myself. I’m trying yoga and tapping, more exercise, etc but I’m often left feeling worse afterwards and terrified at the feelings that flood back when the distraction ends. I wonder if anyone else feels or has felt like this, and if anyone has found anything that works.

HamSolo01 Coming to terms with trauma from the past
  • replies: 14

I have had a rough week I have had to come to terms with trauma from my teens. I don't think I have come to terms with it just yet. But I feel that I have started to accept it. For a long time I had denied it. I had also been conscious of over medica... View more

I have had a rough week I have had to come to terms with trauma from my teens. I don't think I have come to terms with it just yet. But I feel that I have started to accept it. For a long time I had denied it. I had also been conscious of over medicalising it. But I don't believe it is medical to call things trauma. It just is what it is. Trauma doesn't need to be medical. I must not invalidate my own experience. I must be compassionate to myself. I must ground my compassion in the reality of my own experience. I can't lie to myself and I can't cherry pick or manipulate the truth. Content/trigger warning: Healing is always always possible. But having an understanding of what the thing is that has caused me grief or trauma in the past is key. I believe I now have. I have heard it said that we only really come to terms with things from the past at a later stage - for me it looks like almost 10 years. I've always been a high functioning person but what I haven't been is high performing. I guess I have answer now - the thing holding me back was never clearly articulated. I booked in to see my psych earlier than i had anticipated since last session. Its a complex beast and I believe the more i work at understanding it the more i will be able to tame it. The sun still rises and it sets just the same. Last week working at the election was interesting because everyone i spoke to there was struggling at some level and had put an end to the things that bought them grief or trouble. I was the same. I must learn to stop comparing myself to those around me now of a similar age or experience level or whatever. We all have our trauma and our history. It's just that some are more capable of hiding it. OR maybe some are fortunate enough to not have it. I mean its life isn't it? It is what it is. Compare myself to who i was. That is when true growth begins

nib My diagnosis
  • replies: 10

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia early last year and I have not developed any coping strategies or heard of anyone's success stories with the mental health condition. Can you please share below your story with me (as long as it's appropriate and fo... View more

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia early last year and I have not developed any coping strategies or heard of anyone's success stories with the mental health condition. Can you please share below your story with me (as long as it's appropriate and follows BB's Guidelines) and some awesome coping strategies that you have found have worked for you? I like to listen to relaxation music.

Amor90 Is it PTSD or just anxiety?
  • replies: 2

Firstly new here. December 2019 at 34 weeks pregnant I had a car accident which wrote off the car but I survived with baby intact. Hit a tree and rolled. Still don't know how I survived it. Then at 40 weeks got induced after a week at being 3cm. Roug... View more

Firstly new here. December 2019 at 34 weeks pregnant I had a car accident which wrote off the car but I survived with baby intact. Hit a tree and rolled. Still don't know how I survived it. Then at 40 weeks got induced after a week at being 3cm. Rough birth. Episy. No epidural, but everything else medicine wise. Suctioned out. Nearly emergency caesarean. Post birth had a haemorrhage and again nearly ended up in an emergency room. Came round ok after an iron infusion. Baby was fine. Went back working at 20ish weeks postpartum. Had issues with driving due to the amount of gum trees around. Did counselling. Worked my way through it and use podcasts as distraction technique. Husband and I are discussing subsequent children now daughter is over 2. Keep getting very anxious about birthing again. Not sure if just anxiety (hx) or if possible repressed issues from birth of daughter. My anxiety is there about baby 2 regarding finances (will be fine), pregnancy itself (had bad morning sickness with no1) and then the birth and after birth. I am so worried that I'm going to bleed again or that I won't be able to conceive again or I'm too old (32) Sorry to be frank but I have found I need to be regarding both these issues. The car accident has meant that I do not drive to from my current home town to my town that I previously resided in for 5.5years. I can't drive past the point I crashed. I get so upset and I need to do breathing techniques when I've tried. Regarding the baby I want to give daughter a sibling but I am terrified of dying or having to be induced again. I'm petrified everything that was an issue the first time! Thanks

