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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Bubs1954 Parentification and enmeshment in families
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I’m new here and have been faced with the issue of parentification and enmeshment in my family. I wonder has anyone else gone through or know about this topic? An article was sent to me by my adult daughter who has withdrawn from the family. ... View more

Hi all, I’m new here and have been faced with the issue of parentification and enmeshment in my family. I wonder has anyone else gone through or know about this topic? An article was sent to me by my adult daughter who has withdrawn from the family. Unfortunately the article was like a mirror to me and A lot of it was true, both for me and my daughter. I have spoken to my GP to find some help to work through this, as I now see that I am broken too. My GP sent me here until I can get some one to one councilling and help. DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW OF THIS TOPIC either as a survivor or lived experience or just knowing about this thanks Bubbs

_Once_Upon_A_Dime_ I Don't Even Know Who I Am Anymore
  • replies: 28

It's taking me alot to post on here but here we go... My names Nicholas, I'm 24yrs old and suffer from Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I am seeking advice as title states it all, My current situations pretty much like being stuck in a hole, only each and... View more

It's taking me alot to post on here but here we go... My names Nicholas, I'm 24yrs old and suffer from Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I am seeking advice as title states it all, My current situations pretty much like being stuck in a hole, only each and everyday that holes getting deeper and the chances of getting out get slimmer. I am here because I wanna overcome this obstical and face my demons, sadly I don't know how to do so.. Let's cut to the chance and what I'm about to tell you only a close friend who I don't speak to anymore & my father who I haven't heard from since Christmas 2016 know about this. When I was a child around 7-9yrs old (Rough Estimate) I was raped and molested by a neighbor in my street, I was staying over is place with my two older brothers camping out in his back yard, we where sleeping in two separate tents when the assualted had happened and some how managed to keep it a secret from my mum. I don't know how to escape this hole, It's getting deeper by the minute and the light at the end of It's slowly fading to darkness, I'm stuck helplessly at the bottom of this pit like it's me ment to be my grave, I scream for someone to help but no one hears me, slowly losing faith. Nicholas

BoroniaRiv777 Why do I need someone to be with me?
  • replies: 13

Hi all, I was looking to see if someone has some insights on my current situation and how it relates to past experiences. I'm looking to see if others have had similar experiences and can maybe point me in the right direction. I’m not looking for med... View more

Hi all, I was looking to see if someone has some insights on my current situation and how it relates to past experiences. I'm looking to see if others have had similar experiences and can maybe point me in the right direction. I’m not looking for medication as I have been down that road before. I know I have Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder because I experienced various types of trauma as a child. I had anxiety about going to school. Because of this anxiety, my parents decided to take me to school one day and talk with the principal. Long story short, I was abandoned and left in the hands of the principal who was verbally and physically abusive as he dragged me to the classroom. This was his attempt to stop me from being anxious. A few years later at a different school my Dad had to wait outside the classroom for me while I was inside being taught due to my anxiety. There was less anxiety knowing that Dad was outside. I was homeschooled after this and managed to work and study. I have seen countless mental health professionals and have been on various antidepressants due to several setbacks. Fast forward to the present day and it appears that I am facing the "needing someone with me due to overwhelming anxiety" situation again. In late 2019, I experienced my first major panic attack following a run. I took myself to hospital due to a continued fast heart rate post-run. I was later released from hospital with everything checking out as ok with diagnosis being a panic attack. Since then, life has been extremely difficult. Since the panic attack I have not been able to be by myself (except for the rare occasion where I challenged myself). The fear around my heart rate has limited by ability to have a verbal conversation with a mental health professional. Basically, any type of stress triggers panic which triggers the heart rate fear. I believe the fear is a cover for what happened to me as a child. I am still working with a psychologist via email. What I really want to ask is what is the reason for me needing someone to be with me at the moment? Why did I need my Dad to stay outside the classroom that day? What am I afraid of? What I know for sure is that anxiety feelings scare me greatly. Why do I struggle to be ok with intense anxiety feelings? The overriding message when I am in an anxiety provoking situation is that I am going die. I feel like the panic attack has exposed the child traumas hence why I need someone with me. Thank you all.

Sam_mixed_up PTSD
  • replies: 3

I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and it's cruel, my husband of 27 years is a major trigger but he has done nothing wrong, he just doesn't listen he says he does but he isn't hearing what I'm saying, I have moved out of the family home and am ... View more

I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and it's cruel, my husband of 27 years is a major trigger but he has done nothing wrong, he just doesn't listen he says he does but he isn't hearing what I'm saying, I have moved out of the family home and am in another state I did not spend Christmas with him and our adult son's as I can't control my emotions and get so angry and call them the most horrible names, yes I swear but these names would make the local drunk shudder, how do I stop doing this, I feel like I'm on a road of self destruction.

