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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Kayak Nursing and PTSD
  • replies: 3

Im now 60 and I loved my career as a RN and Midwife through all the hard times and good times but it all came to a screaming end the evening I got stood down as of immediately and told to leave the hospital and I would be told the reason why the next... View more

Im now 60 and I loved my career as a RN and Midwife through all the hard times and good times but it all came to a screaming end the evening I got stood down as of immediately and told to leave the hospital and I would be told the reason why the next day. I wasn't told and a week later I was told (that it had been assumed by heresy and conjection )that I had offered euthanasia to a terminally ill patient .I was totally overwhelmed and shocked by this accustion and in hindsight had a cardiac event . Over 6 months of investigation this was found unsubstantiated and I was told I could now go back to work as before. I did return to work with high anxiety but rumours and gossip ran high and I was told I could not say anything ,even that my name had been cleared as I would breach confidentiality regulations set by NSW health. Finally after being victimising and stigmatised by management I went down the workers compensation pathway and to make a long story short after another 2 years and involving Barristers and lawyers I won my case and received a WID payout. I was experiencing PTSD ,anxiety and depression. It was a long haul climbing out of that hole and I was grieving at the same time for the loss of my life as a nurse ,financial insecurity ,isolation from colleagues,feelings of judgement and helplessness and having no control over my life . During this time my pyschologist introduced my to "tapping" or EFT( emotional freedom technique )and it has been one of the most useful tools during this time frame .Just google it .Brad Yates utube clips are a good place to start .We can process what happens as much as we like with our frontal lobes but this" tapping " works on the amygala and hipocampus the areas in our brain that control fight or fright ..fear . My post today is to say along with mindfulness,staying grounded,journal work and a trauma course (TRTP )tapping has given me huge relief and has helped with improving sleep and decreasing nightmares,inactivating fear responses and increasing self esteem . Other things that have helped are my wonderful husband ,long term loyal friends ,my gorgeous daughter and not giving into the abyss of depression .I have slowly re-engaged with society and am content with gardening ,swimming and seeing beautiful parts of our world .A simple life where I can rest and focus on the journey of recovery is my day to day goal now .

DaffyDuck_ Idk if this is SA.
  • replies: 4

When I was 5, I started going to school and there was this boy in my class who always tried to hug, kiss me, and also grab me, mostly my arse. Once he tried to grab and kiss me again but I ran away from him so he ran after me and followed me but I hi... View more

When I was 5, I started going to school and there was this boy in my class who always tried to hug, kiss me, and also grab me, mostly my arse. Once he tried to grab and kiss me again but I ran away from him so he ran after me and followed me but I hid until the bell rang. I always told him to go away and to stop but he never did. Another time was when I was against a pole sitting down with my friends and he came up to me and put his legs either side of me and started thrusting in my face while he was standing, I pushed him away and told the teacher but he only rlly got a slap on the wrist. He did this I think from when I was like 5/6 - 9, but I don't know if this counts as sexual assault since he didn't really do anything extreme like rape and never actually kissed me (BC I shoved him off me before he ever could). And we were both so young and maybe he didn't know any better. Plus if it was sexual assault then I probably should've hated him but I didn't. I don't know the difference between sexual assault and sexual harrassment so I just like think that what he did wasn't that bad.

Sisko_H Dissociations
  • replies: 5

Hi. Just joined the community in hope to share and feel understanding. I'm a backpacker from EU. Been away almost 2 years now. Last session with my therapist feels like ages away. In general these years have been really good for my mental health but ... View more

Hi. Just joined the community in hope to share and feel understanding. I'm a backpacker from EU. Been away almost 2 years now. Last session with my therapist feels like ages away. In general these years have been really good for my mental health but recently my dissociations and anxiety has been acting up in new ways that can be very stressfull. Haven't really been sleeping well and my partner has started to worry about me, which makes me even more anxious. I keep switching personas at weird times and getting impulsive movements like damaging the wall or hurting myself. Also there has been more of those "can't get up from the bed" days. Starting to think that maybe I should look up some help but don't really have any idea where to start and not much money. I think all (or a big part why) this is happening is because I just miss home...

