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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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zjr95 Childhood trauma
  • replies: 4

Hi all, Can someone make sense of my brain, I feel all over the place. I was rebellious once I hit my teen years I think as a result of my parents. My dad left when I was 8 years old and tried to make me choose between them when they split. I got int... View more

Hi all, Can someone make sense of my brain, I feel all over the place. I was rebellious once I hit my teen years I think as a result of my parents. My dad left when I was 8 years old and tried to make me choose between them when they split. I got into heaps of trouble, and my parents tried so hard to control me to the point where I was physically abused. My point is, I am 26 years old. I still have these traumatic memories. I don't know how to heal from them as I guess this is why I am the way I am today. I have terrible social anxiety to the point where I can't even speak to people. I find it so hard to trust people. My mind is so clouded and anxious that I can't even speak properly. I still have a close relationship with my parents but I wonder if this is a obstacle in my path to actually healing? It's hard because they are my parents and we are pretty close now, but it wasn't just discipline, it was child abuse. Would love to hear people's opinions. Thanks for reading.

emeraldcity PTSD - birth trauma
  • replies: 2

Hi I don't know where to start, but first time reaching out from my first born birth experience. I've spoken with friends but not anyone professionaly. I suffered a severe 4th degree tear, with multiple post partum hemorrhage s. I have flashbacks of ... View more

Hi I don't know where to start, but first time reaching out from my first born birth experience. I've spoken with friends but not anyone professionaly. I suffered a severe 4th degree tear, with multiple post partum hemorrhage s. I have flashbacks of seeing the blood and it takes over. With my second child i had hemorrhaging again and now I feel even worse. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about this and feeling like no one to support me now. I don't also want to overwhelm my husband or anyone so I'm not reaching out about how I'm feeling.

John_P Porn and video game addiction in men to mask trauma
  • replies: 2

Hello. about 5 years ago I underwent some trauma where i was in a failed relationship-and all alone in a big city!. I was 31 at the time about to get engaged. The relationship ended without a reason, and it activated severe anxiety and depression in ... View more

Hello. about 5 years ago I underwent some trauma where i was in a failed relationship-and all alone in a big city!. I was 31 at the time about to get engaged. The relationship ended without a reason, and it activated severe anxiety and depression in me. I needed to self medicate and i was never a drinker or took drugs, so what did i do to sooth my pain!- porn and gaming! This then resulted in an addiction which i beleive is prevelent in youg men! I beleive it is the new epidemic!. after 5 years of attempts to remove my porn addiction, i had been successful on and off but always came back to this crux, no matter how hard i tried! i would crave a relationship with a woman but my mind would always give in to this devil which is porn. I have tried to start many many relationships with women, where i would date a woman for a few months, then end it. This cycle was a result of my addiciton. For me its got nothing to do with the actual porn, but the dopamine rush my mind gets to sooth my mental health issues. What has worked for me was an accountability partner and also device app restricitions. I am not means healed from this as porn has been something i have used to sooth my pain a least a couple of time a week for a decade. I dont know a young man that does not look at porn! I am worried for the youth and the effect this has on a generation and the side effects it will bring to society. Because in most mens mind, its not about the women in porn, its about the dopamine rush that cannot be found elsewhere! This dopamine rush is so strong that the mind craves it and will do anything to get it. The website: 'your brain on porn' has helped me a lot to deal with this devil! The real struggle is when i dont have access to porn my mind tries to find anyway possible to get it! Also, im worried that when it is removed entirely will my mental health issues calm down? how can i deal with these anxiety and depression symptoms? How do i approach a woman to ask her out? How will i build a serious relationship? Will i be able to crave my woman or will this porn desire be in the back of my mind? Will anybody be able to love me? these are my worries in 2022

Mononc Introducing myself
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm a middle age man who was diagnosed with complex PTSD some years ago due to working for over 2 decades in the security industry. There are not specific event that gave me PTSD, just an accumulation of things: being threatened with beating / st... View more

Hi, I'm a middle age man who was diagnosed with complex PTSD some years ago due to working for over 2 decades in the security industry. There are not specific event that gave me PTSD, just an accumulation of things: being threatened with beating / stabbing / shooting, having to talk down jumpers, having to physically restrain guys trying to bash their girlfriend / wife, the odd hostage taking and just too many number of times having to deal with aggressive drunks, junkies and generally unpleasant people. Because of the PTSD, I tend to have what the therapist called "Hypervigilance" and what my wife calls "Guard Mode". I find it nearly impossible to just relax, unless I'm quite drunk, and when going out with my wife, I will tend to just keep "vigilant" around us in case of troubles, something which is heightened if someone is being loud or disruptive. Following my diagnostic, I tried to get therapy including 2 years ago seeing an Anger Management therapist. I haven't really found any of it helpful and am now trying to find way I can get better by myself so I don't start crying or raging out of nowhere. I've also tried various medecine and dosage but either they don't have any effect or else they make me so drowsy the next day that I can't do anything useful for half of the day. I also tried yoga but honestly, the whole gentle talking / supernatural talk made me more annoyed than anything. I'm mainly looking for things I could do by myself to try to get myself to not crying or raging so easily so that I can fix other parts of my life.