SilGa Severe trauma ruining my life and the only therapist I can afford said she’s not qualified to help me. i’m scared and losing hope
  • replies: 7

I’m 26 years old. Last year I recovered repressed memories of being raped as a child and it made so many things click into place for me. i have vaginismus, general fear of intimacy, severe social anxiety and depression. I neglected my health for year... View more

I’m 26 years old. Last year I recovered repressed memories of being raped as a child and it made so many things click into place for me. i have vaginismus, general fear of intimacy, severe social anxiety and depression. I neglected my health for years and didn’t take care of my body, I didn’t open up about the problems I was having in school and ended up dropping out. I’m certain I have an undiagnosed learning disability, I’m guessing ADHD but of course I don’t know for sure because I haven’t gotten a diagnosis. I have no job and still live with my parents, and no friends. I’m afraid of meeting new people because I’ll always be the ‘ugly friend’ and I just don’t have any social skills either. I got a referral for my local walk-in clinics therapist who only charged $50 per session. I had my first session with her by phone and I told her everything and she told me that she wasn’t qualified to help me with the trauma related to being molested. She didn’t even know what vaginismus is and I had to explain it to her. She emailed me the names of four places that actually specialise in that area and said that if I explain my situation then they might give me a reduced fee. So far I’ve only contacted one and haven’t received a response yet. Im running out of hope. I need therapy and medication, I need treatment for my vaginismus, but I don’t have a job. My Dad will be paying for everything but our family isn’t wealthy, $300 for each session on top of any medication I’ll be prescribed will be too much. I’m not suicidal right now but I know if I let this go on, I’m going to become suicidal in the future. I want a job, I want friends, I want to be able to have pelvic exams because I have never gotten one done before and I feel anxious not knowing if there might be something wrong. I’ve read that you can get a pelvic exam done with anaesthesia but I don’t know how to go about asking for that and I don’t have money to pay for anaesthesia. I don’t know what to do. I just want help, why isn’t this stuff affordable? What am I suppose to do if I can’t live my life? Because that’s the thing. I’m not living my life and also happen to have trauma and mental illness. I’m not living at all. I can barely function. I rely on my parents for everything but I don’t want to put that pressure on them, I want to take care of them as they get older, not have to be taken care of by them. I don’t know what to do… I’m losing hope of ever recovering & being able to live a normal life…

AdriftAnnie What is wrong with me?
  • replies: 4

A few years ago I reconciled with my husband after he physically and sexually assaulted me. We had been married over a decade and had children and he spent some time in custody and did his community service and swore to me this had changed him. And i... View more

A few years ago I reconciled with my husband after he physically and sexually assaulted me. We had been married over a decade and had children and he spent some time in custody and did his community service and swore to me this had changed him. And it has changed him. He hasn’t been abusive since that day, almost 4 years ago. Prior to the assault he had been for 3 years addicted to synthetic marijuana. I had no idea for the first year as he did nothing but lie to me. I discovered in the third year of his addiction that he was also on dating websites and this absolutely broke my heart. More than being brutalised by him. I can’t get over it. I can’t move on from it. I still get triggered. My question is, why can I forgive all the other things he’s done, but not this? What is wrong with me that I choose this to be upset about? It seems so trivial by comparison to all the horrible things he’s done over the course of the relationship. I feel defective. Discovering his dating profiles was like taking a bullet. The assault? I remember only fragments. I feel nothing when I think about it. No flashbacks, no triggers, nothing. That’s not normal is it? What is wrong with me?

zjr95 Childhood trauma
  • replies: 4

Hi all, Can someone make sense of my brain, I feel all over the place. I was rebellious once I hit my teen years I think as a result of my parents. My dad left when I was 8 years old and tried to make me choose between them when they split. I got int... View more

Hi all, Can someone make sense of my brain, I feel all over the place. I was rebellious once I hit my teen years I think as a result of my parents. My dad left when I was 8 years old and tried to make me choose between them when they split. I got into heaps of trouble, and my parents tried so hard to control me to the point where I was physically abused. My point is, I am 26 years old. I still have these traumatic memories. I don't know how to heal from them as I guess this is why I am the way I am today. I have terrible social anxiety to the point where I can't even speak to people. I find it so hard to trust people. My mind is so clouded and anxious that I can't even speak properly. I still have a close relationship with my parents but I wonder if this is a obstacle in my path to actually healing? It's hard because they are my parents and we are pretty close now, but it wasn't just discipline, it was child abuse. Would love to hear people's opinions. Thanks for reading.

