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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Aurora2015 Poetry to deal with PTSD triggers
  • replies: 3

Hi, First time poster here. It's the eve of my birthday, I'm in lockdown, live alone and have had a week of being triggered for a multitude of reasons. Having been in therapy on and off for years, I am picking up more and more tools to help deal with... View more

Hi, First time poster here. It's the eve of my birthday, I'm in lockdown, live alone and have had a week of being triggered for a multitude of reasons. Having been in therapy on and off for years, I am picking up more and more tools to help deal with the dark moments and more often than not (these days) cope well and manage triggers as opposed to acting out on them. I don't consider my writing good, have no idea where the words came from, but it feels better verbally dribbling them on a page. Can anyone relate? HIDE The pain is there, beneath the surface; You blink and a crack shows; Quick! Hide it, make a joke, Don't falter! "You look sad" they'll say; Laugh it off, deflect, dismiss; Just don't let it show! You'll go home, alone. You'll cry, you'll break; The wound will bleed, the pain is there; You'll sob until you're numb; Then you'll sleep. Morning comes. You look in the mirror, the pain is there; It's in your eyes, on your face and in your general demeanor; Hide it! Make-up, humor, anything. Don't let them see! They won't understand. No-one does. They never have. They never will. You'll smile and crack a joke as you arrive at work; "You look happy" they'll say; You'll wink, crack another joke and get to work. You'll go home, alone. You'll cry, you'll break; The wound will bleed, the pain is there; You'll sob until you're numb; Then you'll sleep. Finite.

Sarah2021 PTSD where it started
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, So it all started on the 14th of May My neighbour tried calling me at 12.30am and 4.20am but my phone was on silent I woke at 7 and tried calling her back with no answer so I msged her daughter and said is your mum ok she tried to call m... View more

Hi Everyone, So it all started on the 14th of May My neighbour tried calling me at 12.30am and 4.20am but my phone was on silent I woke at 7 and tried calling her back with no answer so I msged her daughter and said is your mum ok she tried to call me she said really I haven't heard from her so she tried to call her with no answer so the daughter then called me and said I'm really worried about mum can you go and check on her. I went over let myself in with the spare key the kitchen light was on she was there I went into her bedroom she must have gotten out of bed and collapsed she landed on her chest of drawers I called 000 and I had to get her onto the floor to start cpr by the time I got her onto the floor the paramedics were there who started cpr but they couldn't save her I'm struggling with it all I keep thinking about this awful day with flashbacks and it gives me anxiety. I would like to hear from other people to get some support

FeelingWorthless-93 Trauma from an abusive relationship & I think I have PTSD?
  • replies: 4

Hi, 6 weeks ago, my ex walked out on me. We've been having some arguments and internal pressures in the lead up to it. The reason why I believe I have PTSD is from the way he left me, as he left me with a packed car and said to me "I don't want this ... View more

Hi, 6 weeks ago, my ex walked out on me. We've been having some arguments and internal pressures in the lead up to it. The reason why I believe I have PTSD is from the way he left me, as he left me with a packed car and said to me "I don't want this anymore, I want to go and find someone new and something new. Please let me go". I didn't see the way he was going to leave me coming, as I wanted us to sit down and talk about it. Come to the conclusion together it wasn't working out anymore. That night has reoccured in nightmares and flashbacks for me which has made me feel anxious even at work. Our relationship was abusive in a way where he: -Financialy Abused Me -Emotionally Abused Me -Domestic Violence - Manipulation - Gaslighting Since he left me, I keep asking if we can be friends but he has rejected this multiple times and even says he doesn't think we can be friends. I still care about him, even though he makes me feel unworthy, even as a friend. How do I stop all this, PTSD, anxiety and feeling of unworthiness?

rarepixy Complex trauma/complex PTSD
  • replies: 13

Hi I dont even know where to begin. So is anyone about that has been diagnosed with complex ptsd from childhood abuse around? I find very minimal support groups with hours upon hours or searching. I suffer many health problems due to this mental heal... View more

Hi I dont even know where to begin. So is anyone about that has been diagnosed with complex ptsd from childhood abuse around? I find very minimal support groups with hours upon hours or searching. I suffer many health problems due to this mental health problem ill call it. Just looking for others to talk to as no one understand that our brains are literarily wired differently from others. Medical fact btw. anyone feel free to comment

DisplayName5742 Impossible to Forgive?
  • replies: 11

Hello fellow members, Writing here today as I feel I'm unable to forgive what's been done to me in the past. This may get rambly, I apologize in advance. Firstly, a little background. While growing up I was abused by both of my parents, mainly throug... View more

