PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 274

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Jiinkz completely new to this PTSD from ex partner and his family TRIGGER WARNING suicide
  • replies: 2

hey, i dont really know how this works but i need support or some advice on dealing with my ex partners suicide attempt and also being physically assulted by his family. I can still smell and feel how cold and still the air was when i found him in my... View more

hey, i dont really know how this works but i need support or some advice on dealing with my ex partners suicide attempt and also being physically assulted by his family. I can still smell and feel how cold and still the air was when i found him in my garage. I have flashbacks of that night. Certain things wig me out like walking into a garage by myself, i get instant flashbacks and break into tears. After i wash my hair i get anxious or scared to get out of the shower as thats where i was when he attempted suicide, as soon as he left in the ambulance i collected my things to folllow to the hospital but was stopped at my front door by his sister, brother, friend and sister in law, bashed out the front of my house robbed and then left me there. When my ex was in a stable condition his family told him i left him there. ive since then told him the truth of the night and have gone our seperate ways. he blames me for his suicide attempt. I cant sleep at night i wake up in sweats and tears. i dont know what im to do i struggle with major depression self harm and suicidal thoughts quite often. im crying out for help.

Bibbetyboo Single Mum, ex on IVO
  • replies: 4

I wasn’t planning a child. I explained that to him and why a month before I found out I was pregnant. I thought I could reason with him logically convince him to let me go, but he wanted control of my entire world. I was shattered i thought i would n... View more

I wasn’t planning a child. I explained that to him and why a month before I found out I was pregnant. I thought I could reason with him logically convince him to let me go, but he wanted control of my entire world. I was shattered i thought i would never get away from him now.I knew as soon as I found out that he would use this child to control my life. I was happy about the baby, but not that it was his. He wouldn’t help me to get a termination but he also wouldn’t discuss co-parenting. The fights were getting worse.The only deal he would make is us together, until he dies raising our child. After some serious concerns about his character I made a very hard decision and left him, again. That’s only a small amount of whats happened but after a stint in a homeless shelter with no back door during my first trimester in and out of hospital with severe migraines i folded and went back, he snapped again and i left. I went back again after the birth because i had nobody to support me, the phone lines weren’t enough, I was so scared. He did it again, I left again. He gaslights me badly, manipulates people and has breached his full IVO multiple times, I have reported it to police. I’m so stressed raising my son, i love him to bits but i have applied for a forever IVO on his father and I’m stressed and distant from baby because of it. I feel like i cant trust anyone. So many people have really screwed me over. I have so much to say. I really need to talk.

Guest_09801 Online/Zoom support groups or buddies?
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I am seeing a mental health nurse but have run out of "free" appointments, so only going every third week, which is the most my budget can stretch to. Am also very isolated (live in Vic), without a social network and my family live abroad - I... View more

Hi all, I am seeing a mental health nurse but have run out of "free" appointments, so only going every third week, which is the most my budget can stretch to. Am also very isolated (live in Vic), without a social network and my family live abroad - I was wondering if anyone knows of any (childhood) trauma support groups online - like via Zoom? (Am aware there's chats and places to phone, I would just personally prefer a support group).

Losthillbilly PTSD ?
  • replies: 2

As a child I was molested often by a family friend ... now almost 50 I have nightmares often sadness and anger hit out of the blue ...I’m Miserable I have no friends I keep to myself I feel guilty and I feel scared like someone’s going to know my sec... View more

As a child I was molested often by a family friend ... now almost 50 I have nightmares often sadness and anger hit out of the blue ...I’m Miserable I have no friends I keep to myself I feel guilty and I feel scared like someone’s going to know my secret and judge me on and I don’t eat I can’t sleep I walk around in a haze I can’t keep a job I can’t concentrate I don’t know what to do

butzy CPR on my dead brother
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, Wanting to find some support, guidance etc on the grief of the Ambulance Phone operator making me give CPR to my brother. Have others given CPR to a dead relative? how do you get over the trauma of doing so? it’s the only image I have in... View more

Hi Everyone, Wanting to find some support, guidance etc on the grief of the Ambulance Phone operator making me give CPR to my brother. Have others given CPR to a dead relative? how do you get over the trauma of doing so? it’s the only image I have in my head and cannot get rid of.