Fiatlux Sudden death of an old friend
  • replies: 5

Hi, I learnt earlier this week that a childhood friend passed away suddenly last week. I haven’t seen her in over 10 years but I can’t stop thinking about the awful abuse she suffered as a child. I read a tribute to her today. Posted by her parents. ... View more

Hi, I learnt earlier this week that a childhood friend passed away suddenly last week. I haven’t seen her in over 10 years but I can’t stop thinking about the awful abuse she suffered as a child. I read a tribute to her today. Posted by her parents. These are the same parents who were often physically and violently abusive. I can’t get my head around it or them. The parents had severed ties with her as she didn’t fit their perfect family portrait. But now put on a show of fake love as they prepare to lay her to rest. I wonder if they feel remorse? I remember a time when she missed a week off school. Her parents both assaulted her for coming home late one night. She spent several days in bed recovering. I saw her injuries as they healed, while her parents boasted to mine, that they taught her a harsh lesson. I feared her father, more than I feared my own. I wonder how her trauma may have impacted on her early and sudden death. Her heart just stopped beating. My own heart aches for her. I recall our nights out, going to see live bands. Dancing in night clubs and just being young and carefree. All she wanted, what we all wanted, is to be loved. My heart aches for her one and only son and hope that his father is looking out for him now. She complained endlessly about child birth but she doted on her little boy. I have been suicidal at times as well but this death, her death has me grief stricken. I would reach out to her sister but I am unsure if they had any contact at all recently. The last I heard, she was estranged from her extended family. I don’t know what I want out of this post, except that I need to get this out. My heart is aching. She often told me that I had a wonderful dad compared to hers.

second time Childhood Trauma- Non talk ways of processing.
  • replies: 4

Hi I am interested in hearing other peoples story of how they survived, overcome, processed there childhood trauma through ways other then Talk based therapy. When I was a child such therapies were not placed upon my path, I found my ways of processi... View more

Hi I am interested in hearing other peoples story of how they survived, overcome, processed there childhood trauma through ways other then Talk based therapy. When I was a child such therapies were not placed upon my path, I found my ways of processing these traumas through martial arts, shiatsu, writting, art dance. Recently these traumas have resurfaced with my brothers suicide as it is intimately connected to the rest of the story where these traumas lay, such as fathers suicide, mother suffering and dying with ms abuse and more. My tools I discovered to process such trauma again are called in for action.

Eagle Ray Fear of returning to work
  • replies: 12

Today I approached a place with my resume to ask if they have any volunteer work opportunities. I’ve been out of work for a long time, caring for parents at the end of their lives, trying to study and managing my own health issues. While I was doing ... View more

Today I approached a place with my resume to ask if they have any volunteer work opportunities. I’ve been out of work for a long time, caring for parents at the end of their lives, trying to study and managing my own health issues. While I was doing the covering letter this morning I could feel myself going into a state of abject terror. I realised how raw and vulnerable I still am following some trauma stuff and that the idea of returning to work even in a voluntary capacity is quite scary. How have others gone with this? Have you experienced something similar? I was proud of myself that I managed to walk into the place, actually speak to them and hand over the resume. The woman there said it would probably be about 3-6 months before they are taking volunteers, but she would put my letter and resume on file. Walking in and leaving the building I was consumed with grief for so many things - the loss of loved ones, the loss of my working life and confidence in recent years and the loss of my health. I’m also scared in that I have a disease that progressively destroys the bile ducts in the liver. There is no cure but a medication that can slow the progression. I feel so vulnerable about choosing the right work as too much stress can progress the disease more rapidly. I’m trying to stay positive and hopeful. Any tips for surviving returning to work terror, especially after going through a traumatic period in life?

