Constantly feeling lost!

[CrystalOco]

I am 37 and I am still struggling to work out who I am. I was groomed and sexually abused by my uncle when I was 16. I didn’t tell anyone for 8yrs. When I did tell my family I wasn’t supported. I even had to have my eldest daughter DNA tested to prove my “innocence.”
It’s almost been 21yrs since my traumatic experience and it still consumes me.

I have put on a lot of weight and I know that I am probably an emotional eater but feel like I have lost all control. I try and put on a brace face but some days I end up a crying mess in bed. I don’t know if medication is the answer. I just feel like I am an empty shell and although I have things to be grateful for I can’t see it. All I see is an old, fat body covered in stretch marks. I just don’t know where to go from here? Will I ever feel truly happy?

[Bob_22]

Hi CrystalOco,

Thank you for bravely sharing your story and posting here. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with your past trauma and that you feel like an empty shell at the moment. You have been through alot and you must be incredibly strong to have suffered so much. 

Please note, should you ever need to talk to someone or are in a crisis, please contact any one of the following  services (links attached) who provide 24/7 counselling over the phone and online:\

beyond blue

lifeline

suicide call back service

Another great additional resource is the blue knot foundation provides information and support for anyone who is affected by complex trauma. They also have a phone and online chat service. 

I also know what it is like to spend most of the day as a mess in bed. It can feel demoralising and feed a vicious cycle of low self worth and low motivation. It's hard to say whether medication is for everybody but I would definitely recommend you seek help from a professional. If your ready, you can start by seeing a GP who can potentially refer you to a mental health professional with a mental health treatment plan to start unpacking some of the feelings and trauma you have. 

Hope this helps. Please keep us updated and thank you again for sharing.

Bob