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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Scapegoated I am a model and because of mean things my mother said to me I worry constantly about my appearance
  • replies: 3

I think I have body dysmorphia because I spend a lot of time thinking abolut the appearance of my nose. Even though I have modeled for years I still think it is not right and my mother and older sister were jealous of me when I was little and said th... View more

I think I have body dysmorphia because I spend a lot of time thinking abolut the appearance of my nose. Even though I have modeled for years I still think it is not right and my mother and older sister were jealous of me when I was little and said things about my appearance because my adult sibling came to the agency (modelling) and they did not accept her. Ever since then she has criticized everything about me and i was just wondering if anyone else here has experienced constant criticism and emotional abuse. I feel it is like stalking-watchung until I make a mistake then piouncing on me. It is really hard because i still have 2 years of school to finish before I can be rid of these abusers. I love my father but he was not strong enough to get away form my mother's constant abuse. She emotionally abuses him too. She manipulates him into thinking he could not do anything without her but his success is based solely on his intelligence. He doesn;t see that but I do. There are things i don;t see like how everyone says I am pretty I am thinking about the mean things my mother and sister said. I think it is a defence mechanism so that I don;t get conceited but trust me i am far from that. I have obsessive thoughts about my appearance because of how they hurt me.

FireAndIce84 PTSD caused by Narcissistic Abuse
  • replies: 6

Hi, I am a survivor of Narcissistic Abuse in my family of origin. I have both narcissistic parents, and their golden child daughter. I am the family scapegoat and since I left home and maintain minimal contact with my narcissistic family, I believe m... View more

Hi, I am a survivor of Narcissistic Abuse in my family of origin. I have both narcissistic parents, and their golden child daughter. I am the family scapegoat and since I left home and maintain minimal contact with my narcissistic family, I believe my intellectually disabled brother might now be the scapegoat, especially by my mother, which is why I think he ends up getting violent whenever she is close by. From 2009-2010, my sister made my family's (husband, myself and 2 sons) life hell. My NM fully supported her and I was subject to a smear campaign, along with my brother-in-law whom we eventually lost to suicide a few years ago. Since moving back home from NZ, I have not kept in contact with my parents' other daughter and have maintained minimal contact with my NM. I don't call them. They call me and I answer if I feel like it. For some reason, I was under the impression that my dad was an enabler, but after the events of yesterday and paying closer attention to events as I have had to do for my trauma work with my psychologist, I'm beginning to wonder if he was a Narc after all. I would like to share a couple of messages and hope that I could get some insight. Me: Hi Dadsy! It was good to hear your voice and to know that you had to take a break. You are working far too hard as always! Anyway, I have been doing a bit of end of life planning and I had a question to ask you. I hope that you don't think that I'm being rude or nosy. I was just wondering if there was something in your documentation for protecting (brother) and I from (NM) and (Emotional Vampire Sibling)? Background - I have spelled out the abuse to my dad in heartwrenching detail some years back and it was totally dismissed and I was told to reconcile with the sibling. Dad's Reply - Dear (name). I am sad that you feel the need for protection from your mum who has given birth to u and raised u up. She is not a demon to devour you. Neither your blood sister. The reason I need to work at 72 is because the 2 able kids I have cannot take care of us in any way. Both of u shed your responsibility leaving [brother] with us at an old age. We have given you both the best compared to the rest in my family with no returns. If I don't work who is going to feed us? (crying emoji x 3]

pl515p1 Leaving place of Trauma, feeling guilt for doing so.
  • replies: 2

I am feeling so lost right now. It has been several months since my father passed away unexpectedly at home. I have continued to live here with great difficulty, unable to access room beyond the living room as the trauma, shock, and memory of finding... View more

