Trauma Bonding?

[bluerose73]

Hi, does anyone on here have experience they can share on trauma bonding? I think this is what I have with my husband which is why I am unable to leave him eventhough I know he abuses me...

[Sophie_M]

Hi bluerose73,

Thank you so much for your openness and strength in sharing this here. It sounds like there is a lot going on, and we’re really glad you could reach out to the forums.

We’d recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT to get support with this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 and they also have webchat here. You could also speak to our friends over at Blue Knot who work with adult survivors of trauma and abuse on 1300 657 380 (available 9am-5pm AEDT, or email helpline@blueknot.org.au)

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

We’re sure we’ll hear from our lovely, supportive community soon, some of whom will be familiar with what you’re going through. In the meantime, here’s a few things you might like to look at:

• Blue Knot’s advice on self-care for survivors of trauma and abuse
• 1800 RESPECT’s next steps for mental health pages

We are here to support you and you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing here. Please feel free to share a bit more and let us know what is going on for you, and what might help, if you feel comfortable.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Angelinawan]

I don’t know, but I am wondering if I have it too. I was awful and unfaithful and left the marriage in a manic episode and I have been trying to fix things ever since. He hasn’t healed at all and his PTSD outbursts are leaving me traumatised but I don’t trust my own judgement about when we should give it away….

[Mum Chris]

Hi Bluerose

leaving an abusive relationship takes careful planning and a determination to move forward. Abuse can be subtle and undermine your sense of self.
I left an abusive relationship 21yrs ago and never went back. It took me a long time to get to a place where it was safe to do so and I didn’t care what I was leaving behind.
I got help from the domestic violence hotline they can provide support counselling and accommodation. Took me a few times to make it stick and as you are on the forum and asking questions this is very good sign you want better for you. No one with knowledge of abusive relationships would judge you for having trouble leaving. You love a person and it’s hard to see that maybe you fell in love with a lie. I have found it helpful watching YouTube videos on narcissistic people and the damage they do. My brother explained to me that I shared a room growing up with a narcissist sibling who really hated me. There were other damaging and toxic people in my childhood and I never learnt to protect me as a child so how could I as an adult. I have just been diagnosed with CPTSD and I’m again struggling but that’s a result of the terrible impact of my early life and the marriage I fled from a longtime ago. Don’t underestimate how harmful it is to be hurt by the people you love.
Call some support agencies find out what’s on offer but do it secretly. See how you feel and what you want. I’m not saying you have to or that your situation is same as mine. Some couples fight and tear each other apart and both need help to break the pattern.
I tried to fix and change others behaviour and the only thing I can change is my proximity to toxic people.

[Missunderstood1]

Yes 😞

it is the hardest thing to walk away. I know it’s wrong but I have such an attachment with my abuser.. you are not alone.

i was not married to my abuser and currently am not with him but still have that attachment. I’ve had people say to me oh you must like that feeling

it’s not true. We want to be loved so much and we love so hard, we don’t see anything but our love for them and want to make it work…

[Flower Earth angel]

trauma bond is very complex

i got baptised again as an adult

an di follow a chanel tha ti specific for christian women/men( theres also a male brother)

that discusses narcissistic abuse and or trauma bonds

[Guest_1643]

I, having a hard time with this too

Trauma bonding I think I would always still look up my ex abusee online, I've learnt not to do it now....there's many layers of detaching

It is lonely in some ways as people don't believe u or the complexity of the trauma bond is hard tomexplain

I hope you can secretly get some support from ppl whomwill validate you

Two orgs in Victoria I like are casa house and wire women, and 1900redpect some ppl find helpful.