Kapable PTSD, gaslighting and what is abuse?
  • replies: 11

Hi, this is my first post ever on a forum. I was diagnosed with PTSD dissociative disorder with symptoms of depression and anxiety approximately 7 years ago (age 58) as a result of a childhood of emotional and psychological trauma as a result of my m... View more

Hi, this is my first post ever on a forum. I was diagnosed with PTSD dissociative disorder with symptoms of depression and anxiety approximately 7 years ago (age 58) as a result of a childhood of emotional and psychological trauma as a result of my mother and sisters. My partner of 15 years has in one way been very supportive. or does he use my mental health against me. If I get angry, which we all do, he tries to tell me and others "its my PTSD". I know and tell him there is a difference. He tracks me on my phone " incase you have an episode". Hmm they seem to occur mostly with him or when my stepdaughter. Not my imagination here... my son and friends have observed their behaviours towards me. Recently, we moved house 17 December. I had asked him to leave the move until after Christmas so we could spend a week with family which has been hard with COVID. "No he couldn't afford that leave". So 2 days after our stuff arrived we had my son, stepdaughter, her partner a 5 year old and 7 year granddaughter here for an early Christmas on 20 Dec. I asked him to leave all excess boxes until after everyone went home. We had bedrooms, kitchen and lounge room all set up. He insisted everything needed to be unpacked... a wall to wall garage of boxes. I begged him this was way too stressful for me... know when I am walking a fine line. His daughter smiled and said she didn't mind helping her dad. My son and I went out... he knew it was too much for me. Arrived home 3 hours later to tables laid out with all the excess kitchen items left for me to sort. Within 2 days I had a massive episode. Not sure if anxiety, PTSD or what. Yelled and screamed and hurled abusat him fighting to get my message across. This was as you can imagine damaged our relationship as I hurled all my negative thoughts ( I think the emotions and thoughts about my mother) at him. great for family! We are slowly getting it together. In discussion I said we could have avoided this extreme pain if he had listened to me and considered my way of handling the move. Said this to his daughter as well. Both responded " well you would have got unwell anyway!" and " what about dad's mental health?" (true). This is how it always goes they so how do they know I would always get unwell? Is this abuse? Would they do something to someone if they knew it would cause extreme physical injury? Could they be gaslighting to control someone they perceive or want to believe is "weaker" then them? How can I know?

Guest2583 Narcissistic Parent
  • replies: 22

Hi, I've grown up with (who I think) is likely a narcissistic mother (my parents split when I was very young so I've lived primarily with her) and lately I just don't know how much more I can take. I've always struggled a lot with low self-esteem and... View more

Hi, I've grown up with (who I think) is likely a narcissistic mother (my parents split when I was very young so I've lived primarily with her) and lately I just don't know how much more I can take. I've always struggled a lot with low self-esteem and confidence because of her comments constantly putting me down (except I always thought it was me not her), but this year, during my Grade 12, anxiety and depression took a huge toll on my life and my Mum refused to believe it was a genuine issue and kicked my older sister out of the house when she tried to explain the urgency of my situation to her. I'm now thankfully coming on the other side of my mental health challenges, but still living under the same roof as her is making me start to question my sanity and feel almost like I'm trapped in a prison - I hate being here. Ever since she told my sister to leave, she has lost touch of any sort of boundaries with me (goes through my room, messages my friends without asking me, takes complete control). She's been trying to control my school-life, relationships, future and I just feel like a puppet on a string. When I ask her to give me space, she thrives off the fighting and says comments like "it's my house I can do what I want" "Who are you anymore? Why are you so cruel to me?" or "You're a cop-out, you will never achieve anything in life if you treat people like this". I'm already in a really emotionally vulnerable place, so when she says stuff like this to me it makes me really question whether what she's saying is actually right and if I've been wrong all along - No matter how hard I've tried my whole life, I've never got her acceptance and I don't know why I keep trying - It's a continuous cycle of disappointment, hurt then trying to leave her and live with my Dad, only to be reeled back in with showering of gifts and obligations. So I guess I'm asking if anyone else has been in a similar situation with their parents and what the best action is to do? Is it worth me trying to fix the relationship and be honest with how I feel or should I just leave? Any advice would be very much appreciated.