emeraldcity PTSD - birth trauma
  • replies: 2

Hi I don't know where to start, but first time reaching out from my first born birth experience. I've spoken with friends but not anyone professionaly. I suffered a severe 4th degree tear, with multiple post partum hemorrhage s. I have flashbacks of ... View more

Hi I don't know where to start, but first time reaching out from my first born birth experience. I've spoken with friends but not anyone professionaly. I suffered a severe 4th degree tear, with multiple post partum hemorrhage s. I have flashbacks of seeing the blood and it takes over. With my second child i had hemorrhaging again and now I feel even worse. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about this and feeling like no one to support me now. I don't also want to overwhelm my husband or anyone so I'm not reaching out about how I'm feeling.

John_P Porn and video game addiction in men to mask trauma
  • replies: 2

Hello. about 5 years ago I underwent some trauma where i was in a failed relationship-and all alone in a big city!. I was 31 at the time about to get engaged. The relationship ended without a reason, and it activated severe anxiety and depression in ... View more

Hello. about 5 years ago I underwent some trauma where i was in a failed relationship-and all alone in a big city!. I was 31 at the time about to get engaged. The relationship ended without a reason, and it activated severe anxiety and depression in me. I needed to self medicate and i was never a drinker or took drugs, so what did i do to sooth my pain!- porn and gaming! This then resulted in an addiction which i beleive is prevelent in youg men! I beleive it is the new epidemic!. after 5 years of attempts to remove my porn addiction, i had been successful on and off but always came back to this crux, no matter how hard i tried! i would crave a relationship with a woman but my mind would always give in to this devil which is porn. I have tried to start many many relationships with women, where i would date a woman for a few months, then end it. This cycle was a result of my addiciton. For me its got nothing to do with the actual porn, but the dopamine rush my mind gets to sooth my mental health issues. What has worked for me was an accountability partner and also device app restricitions. I am not means healed from this as porn has been something i have used to sooth my pain a least a couple of time a week for a decade. I dont know a young man that does not look at porn! I am worried for the youth and the effect this has on a generation and the side effects it will bring to society. Because in most mens mind, its not about the women in porn, its about the dopamine rush that cannot be found elsewhere! This dopamine rush is so strong that the mind craves it and will do anything to get it. The website: 'your brain on porn' has helped me a lot to deal with this devil! The real struggle is when i dont have access to porn my mind tries to find anyway possible to get it! Also, im worried that when it is removed entirely will my mental health issues calm down? how can i deal with these anxiety and depression symptoms? How do i approach a woman to ask her out? How will i build a serious relationship? Will i be able to crave my woman or will this porn desire be in the back of my mind? Will anybody be able to love me? these are my worries in 2022

Mononc Introducing myself
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm a middle age man who was diagnosed with complex PTSD some years ago due to working for over 2 decades in the security industry. There are not specific event that gave me PTSD, just an accumulation of things: being threatened with beating / st... View more

Hi, I'm a middle age man who was diagnosed with complex PTSD some years ago due to working for over 2 decades in the security industry. There are not specific event that gave me PTSD, just an accumulation of things: being threatened with beating / stabbing / shooting, having to talk down jumpers, having to physically restrain guys trying to bash their girlfriend / wife, the odd hostage taking and just too many number of times having to deal with aggressive drunks, junkies and generally unpleasant people. Because of the PTSD, I tend to have what the therapist called "Hypervigilance" and what my wife calls "Guard Mode". I find it nearly impossible to just relax, unless I'm quite drunk, and when going out with my wife, I will tend to just keep "vigilant" around us in case of troubles, something which is heightened if someone is being loud or disruptive. Following my diagnostic, I tried to get therapy including 2 years ago seeing an Anger Management therapist. I haven't really found any of it helpful and am now trying to find way I can get better by myself so I don't start crying or raging out of nowhere. I've also tried various medecine and dosage but either they don't have any effect or else they make me so drowsy the next day that I can't do anything useful for half of the day. I also tried yoga but honestly, the whole gentle talking / supernatural talk made me more annoyed than anything. I'm mainly looking for things I could do by myself to try to get myself to not crying or raging so easily so that I can fix other parts of my life.