PTSD from work boss

[foxandfate]

I started a new job in February 2022, in a role that I had the potential of completely loving and making a career out of. 

However, my direct manager is hostile, angry and at times, vicious. They refuse to speak to me in person unless it is a direct powerplay to them, being that they will only speak to me if the news/information reflects badly on me and there are other people present to hear it. 

If I am in a room (eg: staff kitchen/ photocopier room) on my own and they walk in, they will immediately turn around and walk out again. I have NEVER received positive feedback, only 'constructive criticism' or just 'this is wrong'. 

I feel so unwelcome in this role and in the company. Last week I had (unexpected) surgery, and was told by my manager that I was expected to be in the office the next day. When I arrived, I was told that I shouldn't be there and to leave. 

I am starting to have panic attacks about my role. They claim they want consistency with reports, schedules and the like, so I copy the layout and content of the previous report/schedule - then it comes back with amendments and edits that are completely different. I cannot send an email to anyone, inside or outside the company, without sending it to them first for edits. 

I am now on anxiety medication and sleeping tablets - a new development since starting here. I know I play a part in all this and it isn't 100% all them. I have developed a fear of coming into work everyday, I cry in the car on the way in of a morning, and when I get home I just sit and feel numb. 

I feel so useless. I know I am intelligent to do this job, and can do it well. However the panic I feel from their aggression and hostility is crippling. Their direct manager is aware of it, and has pulled them up on it a few times, but the behaviour just becomes more covert and discreet for a while.  

I'm looking for a new job, however I no longer feel capable of being 'a good employee'. I spoke to the Employee Assistance Program company and was told the conversation was confidential. Two days later I got a phonecall from HR stating that I am to utilise the Employee Assistance Program, then it has to be on my own time, followed by an email HR sent that CC'd in my manager about it. 

I'm sure this isn't normal. 

[Croix]

Dear Foxandfate~

The fist thing I want to do is thank you for your honest and most helpful post to Theo-m. It highlights  the  conflict of interest and hopefully will motivate Theo-m to see his own medical practitioners and believe what they say.

In some ways your own potion is similar, you are trying to persevere in a job that NOBODY is capable of doing.

You say "I know I play a part in all this and it isn't 100% all them" which really is the start of unjustified self-blame. I don't know why it is but good peole that are consistently abused will in time come to think it is at least part thier fault, and their self esteem and self-reliance falters .

You are in a place where you cannot do anything right, not because you are useless, incapable or do not try, but because you are consistently undermined and treated of no value (except to be the victim)

If told you are always doing things wrong I'm worried you are starting to believe it rather than realizing it is a sadistic ploy. Add to the your treatment following your surgery and having to do HR in your own time, wihtout even the security of confidentiality.

Look what this job is dong ot you, giving you anxiety, now on meds, crying on the way to work and dreading it all. Home life has become locked inot these feelings.The longer you stay in those conditions the worse it will get.

While there is no doubt this is a bullying situation I guess you have to ask is it worth the emotional turmoil to complain (particularly as success is not assured), or try to endure until you find another position -or just quit. Each has a downside.

As I'm sure you know there are jobs that make one blossom, foster one's talents and make one feel good. I simply hope you find one quickly.

Do you mind if I ask if you have anyone in your life to support you? A family member or friend perhaps. They need not try to 'fix' things, but simply listen and care.

We are here for you whenever yu would like ot talk

Croix