PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Gabriellep Engagement horror story
  • replies: 6

I moved to Sydney 2 years ago. History of toxic/abusive relationships and was excited to start fresh. A friend from back home introduced me to her friend who was living here and I met him for a drink and soon were dating. He was different than my usu... View more

I moved to Sydney 2 years ago. History of toxic/abusive relationships and was excited to start fresh. A friend from back home introduced me to her friend who was living here and I met him for a drink and soon were dating. He was different than my usual types- kind, polite, attentive, did everything for me. 6 months later he moved in. I notice at times he would space out/mood would suddenly change. Was often confused and pushed it aside as him being a perfectionist and has a blackbelt in karate. It was during lockdown and were working from home in 1 bedroom apartment did I realise he was depressed and anger issues (would sleep a lot, couldnt focus on work, always on his phone and taking it to toilet) I started feeling uneasy, he has many female friends and one kept messgaing him. The fights started, I threatened to leave and he assaulted me, immediately apologising and alluded to harming himeslef. I was so shocked at this loving man. lockdown ended and he got back to his 'old' self and proposed in November. The abuse continued shortly after and by January he was so far gone I couldnt reach him (his parents had arrived to meet me as international travel opened. The night I was about to send out save the dates, I saw dating advert on his phone and when confronted he blurted it out he has a pornography addiction. He views it at work to it, in our home while I worked in the other room. I couldnt breathe/sleep and next day he escalated and we got him admitted to a ward where diagnosed with major depression and blind rage (ptsd). When discharged, I insisted he move out, cancelled our wedding and gave the ring back. It's been 3 months since the night and I've undergone TRTP therapy. We are in communication and he blames me for not standing by him. Reading this I know most would say run for the hills but I need a bit of support from those who can relate. I am sad, angry but slight feeling of limbo. Hearing his and my therapist say if we continue they need to put a safety plan in place and that in itself seems to be my answer as who would want to live the rest of their lives with a safety plan in place against the very person who is meant to love and protect you?

Broken_and_binned_ 39 year marriage and mental abuse
  • replies: 18

I left my husband 3 months ago, and I am having trouble with him gaslighting me as well as love bombing me. He has another young woman in his life who is younger than our youngest daughter, but keeps lying about everything, and blames me for his infi... View more

I left my husband 3 months ago, and I am having trouble with him gaslighting me as well as love bombing me. He has another young woman in his life who is younger than our youngest daughter, but keeps lying about everything, and blames me for his infidelities. He says extremely nasty things to me about my body and my mental situation which he has put me in over the years. This has become so bad that I have turned into something I am not, and that being nasty and hateful like him, but that isn’t me at all! I am teetering on the edge, and the hurt is too much. I can’t stop shaking, tears just flow at any moment, and the anxiety is out of control! I want this to end, and even though I have left him, it’s getting worse, and the love I have for him won’t shut off! He called it quits on our marriage and informed me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and felt like that on and off for about 30 years! He wanted me out of our home as I said to him “I spose you want me to get out as well”, and he said yes, so I did. It was a hard thing to do giving that I love him, but considering his explosions in the past, I really had no choice. It was fear that helped me get out! He has accused me of sleeping with everyone he knows, which I haven’t, and I have been devoted to him since I was almost 15 years old! There is so much to this non story, but I don’t want to divulge too much as I am feeling really stupid, used, and discarded about pretty much everything in life! I don’t know if he is Schizophrenic or has NPD, but his paranoia is over the top! My head just spins out of control and I can’t eat. I can’t think. I can’t go to sleep then when I do I wake numerous times through the night, and sometimes I wake having a panic attack! Teo of our three kids, adults actually, and our grandkids, won’t have anything to do with him, so I am blamed for that. He forgets that our three kids have been there and seen as well as heard what happened in our home, but thinks they’re so n so’s for thinking that anything bad was happening! He was just abusing their mum verbally, or he threw a hot cup of coffee over me which they seen, my car keys thrown on the house roof, and much more! I’m actually, or was a fun and comical person so everyone is telling me and now this has happened, my family and friends are not only shocked, but can now understand why I became a distant and sad individual! My heart is shattered to bits and my whole persona has left earth it feels. Does this ever end?