Sootyjr Adult ADHD & CPTSD & Clarity of thought.
  • replies: 1

Good evening, I would just like to throw it out there and see what people think and if they have ideas. About 1 1/2 years ago I was diagnosed with C-ptsd, previous to this my Dr had me on antidepressants for depression. The reason for depression was ... View more

Good evening, I would just like to throw it out there and see what people think and if they have ideas. About 1 1/2 years ago I was diagnosed with C-ptsd, previous to this my Dr had me on antidepressants for depression. The reason for depression was never explored but even through the time on antidepressants I could feel what I described as "God's Fingernail" scratching in my Brain, only once I came off the pills and turning 45 did the repressed memories start to come back. After being referred to a counselor my Dr retired. I changed practices and during a check up I made mention of a couple of things that was a concern, inability to complete tasks, lack of attention to detail, cyclic thoughts. It felt like my brain was buzzing most of the time. Then I said that I never felt better than when I was on a weight loss drug, then wham! Psychology appointment and now take another medication, the brain is calm and I'm able to function normally, now the thing that I want to ask, now a lot of other issues that I never realized are starting to surface, separation anxiety being the one that stands out. Has anyone else experienced this, once one thing comes under control, something else will come up that needs attention? Self development is definitely a mine field.

MT3286 Want to take leave from uni to get better but am conflicted
  • replies: 2

Am 19 and last few years I've not been mentally well (dealing with childhood trauma, major depressive disorder, anxiety, maybe c-PTSD + constant re-triggering because my parents marriage blew up for real - infidelity, probable incest, domestic violen... View more

Am 19 and last few years I've not been mentally well (dealing with childhood trauma, major depressive disorder, anxiety, maybe c-PTSD + constant re-triggering because my parents marriage blew up for real - infidelity, probable incest, domestic violence, psychological and verbal abuse, court orders, police getting called on the regular]. By some miracle got into medical school in the mess of it all which has been my only reason for persisting through everything but am really questioning it all now. During this year, I spent majority of the time stressing, binge eating, having breakdowns and suicidal thoughts, mentally beating myself up and wanting to quit medicine (but honestly it might just have been COVID/lockdown?). At some point during one of the terms, I couldn’t even stand showing up to classes and half-listening (I had to excuse myself in the middle of a tutorial once, just could not cope). During that term, I was so close to just throwing in the towel but managed to hold on only because of the encouragement of some of my lecturers, family/friends. People say that it’s normal to have periods of being extremely unmotivated but I feel that the things that have been happening to me I just can’t put up with anymore. I keep wondering that maybe if I just had a more balanced life it'd all be okay - despite of it all, still getting good grades, I have a few good friends in med school, so it hasn't objectively been all bad. Because of my program layout if I take leave now I have to take leave for two years. I'm scared that I'll come back to medicine and find that nothing has changed and it's just as bad as it was when I left it and I just wasted two years for nothing while all of my friends are 2 years in front of me. I'm scared that we'll go back into lockdown or smth and won't be able to do anything. If I were to take leave I think I’d move out of home, get more independence, work on my health and get better, find a part-time job in perhaps something completely unrelated to medicine/education/studying for experience, travel, have a break from all the stress + pursue some of my hobbies.

Bec2014 Still affected by high school trauma
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, I have been seeing a psychologist for a year now and have finally made some progress in addressing my deep-set anxiety and depression. I wasn’t overtly bullied at school, but I wasn’t resilient enough to deal with constant horrible gossi... View more

Hi everyone, I have been seeing a psychologist for a year now and have finally made some progress in addressing my deep-set anxiety and depression. I wasn’t overtly bullied at school, but I wasn’t resilient enough to deal with constant horrible gossip and peers sneakily trying to bring me down, which resulted in me retreating into myself and really not having any self-confidence, which has stayed with me well into my thirties. Because there wasn’t any “overt” evidence of bullying I never classed it as such, but am learning to recognise that it actually comes in many forms. This deep-set trauma isn’t helped by the fact that I still have a couple of close friends from school who, in turn, are close friends with people who made my high school life hell. I don’t see these other people often, but when I do in occasional group settings I am triggered by panic attacks and am really rendered incapable of being able to move on and enjoy myself. After those encounters I spend days ruminating and feeling awful about myself even though I am well aware that there isn’t anything I can do to change days gone by, only the days ahead. Another such group event is on this weekend and - sure enough - the panic and embarrassment and depressive thoughts are back, and they are frustrating as all hell. I would love to seek the advice of others who are going/have gone through similar experiences. I like to think that one day I can move on from those awful high school days properly and I do feel really weak in that I haven’t been able to yet. Thank you all!

