PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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MyProfile Coping with the distress from the collective of traumatic events
  • replies: 2

I was just on Facebook and noticed someone posted a picture of some people on their way to be executed in the Holocaust. I find images like that extremely distressing. I avoid the news because it really upsets me. How are we supposed to cope when we ... View more

I was just on Facebook and noticed someone posted a picture of some people on their way to be executed in the Holocaust. I find images like that extremely distressing. I avoid the news because it really upsets me. How are we supposed to cope when we are bombarded with distressing images and information of traumatic events that don't even directly affect us? I worry that it is intentional! I'm still so haunted by 9/11, by the planes crashing or going missing over the years, the world wars and the Holocaust, the building collapse recently.. Basically all the horrible stuff blasted at us by the media. I literally imagine how all the people must have felt, their suffering and fear and sadness, their last moments, their family's grief. How are humans supposed to cope with this much pain? It destroys me and preoccupies me unless I deliberately force myself to think of something else.

Small Sexually assaulted by my uncle
  • replies: 2

Everyone is saying it’s my fault and I’m not sure what to do anymore…

Everyone is saying it’s my fault and I’m not sure what to do anymore…

SkiitZ I think I have PTSD
  • replies: 4

Hi guys, Firstly, I've never spoken about this to anyone really and currently struggling with life quite badly. I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD but I do feel like that it is my underlying issue in terms of my mental health. I once smoked some pot ... View more

Hi guys, Firstly, I've never spoken about this to anyone really and currently struggling with life quite badly. I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD but I do feel like that it is my underlying issue in terms of my mental health. I once smoked some pot when I was about 16 which made me trip out quite hard and left me in that state of "tripping" for several days/weeks. I eventually got out of it and away from it and never touched drugs again but at the time I was so beyond scared and hated every second of it. It's clear it was laced with something else but unsure what yet. I was good for a few years and didn't feel any anxiety or worries about anything really but when I did I felt like I was sort of tripping a little bit, takes me back to that night and I've always been scared about feeling that way again as it was the worst day of my life. I didn't really think about it like that before but it does definitely seem like PTSD is the thing I have and struggle with. My anxiety has been HORRIBLE as of recent and feeling like I am "tripping" when my anxiety is high again but not to the full extent but other symptoms I get is my memory becomes foggy, I come to an instant panic and need to leave where I am or what I'm doing and get home asap, I feel like life is pointless and seems "fake" sometimes. Hard to explain but just wanted to share. I hope I can get a proper diagnosis soon and get the help I finally deserve because I can NOT live like this anymore. It affects my every day life, jobs, relationships and everything in between. I am petrified I will never feel normal again.

pl515p1 Trauma relived over and over, how long can a person go on this way?
  • replies: 1

These past several months have been a blur, I have been treading water so long, I wish I had some solid ground upon which to stand. Losing my dad, finding my brother, losing my mother, finding my uncle, losing my aunt... I cannot believe all of this ... View more

These past several months have been a blur, I have been treading water so long, I wish I had some solid ground upon which to stand. Losing my dad, finding my brother, losing my mother, finding my uncle, losing my aunt... I cannot believe all of this has happened, yet it has. For a variety of reasons I still have to live in the family home where I found my dad, all of these months later I still exist only in the front room, the other rooms past his bedroom are merely memories to me now. Memories are what haunt me, I have packed everything in readiness to move, a move I have had to put on hold, and this terrifies me. Everywhere I look reminds me of dad, of mum, the faded marks of pictures that once hung on the wall, the faint smell of all of those wonderful meals we ate together, the echoes of laughter we all shared, now drowned out by the deafening silence of an empty place I once called home. I don't know how much longer it will take until everything is settled and I can move, I don't know how much longer I can last. How can one come to terms with a trauma, if one is constantly exposed to it each and every day? I feel myself deteriorating, having to wake up here, remembering that initial day when I woke up and called out to him all over again... I am so scared right now, I am scared that the damage has been done. I am scared that everything I have tried to achieve, with the support of my counsellors, will all fall away. I had slowly began to renter life over the past few months, reconnecting with my friends, enrolling into courses, attend further sessions, and even a grief support group, which was a daunting prospect but one I wished to push myself to do. But now with lockdown everything has halted, back to telehealth, back to here, back to nothing. These next two weeks I face inside this place scare me more than anything I have ever experienced. Just when I swam to shore, the wave takes me out again, I don't know if I have it in me to keep afloat. I have written so much, so many words, from poetry to music, I even created a book and video for dad for his f...... but words are I don't know how much damage has been caused by staying here so long...I hope everything is sorted soon, and I can move somewhere without this darkness hanging over everything, I miss dad so much, I miss mum, I miss my aunt, I wish my brother would connect with me, I wish I could go to sleep and wake up and things would be back to the way they were....