Minks Admission due to medication change
  • replies: 2

How come a Psychiatrist will admit one patient for medication change and not the other? (A discussion I was involved in. Where a couple of patients (both cptsd), had the same psychiatrist and were changing to the same medication. Yet one was being ad... View more

How come a Psychiatrist will admit one patient for medication change and not the other? (A discussion I was involved in. Where a couple of patients (both cptsd), had the same psychiatrist and were changing to the same medication. Yet one was being admitted for the change, and the other wasn’t. They found out during this conversation).

valps Advice for helping my CSA survivor friend
  • replies: 3

Obvious content warning for CSA Last year when my best friend was 15, he was groomed and abused by an older man. Obviously, this has really affected him- his mental health has plummeted, he doesn’t want to form romantic relationships, etc etc. I want... View more

Obvious content warning for CSA Last year when my best friend was 15, he was groomed and abused by an older man. Obviously, this has really affected him- his mental health has plummeted, he doesn’t want to form romantic relationships, etc etc. I want to know how to help him. I feel like I’ve done very little for him throughout all this and I have no idea how to support him when it’s such a touchy subject. I think he’s ready to start telling more people now. Until recently he had only told me, but he’s opened up to another friend, and told me he would like to talk about it more, but doesn’t want people to “feel bad” for him. I don’t know how to navigate talking about this stuff with him. What are some things I should avoid if he discusses it with me? What are some good things to have him talk about/unpack? The last thing I want to do is upset him or push him away from talking about it with me. Lots of love

Debbie Downer State of the world advice
  • replies: 6

I really want to know how everyone copes with the unfairness in the world when all they've had is bad luck or a bad hand. The ongoing inequalities, the financial / social issues / the capitalist society that doesn't cater to people like us. I'm Koori... View more

I really want to know how everyone copes with the unfairness in the world when all they've had is bad luck or a bad hand. The ongoing inequalities, the financial / social issues / the capitalist society that doesn't cater to people like us. I'm Koori, grew up poor and in social housing, both parents were/are addicts and I was abused physically, emotionally and sexually throughout my childhood. Now that I am out of survival mode and trying to make something of myself I am finding myself so angry at the world around me. I am so bitter about differences in upbringings, where people are at in life (buying houses and having babies), the opportunities people have had and just the love and compassion they have from their family in general. I've tried being happy for them most of my life - How lucky they don't/didn't have to go through that, I can live vicariously through them; but now I can't shake this feeling. Jealousy? Envious? How do I move on from here? I don't want to be this way but I don't see anything changing anytime soon. I'm sick of being angry.

ElyseH Noisey neighbours and stress
  • replies: 3

Recently I had recovered from infection after infection which caused other issues. I couldn't work and was on bed rest. I found myself miserable, depressed and under a lot of stress. Right now I think im more on edge that I feel. I can't get to sleep... View more

Recently I had recovered from infection after infection which caused other issues. I couldn't work and was on bed rest. I found myself miserable, depressed and under a lot of stress. Right now I think im more on edge that I feel. I can't get to sleep im ot tired and when I am and can't sleep. On top of that I have noisey neighbours in a townhouse complex, I have complained 4 times about them and they can be outside for hours and hours just talking loudly drinking and swearing, sometime til 2am and sometimes for hours during a weekday.last night I don't know what came over me it's like it wasn't me but they were outside from 1pm till after 10 pm and getting worse. I had enough and I got up slammed open the window and yelled at them. But they started yelling, laughing and swearing back at me. This isn't me and now im more anxious they know who I am and might try to do something. I now can't stop running it through my head and having a conversation with these neighbours in my head where I'm having to justify my action to people who obviously have no regard for other people. I'm worried they'll keep doing it out of spite. I don't think they work. My mental health is not coping well and my job requires me be alert. It's just upsetting me that I lost it and I'm afraid for myself.

