Neverendingtrauma

[Dolly_daydreaming]

My whole life has been traumatic. It never ends. It started with sexual, emotional and physical abuse at an early age. I became involved in the sex industry at the age of 14 until aged 39. I was locked away in a children’s home as a child. I educated myself and put myself through university and have 3 professional qualifications. Some years ago I was assaulted by a police woman who threatened to ruin my life and did do so. My career was put on hold for 10 years. I re-engaged in the sex industry. Then I developed late onset schizophrenia. I’ve been well for 15 years and only had delusions. Recently my career was jeopardised because of the false charges the policewoman charged me with years ago. My career is under review. I had an accident at work and was off work for 10 months 3 years ago. I returned to work and had another accident and am awaiting surgery. Then early this year someone smashed into me and I had a head on collision and I’m badly injured and awaiting more surgery. My daughters partner went to attack me  4 years ago. I haven’t seen my grandchildren since they were babies or my daughter for 4 years. We recently connected on Messenger. We are waiting for an intervention order to end in May so we can be a family again. I have a gambling problem related to my trauma. My dog and I have been very sick and I recently discovered it was from a mould. We have both lost our hair and have skin infections. I can’t breathe properly. I’m waiting for weight loss surgery as I’ve put on a lot of weight. I don’t have a sex drive due to medication for my mental illness. I don’t go out. I occasionally talk to someone on the phone. I’m TOTALLY socially isolated with no family or friends to see. I connect occasionally with a few friends over the phone. I haven’t been in a relationship for 10 years. I’ve been a Victim of Crime from my neighbour who has stalked me and threatened me as she is an ice addict. I’ve lost interest in life. I’m on painkillers all day. I can’t read or concentrate to watch TV as I’m so traumatised. I have a psychologist and a psychiatrist but it doesn’t help much. I don’t want to be around people anymore except to gamble. I gave up smoking 11 years ago. I only drink occasionally and I gave up marijuana many years ago. I know the reason I gamble is for escape. I manage my money well though. I really don’t know what to do or who to turn to anymore. My life is a nightmare. I’ve lost my health, my family, friends and my career.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Dolly_Daydreaming

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community tonight and are so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. It sounds like you have been reflecting on the past and these events have been overwhelming, which is understandable. On top of that it sounds like you may be experiencing feelings of helplessness and this can be challenging. Although you may be feeling overwhelmed, please remember you are not alone. With the right support things can improve and it’s great to hear you have professional supports. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe, supportive, and inclusive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. We're sure that our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will pop by to offer you words of wisdom and kindness.

Here are some resources which you might find helpful.:

Blue Knot foundation:
https://www.blueknot.org.au/
1300 657 380

Gambling Help Online
https://www.gamblinghelponline.org.au/
 
Keep checking in to let us know how you’re going, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[ecomama]

Dear Dolly daydreaming

You're amazing!

I really appreciate your open and honest post and I hope you find the forums to be a safe and caring space for you to share.

Sending you positive energy to get through this difficult time. Hugs.

Dolly, I'm very sorry for all the abuse and neglect you've suffered.
It sounds hopeful that your daughter is connecting with you via Messenger and I Pray this relationship is rekindled in a kind, loving and accepting way.

You can also reach out and call 1800RESPECT and talk with a Counsellor who can put you through to a Trauma Psychologist 24h a day 7 days a week.
If you leave your name they can keep "notes" and updated with further issues or I hope PROGRESS.
They've been awesome with me and my family. They've made enormous positive differences to our journeys.
I hope they will for you too!

You may get the same or similar advice as I got ie to practice "radical self-care"!
I HOPE YOU CAN DO SOME self-care Dolly!
We have a thread of that name you can post on... as a prompter.

You are an extremely strong woman to achieve what you've achieved and survive all this!

I hope you can heal well enough to THRIVE very soon.

Please free to share whatever you want to in your journey.

Love EM

[Dolly_daydreaming]

Thank you Sophie. I appreciate your understanding and kind words. I was looking at the Blue Knot website you recommended and I never knew what Complex Trauma was until tonight.

Thank you for sharing that with me. I will ring them tomorrow.

Dolly Daydreaming.

[Dolly_daydreaming]

Thank you EM for your kind words of encouragement and support. I will be sure to call 1800 respect. I think you are AMAZING. I can see you’ve made a lot of contributions to this forum. You ought to be commended for your kindness, empathy and loving disposition towards others.

Thank you for being a part of my journey to recovery.

Dolly Daydreaming.