JustSteph Suicidal ideation
  • replies: 1

I have PTSD due to domestic violence. It has been about a year since I left and there have been a lot of ups and downs. Recently I have gone back to work and one of my children is having a tough time adjusting to being in childcare and not with me fu... View more

I have PTSD due to domestic violence. It has been about a year since I left and there have been a lot of ups and downs. Recently I have gone back to work and one of my children is having a tough time adjusting to being in childcare and not with me full time. I know there have been a lot of changes in their life but I have no other option but to work. The stress of daily tantrums at drop offs and then having to go straight from there to work has lead me to breaking down into tears most mornings and I find myself constantly thinking about whether it would be better for everyone if I weren’t around. I’m not actually suicidal, I wouldn’t do it, but I find myself thinking about it regularly. My ex keeps reminding me that the kids wouldn’t have to be in childcare if it weren’t for me choosing to leave the relationship and I can’t help but think about how I have ruined everything for everyone by leaving. The financial stress, the feeling that I am doing everything wrong, and the exhaustion from having to do everything every day has me constantly thinking about giving up and just not being here anymore. I don’t want to tell my therapist because I had been doing so well before starting work and I don’t want to disappoint anyone by admitting how I am feeling. I enjoy working and I need the money but I struggle with letting down my children by not being there for them every day. I am a constant disappointment and a failure at everything I am doing. I just needed a space to admit this because I can’t say it to anyone I know.

bluerose73 Trauma Bonding?
  • replies: 6

Hi, does anyone on here have experience they can share on trauma bonding? I think this is what I have with my husband which is why I am unable to leave him eventhough I know he abuses me...

Hi, does anyone on here have experience they can share on trauma bonding? I think this is what I have with my husband which is why I am unable to leave him eventhough I know he abuses me...

Centaured It hurts.
  • replies: 56

Ive blamed myself for my trauma my whole life. I'm starting to realise I'm right and that hurts. Not only was it my my fault but my actions following it led me down a dark path and I don't know how its ever going to change. So yeh background on the f... View more

Ive blamed myself for my trauma my whole life. I'm starting to realise I'm right and that hurts. Not only was it my my fault but my actions following it led me down a dark path and I don't know how its ever going to change. So yeh background on the first paragraph. my behavioural support practitioner saw me today and has told me we are going to start doing therapy together and wanted me to write some things down on what we need to address. I was randomly writing stuff about believing some stuff was my fault and some stuff that has happened. The I started crying. Now I'm wanting to self harm because the thing that was fault led to my first self harm and then everything has just escalated the last 10 years since then. How do you rectify PTSD with knowing you caused in the first place. Let alone trying to manage DID and bipolar amongst it all. I'm tired. I wish that first suicide attempt had just worked, even after these years.

Missunderstood1 Past domestic violent relationship ruining my life
  • replies: 7

TW. Hi I’m new here. Not really sure where to start. I’m 28 and have been in a Dv relationship in each of my relationships throughout my life.. the most recent in 2020 I was hurt physically the worst, was left with a black eye temple bruising head br... View more

TW. Hi I’m new here. Not really sure where to start. I’m 28 and have been in a Dv relationship in each of my relationships throughout my life.. the most recent in 2020 I was hurt physically the worst, was left with a black eye temple bruising head bruising and serious leg trauma. And ivo was put in place and the night it happened he made an application to get one on me. The whole thing is consuming my life. I feel like I’m a walking zombie. Living life but not really here… I’ve been on meds since I was 18. I don’t know what to do…

shanna_d Bullying/past trauma
  • replies: 2

This isn’t easy for me to talk about, but I thought I’d share it on here to help others in the same situation. High school was the worst time for me. Mainly in years 7-8. I was bullied mainly by one girl (we’ll call her B). At the time I was very qui... View more

This isn’t easy for me to talk about, but I thought I’d share it on here to help others in the same situation. High school was the worst time for me. Mainly in years 7-8. I was bullied mainly by one girl (we’ll call her B). At the time I was very quiet and shy which is probably why she targeted me. I just wanted to learn and to fit in at school. She would say things to make me cry and intimidate me. Once she got other girls in my class to gang up on me and bully me. They weren’t usually the mean ones. I guess they did it because of peer pressure I’m not sure. I dreaded going to school because of B. At the time I didn’t know why she targeted me. I thought I was the problem. Looking back on it I know that’s not true and that it was more about her insecurities and not about me. It was like she couldn’t go a day without bullying me. When we all reached senior year B matured and was nicer to me. I’ve since moved on from the experience but I’ll never forget it. At the time I was too scared to ask for help or talk to a teacher. I opened up to my parents about what was happening, which was very hard, and I ended up switching classes, which made things better. I bottled it up for a long time, because I was scared. But I realised it’s not good to handle these things yourself. It’s important to talk to someone you trust and can confide in so the situation can be changed. Being the shy and friendly person I was, I tried being nice to B despite how she was treating me. I thought I could bring out the niceness in her, maybe. It didn’t work. I always see the good in people, and I guess I thought I saw some good in her somewhere, and that she could find it. High school is only a small part of your life. It doesn’t last forever. Although it might seem hard now, things do get better. I hope someone sees this post and can relate to my experience.

