PTSD and Trauma

Childhood Trauma- Non talk ways of processing.

replies: 4

Hi I am interested in hearing other peoples story of how they survived, overcome, processed there childhood trauma through ways other then Talk based therapy. When I was a child such therapies were not placed upon my path, I found my ways of processi... View more

Hi I am interested in hearing other peoples story of how they survived, overcome, processed there childhood trauma through ways other then Talk based therapy. When I was a child such therapies were not placed upon my path, I found my ways of processing these traumas through martial arts, shiatsu, writting, art dance. Recently these traumas have resurfaced with my brothers suicide as it is intimately connected to the rest of the story where these traumas lay, such as fathers suicide, mother suffering and dying with ms abuse and more. My tools I discovered to process such trauma again are called in for action.

Fear of returning to work

replies: 12

Today I approached a place with my resume to ask if they have any volunteer work opportunities. I’ve been out of work for a long time, caring for parents at the end of their lives, trying to study and managing my own health issues. While I was doing ... View more

Today I approached a place with my resume to ask if they have any volunteer work opportunities. I’ve been out of work for a long time, caring for parents at the end of their lives, trying to study and managing my own health issues. While I was doing the covering letter this morning I could feel myself going into a state of abject terror. I realised how raw and vulnerable I still am following some trauma stuff and that the idea of returning to work even in a voluntary capacity is quite scary. How have others gone with this? Have you experienced something similar? I was proud of myself that I managed to walk into the place, actually speak to them and hand over the resume. The woman there said it would probably be about 3-6 months before they are taking volunteers, but she would put my letter and resume on file. Walking in and leaving the building I was consumed with grief for so many things - the loss of loved ones, the loss of my working life and confidence in recent years and the loss of my health. I’m also scared in that I have a disease that progressively destroys the bile ducts in the liver. There is no cure but a medication that can slow the progression. I feel so vulnerable about choosing the right work as too much stress can progress the disease more rapidly. I’m trying to stay positive and hopeful. Any tips for surviving returning to work terror, especially after going through a traumatic period in life?

Relapse of C - PTSD medical while in intense therapy.

replies: 2

So unfortunately my only sibling has been diganosed with stage 5 cancer. He has started Chemo - and though this is a good outcome for him and our family. (Very complex, genetic history), my very servere C- PTSD medical truma and depression and GAD du... View more

So unfortunately my only sibling has been diganosed with stage 5 cancer. He has started Chemo - and though this is a good outcome for him and our family. (Very complex, genetic history), my very servere C- PTSD medical truma and depression and GAD due to a rare ID disability, keeps resurfacing - my own, complex genetics and disability and the managment of it is progressivly has been getting worse since the outbreak of COVID. The pandamic was the cataylist that opened pandora's box, of my mental health, till then I kept sweeping it under the carpet. for 30 years I have been fighting just to keep my head above water and to survive. I'm beyond tired of feeling this way, I feel like nothing helps - none of my doctor's and specialists dont ever want to actually listen. Im totally bent on changing this broken system, but I dont have much more in me, but I am the healthest I have ever been. Faith is all I have left, but now with a new specialist coming on board, I do not know if I can afford, now all my meds -and doctor apts and the specialist diet I need to keep myself I need to stay in remisson of my autoimmune conditions - its already starting to unravel, I have metabolic issues but I am quite literally using chocolate for the dopamine - so im binging on sugar I know I shouldnt have. Any advice to get out of this spriling hole again, I've been to the bottom of the pit at least 5 times in my life. Im scared -- the last time was far too deep. I feel like the next time I might not be able to get out at all. I have the best care and treatment - buut still doesnt seem enough.

What has helped you to overcome narcissistic abuse from parents and siblings?

replies: 7

Hi, I am new to the forum and hope someone has a suggestion for me, because talk therapy has not helped. I have been to various therapists for years and need a specialist or a different approach, although I do not want to take drugs. To make a life s... View more

Hi, I am new to the forum and hope someone has a suggestion for me, because talk therapy has not helped. I have been to various therapists for years and need a specialist or a different approach, although I do not want to take drugs. To make a life story short, i grew up with a flamboyantly narcissistic father - he told me I was nothing more than an extension of himself and i had to be perfect. He was supported by my mother, who told me after each abuse how much he loves me. I used to think she was a victim, like me, but now realise she was an enabler and chose to stay in the marriage for his prestige. I was the golden child who got punished severely if I didn't get perfect grades, etc. À smallest error would be punished by hours of a lecture on how I have ruined my life and often followed by a belt. I was also forced to do things I did not want to do to benefit the family, from getting forcibly baptised as a teenager because grandma wanted it (I was and am an atheist) to being told that I have to marry a foreigner, any foreigner, to get a visa and get the family out of the Soviet bloc (I won a scholarship instead). I was sent away alone at 10 years old to a "sanatorium" because I had a sniffly nose, and than again at 11, no mater how much I cried and begged to stay. I have built internal walls, have trouble keeping friends, and my first marriage was to an abusive narcissist. The worst part is that my scapegoat sister, with whom I've had a strong trauma bond, has also abused me. She has the need to control situations, which I can understand, but the side effect is that she lashes out with extreme vengeance if I disagree or even try to draw a boundary. It is usually in a form of vicious letters/emails, but she also ended a lease from under me in the past without giving me much time to find a place to live. No wait, the very worst part is that our father died and the mother recently moved in with my sister, who is now losing her mind completely. She has lashed out at me, apologised, wanted this and that, changed her mind, etc. I have gone through what I can only describe as multiple stages of grief over losing our relationship and recently have not been able to call my mother for a couple of weeks at a time and constantly fantasizing about blocking both of their numbers. I also feel that will never again be able to trust my sister. I am minimising the contact, but need some kind of intervention asap. Any ideas? Thank you

