PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 274

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

All discussions

Anna_L EMDR & Neurofeedback for PTSD / Childhood Sexual Abuse - Tic Disorder - anyone tried this?
  • replies: 4

Hi guys, Long story short, when I finally told my family about my childhood sexual abuse from a family relative at the age of 24, which unravelled a bunch of negative/seriously stressful outcomes and a few weeks on, my top right lip (and right lip an... View more

Hi guys, Long story short, when I finally told my family about my childhood sexual abuse from a family relative at the age of 24, which unravelled a bunch of negative/seriously stressful outcomes and a few weeks on, my top right lip (and right lip and right eye) started to twitch and spasm. This was 5 years ago (and many tests/therapies later) and since then the spasm has moved into my neck and back and now foot (with pain from the tightness/spasm!)....dystonia, tourettes...who knows. The spasms also come with a feeling of intense panic and chest tightness. I've recently tried EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) for past trauma which has helped me cognitively reframe memories with new empowering narratives however the tic/spasm is still there (pain with this is the biggest issue). Next week I have my first Neurofeedback session which I'm pretty hopeful about. I definitely have issues focusing and regulating mood/emotions so am hoping this will help to calm the nervous system and therefore help to resolve the tic...maybe. To note, I also had seizures as a child which I now know are related to the trauma. Does anyone have similar issues with facial pain/tics? Has anyone tried neurofeedback for PTSD / tics and if so, have you seen any benefit? I'm also looking to document this experience so let me know if you have any questions! Thanks, A

Anzee Looking for some online reading
  • replies: 9

Hi all, I suffered childhood sexual abuse and have been working with a psychologist for around 7 months and she is great but is having four weeks off over Xmas. I did a few sessions with CASA (centre against sexual assault) but they said I wasn’t in ... View more

Hi all, I suffered childhood sexual abuse and have been working with a psychologist for around 7 months and she is great but is having four weeks off over Xmas. I did a few sessions with CASA (centre against sexual assault) but they said I wasn’t in a safe place in my relationship to continue with them at the moment. It has been put to my attention by quite a few professionals that my partner can be abusive, particularly emotional/ verbal. I have been in and out of denial about it for a while but I am starting to accept some of his behaviours aren’t ok. The thing is though I think a lot of it does stem from my history of abuse especially sexual and that is one of the main areas I suffer in our relationship. He puts a lot of pressure on me to regularly be intimate even after I have been triggered and if I said no he was so grumpy to the kids and I and yelling at us for the smallest things so I would just give into him to try and keep everyone happy BUT after a long journey he is slowly accepting that him putting that pressure on me isn’t fair and he is trying not to be as forceful and dominating but I still feel that obligation to satisfy and give into his sexual needs and I’m wondering if I can find a good link connecting that to my childhood abuse (I have never had a healthy sexual relationship, I almost feel like I need to go back to the start and learn what healthy and safe sex is. Any ideas or tips on finding ways to 1. Get rid of that guilt and obligation I feel about giving into my partners needs 2. The effects of childhood sexual abuse on an adults sexuality and relationships and 3. Learning what a healthy sexual relationship looks like.

AnonymousID Still trying to understand what to call it
  • replies: 5

I am still having troubles understanding my childhood trauma and I find that I can't talk about it to anyone because I don't know what to call it or whether I should be so ashamed of my involvement in it that I shouldn't tell anyone to avoid judgment... View more

I am still having troubles understanding my childhood trauma and I find that I can't talk about it to anyone because I don't know what to call it or whether I should be so ashamed of my involvement in it that I shouldn't tell anyone to avoid judgment. i was very very young when I had my first sexual experiences. I was asked to do some pretty disgusting things at a young age before I knew what they were or what they meant. The kid or asked me to do it was my age so idk if I can get angry at them because they got the knowledge of how to do that stuff from somewhere. But I do get angry and physically assault them in my dreams. I get so angry at them and then I get so angry at myself for going along with it and doing what I did. Besides getting bad dreams it's really messed with my sex life. I haven't had sex since I remembered this suppressed memory 7 years ago. It just all seems so disgusting now. I even remember an instance where someone saw and told me I was disgusting. And then I also feel bad about myself for being able to forget it for so long. Can I call it sexual assault or what? Who do I get angry at? Who's fault is it?

PinkFeather Dehumanising experience at doctors
  • replies: 3

Today I drove 3 hours to the doctors to get my psych re-evalutation. I am falling apart. It's official, I'm experiencing anxiety at unprecedented levels. To get there wasn't easy. You see I had to travel with my husband whom I'm on the brink of break... View more

Today I drove 3 hours to the doctors to get my psych re-evalutation. I am falling apart. It's official, I'm experiencing anxiety at unprecedented levels. To get there wasn't easy. You see I had to travel with my husband whom I'm on the brink of breaking up with...the icing upon so much trauma it doesn't even bear thinking about. The necessity for this second dr's trip was because the first time, said husband had a melt-down and punched a car in the street... all before my all important dr's appoint. Yes, I felt I had been purposely derailed. Needless to say, I'm a blithering mess at the appointment and the dr gives me meds and walks me to reception to make the next appointment. Next appointment (today) I arrive and they've changed dr's on me, and as he isn't my normal dr, said he couldn't give me a psych assessement so I can get a referral for some much needed help. Again I'm a blithering mess with this unknown dr today, who instead of apologising to me, just rings the receptionist and blasts her instead. Between tears I explain it's a 6 hour round trip and I don't have my own transport. On a positive note the meds are starting to help; they make me feel vulnerable thinking that I need to rely on them, so I was stubborn to seek help again on this front. They are working and I'm glad that I did. Love and blessings to you all.