Bee1998 We were sexually abused by our grandfather
  • replies: 4

I can't remember the exact age I was when the abuse happened, but I do remember that I was still in pull-ups, so I was so young that I was still toilet training (I'm guessing between the age of 5-6). My younger half sister is 2 years younger than me,... View more

I can't remember the exact age I was when the abuse happened, but I do remember that I was still in pull-ups, so I was so young that I was still toilet training (I'm guessing between the age of 5-6). My younger half sister is 2 years younger than me, so she would have been 3 or 4. My brother is 2 years older than me. So he would have been either 7 or 8 years old. I have extremely clear and vivid memories of all of the abuse that occurred. I still remember what each room in the house looked like, the colour of the bed frames, the carpet, I remember everything like it happened yesterday. I am currently 23 years old, so this happened around 18 years ago. Throughout my teenage/adult years of life, I have struggled with intimate relationships. I have been cheated on multiple times, physically and mentally abused by previous partners, as I am an easy target for abuse. I struggle with abandonment issues. I have never had a relationship or friendship that has lasted. My main reason for this post is to talk about my older brother. He was living at home with me, my mum and our two younger half brothers since just over 4 years ago now. One day he decided to move out of home to go and live with grandparents (on my mum's side). My brother and I were super close before he left, and we were like best friends. Anyways, he moved into my grandparents house with them, and after a few months went by, I found out my grandma confronted my brother, asking if he was taking drugs, as she had noticed he was constantly sniffing. This seemed to distress my brother, and shortly after, he ended up moving out with some of his friends. A few months went by, I had tried to contact him, but would never get a response. My brother ignored me for months, then finally responded to me asking why he was ignoring me. He sent me a long message explaining that he felt guilty about what had happened with our grandfather, and briefly came out saying he had also been sexually abused. (At this point, I was unaware that he had also been sexually abused... I knew that he had watched me be sexually abused, as he had told our mum years after the abuse happened, but he had never told anyone that he too was abused.) Reading the message he sent me was very upsetting, and I felt extremely confused as to why my brother would not want to speak to me or see me. Another 3 years have passed. I still haven't been able to speak to or see my brother, as he has cut all contact with me. I feel I am being blamed.

Dog_mum_52 Should I share trauma with my family
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I am a long time reader and first time poster here. I have been working through a trauma I experienced sone years ago with cognitive processing therapy and this has brought some things up for me. At the time, there was a complicated court cas... View more

Hi all, I am a long time reader and first time poster here. I have been working through a trauma I experienced sone years ago with cognitive processing therapy and this has brought some things up for me. At the time, there was a complicated court case and a lot of media that perpetuated what happened. I have never told my family (who are generally supportive) about what happened, but have been thinking about this for some time, especially now I am actively working on processing it. I am worried they won't react in a helpful way, and once they know there are things online where they would be able to see details of what happened and once I tell them it can't be un-told if that makes sense? I was wondering what people's experiences have been around this and if anyone has any advice. Thanks for reading

Peachy202 I found my deceased pet and can’t stop rethinking it
  • replies: 5

My pet cat went missing for 5 days the other day and I wasn’t sure what to think. Was he alive was he gone like I had no many thought rushing through my mind, I had a gut feeling something was terribly wrong and that he would be over my neighbours fe... View more

My pet cat went missing for 5 days the other day and I wasn’t sure what to think. Was he alive was he gone like I had no many thought rushing through my mind, I had a gut feeling something was terribly wrong and that he would be over my neighbours fence where nobody lives. For the past few days he was missing I’d check over the fence regularly but the grass was too tall to see anything, come Monday night I couldn’t take it anymore I jump the fence and start searching for my poor darling. After searching high and low I find him laying in the position he would lay in when we would sleep and that broke my heart, it looked like he had been attacked and he just didn’t look like him but I could tell it was him because that’s my baby. I stood there for a bit trying to breathe and stop my heart from racing because I didn’t know what I was going to do and felt like I was having a heart attack, I picked him up and took him home I couldn’t stop crying and my heart wouldn’t stop racing. For the past couple of night when I’ve tried to sleep as soon as I close my eyes it just goes straight back to the moment I found him, my heart starts beating faster and faster my eyes start watering and in that moment again I can’t breathe I have to sit up and try to breathe but it won’t help. I wake up in the middle of the night having flashbacks to when I found his lifeless body on the floor and I don’t know what to do because it hurts so much trying to breathe. I just hope the pain and hurt stops because I can’t deal with this anymore it hurts to even close my eyes, I don’t know what it is everytime I close my eyes my heart just starts racing and racing and I can’t stop it I have to sit up in my bed for me to feel semi ok again. Please someone help me

