My anger and living with ptsd

[Caracer]

Well I was involved in a assault in the street in 2017 and since that day I can’t rest, relax, stop being hyper vigilant and this finished my marriage as the ex was abusive to me both verbally and mentally, I started drinking heavily as it took away the pain I suffer with everyday, after I had enough of the abuse I finished the marriage, I still had to talk to the ex as our daughter was young but the abuse from the ex didn’t stop until I stopped all communication with it, I then decided to get help with my drinking problem and that worked a little bit but I went back to my usual self drinking and not worrying about things, but then I meet a wonderful woman and we where going great and now I have pushed her away as I stopped talking and enjoying things and being angry or getting upset over little things and control things as I need to be in control of things, this is the result of my ex and I am seeking help with my ptsd but now I need help with ways to help me getting angry and not being in control, so I am open to suggestions

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there and welcome to the forums 🙂

It’s great that you’re seeking help with your PTSD. Getting better at managing that may help in your intimate relationships also. You could have a look at Relationships Australia. I know they were advertising an anger management class locally, and they are Australia wide, so they might have something near you. I did have a look at their website and they also had a tip sheet which may be helpful.

Other members may come along with further suggestions for you. Again, welcome. Katy

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Caracer,

Welcome. Welcome. I'm really glad you decided to join the forums and share about what has been happening; I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through with your ex and the assault.

It makes sense with PTSD that you do feel angry at times and the need to control things. You did say in your post that you are seeking help for your PTSD - how is that going? I believe that seeking help for your PTSD is actually seeking help for your anger at the same time- they actually aren't separate issues. If you are able to better manage your PTSD, you'll automatically better manage your anger.

Does this make sense to you?

rt

[Guest9337]

G’day Caracer,

Thanks for being open to suggestions, I love suggesting options. Connection through humour I attempt.

I am like the Star Trek Next Generation character Data, singing whilst scanning for lifeforms. See the Youtube Star Trek – Data’s Life Form Songs, for a better comedic expression of what I mean.

As I read your original post, I see you were able to get help that works for some time, after successfully ending an abusive marriage. A wonderful woman and you were going great when both of you are talking and enjoying things.

Helping with ptsd, anger management, and improving your control seem to be your wellness aims/goals.

Involvement in a assault in 2017 has been identified as when resting, relaxing and being calm became more difficult for you and drinking heavily diminished suffering.

I too have experienced violence and also feel intense anger.

We cannot write abusive stuff, so instead should aim ourselves with the precision of our anger about important values. Ones words written and sharpened with wit and eloquence and research and heart felt deservedly righteous fury, is quite a fun thing to do… and quite safe.

Aim to do it all in your head and your heart and write out in your safe space!

With a safe space for these processes, maybe acknowledging to your partner/friend that you’re going to be trying to safely probe your own anger as a means of working towards improved control.

What are your most important values? The kinds of things you would be extremely angry about if you couldn’t achieve nor express those values?

Would you be angry if someone took away your freedom? Would you be angry if a rich cruel thief stole your favourite item and destroyed it?

What makes you so angry, you want to take immediate decisive action!

Reflect upon your anger as a sign that something is wrong. Find out all the different kinds of anger that you can experience. Righteous anger. Fearful anger. Venting anger… etc.

How long can you feel angry about your most or least important values being denied? Discover the durations your varying angers last.

If you’ve reached here and felt anger without hurting anyone else, then well done!

The journey to mastery of anger continues!