I don't exist

[Sareus]

My ptsd has been compounding recently thanks to large amounts of stress and anxiety in my life and I have been dissociating to the point where I feel like I no longer exist. The feeling gets so bad I even start hallucinating to further trick my fickle brain.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Sareus,
 
Thank- you for joining us on the Beyond Blue forum. We're sorry to hear that recent stressors in your life are causing you to dissociate, this sounds very troubling and we can imagine it would feel quite unsettling. We think it's great that you're so proactive in seeking help and that you are willing to examine your own feelings and thoughts. 

Can we ask if you are receiving mental health support? Please do feel free to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you feel would be beneficial.

Many in our community have experienced similar feelings and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome to the beyond blue forums. Please let me add my support in addition to the words from SophieM. I just want you to know I am listening to you. Do you want to share more your story? Or chat about the things that are on your mind?

At this moment I just don't want to jump in the say the wrong thing to you. Except I might you about what relaxation or grounding strategies you have? Anyway, I hope you will come back and chat some more.

[Sareus]

Sorry for the late reply I fell very deep down the dissociative rabbit hole and missed a whole fortnight of my life.

I was very alone and scared and when you feel like you don't exist its hard to ask for help and climbing back into reality is hard.

I am receiving support for my dissociations and ptsd but my current episode has caused me to miss some appointments.

I felt extremely lonely and scared and that nothing could save me.

[Tzariina]

yeah, i've gone into delusions, so i kinda know what you mean. my de-personalization has almost gone. and de-realization is very faint. all of theses were permanent so i'm very grateful now. thanks for writing.

[Tzariina]

it.s my first posts too. never been able to talk about this to another sufferer