I am feeling so lost right now. It has been several months since my father passed away unexpectedly at home. I have continued to live here with great difficulty, unable to access room beyond the living room as the trauma, shock, and memory of finding dad in his room is too much for me. I have been living in the front room only and at certain points even had to leave to use the bathroom of nearby restaurant as the bathroom is down the hall, past my parents room. All of this has taken a massive toll on me, and finally after so much bureaucracy and hassle, I now have the opportunity to move, yet rather than finally feeling free, or even relief, I find myself feeling empty and lost. Moving is difficult at the best of times, now everything I wanted has sent me into a panic of feeling regret, remorse and guilt, guilt that I am somehow abandoning dad, thinking that since he passed in his sleep, maybe his spirit is here, and if I leave, he will be alone. I don't know, my mind is thinking so much now, rewinding back to all of the love and joy here, then to the sorrow and loss I am in, I don't know why I am feeling like this, I do know that dad was planning to move soon, he had talked about it for the past few years, readying to retire then move. And I know from speaking to his friends, he would not want me to be this way, afraid of my own home, yet afraid to move. I know he wants me to live a happy life, and be who I was before, the son he was so proud of. I guess what I am asking is, has anyone else experienced guilt and fear when deciding to move from a home that holds so many memories? Right now I feel stuck, can't stay here, afraid to move, I thought after such a long issue to solve, this would have given me some relief, yet it has only seemed to spur more sorrow, and somehow make his loss feel more real. I wrote two thing tonight, one was a for and against for moving, staying here has 8 things I could note, moving holds 12 or more positive things, yet I am contemplating rejecting the offer, even though I know I may not get another chance. Why is this happening? I feel a sort of Stockholm Syndrome now in this place, have I been here too long and no way out?

Fiatlux C-PTSD and Battered Wife Syndrome ** Trigger warning - Domestic Violence **
  • replies: 12

Can we discuss this. I have Complex PTSD and it’s been suggested that I be tested for BWS. I am terrified at the thought of it. I have read about it in preparation for it. My abuser and I are separated and living apart so I don’t have to see him. The... View more

Can we discuss this. I have Complex PTSD and it’s been suggested that I be tested for BWS. I am terrified at the thought of it. I have read about it in preparation for it. My abuser and I are separated and living apart so I don’t have to see him. The last time that he attacked me, I fought back. He is twice my size so it had little effect. I felt the rage of 30+ years of abuse and I thought that at that moment, I could kill him. I defended myself for the very first time but since that day, I still have thoughts of killing him if he ever touched me again. I hate that he has pushed me to this.

Caracer My anger and living with ptsd
  • replies: 3

Well I was involved in a assault in the street in 2017 and since that day I can’t rest, relax, stop being hyper vigilant and this finished my marriage as the ex was abusive to me both verbally and mentally, I started drinking heavily as it took away ... View more

Well I was involved in a assault in the street in 2017 and since that day I can’t rest, relax, stop being hyper vigilant and this finished my marriage as the ex was abusive to me both verbally and mentally, I started drinking heavily as it took away the pain I suffer with everyday, after I had enough of the abuse I finished the marriage, I still had to talk to the ex as our daughter was young but the abuse from the ex didn’t stop until I stopped all communication with it, I then decided to get help with my drinking problem and that worked a little bit but I went back to my usual self drinking and not worrying about things, but then I meet a wonderful woman and we where going great and now I have pushed her away as I stopped talking and enjoying things and being angry or getting upset over little things and control things as I need to be in control of things, this is the result of my ex and I am seeking help with my ptsd but now I need help with ways to help me getting angry and not being in control, so I am open to suggestions

_blank *trigger warning* my experience w sexual assault
  • replies: 2

i went to a party w a couple mates and some guys we didn’t know turned up and basically one thing led to another and one of the guys i’d never met and a girl i’d met before ended up going into a bedroom. i hadn’t noticed seeing as i was somewhere els... View more

i went to a party w a couple mates and some guys we didn’t know turned up and basically one thing led to another and one of the guys i’d never met and a girl i’d met before ended up going into a bedroom. i hadn’t noticed seeing as i was somewhere else in the house. it wasn’t long before the girls friend started getting rlly stressed out and worried abt her friend who was very drunk in the room w a guy she’d never met. i can’t stop thinking abt what i could’ve done better. There’s not a day that passes without me thinking abt it which makes me very uncomfortable and upset, i just wish there was smthn i could’ve done and i wish i reacted better. this happened a while ago and i thought that it would only be up to a week of me replaying the situation in my head, but it’s been going on for months and i don’t know how to stop it. i’m not really sure what to do and i was hoping someone on this forum could help me find strategies to cope with this? if not that’s okay.

