Living with emotional abuse - What to do??

[Tulips2019]

Hello my name is V,

I’m divorce with 2 kids who I care for full time. I left my ex 8 years due to domestic violence. I left with my boys and changed my life and together with my kids we live a very happy and peaceful life. I never had much money but we were happy.
5 years later I met someone and fell in love. We move in a year into the relationship. Soon I started to notice some concerning behaviours only to realise my new partner was abusive emotionally. He would shout at me, call me name, belittle me, bully me and mock me. Sometimes he would drink and become abusive in front of my kids.
we were scared, but eventually he would apologise and say he was going to change.
things would good for a while until the next time, even the slightest comments would make him angry.
now almost 4 years on I’m struggle to continue on in the relationship.
he has 2 young kids who come one night a week and his 6 year old son demonstrates similar behaviours, he rude and very angry if disciplined.

overall I feel my mental health diminishing. I feel stressed, anxious and nervous all the time. I don’t eat and I feel sick in the stomach and have so much tension in my body. I feel as though I’m going to have a breakdown.

a week ago I made a comment about his sons eating habits and he responded rudely to me. I asked he not to talk to that way and he became very aggressive and hurtful. We haven’t spoken since last night when he suggested we should talk buy that turned into him attacking me, telling me it’s all my fault, yelling and raising his voice and being very over powering. Not allowing to speak or finish a sentence and shutting me down the moment I tried to say how I felt.

after that conversation I told him I wanted to break up. I felt the relationship just isn’t working and causing me so much stress. He didn’t respond.

I slept in my sons room and that where I’ll stay from now in. I want out of the relationship but because we own the house together and I can’t afford to just leave I will need to stay until the house is sold and I have some money to find my own place.
I don’t know how to deal with the tension in the house and share a roof with someone once you’ve ended the relationship. It’s affects my children too as he and I aren’t talking and avoiding each other. He’s very angry and it’s feel so uncomfortable.

I need some advice.
thank you in advance : )

[Sophie_M]

Hi Tulips2019, 

We are so sorry to hear that you are in such a difficult situation at the moment. It sounds like you are in experiencing an incredibly large amount of stress in your home life and this must be taking its toll. Feeling that your children are also being effected by this can understandably be adding your feelings of anxiety. Again, we are really sorry that you are feeling this way. 

We think that the best next step would be to call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) so that you can discuss with them how your partners actions are affecting you. From what you have noted on this thread there needs to be a change in the behaviour of your partner and the team at 1800 RESPECT will be best placed to help you while this happens. 

We would also encrouage you to contact the Beyond Blue phoneline on 1300 22 4636 when you are next feeling acutely anxious. The team who are on the phones are wonderful at supporting people in the moment and can help you to find other supports too. 

Thank you for being brave and for posting on the site, we think that this act of courage is important and you never know who may be helped by reading your story. 

We hope that you find these phoneline useful. Please feel free to update us here on the forums with how you are going if you feel comfortable doing so. 

Kind regards,
Sophie M