Chaz10 I feel lost and broken.
  • replies: 6

Today I saw my therapist. She has helped me feel safe and connected with her over time. After seeing her in session today I felt really guilty for having sad emotions and expressing them to her. Even though it’s her job to help me. I don’t want to be... View more

Today I saw my therapist. She has helped me feel safe and connected with her over time. After seeing her in session today I felt really guilty for having sad emotions and expressing them to her. Even though it’s her job to help me. I don’t want to be a burden of a client. I struggle to end our sessions because I’m afraid to feel this feelings on my own. I’m carrying all this weight and pain and it makes me feel like this is all that I am. I am made up of sadness and trauma. And I feel like at the moment I can’t be around anyone without weighing them down too. I don’t think that who I am is good enough for anything. My confidence feels shattered and I feel really lost. I feel like I should be doing better. I can’t sleep at night because my mind is repeating the abuse I experienced from my dad growing up. I am 25 and feel homesick. I want the love of parents that I never had. I want to feel safe and loved. I don’t want to feel broken anymore. I don’t want this to be my life anymor

JimmiD I'm in trouble. I could do with help and support.
  • replies: 5

I am a 65 year old male. I was subject to childhood abuse and trauma. I ran from 'home'. Lived rough. Seen it tough. I have been many things. Had many relationships. Two marriages. Helped raise to great kids. I have been in a relationship for over fo... View more

I am a 65 year old male. I was subject to childhood abuse and trauma. I ran from 'home'. Lived rough. Seen it tough. I have been many things. Had many relationships. Two marriages. Helped raise to great kids. I have been in a relationship for over four and a half years. I moved a long way to be in the relationship after being invited by my female partner to stay with her. I made a decision with her reassurance to leave my last professional job. It was a huge move based on trust. I was painted a beautiful picture. I committed to fulfilling my part in what was to be a good and loving relationship. In the time till now I have given my absolute all. I have supported her through her many personal traumas including sever chronic illness, anxiety, and depression. Only a few months into my living with her she began criticizing me for every thing I did. She worked while I did housework, cooked, and did a great deal of home maintenance and renovation for her. I paid my way and also worked on her home. I did tens of thousands of dollars of work on her property. Close friends of hers died. Then her parents died. I supported her and comforted her through her grief. There were many other problems she had to face including a very stressful job. Her criticism of me was very constant and often very harsh. I became nervous and felt my confidence and self-esteem was suffering. I am not the one to be a 'doormat' so I consistently spoke up for myself. This would just make things worse. She would accuse me of doing things or saying things that were either complete fabrications or distortions of reality. I was to blame for anything that went wrong or any conflict we may have. She told me what I said, what I thought, she corrected me constantly on word usage ( and I am a very well educated man), and rarely if ever complimented me on things. I was beginning to establish a small business from home as had been planned when after one of our frequent fights, she tried to kick me out. I stood my ground but left as soon as I was able. Over the years she has ended our relationship several times. She has always blamed me and rarely acknowledged any fault on her part.She has just ended our relationship again. I am blamed. When trying to problem solve she constantly blames me, accuses me, distorts things. She will not let me finish sentences when I try speaking up. She insists her version of facts is true. I feel she may have a narcissistic personality disorder and I am a victim of this.

Jak28 Rehoming a pet and loosing control, single and pregnant, not adapting to the change of it
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am new to this however wanted to seek any support or similar scenarios anyone has been able to overcome. I’m 34 weeks pregnant with my first child after the dad walked out a few weeks after finding out. We bought a puppy together shortly before... View more

Hi, I am new to this however wanted to seek any support or similar scenarios anyone has been able to overcome. I’m 34 weeks pregnant with my first child after the dad walked out a few weeks after finding out. We bought a puppy together shortly before finding out also. to give him credit we did rush into a relationship ship and he moved into my house very quickly still not ok to walk out I had to go off all my medication for CPTSD at the beginning of my pregnancy and have coped really well Fast forward to today when I’ve spent the past week trying to comprehend what is best for the puppy I am absolutely in love with and spend every minute with - I had to give her up for adoption and the best family came and got her as I can’t keep her and my other dog when a baby is on the way as my other dog is quite old and can be a little territorial I didn’t think it would have effected me so much but I’ve been having constant panic attacks, crying my eyes out trying to grieve the loss and feeling overwhelming guilt I feel like everything is changing and I’ve lost so much and am just not dealing with anything really we’ll add on the stress of giving birth which is just around the corner and having to change my whole life again on my own I’m terrified but mostly I just miss my girl She was such an amazing dog and I love her so much I just feel like I’m dealing with so much grief and it feels like I’ve lost so much this year that I’m at breaking point she’s going to be so loved but I cannot stop internalising what she may or may not be going through she’d be so lost in a house of strangers after being here with me and my tee dog for the past 8 months I feel so much regret I’m getting anxiety all of the time atm and it’s making me sick my panic attacks are all consuming and they terrify me last time I ended up in hospital as one lasted 6 hours and now I don’t have medication to soften the blow like I used to it makes me feel like I’m a different person and my whole way of thinking shifts and I become a stranger to myself it honestly scares me just wandering if anyone has gone through something similar and how they overcome the feeling of loss and heartbreak