Hi, This is my second thread. I feel like i needed a new one as last
night, i felt like there was light but today, that light has gone again.
Im not sure how much detail is appropriate here but holding in
everything just consumes everything in me. Wh...
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Hi, This is my second thread. I feel like i needed a new one as last
night, i felt like there was light but today, that light has gone again.
Im not sure how much detail is appropriate here but holding in
everything just consumes everything in me. When i was a child, i was
abused for around four years by one of our neighbours, im not exactly
sure, it doesnt feel like time actually progressed in days and years,
more in events. I dont remember a day being a day, i remember and still
sometimes measure time in times between memories (f that makes sense to
anyone other than me). There were so many times i was attacked, so many
things that happened that i remember in clear detail and feel the exact
emotions i felt at that exact point in time. I cant go into detail, im
pretty sure that a rule here but god i want to let it out. Just so its
not in my head. I dont know if it will help but i feel it might. The
threats he made, the way he made me feel, from hated to loved and
everything in between. Those feelings have never left me. The reason
they never have is what follows. He and his family finally moved away,
back to India of all places and my dad actually made me come with them
to the airport to say goodbye.He even got them maccas on the way! I cant
ever remember him getting me maccas ever!!!!! Shortly after this, i was
at our other neighbours house, their son was in his mid 20s and was
always really nice to me, let me pay his computer as we didn't have one.
Talked to me about things i never talked to my family about...He was a
friend. One day i told him what had happened, i dont remember how much i
told him but i remember his reaction. He asked me if i had told anyone,
else. When i said no, he told me good,to never tell anyone then he gave
me a hug, then he told me to sit on his bed. I wont say what happened
next, you know what im about to say. That went on until i was in grade
seven. I know that because we moved and i started grade seven at a new
school. Since then, i have lived with this. I want to go into the
feelings i have about it, i want to talk about my complete fear of
trusting anyone, ever. I want to talk about why i have no friends, why i
hurt the one person i have ever loved and lost her and have forced my
children to now face a future without me being there like im supposed to
be. I want to talk about the dreams and the hopes and the fears, about
the want to move on but the fear of that. Im at a cross roads where i
dont know what to do. Thanks.
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