Abuse in institutions

replies: 12

I saw my home state had an enquiry into abuse in public institutions on the news yesterday.I got so scared and triggered. One of the stories shared was at a place where something happened to me. It's coming up to the anniversary of that event. Idk wh... View more

I saw my home state had an enquiry into abuse in public institutions on the news yesterday.I got so scared and triggered. One of the stories shared was at a place where something happened to me. It's coming up to the anniversary of that event. Idk what to do, how to feel etc. Later on, I even tried to report it police and they said there was nothing they could do as it was too long since the event. I feel so let down by the system.

Complex trauma and feeling limited by talk therapy

replies: 11

Hi, this is my first time posting. I have complex trauma from early life experiences onwards, including emotional and physical abuse. My parents also had complex trauma from their childhoods. For 17 years now I have sought help from talk therapy. The... View more

Hi, this is my first time posting. I have complex trauma from early life experiences onwards, including emotional and physical abuse. My parents also had complex trauma from their childhoods. For 17 years now I have sought help from talk therapy. The first therapist I saw ended up transgressing boundaries unprofessionally with me and essentially massively re-traumatised me leading to major dissociation and panic attacks. I talked to my GP who agreed the behaviour was wrong and gave me a referral to someone else. This started out ok. However, one particular incident that was another inappropriate (but less serious) boundary transgression triggered me and the situation became untenable and I felt I had to leave for my own well-being. This therapist also talked at me without being present with me, if that makes sense? In more recent years I was back at uni. I saw one of the uni psychologists who was actually very helpful. She had training in somatic experiencing which I’d been learning about at the time, though she didn’t practice it at the uni, but at least could draw on the principles of it with me. This somatic approach was way more helpful for me than top-down approaches like CBT. However, I was limited to 6 sessions per year at the uni and when my enrolment changed I could no longer use the service. This psychologist advised it would be good for me to have ongoing therapy support, especially as I’d just been through significant grief and loss followed by a traumatic incident of abuse that had led to acute PTSD symptoms, compounding the complex PTSD I already had. Since then I’ve tried several therapists but I don’t feel the talk therapy has gotten anywhere, and in some cases has caused further harm. The one person who really helped me did two approaches with me, something called TRE (Trauma Releasing Exercises) and BWRT (Brain Working Recursive Therapy). At the time my body was essentially still lying on the side of the road during the abusive attack, reliving it 24/7. This approaches lifted me right out of that. This therapist was extremely compassionate and emotionally present, which made all the difference. So this largely resolved a single-incident PTSD event, but not the more complex trauma I still struggle with. Have others with complex PTSD failed to be helped much by talk therapy? What things have worked? I’ve given a huge amount of time, energy and money to talk therapy, but feel it’s been very limited help-wise and even harmful.

The aftermath of abuse just doesn't go away.

replies: 18

It has been about a year since it happened. Although it was months later I truly understood what had happened to me. And I think its only now i confidently call it what it is. Unfortunately that meant I kept my abuser in my life for months and I thin... View more

It has been about a year since it happened. Although it was months later I truly understood what had happened to me. And I think its only now i confidently call it what it is. Unfortunately that meant I kept my abuser in my life for months and I think I've lost about everything because of it. The thing I really need to get off my chest right now is that my abuser came back to a university club and been elected to the council of it now, and I am also on the council. And I want to resign because I never want to hear her voice again but I don't want to resign to give her power over me again. Even though I functionally am leaving that space anyway, its not like she can do anything with that power. In fact except for have me leave that space. Its probably a bad idea to post to all the admins "I should not be on a council with my rapist so I resign" but thats really how I want to do it. A few people in the club know what happened to me, but most of them dont and I guess think she's fine, and it's my word against hers anyway. Only witness to one instance of her manipulation would be considered biased and... yeah.

