Sleep avoidance and resentment for being awake

[Rah33]

I have been trying to sleep more and avoid waking up. When I wake up I resent being awake. I resent having to deal with what I am going through. I had a terrible night trying to get to sleep my mind doesn’t stop thinking about being sexually assaulted. It like I can’t control the thoughts and then I just start resenting my life. I have suicidal thoughts but don’t even want to die, I just want the thoughts and feelings to stop and I feel like I am trapped.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Rah33, 

We are so sorry to hear that you are going through this at the moment, it sounds like you are feeling really low right now. Trauma from a sexual assault can have a big impact on our lives and you are doing an amazing thing by reaching out here today for support. We want you to know that we think you are being very brave in posting about how you feel, you never know who will read this and feel less alone in their own thoughts. Thank you for your courage. 

Suicidal thoughts are serious, even when we don't want to die, and we think it could be time for you to give us a call to talk about these thoughts. You can call us anytime on 1300 22 4636. The team can talk to you about how you feel in the moment as well as offering great advice on where else to seek support. Talking about these thoughts is a great step towards feeling better. 

You can also call our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14, they are kind, friendly and ready to listen as well. 

If you ever feel unsafe, this is an emergency and you should call 000 straight away, Your safety is the most important thing. 

Thank you again for sharing your story and being so brave, it is an incredible thing to do. Please feel free to drop back in and update us on how you are feeling and let us know if you need some more support. We are here for you.

Kind regards ,

Sophie M

 

[Scapegoated]

Hi, I want to Thank You for your post because I read it to mean that you resent avoiding sleep and it helped me. I stay up way too late and then sleep away the day when i don't have school. And then I resent it becasue i feel like I missed out. But My mother used to drag me out of the house when she fought with my father and he yelled so I guess my body adapted to being awake at night. Sleep interuptus. That is how i am, nocturnal. And I love the time alone when it is quiet at night because my mother cannot get away with her games anymore, when I was eleven I stood up to her and stayed with my dad in the house and told her she had no right to sleep deprive me. So things are quiet at night and it is time for myself but before my period it becomes later and later and now I am awake at 4:30am and sometimes I sleep until morning and then I miss the whole day and only go out at night. I am crepuscular now. Sometimes i go in th eearly morning, get some food at a store and then come back and sleep all day and go out again at sunset.