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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 275

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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31_Male Sexual Anxiety/Trauma
  • replies: 2

Hey I am a 31 year old male, and I have recently been having flashbacks of an mean-spirited individual I used to know growing up in a Government gousing area. He was violent, narcisitic , controlling and he used to elevate himself by tearing others d... View more

Hey I am a 31 year old male, and I have recently been having flashbacks of an mean-spirited individual I used to know growing up in a Government gousing area. He was violent, narcisitic , controlling and he used to elevate himself by tearing others down. He is now involved with criminal activity. I recently logged onto a Gay Male sexual chat-site and engaged in a explicit conversation with a guy over anonymous Microphone, that claimed to be from Canada. But for some reason my mind was telling me that this stranger on the other line could somehow be him? He claimed he was 44 years old form Canada, but he was originaly from the UK but migrated 30 years ago. He hung up the covnersation when I asked a question. I had a strong feeling of Anxiety and guilt afterwards. Do you think the individual mentioned could be him?

Sari_07 How to help husband who is an alcoholic and getting violent?
  • replies: 11

Hi, I am new to this forum. wondering if anyone can guide me to the right direction. My husband has been drinking heavily (2-5 bottles of wine in 7 days) since a couple of years and everytime he drinks he is a different person. he gets very angry, ve... View more

Hi, I am new to this forum. wondering if anyone can guide me to the right direction. My husband has been drinking heavily (2-5 bottles of wine in 7 days) since a couple of years and everytime he drinks he is a different person. he gets very angry, very emotional about everything or every minute things. He would scream and sometimes also get violent making me leave the house. He can talk about something that happened in past or a decision he or i would have taken which might have been wrong and belives that it is what is making him suffer. He would blame everything on me and my decisions. I do love him or may be I am just trying to be a loyal wife and trying to help a man who I loved deeply some time ago. I dont want put him in any danger or expose him that ruins his career or image in public. I just dont understand at this stage what step to take and how to ask for help safely. he doesnt agree to contacting or talking to a doctor GP, we have been trying since last 5 months. i take appointments but it gets wasted.. any suggestions please? thanks,

fred4761 My Mum was molested by my Grandfather - not me - so why am I so mad?
  • replies: 7

When I was 10 Mum started having anxiety attacks. Everything was kept very secretive. I wanted to know what was causing these panic attacks so I started investigating and slowly I pieced things together. Growing up there were lots of rules that only ... View more

When I was 10 Mum started having anxiety attacks. Everything was kept very secretive. I wanted to know what was causing these panic attacks so I started investigating and slowly I pieced things together. Growing up there were lots of rules that only applied around my Grandfather. I became friends with a girl who had the same types of rules that I had grown up with - and her rules were only for when her Grandfather was around. She told me that she had rules but didn't follow them and her Grandfather touched her. It turned out he had done the same thing to her Mother when she was a child. Things started clicking into place and I was able to piece together that my Grandfather had molested my Mum and her siblings. My Grandparents lived in a unit on our property. They were getting old and so Mum and Dad decided to allow them to live next door to us. As kids we would see my Grandparents most days and were always having sleepovers at their unit. I stopped having much to do with my Grandpa and tried to keep my distance. But it was hard when my siblings were always spending time with him too. When my sister said that she was having a sleepover at their house I made myself have a sleepover too just so I could keep an eye on the situation. I felt that I had to protect my siblings. The thing that I am having trouble reconciling with now is - why were allowed to interact with Mum's abuser? Why was he more important than keeping us kids safe? My Aunts and Uncles all kept their children away from my him when they got older so why did Mum and Dad feel the need to have them live with us? Was I not valued and important? Was I not worth protecting? If I knew someone was a paedophile they would not be allowed anywhere near my children. I would protect them at all costs. I don't believe that paedophiles just change and are no longer interested in kids anymore. From everything I have been reading about incest and paedophiles they tend to have a particular gender of child that they target. The fact that my Grandfather went after both his boys and girls makes me think that it was all about the opportunity for him. I wonder if he was just waiting for an opportunity with me and my siblings? Mum and Dad thought that they protected us with all of the rules but what if we hadn't followed the rules and my Grandfather had molested us? Would that have been our fault? It feels like Mum and Dad were leaving that responsiblity with us.

