Diary: Venting

[ImTired]

A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with ocd and ptsd then at the start of last year with complex trauma, bpd and depression, recently I have had next to no outside support.

I had so much happen to me growing up and had some bad cards dealt.
I've recently lost someone unexpectedly close to me.

I feel stuck, I don't know who to talk to and just need to vent and let some stuff off my chest.

My partner knows I'm not well, but I feel like if I talk to him (he has bipolar) and that's just makes things harder not better. He says I can but I feel like it does more bad than good.

I'm the one who helps everyone else and I know I always put myself last
Sometimes I look at the people around me and wonder what it feels like to shut off and just let go, even just for a little while

The bright star in my life is my son, he is the best thing to happen to me.

I want to get better for him, I have my good and bad days, but the last couple of months I've felt so numb.

I tried to reach out to a counsellor in regards to a close family member I lost 2 months ago but so far I've heard nothing back.

With everything going on with the pandemic and constant in and out of lockdown the mental health system is so backed up I don't know where to turn.

Last year I was was sent on my way very quickly, it was the most raw experience, the nurse was crying to what I had to say, at the time I was paying for outside therapy so they advised to continue that but it didn't work out, I lost my job due to having a mental breakdown last year and struggled to afford it and had to stop going.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi ImTired,

Welcome to the forums! I'd like to commend you for your courage to be able to share your story here. I know it can be hard some times to seek out for help, but rest assure that this forum is a safe space for sharing your stories without any judgement, and there are plenty of lovely and awesome people here who are supportive.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, and my condolences for your loss. I can see that you're going through a really hard time, and it must be really tough to not be able to seek the help you need when the mental health system is overwhelmed due to Covid and lockdown. You put yourself last to help everyone else, and despite your current struggles, your persisted selflessness and strength to help everyone during this tough time is really amazing to the world.

You have a really supportive partner as well, even though he has is own issues. That's the wonders of being in a relationship, having someone to enjoy life together with you, while supporting each other during times of weaknesses and struggles. And to take care of your son during these hard times while not having a job, takes tremendous strength. You're truly an amazing person!

Given the current mental health system that you go to has been overwhelmed with appointments, may I suggest giving the Beyond Blue Support line a call at 1300 22 4636, they are available 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. If you speak to them, they'll be able to point you towards the right direction. It's also good to vent, because there's only so much we can keep within us. I'm ready to listen to you if you'd like to vent more. Stay strong ImTired! You're not alone.

Jt