GiGie Relapse of C - PTSD medical while in intense therapy.
  • replies: 2

So unfortunately my only sibling has been diganosed with stage 5 cancer. He has started Chemo - and though this is a good outcome for him and our family. (Very complex, genetic history), my very servere C- PTSD medical truma and depression and GAD du... View more

So unfortunately my only sibling has been diganosed with stage 5 cancer. He has started Chemo - and though this is a good outcome for him and our family. (Very complex, genetic history), my very servere C- PTSD medical truma and depression and GAD due to a rare ID disability, keeps resurfacing - my own, complex genetics and disability and the managment of it is progressivly has been getting worse since the outbreak of COVID. The pandamic was the cataylist that opened pandora's box, of my mental health, till then I kept sweeping it under the carpet. for 30 years I have been fighting just to keep my head above water and to survive. I'm beyond tired of feeling this way, I feel like nothing helps - none of my doctor's and specialists dont ever want to actually listen. Im totally bent on changing this broken system, but I dont have much more in me, but I am the healthest I have ever been. Faith is all I have left, but now with a new specialist coming on board, I do not know if I can afford, now all my meds -and doctor apts and the specialist diet I need to keep myself I need to stay in remisson of my autoimmune conditions - its already starting to unravel, I have metabolic issues but I am quite literally using chocolate for the dopamine - so im binging on sugar I know I shouldnt have. Any advice to get out of this spriling hole again, I've been to the bottom of the pit at least 5 times in my life. Im scared -- the last time was far too deep. I feel like the next time I might not be able to get out at all. I have the best care and treatment - buut still doesnt seem enough.

Narcsurvivor What has helped you to overcome narcissistic abuse from parents and siblings?
  • replies: 7

Hi, I am new to the forum and hope someone has a suggestion for me, because talk therapy has not helped. I have been to various therapists for years and need a specialist or a different approach, although I do not want to take drugs. To make a life s... View more

Hi, I am new to the forum and hope someone has a suggestion for me, because talk therapy has not helped. I have been to various therapists for years and need a specialist or a different approach, although I do not want to take drugs. To make a life story short, i grew up with a flamboyantly narcissistic father - he told me I was nothing more than an extension of himself and i had to be perfect. He was supported by my mother, who told me after each abuse how much he loves me. I used to think she was a victim, like me, but now realise she was an enabler and chose to stay in the marriage for his prestige. I was the golden child who got punished severely if I didn't get perfect grades, etc. À smallest error would be punished by hours of a lecture on how I have ruined my life and often followed by a belt. I was also forced to do things I did not want to do to benefit the family, from getting forcibly baptised as a teenager because grandma wanted it (I was and am an atheist) to being told that I have to marry a foreigner, any foreigner, to get a visa and get the family out of the Soviet bloc (I won a scholarship instead). I was sent away alone at 10 years old to a "sanatorium" because I had a sniffly nose, and than again at 11, no mater how much I cried and begged to stay. I have built internal walls, have trouble keeping friends, and my first marriage was to an abusive narcissist. The worst part is that my scapegoat sister, with whom I've had a strong trauma bond, has also abused me. She has the need to control situations, which I can understand, but the side effect is that she lashes out with extreme vengeance if I disagree or even try to draw a boundary. It is usually in a form of vicious letters/emails, but she also ended a lease from under me in the past without giving me much time to find a place to live. No wait, the very worst part is that our father died and the mother recently moved in with my sister, who is now losing her mind completely. She has lashed out at me, apologised, wanted this and that, changed her mind, etc. I have gone through what I can only describe as multiple stages of grief over losing our relationship and recently have not been able to call my mother for a couple of weeks at a time and constantly fantasizing about blocking both of their numbers. I also feel that will never again be able to trust my sister. I am minimising the contact, but need some kind of intervention asap. Any ideas? Thank you

Centaured Abuse in institutions
  • replies: 12

I saw my home state had an enquiry into abuse in public institutions on the news yesterday.I got so scared and triggered. One of the stories shared was at a place where something happened to me. It's coming up to the anniversary of that event. Idk wh... View more

I saw my home state had an enquiry into abuse in public institutions on the news yesterday.I got so scared and triggered. One of the stories shared was at a place where something happened to me. It's coming up to the anniversary of that event. Idk what to do, how to feel etc. Later on, I even tried to report it police and they said there was nothing they could do as it was too long since the event. I feel so let down by the system.