BrokenBrain77 Is this trauma?
  • replies: 3

Kind of a weird one but I guess I’m trying to work myself out here. I had a job, it was an amazing, perfect, well paying job within a local council working with young people. It ticked every box I needed in work however, in true me fashion, I self sa... View more

Kind of a weird one but I guess I’m trying to work myself out here. I had a job, it was an amazing, perfect, well paying job within a local council working with young people. It ticked every box I needed in work however, in true me fashion, I self sabotaged and got greedy. I used my work credit card to purchase food and purchase items I prob didn’t need at work with my own self justifying each purchase at the time as a work purchase. Definitely wasn’t but was used at work. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stop myself. It’s like impulse was driving and I was chasing more and more... After a year of worrying, work finally called and asked me to come in and discuss the charges which they discovered. Then put me on suspension with pay while they investigated. I had one major interview, then I had to wait for 7 weeks for the inevitable firing... Which I knew was coming. During that 7 weeks... I sat thinking about how the hell I would handle this. ASIC was mentioned. I had read about people going to Jail for credit card misuse and within a local gov job!? I’m an idiot and I couldn’t stop myself. I fully panicked for the whole time and when the day came to discuss the investigation findings, I knew I was being let go but wasn’t sure if that was it or was I about to be arrested, taken from my family and put through the public ringer? What I did was wrong! I was sacked, told I had to pay it back and that was it. I set myself up with so much fear, then it was as simple as, fired, pay it back, goodbye. It was kept very quiet, I did the right thing and paid it all back immediately, apologised and offered my support to help my replacement be trained up. But I still now cannot go into that town and talk to anyone without fear that they know what happened. I’m embarrassed, ashamed and disgusted in my actions. It was so stupid. The problem is, I still can’t shake the fear that I am about to be arrested for what I did. I’m scared I’m going to be taken away from my son and he won’t have me around for him. I’m scared of police. But I don’t know how to get past this and tbh, I now have a new job and feel constantly like I don’t deserve it because of what I did. Is this trauma? PTSD? Guilt? I’m so confused but too scared to talk to anyone local because the old job I was in, dealt with so many mental health professionals, I just can’t face them... I’m losing my mind over this but don’t know how to deal with it. any thoughts anyone? I want to make amends but don’t know how!

Camchops *Trigger Warning Child Sexual Abuse* I was abused when I was 8 and don't know how to feel 
  • replies: 3

Hi um I never have done something like this before so I don't really know What I'm doing but I just need to get it out because I feel like it will help My mum and dad were friends with these people how had a son who is about 4 years older then me and... View more

Hi um I never have done something like this before so I don't really know What I'm doing but I just need to get it out because I feel like it will help My mum and dad were friends with these people how had a son who is about 4 years older then me and when I was little he would come up and force me to Kiss him with lips and inappropriate sexual activity. One day my mum saw heard that he was missing me and talked to me She said where did he kiss you and then I said on the check she said anywhere Else would of been inappropriate we stopped visiting them but it's cause we moved to Bowen I think that's how it was spelt When I was at Bowen we had these nabours It was a mum a girl in yr 8 at the time And her very little sister who would never were clothing just undies that's not Important but so we had a small fake plastic house thing and when she would jump the Fence into our house she would take me in there and kiss me and Make me touch her intimately and then act all normal My mum and dad loved her I Rember once she drew my dad and his nostrils looked Weird in the drawing it's weird how you Rember random details So yea I don't know what to say now um if U need to talk I'll listen and Have a good life things get hard and like sometimes they don't get better But um yea keep going I know it's hard I love and support you

Guest_498 Introduction - Hello Everyone
  • replies: 977

Hi all, I'm new to this forum. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm 40 years of age, female. My interests include music (any genre), reading a great novel, watching comedy, Restuaranting, and learning new things. I suffer from depression and anxiety. De... View more

Hi all, I'm new to this forum. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm 40 years of age, female. My interests include music (any genre), reading a great novel, watching comedy, Restuaranting, and learning new things. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Depression feels very lonely for me. I'd like to reach out for some support. Thank you.

