Hate being at “home”

[fireswan]

I’ve never done anything like this but here goes nothing. I have childhood trauma that I have been working through over the last almost 3 years. Unfortunately I’m a full time uni student still living in the same house with the same people with no other options at the moment. 

After being away from this house for the last two weeks, coming back has been the biggest spiral I’ve ever gone through. The intrusive thoughts are getting louder and all of my tools I usually use to cope are just not working. I just want to pack my things and drive away, never looking back. I’m at such a loss because I don’t have any other accommodation options, I can’t even afford to feed myself this fortnight. I’m exhausted from not being able to sleep here and I just don’t know what to do…

[white knight]

Hi, Welcome

There's no doubt in my mind having had many downs in my 66 years, including down the intrusive thoughts and attempt self harm etc road, that change is sometimes justified not matter the personal loss, in your case, study for an academic dream.

At 17yo I joined the RAAF and although it didnt pan our for me and I eft after 3 years, it did pave the way for me in my chosen careers. During that 3 years I could initially choose a occupation, find friends easy, good adult pay, travel, free dental and medical and cheap accommodation and meals. 

The defence forces isnt for everyone but do consider. Whatever you select dont be afraid of major change in direction is my message. If you decide not to change course of education, then consider some form of medical connection starting with your GP. Therapy can isolate what is called unrealistic thoughts and patterns, you'll be amazed at what it can do and I'm a good example of that as when I was 31yo I benefitted from self analysing the difference between realistic and unrealistic thoughts and how to discount some and live happier. Unravelling childhood memories isnt easy and there is ways that professional medical people can teach that.

Distraction is another tool you might try.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety/td-p/275790

TonyWK

[ecomama]

Hey fireswan and welcome to the forums. 

It's a lot to deal with what you're going through atm. 

You can call the BB Helpline to get some strategies and SUPPORT for yourself, please do. 

Can you search for Food Pantries in your area? 
EG many Churches have them open 1 day per week. You can visit many of them per week. Where we live none of them require any paperwork or excuse, they just hand the boxes of food over. 
PLEASE use these offerings, we do this for people because we LOVE them and can't stand to think of people going without food. 

How long have you got left at Uni? 

Have you considered going part time so you can work some more hours to get OUT of where you are perhaps? 

Just a thought. 

How are you doing today?  
Love EM

[fireswan]

Hi EM

There is a food pantry at my uni but I’ve never really looked into it. I might have a look this week when I’m over that way.

I have a year left in my degree but I’m hopefully moving out with my partner next year which should help. 

Today is a bit of a rough day, trying find things to sell so I can pay some late bills and finish uni assignments.

[ecomama]

Hi fireswan, sounds like a plan! 

Definitely look into ANY food pantries anywhere around you. 
Some of the larger Churches will have "Food Pantry" listed on their website. 

Sometimes the Salvation Army will give vouchers for petrol and money for Bills, you can call them and ask. 
You may have to take your bills in for them to see. 

This time too shall pass. Thankyou for your never ending efforts to complete your Degree. We are all humbled by what our youth are facing to complete their studies in extreme circumstances. 
Know we are all behind you. You are not alone and we CARE. 

NB: When things were horribly stressful at home during my studies (I have 3 degrees lol), I would pack up my stuff and head to the local Library to complete assignments. 

Love EM