G_Nova PTSD Diagnosis..
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, About halfway through last year I started seeing a new psychologist (my 3rd in 3 years). Pretty soon after she diagnosed me with PTSD and I was kind of shocked but also not surprised. I remember telling my parents and laughing at myself ... View more

Hi everyone, About halfway through last year I started seeing a new psychologist (my 3rd in 3 years). Pretty soon after she diagnosed me with PTSD and I was kind of shocked but also not surprised. I remember telling my parents and laughing at myself because it just seemed so strange to me to have PTSD because I never experienced abuse or neglect or anything like that. What I did experience was a very tumultuous childhood and I guess, seeing as the messiness started so early in my life, I grew accustomed to it, so for me its normal. I suppose that lead me to belittle the impact of my experiences, so I've kind of gaslit myself into believing that I'm ok when I'm really not. Like I will be having flashbacks everyday or so (to different extents), but still forcing myself to function until I completely crumble and wonder what happened. Its not until after I was given the PTSD diagnosis that I kind of allowed myself to be a little more broken if that makes sense. I was a little more vulnerable seeing as I was doing trauma work and recounting painful memories. I guess I was wondering what other people have done/changed after getting their diagnosis? Has the diagnosis changed anyones lives in a fundamental way or made you rethink how you see yourself and your behaviours? I don't know anyone that has PTSD (apart from my Grandpa who was in WW2), so as much as I talk to other people about how I am coping, they don't quite get it, especially since I appear as though I'm ok most of the time. G.Nova

white knight The trauma of fear
  • replies: 1

On the phone today. A 77yo friend male, talking about a dispute in his "men's shed" with his president, explains the conflict at a group meeting. among that story he tells "so I replied to that president "if I got off my seat you'll be on a one way t... View more

On the phone today. A 77yo friend male, talking about a dispute in his "men's shed" with his president, explains the conflict at a group meeting. among that story he tells "so I replied to that president "if I got off my seat you'll be on a one way trip to the hospital". My body begins to shake listening to this. My fears. No it isnt due to 3 years as a prison officer 40 years ago, nor conflict from people while carrying out my duties in semi law enforcement work over 4 decades. I know the origin- the excessive domination of my mother over us kids, the instant yelling to cause us to jump out of our skins, the emotional blackmail that surprisingly lasted well into adulthood, the fear of how our father will slap us when she meets him at the door hours after a conflict with her earlier that day, the lack of praise and so on. The seeds of anxiety were sown early in life and compounded till 27yo in my case when the volcano of emotion exploded. Now I write about it today How effective is putting fear into someone? Well, I'm about 130kg, strong, past experience in defending myself in my jobs and my mother? 90yo now, 5'3" tall and alive and well, so I'm led to believe as I, along with my sister, have had zero contact for 11 years (our choice). That's another story but briefly she had ruined my first wedding (1985) and threatened to ruin my second (2010). Why? control, jealousy, demanding of attention, but most likely imo a denial all her life to seek help for some mental illness that likely resulted in us 3 siblings suffering. Both my sister and I attempted suicide in the 1990's, our older brother carried it out in 1978 at 26yo. All 3 of us kids bipolar. The ramifications of fear from a parent can be so effective that I'm well aware I will fear her following her passing. Why? The echoes in my mind of her voice, the sternness of it, the control like being in a emotional straight jacket and her listing all the punishments she can think of, all the time laughing. The guilt also lingers. See, when you have a bad parent and you are trying to cope, if that parent also had nurturing in her veins when you were young, that creates guilt. How could a nurturer become so evil, it must be my wrong judgement of her? Those seeds of guilt were in her pocket. I know that to cope with this fear I have to live with it. But I'm working on forgiveness. Not to her directly but within myself. To forgive her for being cruel...nah, only pursue challenges you can succeed at... TonyWK