Can't do it alone anymore

TBella
Community Member

I ended up with PTSD 5 years ago as a result of working for an abusive, violent man, who also had leadership role in church! I also injured my neck working for him & now live with chronic pain. I was sexually abused as a child & also grew up in domestic violence- my dad a Vietnam Vet suffered with PTSD also but went undiagnosed until the 1990's

i also have 7 other medical conditions related/ connected to PTSD! I've had to deal with it alone for past 5 years as all my friends left me & ive not heard from them since telling them I have PTSD & depression! This added deep grief to the mix to deal with as well . 5 years is along time to deal with it all alone & I ve come to the point where I can't do it alone anymore. I need some support & connection!

43 Replies 43

TBella
Community Member

Thanks Croix

I haven't been on here much. To be honest I have been struggling- I just haven't had the energy to write as I haven't slept much due to nightmares since seeing my old abusive boss 4 weeks ago.

Ive been a mess & finding everything overwhelming. My brain seems to be in shut down mode at the moment- I think as a means to get me through each day.

Maybe seeing my boss was a blessing in disguise as it has highlighted or brought to surface things I need to deal with & need help with. So that will help when I finally get to see my new Psychologist.

I will be ok- I inherited my dad's determination & stubborness! I know most people don't view stubborness as a positive or good trait but in all honesty the stubborness is the only thing that's got me through the really tough times.

Thank you so much for your concern & taking the time to check how I am. It's made the world of difference.

With Much Appreciation

TBella

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear TBella~

Well, that's not good. I'm one of your camp too, pure cussedness has got me though when otherwise I'd have bombed out. Also shutting down was a way for me too, either a mental marking-time, or diving in a simple book to escape.

Please remember a post does not have to win a literary prize (which you deserve on occasions) or be very long - just a few words can bring responses that stop one feeling quite so alone and vulnerable ( that's for me anyway).

Take care,

Croix

Hi there Bella. I've been a bit like you of late. I also have not been on the forums over the past week. Been laying low and taking some time out for a bit.

I guess I am like both you and Croix in that I too am definitely stubborn. I think it is meant to be a common trait for Taureans, or which I am one. So its probably to be expected. But yes, there are certainly times where stubborness or sheer pig-headedness can definitely be a positive trait. I know it has helped me in the past during particularly down times. Shutting down mentally you say Croix? Yep I do that too, as well as dissociate.

Bella I totally understand what you are going through with the lack of sleep and nightmares etc. But perhaps it is a very timely thing which will work to your advantage when you next see your psychologist.

If talking anytime is beneficial to you, please continue to post. As Croix rightly pointed out, even a very short post can result in much needed supportive words. I will try to be here more now, after my own little break.

Taurus xx

TBella
Community Member

Thanks Croix your kindness, honesty & support means the world!

I know I needed to write it's just my brain wouldn't let me- it kind of felt like my brain & body shut down- screaming ENOUGH!!!

I will keep writing soon.

Thanks again

Thanks Taurus

your kind words and sharing your own struggles are appreciated & comforting.

I am sorry to hear you have been struggling also! Please know I'm here for you anytime also, even if you only have the energy to write one word

STRUGGLING or whatever one word discribes how you feel! That way we know when you need support!

Do something nice for yourself today because your truly worth it 😀

Sending you a hug & good vibes 🤗

Starwolf
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Please take time to take care... we're not going anywhere.

I think we're all familiar with the brain shutting down, its coping strategy when enough is enough. You are definitely not alone and invisible. We hear you...loud and clear. To us, you make perfect sense.

And yes, I'm with you...being stubborn as a mule can be a terrific asset. It has had a huge impact on my own recovery.

Will chat whenever you feel up to it.

TBella
Community Member

Thanks Starwolf

its comforting & encouraging to know others understand & get where you're at! Also to know I'm not the only stubborn one lol!

I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post & let me know you get it & are there for me!

With Appreciation

TBella

Hi Taurus

I just wanted you to know I have been thinking of you today.

I also wanted to check in with you to see how you are?

Anyway sending you hugs & good thoughts your way 🤗

Kind Regards

TBella

Starwolf
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

So kind of you to be thinking of others in spite of your own pain. The more I interact around these forums, the more I think this community represents the salt of the earth...we are/have been doing it so much harder than most !

How are YOU feeling today ?

TBella
Community Member

Thank you

This definitely is a great forum, so many wonderful people. It's slowly restoring my faith in humanity. It is comforting to know there are kind, genuine people in your the world who do understand you!

I am struggling a bit, feel grumpy & agitated then get frustrated at myself but just part of the PTSD!

I am going to my first appointment with new Psychologist next Friday so I am looking forward to that.

I am also grateful for all the lovely, support people on this site!!

I hope you have a great weekend.