Rupes79 Struggling with therapy
  • replies: 15

Hi All, I started therapy a few months ago to work through a fairly traumatic life event. Leading up to the therapy I was functioning quite normally but I wasn’t happy. My psychologist diagnosed me with mild depression. About six weeks ago I started ... View more

Hi All, I started therapy a few months ago to work through a fairly traumatic life event. Leading up to the therapy I was functioning quite normally but I wasn’t happy. My psychologist diagnosed me with mild depression. About six weeks ago I started getting very anxious before each session. I would drink too much alcohol in the days leading up to therapy and it was occupying all my thoughts. I feel like my depression has increased and I’ve had to double the dose of my medication which has horrible side effects. I cancelled this weeks session because I was simply too worked up and distressed to go ahead with it. My psychologist wants me to continue as she thinks we are making progress but the more I think about it the more anxious and depressed I become. I’ve been thinking suicidal thoughts and I am not really sure of the difference between thinking and acting on suicide. I don’t want to talk to anyone I know about this for fear of alarming them but I am a little worried. Any advice would be appreciated. Cheers Adam

Rah33 Sleep avoidance and resentment for being awake
  • replies: 2

I have been trying to sleep more and avoid waking up. When I wake up I resent being awake. I resent having to deal with what I am going through. I had a terrible night trying to get to sleep my mind doesn’t stop thinking about being sexually assaulte... View more

I have been trying to sleep more and avoid waking up. When I wake up I resent being awake. I resent having to deal with what I am going through. I had a terrible night trying to get to sleep my mind doesn’t stop thinking about being sexually assaulted. It like I can’t control the thoughts and then I just start resenting my life. I have suicidal thoughts but don’t even want to die, I just want the thoughts and feelings to stop and I feel like I am trapped.

Rang Multiple Traumas
  • replies: 8

Hi, I'm new to all this so here I go, If anyone can relate please comment, I really don’t know where I’m at lately but I’m feeling very low and struggling with ptsd ,have sought help from my gp. It all starts 23 years ago when my wife and I lost our ... View more

Hi, I'm new to all this so here I go, If anyone can relate please comment, I really don’t know where I’m at lately but I’m feeling very low and struggling with ptsd ,have sought help from my gp. It all starts 23 years ago when my wife and I lost our first child, a baby girl who was still born. Life for us was very hard for some time. Never really got over it just got through it “somehow”. We now have 3 boys. A few years ago my wife, my 3 sons where fishing at a lake on the shore when a boat driven by a middle aged man pulls up near us screaming for help. There was 2 couples in the boat that had crashed into a tree at high speed, they where all thrown through the windscreen and had horrific injuries. I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination. It was just terrible. About 4 years ago I witnessed a domestic murder/ suicide at very close proximity to our house where a lady I knew quite well was a victim on a murder suicide. She survived he passed away. My family also witnessed this terrible event. Last year I watched as my best friend was cut down and passed away due to pancreatic cancer, then later in the year my mother in law past away with liver disease. Finally my beautiful Dad passed away at the start of the year which has left me shattered. So now I find myself in a terrible place. Hardly sleeping, not eating, not going to work,angry, moody and on the verge of throwing my job in.

braxthemusicman i think im losing my mind
  • replies: 3

The last 3 months have been really bad for my mental health (due to breakups, living situation, etc) but recently it just spiralled downhill. I feel like I can't trust the people I'm most closest with, and that I am a bourden on them when they want t... View more

The last 3 months have been really bad for my mental health (due to breakups, living situation, etc) but recently it just spiralled downhill. I feel like I can't trust the people I'm most closest with, and that I am a bourden on them when they want to just chill. I feel like a different person everyday, but one thing remains the same; I'm losing my mind. It hurts to cry and speak out, I can't love anyone the way I use too, I love different people at different times and I don't know what the hell is happening to me. I feel weak all the time, I feel like my friends don't want to hangout with me because they are sick of seeing me. I've also been hearing voices making me think of things I hate about myself. I don't know if this has to do with events the last few months, or a relapse of a bad depression episode, or if I'm schizophrenic or bipolar or anything, all I know is I'm going insane and I need help, but afraid to ask because of anxiety.