Moving forward happy My new Boyfriend and his old problems
  • replies: 6

So I have started dating someone and I recognise the signs of PTSD as I too have suffered with it. I have tried to be supportive, I have remained calmed and listened to all the stories that he has never told anyone else before. Sometimes I feel like ... View more

So I have started dating someone and I recognise the signs of PTSD as I too have suffered with it. I have tried to be supportive, I have remained calmed and listened to all the stories that he has never told anyone else before. Sometimes I feel like he is telling me these things and only seeing them for the first time himself because he spent so long trying to pretend they didn’t happen or push them aside to be able to keep going on. There has been times when I’ve felt hurt because he seems to still have so much emotions about the situation all which involves his ex and the trauma she inflicted on him over years. He has assured me that he no longer has any feelings for her at all. Is he just processing things? Dealing with them for the first time? There has even been intimate times that we have shared together where he ends up crying and saying that he can’t believe that he spent so many years feeling unloved and now he knows what love feels like. I want to be able to support him in the best possible way, and I think I could do that better if I understood what he is feeling. Any advice would be appreciated.

EarthAngel Losing a Mother
  • replies: 1

My story (extracts) goes back many decades ago ... I did not grow up with my mother and father. They divorced when I was almost 3 and we went to live with my father. I only saw my mother during school holidays. The two were constantly at loggerheads ... View more

My story (extracts) goes back many decades ago ... I did not grow up with my mother and father. They divorced when I was almost 3 and we went to live with my father. I only saw my mother during school holidays. The two were constantly at loggerheads over us and all I wanted to do was be with my mother. Due to my father's work, my brother and I were moved from one brother/sister of my father, depending on how things developed. Growing up I had very little interaction with my mom. As a teenager I 'demanded' to go and live with my mother who, in the meantime, had remarried and had two children. I spent my last two years of senior school living with them. I got married shortly after leaving school and then had even less interaction with my mother. After my second husband commited suicide , I invited her to come and live with me and my two younger kids (she had divorced by then) so that I could help take care of her. My two eldest kids were with my first husband. My mother refused, accusing me that I just wanted her to come and live with me so that she can become my babysitter. I was extremely hurt but said nothing. She ended up becoming the baby sitter to my younger sister and her husband. Despite this, I still loved and cared deeply for her. I never held this against my sister as she was unaware of what had transpired between me and my mother. When I eventually remarried for the third time, I left South Africa with my new husband to work in the Middle-East. We eventually settled in Australia and I brough my mom out for her 80th birthday. Despite everything that had transpired in our past, I still loved and cared for her. As she got older, I arranged with my siblings to take care of her and a year ago we got a live-in carer. In the past 6-months her health really deteriorated fast. As I did not want my sister and niece to be the two to discover my mom should she pass during the night, I, again, arranged with my siblings to have her rehomed into a frail care facility. She moved in on Monday and passed on Tuesday. I am really struggling to accept this and come to terms with her passing. I cannot understand why as she wasn't ever there for me when I needed her. I, in turn, tried to be there for her. I'm also concerned for the mental wellbeing of my siser and niece - they are both bipolar. I am already on anti-depression and anxiety tablets yet have this anxious, dead, dull feeling inside me. Why?

Knuckleberry_Poe Using Poetry as a form of communication during therapy
  • replies: 12

I know this sounds weird but when I first started therapy with a psychologist for severe nightmares and panic attacks, his 1st question was had I ever been the victim of abuse. I immediately said no because he had a student with him. A few sessions l... View more

I know this sounds weird but when I first started therapy with a psychologist for severe nightmares and panic attacks, his 1st question was had I ever been the victim of abuse. I immediately said no because he had a student with him. A few sessions later I admitted that I had been at school. I couldn't look my psychologist in the eyes. And I couldn't really verbalise how my life had snowballed into being the victim of abuse several times. It took me over a year to say the word r**e. So I would write what I needed to say. Eventually it became a form of writing it through poetry. This is one such poem. You left me wounded A flicker of candle flame Burnt down to the nub Wax melted White like my spirit Red as thick as blood Your devious actions Burns too long In my memory Ash as hot as hades You moved on Unconcerned Of the hurt you inflicted I stayed here Languishing In the uncomfortable Pain of it The harder I try to heal The deeper the burn Your image implanted Deep in my soul