"Trigger Warning" Is it a trigger for anybody?

replies: 8

Just wondering if anybody here has "Triggers" from the word Trigger Warning. I can not help but to think of my brother ending his own life. I have pondered why this term is used-even on suicide loss forums. What could be its replacement I ponder. "Wa... View more

Just wondering if anybody here has "Triggers" from the word Trigger Warning. I can not help but to think of my brother ending his own life. I have pondered why this term is used-even on suicide loss forums. What could be its replacement I ponder. "Warning Reactionary content"- "Potentially Traumatizing content". Not sure maybey it will never be changed, but for a small percentive of people on these forums the term is potentially Triggering. At the same time it gives me exposure to the word maybe softening it slowly. It just shows how multi context some words can be, especially when dealing with people like us who are working on improving there Mental Fitness.

Even Hercules has his Limits

replies: 2

Hi Everyone, Im new to this but really need some support so decided to give it a go . I am currently going through a huge relapse with my Major Depression Disorder. I haven’t been this bad in about a decade. I’m a single parent to two great kids, bot... View more

Hi Everyone, Im new to this but really need some support so decided to give it a go . I am currently going through a huge relapse with my Major Depression Disorder. I haven’t been this bad in about a decade. I’m a single parent to two great kids, both of which don’t have relationships with their fathers & that I am responsible for in all shapes & forms. My kids aren’t young, my son is 16 and my Daughter is 23 ( I had her @ 18) . I’ve put them both through good schools, whilst managing to work full time as a Project Manager. I come from a big family who are supportive but that have also been really critical of me most of my life. I left my sons father 13 years ago due to domestic violence, he was in a responsible profession so a lot of ppl questioned the truth of it . 3 years ago , my son started to realise his sexuality & was brutally bullied which ended up being a major contributor to my son attempting to take his own life. He was hospitalised in the mental health ward . It was & still is a something I have to monitor on a day to day basis but at times I cop the brunt of a down day. Last year I had a massive fight with my dad after he unloaded on me that I had ruined his life because of the stress of the situations that my childrens fathers brought to his life , he also told me I was ... repeatedly ( for which he has apologised for) but it was that relentless @ the time that an ambulance was called bc I actually cldnt speak I lay on my floor feeling like I was having a breakdown. Since then my mental health has declined, but as usual I keep going. I feel like I don’t have a choice . However, after recently going through a breakup I’ve hit a wall. I’m struggling to get out of bed , my anxiety is through the roof , I literally have nothing left to give anyone especially myself. I feel like I’m on auto pilot , I’ve stopped cooking dinner , letting the kids order Uber eats at least 4 nights a week, I’ve gone from being the popular life of the party to not wanting to go anywhere. Over all these years, all I heard was “ ur so strong, you’ll get through it “ or God doesn’t give us more than we can handle “ well I’m sorry but I don’t think God expected me to be Hercules’ . I feel so alone. And completely empty & I don’t know how to fix this. *I do see a Clin Psych, GP & I was under the care of a psychiatrist but am waiting to see a new one. Sorry for the landslide .

Presenting as ok even when you’re not

replies: 9

I have a tendency to always protect others from what I’m going through. I might have been at home minutes earlier in desperate amounts of emotional pain, but once I’m in a public setting I put on a brave face, say hello to people and will even say I’... View more

I have a tendency to always protect others from what I’m going through. I might have been at home minutes earlier in desperate amounts of emotional pain, but once I’m in a public setting I put on a brave face, say hello to people and will even say I’m going well if people ask. I think a major factor in this is that it wasn’t safe for me to say if I wasn’t ok as a child. Doing so could even lead to being attacked. From about the age of 5 I learned I’m alone in the world and I have to take care of myself. I also became a carer for a parent with mental health issues at this age, so I became a carer rather than someone who received care. I think part of the issue too is that it’s just not a usual thing to drop the fact you have experienced trauma into a conversation, and I don’t like the feeling of burdening others with my troubles. On Monday I have an appointment with an employment agency to try to get back into work. Most likely I will automatically tell them I’m fine, have a very glass-half full, optimistic approach and in no way reveal how desperately I’ve been struggling over the last couple of years particularly. This is me on autopilot. But in reality I’ve been through multiple losses in my life including deaths through illness and suicide. I experienced an instance of volatile abuse from someone known to me following my mum’s death that almost pushed me completely over the edge. I was also just diagnosed at that time with a progressive autoimmune disease with a reduced life expectancy. My fear is that I will go forward pretending I’m fine as always but that that could jeopardise my health and even my life. My health has improved greatly over the past 3 weeks, especially since a dietary change which has led to a great improvement in symptoms. But I fear I may take on too much with work in terms of hours or stress levels that are harmful to me. What I’m wondering is how do others cope having trauma in their history that still affects them? How do you go out into the world and interact with it? Do you pretend everything is “normal” and “fine” even when you are really not ok, or have you found a better way of managing this? It’s like I fear if I say I’m not ok something terrible will happen but if I don’t say I’m not ok I’m extremely alone and not taking care of myself. I even put my brave face on when I’ve been to counselling sessions and essentially protect the counsellor from the worst I’ve been through. It’s like I protect everyone except myself.

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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