Nudity - Seriously concerned and seeking advice - Is this ok?

[Ammee]

Hi,

I have PTSD. I have had several traumatic events happen in my life, both sexual and physical. I have a loving husband who has walked this with me and helped me each step of the way. However, last night he dropped, what felt like a bomb shell on me.

Some background. Last year I had suicidal thoughts and was in hospital for two weeks - my mental health got very bad at the time and I reached out via Beyond Blue who helped me at the time. In recent months my mental health has been a lot better - better than it has in a long time - or so I thought.

Last night my husband tells me, tells me not asks me, he is going to a nudist board game night where nudists get together and play board games, quite casually. We are monogamous but neither of us have ever had any issue with the other socialising with friends outside the marriage - as friends. Like social events with other people that the other partner may not know - we have always trusted each other in this and I have never felt distrust or discomfort of my husband going to other things - Like a book club he was a member of. I do not consider myself a possessive person in any way.

But when he landed this on me all my mental health issues came flooding back, everything, the visions, the intense anger.. I felt betrayed. He didn’t understand what my issue with nudity is. He has always liked to be nude around the house - generally, as long as it isn’t in front of the kids, I don’t have an issue with this.. But something just feels so off with him being nude in front of strangers who I guess will become friends over time, as this is a regular meet up group. I feel wrong that he is going without me as his partner, but with my past trauma there is no way I could get nude in front of people I don’t know. He respects that but wants to go alone.

So what do I do? I have tried twice now talking to him about my discomfort and how serious it is making my mental health - he doesn’t seem to care. He has this innate need to go to something like this. To be fair he is being respectful and not going to the one he said he would this weekend - but intends to in future and is trying to turn me. He doesn’t understand why I see nudity as sexual - but to me it feels that way, like nudity should be between us. It doesn’t feel right to me that he walks nude in front of others regularly - I don’t know why, but it is tripping my mental health big time.

How can I help him see my view? And am I wrong in having these thoughts?

[geoff]

Hello Ammee, thanks for very brave to post your comment.

Being the first to reply to your thread is not easy, but I certainly would not like my spouse to go and play nude board games, I would be devastated and I'm sure in all my capacity would ask them not to go, and if asked why I'd say it would damage our marriage, the relationship and definitely our trust would be questionable and would wonder what was going to eventuate, something I would always doubt.

I would also wonder what may happen after this board game in being faithful in our marriage, and stipulate that he should not be going.

If he says it's only a board game, he is missing the point, that it's done with no clothes on and can lead to other activities, that not only would I disagree with, but also disrupt our relationship, now and in the future, especially if any of these people were invited to our own home.

You are not wrong feeling like this because I would also be alarmed.

My best to you.

Geoff.

[Ammee]

Thank you for your insite Geoff - I am so confused about the whole thing, and stuck between his wanting to do this, and my need for him not to. I have told him everything you suggest and he rebuts every time with the "nudity is not the same as sex" argument. I will be interested to see what others think. Thanks for taking the time to answer.

[Guest_1643]

i can understand what he's saying from a "logical" point of view but i don't think it's true in any real sense, to be honest.

i think it's okay if done with a partner but if u aren't comfortable and he goes i think that isn't fair on u.

Even with a partner that's up to the individual.
u have a right to not want him to do it. U have a right to want that respected. I'm not sure what will happen though if he doesn't respect that and continues to try and convince u.
That shows to me not really understanding where you're coming frm, and still seeing it up for discussion.
I'd be devestated if that happened in my marriage and I'd also want my partner to do whatever was needed to make me feel safe and okay eg if it's an issue for one partner, than the other person should want to make them feel okay with it. never deny ur feelings x

[quirkywords]

Ammee
I feel part of being in a relationship is not doing something that upsets the other person.

You have strong reasons him going to a nudist board night would trigger you. That would be enough for someone to realise it is not appropriate.

It is about respect.

[geoff]

Hello Ammee, if alcohol is allowed at this board game then he has to realise that nudity can well and truly lead to an affection towards someone else, or even the possibility of them having sex and why does he want to go to this game, anyway, does he have someone there he has an attraction towards.

If you find it to not be acceptable then he should abide by what you say.

Geoff.

[Ammee]

Thanks everyone for your help in this matter. He and I are talking it out and I think he is going to respect my wishes. It is good to hear from others that my feelings are not unwarranted and that I am not being paranoid. Thank you.

[geoff]

Hello Ammee, if he wants to go to a nude board game, then you would think that he intends to see someone he really likes without any clothes on.

Geoff.

[Guest_1643]

it is absolutely fair enough.

i also think if you allow this it may lead to other issues eg he may want to socialise with ppl frm the group and do other nudist events... if you have an issue with that, that's so fine. He doesn't have to go. He can go to board games with ppl who are clothed. He can socialise in all sorts of ways with ppl who are clothed. He can be nude in his home. You aren't really inconveniencing him or being strict and hopefully he can understand that.

[quirkywords]

Ammee

Thanks for your update and feedback. We are hear to listen if you want to talk about this more. Your post will have helped others with a similar situation. I am glad you can talk to your husband openly and he listens and understands.