Hello fellow members, Writing here today as I feel I'm unable to forgive what's been done to me in the past. This may get rambly, I apologize in advance. Firstly, a little background. While growing up I was abused by both of my parents, mainly through verbal abuse and emotional manipulation. My siblings also began to exhibit the same behaviour, I was heading the same way, until I realised it wasn't normal. I'm sure I still exhibit some poor behaviours. About seven years ago I cut all contact with them. I now have no contact with any biological family members. My family on one parents side were cut out of my life when I was a child. The other side of the family was cut out of my life as a teen, after two deaths in that side of the family. While it shocks some people when I tell them about it, I feel having no contact with my family is best for my mental health. As a side note, I don't feel trying to contact extended family is a good idea, as any correspondence will get back to my parents. After my parents separated, they went back to their siblings and parents, bridging that gap that was put in place. At that point I was already starting to cut out my parents, leading me to ignore their attempts to connect me with extended family. After everything that's happened to me, I don't feel like I can forgive my immediate family for their actions. I can still clearly remember some of the things that were said to me, and how they treated me. For example, I was left alone in the house all day on my sixth birthday. I don't have any memories earlier than that point, which scares me. At around eight, I was told that I was viewed as the family slave. My mother even said "why else do you think we had you?" when I got upset about it. After that I was outright treated as the family slave, with my siblings hurling expletive's at me if I didn't do the dishes when they wanted me to. There's a lot of other things that happened that I won't cover here, as it'll take me over the character limit for starters. Additionally, I wanted to provide some background to help give anyone reading this a better idea of my situation. I would feel more inclined to forgive them if they proved they'd changed, which hasn't happened. People are frequently told to forgive others, but in this case I don't think I can do it. Am I trying to force this too early, or are there just some things can't can't be forgiven? Thank you to anyone who read through this post. Regards, DisplayName5742

Abbat In laws issues
  • replies: 2

Have had 14 yrs problems with my in laws. Notably mil and fil. I have no parents as mine died a long time ago when I was younger. I am essentially alone. Having met husband and dated for a while, he moved into my flat and we lived there for a while. ... View more

Have had 14 yrs problems with my in laws. Notably mil and fil. I have no parents as mine died a long time ago when I was younger. I am essentially alone. Having met husband and dated for a while, he moved into my flat and we lived there for a while. I sold my flat and we headed to his home town. There I bought a house which I put into both our names. Fast forward four years. I was drug raped. No one believed me. Especially mil. Mil informed me that I must go back to where I came from and husband will be "fine in the house without you" (That I paid for). I go back to my home town. Husband follows me. We sell house. We rent. Eventually husband finds problems with his jobs. A regular occurrence and a lot of job hopping he does. We decide to move to a coastal town. We rent. Mil and fil decide to visit for Christmas. All our belongings were in storage. Visit was ok. Husband and I paid for everything. Then husband's job going badly so we have to move again. This time we stay in the place for a few years. Mil and fil visit again for Christmas. Mil rings Prior to visit. She asks if I have all my belongings with me. They stay with us in our home. Husband goes back to work after Christmas. All ok until then. They got me on my own, fil said "where are your valuables!" Very aggressively. I said I had given them to my cousin for safekeeping. A lie. I had hidden them away. They stayed for 5 weeks. During which time they made many trips with laden bags to the local op shop that I volunteered in. I was so busy cleaning and cooking for them that I had to cancel my volunteer Work whilst they were there. i did not realise that it was strange that they were donating things to the op shop when they were guests in our home. What could they be taking there? Before they left they shouted at me and told me I was useless as I did not have a job, they said their other Dil was so much better than me and had a career, they tried to Bait me but I did not react. My husband sat through their entire rant without standing up for me. After they left I discovered my family heirlooms were gone including my mother's jewelry, rosary, christening dress, her needlework, my stamp albums, ornaments and my great grandmother's collection of silk and lace. Mil rang and told me I must go to the op shop. I could not understand why. I found remnants at op shop, realised that is where they had donated my belongings, but could not trace them. I am v upset, personal family heirlooms. I can't accuse them.

Scapegoated I am a model and because of mean things my mother said to me I worry constantly about my appearance
  • replies: 3

I think I have body dysmorphia because I spend a lot of time thinking abolut the appearance of my nose. Even though I have modeled for years I still think it is not right and my mother and older sister were jealous of me when I was little and said th... View more

I think I have body dysmorphia because I spend a lot of time thinking abolut the appearance of my nose. Even though I have modeled for years I still think it is not right and my mother and older sister were jealous of me when I was little and said things about my appearance because my adult sibling came to the agency (modelling) and they did not accept her. Ever since then she has criticized everything about me and i was just wondering if anyone else here has experienced constant criticism and emotional abuse. I feel it is like stalking-watchung until I make a mistake then piouncing on me. It is really hard because i still have 2 years of school to finish before I can be rid of these abusers. I love my father but he was not strong enough to get away form my mother's constant abuse. She emotionally abuses him too. She manipulates him into thinking he could not do anything without her but his success is based solely on his intelligence. He doesn;t see that but I do. There are things i don;t see like how everyone says I am pretty I am thinking about the mean things my mother and sister said. I think it is a defence mechanism so that I don;t get conceited but trust me i am far from that. I have obsessive thoughts about my appearance because of how they hurt me.

