Over it all PTSD and medical problems

[Falling_Angel]

Hi .

my name is falling angel

I'm new and just trying to find my way around this website

ive been constantly depressed and anxious for over 3 years due to a adult abuse I was abused as a child and after being abused as a adult I just can't seem to work out what is wrong with me and how to help myself

its like I've given up on humanity except a minor few ppl who keep me going (only just)I'm just so confused on who I'm living for and what my purpose is in life I'm on a disability and am 45yo female just reaching out

thanks to anyone who reads my thread and any input

look forward to hearing from you

😔

[Charleey]

Hi Falling Angel ,

I am also new here , My name is Charley.

We are in slightly different situations but I was also abused as a child and as an adult.

I would just like to say a couple of things - It is not your fault you were abused, you do not have to feel that there is something wrong with you that caused you to be abused. You are not alone and have taken the first step to reaching out here for support.

Have you considered maybe taking a free online course on a subject that interests you or taking up a new hobby, I have found that studying has greatly helped take my mind off things.

❤️ Charley

[Zeal]

Hi Falling Angel,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been anxious and depressed for over three years. Like Charley said, the abuse does not reflect on you as a person. I'm so glad you have some good people in your life. If you don't mind me asking, are they people you've been friends with for a while?

In order to deal emotionally with the abuse, it is important you see a professional, such as a counsellor or psychologist. Making an appointment with your doctor (GP) for a referral is a good approach.

It would be great to hear from you again 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Zeal]

Hi Charley,

Welcome to the forum too!

I'm sorry to hear that you have experienced abuse, both in childhood and adulthood. Offering words of support to Falling Angel was a great way to start on this forum, so good on you. Studying for personal growth and fulfilment is great. I enjoy studying psychology. What do you like learning about?

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Falling_Angel]

Hi charley thanks for your reply it is hard for me ATM I have a gp on sexual assault charges he resigned from the medical board last year but my case is coming up soon and I'm anxious about court I have support with councilloring for sexual abuse and DV the new doctor is great I'm on a disability and my left side of my body keeps failing me I have a upcoming operation and also lots of tests as I have lots of medical issues the physiologist thinks the perpetrating doctor was deliberately keeping me unwell over a 18month period then with new injuries and Diogenes I feel helpless I ised to be fit and very active these days I'm lucky to walk to letter box I have a bulging disc on my L4 root nerve and rotary cuff damage in my shoulder and nerve damage in back and my neck it's disabilitating and I feel hopeless I do push myself but end up in more pain so it's a day by day process ATM all I am doing is getting thru the day's going to appointment after appointment and with every medical professionals you can think of basically i have grandchildren and I feel I'm letting everyone down my he friends I have supporting me are basically new all from having similar experience with myself so they understand me my family are in denial my parents died over 20years ago my eldest son 28yo is my strongest support but I feel guilty I don't want him knowing it all as I don't want pity or to make him angry but he understands I've had it rough the rest of the family my siblings and other son only want to hear and see good things from me they don't want to see me depressed or be a part of anything to do with my life experiences it hurts but I do understand its just so confusing I'm 45 and my life looks Dim I have one fantastic neighbour that I've become close to she actually recommended this site for me so I thought I'd give it a go for the times I'm alone and just stuck with the chaos inside my head and that's a lot of time I'm not looking any further than the day in front of me as every day is different depending on pain and my condition I hope this explains a bit more about what I'm going thru everything just seems to hard even driving and I love driving but when it causes flare ups or my medication stops me from driving I feel isolated and alone I tried to end my life about 10 years ago and ended up in hospital in the mental ward I've been in there about 10 times with different diognosis every time I have suffered depression all my life but hid it well until I had my breakdown

[Falling_Angel]

I got carried away and had to delete what I wrote to post my reply so sorry if something doesn't make sense

i just want to know what keeps ppl going when you constantly have daily emotional and physical pain and are mentally drained

thanks suz

[Charleey]

Hi Falling Angel ,

I am sorry this reply has taken so long. I am about to give evidence in a trial later this year too. I completely understand the stress and heartache associated with having to give evidence against your abuser.

Give yourself time to accept that you have been through so much , none of which is your own fault. I am glad you have your son for support.

What keeps me going is my Mother who has supported me, believed in me and encouraged me. Also my cat, Salem.

Do you have any pets? I have found they are great company when you are going through difficult times.

[Falling_Angel]

Hi charley,

itll be a long road but I am not as a adult going to let another person get away with abusing me, nice to know I'm not alone!. Salem such a lovely name ☺️ I have my baby boy prince shadow he comes and keeps me company especially when I'm down its like he has instinct I really do believe animals help he is loving my new place and is very comforting. Thanks for sticking with me I'm in lots of pain today so not writing much as just lifting my arms hurts like hell

hope to hear from you again

pats for Salem and THANKYOU I'll chat more when I'm feeling better

falling angel 😘

[Falling_Angel]

Hi ,I haven't been on for a while I fell into a pit and just climbing out

combination of depression and hurt im still working out my triggers but when I spiral out of control I do a good job of it it's sabotage I force myself into becoming nearly homeless then trying everyone to try and help me get back on my feet and I know I've pushed everyone to the absolute end of their rope and they consider wether or not I'm worth trying to help anymore and I don't blame them

anyway I just needed to vent

look forward to any replies