Richie01 29 years of not dealing with being sexually abused as a child.
  • replies: 121

Hi, This is my second thread. I feel like i needed a new one as last night, i felt like there was light but today, that light has gone again. Im not sure how much detail is appropriate here but holding in everything just consumes everything in me. Wh... View more

Hi, This is my second thread. I feel like i needed a new one as last night, i felt like there was light but today, that light has gone again. Im not sure how much detail is appropriate here but holding in everything just consumes everything in me. When i was a child, i was abused for around four years by one of our neighbours, im not exactly sure, it doesnt feel like time actually progressed in days and years, more in events. I dont remember a day being a day, i remember and still sometimes measure time in times between memories (f that makes sense to anyone other than me). There were so many times i was attacked, so many things that happened that i remember in clear detail and feel the exact emotions i felt at that exact point in time. I cant go into detail, im pretty sure that a rule here but god i want to let it out. Just so its not in my head. I dont know if it will help but i feel it might. The threats he made, the way he made me feel, from hated to loved and everything in between. Those feelings have never left me. The reason they never have is what follows. He and his family finally moved away, back to India of all places and my dad actually made me come with them to the airport to say goodbye.He even got them maccas on the way! I cant ever remember him getting me maccas ever!!!!! Shortly after this, i was at our other neighbours house, their son was in his mid 20s and was always really nice to me, let me pay his computer as we didn't have one. Talked to me about things i never talked to my family about...He was a friend. One day i told him what had happened, i dont remember how much i told him but i remember his reaction. He asked me if i had told anyone, else. When i said no, he told me good,to never tell anyone then he gave me a hug, then he told me to sit on his bed. I wont say what happened next, you know what im about to say. That went on until i was in grade seven. I know that because we moved and i started grade seven at a new school. Since then, i have lived with this. I want to go into the feelings i have about it, i want to talk about my complete fear of trusting anyone, ever. I want to talk about why i have no friends, why i hurt the one person i have ever loved and lost her and have forced my children to now face a future without me being there like im supposed to be. I want to talk about the dreams and the hopes and the fears, about the want to move on but the fear of that. Im at a cross roads where i dont know what to do. Thanks.

dreamer28 Stuck in a trigger. Tips for making it stop
  • replies: 3

Sorry if this post isn’t in the correct forum. Long story short I’ve left my home (where I was raised) in busy Sydney for a week to visit my partners family in regional NSW. I’ve felt triggered since being here, I believe it’s from a period my early ... View more

Sorry if this post isn’t in the correct forum. Long story short I’ve left my home (where I was raised) in busy Sydney for a week to visit my partners family in regional NSW. I’ve felt triggered since being here, I believe it’s from a period my early 20s post break up with a guy from a smaller town like the one that I am currently in. This was 12 years ago but traumatic, I was heartbroken, ended up living alone, isolated, abandoned (and I have childhood abandonment issues), lonely and had nowhere to go as going back to Sydney at the time was a worse option (because my family is out of control) than suffering alone in an unfamiliar place. My issue is.. I cannot shake it off.. I’m in my 30s, have an 18 month old, I’ve tried talking to myself about who and where I am RIGHT NOW but I still feel sick! I am currently also a little sick anyway but I feel mentally sick. I’m looking for some advice or techniques or tools that you’ve used or gotten from a psychologist for getting out of a trigger. Unfortunately most of my triggers make me angry and so I’ve worked on THAT, not this type where I feel SICK. I also find that self guided art therapy works for me so also open to anything a little alternative. thank you!!!!!

Bluebird76 Managing my own PTSD and being a manager
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I have a diagnosis of complex PTSD due to significant childhood and adolescent sexual, physical and emotional trauma. I’ve also had significant trauma through my adult years but am extremely successful in my career. Part of my trauma s includ... View more

Hi all, I have a diagnosis of complex PTSD due to significant childhood and adolescent sexual, physical and emotional trauma. I’ve also had significant trauma through my adult years but am extremely successful in my career. Part of my trauma s include a failed suicide attempt. I am exDefence and now whilst out of Defence manage a team with a significant amount of Defence members. Unfortunately the rate of suicide among Defence is significantly higher than the wider population and this week one of my team and a peer have experienced the loss of one of their colleagues. I’ve already been struggling lately but this event has hit me hard and I don’t even know the person. Just the need to support my staff has crushed the walls I had up and I have gone from being a competent manager to being useless. I am so scared of reverting to my old self and falling apart.