BOC64 Christmas trauma
  • replies: 11

Hi I know for some people this is a great time of year but for me that is not the case. For me it is not as it trigger for my PTSD and although hate is a strong word it is the only word I can think of. Growing up it was just an excuse for the men (fa... View more

Hi I know for some people this is a great time of year but for me that is not the case. For me it is not as it trigger for my PTSD and although hate is a strong word it is the only word I can think of. Growing up it was just an excuse for the men (fathers family) to get drunk and treat the women as second class citizens. The men drank and the women work and there were often fights and jealousy between brothers, sisters and cousins. As the eldest grandchild there was an expectation on me that due to constant physical abuse I could not cope with. I will be with my mum, stepfather and a friendly uncle this year but unfortunately my stepfather is extremely jealous of anyone who spends time with mum especially me. He is belittling and emotionally abusive and although I am better at not letting it get to me it does from time to time. In fact a few years ago I was so close to lashing out but I didn't and for that I am very proud of myself. He once said to me "there is someone in MY house I wish wasn't here" obviously meaning me. Unfortunately that is the price I have to pay to see my mum. I know she wants out but due to his health and age she feels an obligation. To those of you that enjoy this time of year "Merry Christmas"

Mina19 Severe anxiety and ptsd symptoms
  • replies: 3

Hi people, im 21 now when I was 16 I experienced a really horrible trauma, a man I trusted for many years exposed himself. This man did this to other girls my age to and he went to jail. Since this event I began to develop severe anxiety, ptsd, panic... View more

Hi people, im 21 now when I was 16 I experienced a really horrible trauma, a man I trusted for many years exposed himself. This man did this to other girls my age to and he went to jail. Since this event I began to develop severe anxiety, ptsd, panic attacks and health anxiety and a host of physical symptoms especially my digestive system. My psychologist and doctor said it’s like I’ve held onto the trauma so long that it’s inflamed my intestines. One day it can be no symptoms and other days like loose stools, mucus and gas (sorry to much info) and I just don’t know why this trauma has still got a hold of me after all these years. Before this happened to me I was totally fine but now I’m constantly on edge, panicky and a host of physical symptoms that make me feel what if I’m dying. I feel so stupid and scared. There’s so much more I could say but my post would go on and on. I’m sorry for posting so much but I’m so scared I’m going to die of this ptsd.

Alexlisa Worried about seeing my parents over Christmas
  • replies: 3

I’m really worried about Christmas. There’s been some things that have come up recently that have reminded me of how my parents treated me growing up. Not well. I’m 40 now and as an adult I’ve always tried to keep the peace and be forgiving. We have ... View more

I’m really worried about Christmas. There’s been some things that have come up recently that have reminded me of how my parents treated me growing up. Not well. I’m 40 now and as an adult I’ve always tried to keep the peace and be forgiving. We have a pleasant enough relationship these days. But they’ve never acknowledged any of what happened and I often wonder if they have any regrets or have just minimised it in their minds. I’ve worked on it a lot with my psychologist over the years, but the cPTSD never really goes away. Anyway, it’s all felt very raw for me lately and I don’t want to see or speak to them at the moment. Bad timing right. I feel angry and sad and like I just can’t put on a happy mask with them right now. But I’m also scared to rock the boat (I’m scared of any confrontation because it never went well growing up) and feel guilty for possibly making my mum feel bad. It’s so messed up in my head right now.

Centaured What I deserved
  • replies: 5

There's stuff I've never told people before. I hate them, my family..but I feel guilty for being angry at them and tbh I don't blame them. I feel like I deserved what they did to me. My dad...he was sick, it wasn't his fault. Sometimes I wonder what ... View more

There's stuff I've never told people before. I hate them, my family..but I feel guilty for being angry at them and tbh I don't blame them. I feel like I deserved what they did to me. My dad...he was sick, it wasn't his fault. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if his tumour killed him instead of leaving him brain damaged. He was there growing up...but yet he wasn't. He was so absent he didn't even know the sexual abuse that happened in his very house. That leads to my brother...the perpetrator...what person does that to their sibling. He would say it was a game. I was his toy to use. It's left me scarred, I feel like I deserve nothing better than to be used by others. And my mum...she ran away (with another guy). and I blamed myself, especially because she would say I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough for anyone. My extended family...I don't know them. When I grew up and became unwell no cared. Barely anyone even sent a message when I became permanently disabled after a suicide attempt last year. They all say they love me....is this what love is, to be neglected, used, discarded and abandoned. I don't want to feel angry or sad about it...it's what I deserved, what I'll ever deserve. Maybe they're right...maybe I shouldnt be here anymore.

Jane-w Was this sexual assault? 
  • replies: 2

I went on 3 dates with a guy and on the 3rd date he came back to my flat. I agreed to consensual protected sex. Out of nowhere, he hurt me. He didn't ask for consent. I was really scared. He then asked it if was ok, I was so scared and in shock I kin... View more

I went on 3 dates with a guy and on the 3rd date he came back to my flat. I agreed to consensual protected sex. Out of nowhere, he hurt me. He didn't ask for consent. I was really scared. He then asked it if was ok, I was so scared and in shock I kind of mumbled yes. Then he hurt me again. I gasped and he said sorry. Was this sexual assault?

G12345 Humiliated
  • replies: 15

I feel emotionally humiliated because of my history of sexual abuse and I sometimes feel like I deserved what happened to me as an innocent child why I wasn't believed is why I blame i don't understand what I did to deserve a life where I don't feel ... View more

I feel emotionally humiliated because of my history of sexual abuse and I sometimes feel like I deserved what happened to me as an innocent child why I wasn't believed is why I blame i don't understand what I did to deserve a life where I don't feel free can anybody relate.