DearHedgehog Does it get easier?
  • replies: 1

Venting on recovery process I suppose? I’m 31 years old and two years ago after dealing with growing up with domestic violence and an unstable home life I called my mother out on her partner molesting me numerous times throughout teenage years and ea... View more

Venting on recovery process I suppose? I’m 31 years old and two years ago after dealing with growing up with domestic violence and an unstable home life I called my mother out on her partner molesting me numerous times throughout teenage years and early adulthood. It hurt. A lot. Because the only way I have ever dealt with it was to blame myself or that it didn’t matter as long as my mother and sister were happy or keep the family together. But what hurt more was my mother knew. There were multiple times I was the reason for the fighting because I told her, and it always ended up ‘my decision’... I was a kid terrified of losing my family and home. What else was I meant to do? I had started therapy two year ago for depression and anxiety but it wasn’t until later I opened up about abuse. And it wasn’t until that confrontation I really addressed it for what it was. To then be told ‘well it’s your fault, why didn’t you do something’ To me that was the final straw because yes it was all my fault then. I wanted to commit suicide, and I ended up checking myself in. From there I tried to work on things. Therapy stopped due to limits and I just kind of ignored things again? I got work throughout 2019 and I shoved it all down again I suppose? 2020 happened. Isolation makes it so easy to get so worse again. Finally started therapy anew in October and this time round it’s really about the childhood abuse. I’m struggling with PTSD and agoraphobia and just… I either feel nothing. No motivation. I go days without doing anything around the house or looking after myself. Or I feel so incredibly angry and upset. The idea of the outside world is too much. Living is too much. It’s this festering weight on my chest and knots my stomach. It’s horrible. Does it ever get easier? Does working through it all ever get easier? I know feeling it so intensely is because I’ve shoved it down so long and now I’m trying to process it but I’m just so tired of it all... I ended up getting a medical certificate for Centrelink as I’m currently on Jobseeker but it ended this week and I’m agonising over whether I should ask my therapist for another one. I don’t want to be a dole bludger… I don’t want to seem weak or avoiding things but I also know I’m just not well right now and it’s so incredibly frustrating. Like I said I’m just so tired of it all to the point I wonder am I even worth it you know?

Alone_in_Perth Any advice/input will be greatly appreciated
  • replies: 3

Hi...I'm 63 years old, and really need to talk with someone. For the past ~18 months or so I've been triggered to cry & sob most every day. Here are some of the things that are triggering me: If I see someone being kind or caring towards another pers... View more

Hi...I'm 63 years old, and really need to talk with someone. For the past ~18 months or so I've been triggered to cry & sob most every day. Here are some of the things that are triggering me: If I see someone being kind or caring towards another person. Hearing songs/music from my past bring me to tears. And at times I seem to break down and sob for no apparent reason at all. The past 3 years of my life have been tumultuous in many ways. My marriage broke down 3.5 years ago. My 35 year old son is addicted to drugs and has developed drug induced psychosis. My 40 year old daughter & I have been estranged these past 18 months, and 2 years ago I had to write a deposition for the National Redress Scheme outlining the sexual abuse I received at school in the late 1960's. Writing the deposition brought back long repressed memories & feelings of the 4 years that I was in "care". I've had several consultations with psychologists, but found it difficult to get beyond the language and cultural divide. I don't know anyone here in Perth, and I go weeks, sometimes months without talking with anyone. I've gone down the antidepressant path, but haven't been able to physically tolerate them. I've tried many kinds, and all make me physically unwell to the degree that I was hospitalized twice from adverse reactions. Any advice/input will be greatly appreciated...Thank you.

the_black_rabbit hi... i'm the black rappit *Trigger Warning*
  • replies: 35

it said on the rules that i need to introduce myself to other new users, so i gess i'l do that now. i'm the black rabbit. the name "black rabbit" was based on an a fictional character that i crated, witch is a tall cartoonish black rabbit whewing a w... View more

it said on the rules that i need to introduce myself to other new users, so i gess i'l do that now. i'm the black rabbit. the name "black rabbit" was based on an a fictional character that i crated, witch is a tall cartoonish black rabbit whewing a white hoodie with the wards "no homo" on it in the same look as the subrem white hoodie i've been drawing the black rabbit in order to express the feelings and emotions that i've been having, with is really helpful, i help get my feelings on a with confus and allway feel better aferwods. wow... whiting this has made me feel good, i'm actchaly exited to see you'r react-shuns no this thanks for reding (sorry for the misspellings, me automatic spelling isn't perfect)