Delectable Tired
  • replies: 314

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent m... View more

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent my entire life feeling never good enough for people, in the last fifteen years after I left a relationship I have felt more distant then ever. I worked as much as possible so I was either tired and didn’t think about the loneliness. I lot a few contracts and started baking, giving the food away when I could afford to do so. I’ve rented for the last 15 years and have had to do one bad move which was very hard on me giving away a beautiful harden and accessories to people I thought were friends but users in the end as I only live 30kns away and they choose to have nothing to do with me. I only work one day now and am struggling with filling in time, I do exercise every day for an hour, but there’s still over 13 hours to fill in. As i live in Victoria near NSW I’m stuck because of the coronavirus in Melbourne and not allowed out of my state though my area hadn’t had any cases for 90 days. Tired of making friends to be let down by then, one life friend said speak to the psychologist, so I speak once every 6 weeks. I really don’t see much point continuing my life, there’s only so much one can take and I feel like ending my life especially iff I cannot go to Queensland in December for Christmas which I have not had Christmas for over 35 years with anyone. I do not take drugs or drink alcohol, just extremely overtired of my living.

Feya PTSD stops me from being able to eat - should I seek help?
  • replies: 3

I'll try and make this short and sweet. I've recently undergone 4 of therapy to deal with my CPTSD and anxiety disorder. I've made massive progress and feel so much better. However, I am still struggling when it comes to food. I rarely eat and when I... View more

I'll try and make this short and sweet. I've recently undergone 4 of therapy to deal with my CPTSD and anxiety disorder. I've made massive progress and feel so much better. However, I am still struggling when it comes to food. I rarely eat and when I do, it's small snacks or fruit. I never really feel hungry but when I am, I spend hours trying to build up the courage to go into the kitchen and cook myself something. I have had a lot of trauma related incidents in the past relating to food, including having to only drink tea 10 times a day because there was no food in the house. Even though I dont eat much, I've gained almost 30kgs over the 4 or so years I've stopped drugs. I'm worried about my health but I really struggle to get past this hurdle. I dont know if I should see someone about it or if its just a matter of forcing myself.... thanks for any advice or input.

Imarni I have no one
  • replies: 8

My kids hate me. I came from childhood trauma. I don’t think I should have had kids. I don’t show emotions well. I experienced multiple episodes of sexual abuse as a teen and my kids when they reached the age I was abused have triggered me repeatedly... View more

My kids hate me. I came from childhood trauma. I don’t think I should have had kids. I don’t show emotions well. I experienced multiple episodes of sexual abuse as a teen and my kids when they reached the age I was abused have triggered me repeatedly with flashbacks and nightmares. I’ve sought years of help, just stopped the suicide attempts. Now their young adults and ready to leave. I have cut off all contact with all others and when they go don’t see a point in any real existence. I have bipolar and ptsd and I live for my pets but one is old and I am tired. What the point. My kids call me fat and awful names and have told me they want me to commit suicide. I feel just sad and really what am I here for?

DivideByZero How will I know I've changed?
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone. So on the brink of divorce after 11 years of marriage, in literally the space of 30 seconds after reading one particular article, I came to realise, genuinely for the first time, that I've been abusive to my wife, the woman I love. It sh... View more

Hi everyone. So on the brink of divorce after 11 years of marriage, in literally the space of 30 seconds after reading one particular article, I came to realise, genuinely for the first time, that I've been abusive to my wife, the woman I love. It should have been bleeding obvious, but I couldn't see it, despite my wife trying to tell me for years. In a moment, the entire way I saw myself and my marriage fell apart. That was Monday. On Tuesday, I started realising that may not be all of it, and started digging further into my memories and my behaviours. On Wednesday, I came to realise it's been all through our marriage. I wanted her to conform to what I wanted her to be, and would try and steer her away from things she wanted if they didn't fit into my image of our life together. Today is Saturday, and I realised during our separation I've also been very jealous, thinking a lot about where my wife is and wondering who she's spending time with. My wife is safe now, but I'm really in peices, totally unsure of anything. That's a good thing, I need to be questioning everything about me if I'm ever going to change. I'm scared about one thing above everything else though: I successfully fooled myself completely for the last 11 years. In my mind, I was a patient, caring, devoted husband, who went to extraordinary lengths for my wife as she worked through the pain of her own childhood trauma, something we had in common. My wife was my first kiss, first everything. She was, to me, the centre of my life, yet I deluded myself the entire time. I lied to myself fundamentally about who I was, and the very core of my behaviour and attitudes towards the most important person in my life. Why couldn't I see it? How will I ever know if I've really changed, if I'm safe to be in a relationship again, if I can deceive myself so well? How will I know I'm not doing it again? Any and all thoughts are appreciated.