FireAndIce84 PTSD caused by Narcissistic Abuse
  • replies: 6

Hi, I am a survivor of Narcissistic Abuse in my family of origin. I have both narcissistic parents, and their golden child daughter. I am the family scapegoat and since I left home and maintain minimal contact with my narcissistic family, I believe m... View more

Hi, I am a survivor of Narcissistic Abuse in my family of origin. I have both narcissistic parents, and their golden child daughter. I am the family scapegoat and since I left home and maintain minimal contact with my narcissistic family, I believe my intellectually disabled brother might now be the scapegoat, especially by my mother, which is why I think he ends up getting violent whenever she is close by. From 2009-2010, my sister made my family's (husband, myself and 2 sons) life hell. My NM fully supported her and I was subject to a smear campaign, along with my brother-in-law whom we eventually lost to suicide a few years ago. Since moving back home from NZ, I have not kept in contact with my parents' other daughter and have maintained minimal contact with my NM. I don't call them. They call me and I answer if I feel like it. For some reason, I was under the impression that my dad was an enabler, but after the events of yesterday and paying closer attention to events as I have had to do for my trauma work with my psychologist, I'm beginning to wonder if he was a Narc after all. I would like to share a couple of messages and hope that I could get some insight. Me: Hi Dadsy! It was good to hear your voice and to know that you had to take a break. You are working far too hard as always! Anyway, I have been doing a bit of end of life planning and I had a question to ask you. I hope that you don't think that I'm being rude or nosy. I was just wondering if there was something in your documentation for protecting (brother) and I from (NM) and (Emotional Vampire Sibling)? Background - I have spelled out the abuse to my dad in heartwrenching detail some years back and it was totally dismissed and I was told to reconcile with the sibling. Dad's Reply - Dear (name). I am sad that you feel the need for protection from your mum who has given birth to u and raised u up. She is not a demon to devour you. Neither your blood sister. The reason I need to work at 72 is because the 2 able kids I have cannot take care of us in any way. Both of u shed your responsibility leaving [brother] with us at an old age. We have given you both the best compared to the rest in my family with no returns. If I don't work who is going to feed us? (crying emoji x 3]

pl515p1 Leaving place of Trauma, feeling guilt for doing so.
  • replies: 2

I am feeling so lost right now. It has been several months since my father passed away unexpectedly at home. I have continued to live here with great difficulty, unable to access room beyond the living room as the trauma, shock, and memory of finding... View more

I am feeling so lost right now. It has been several months since my father passed away unexpectedly at home. I have continued to live here with great difficulty, unable to access room beyond the living room as the trauma, shock, and memory of finding dad in his room is too much for me. I have been living in the front room only and at certain points even had to leave to use the bathroom of nearby restaurant as the bathroom is down the hall, past my parents room. All of this has taken a massive toll on me, and finally after so much bureaucracy and hassle, I now have the opportunity to move, yet rather than finally feeling free, or even relief, I find myself feeling empty and lost. Moving is difficult at the best of times, now everything I wanted has sent me into a panic of feeling regret, remorse and guilt, guilt that I am somehow abandoning dad, thinking that since he passed in his sleep, maybe his spirit is here, and if I leave, he will be alone. I don't know, my mind is thinking so much now, rewinding back to all of the love and joy here, then to the sorrow and loss I am in, I don't know why I am feeling like this, I do know that dad was planning to move soon, he had talked about it for the past few years, readying to retire then move. And I know from speaking to his friends, he would not want me to be this way, afraid of my own home, yet afraid to move. I know he wants me to live a happy life, and be who I was before, the son he was so proud of. I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else experienced guilt and fear when deciding to move from a home that holds so many memories? Right now I feel stuck, can't stay here, afraid to move, I thought after such a long issue to solve, this would have given me some relief, yet it has only seemed to spur more sorrow, and somehow make his loss feel more real. I wrote two thing tonight, one was a for and against for moving, staying here has 8 things I could note, moving holds 12 or more positive things, yet I am contemplating rejecting the offer, even though I know I may not get another chance. Why is this happening? I feel a sort of Stockholm Syndrome now in this place, have I been here too long and no way out?

Fiatlux C-PTSD and Battered Wife Syndrome ** Trigger warning - Domestic Violence **
  • replies: 12

Can we discuss this. I have Complex PTSD and it’s been suggested that I be tested for BWS. I am terrified at the thought of it. I have read about it in preparation for it. My abuser and I are separated and living apart so I don’t have to see him. The... View more

Can we discuss this. I have Complex PTSD and it’s been suggested that I be tested for BWS. I am terrified at the thought of it. I have read about it in preparation for it. My abuser and I are separated and living apart so I don’t have to see him. The last time that he attacked me, I fought back. He is twice my size so it had little effect. I felt the rage of 30+ years of abuse and I thought that at that moment, I could kill him. I defended myself for the very first time but since that day, I still have thoughts of killing him if he ever touched me again. I hate that he has pushed me to this.