C-PTSD and Battered Wife Syndrome ** Trigger warning - Domestic Violence **

[Fiatlux]

Can we discuss this.

I have Complex PTSD and it’s been suggested that I be tested for BWS.

I am terrified at the thought of it.

I have read about it in preparation for it.

My abuser and I are separated and living apart so I don’t have to see him.

The last time that he attacked me, I fought back. He is twice my size so it had little effect.

I felt the rage of 30+ years of abuse and I thought that at that moment, I could kill him.

I defended myself for the very first time but since that day, I still have thoughts of killing him if he ever touched me again.

I hate that he has pushed me to this.

[Fiatlux]

Thank you for your advice.

I have documented and detailed past DV incidents including any witnesses as my abuser is cunning.

I scared myself when I fought back and felt ashamed that I could do that. My husband immediately ran and told a friend about the incident and he took photographs of scratches or bruises. I had no idea that he could be so cunning.

I have video footage of the entire incident showing what, how, when and where the assault took place. To this day I have not been able to watch the footage as it is too distressing.

My husband is desperate to obtain the footage and destroy it. I will add that I have video footage of a previous assault too but I was too terrified to fight him off. The Police have been provided with a copy of this earlier incident.

I have an AVO so it is highly unlikely that he will get a chance to assault me again.

[Fiatlux]

My abusers punishment of choice was Rape as the bruises most don’t show.

He always raped me when he was absolutely furious about something.

[Guest_1643]

hi fiatlux, if you are in victoria there is a very good sexual assault crises line, i think they prioritise and assist ppl who have had recent experiences with dv/assault.

Victorian Sexual Assault Crisis Line (After Hours)
Counselling & Support Lines: 03 8345 3495
Freecall throughout Victoria: ** 1800 806 292

Stay strong. I'm no expert, but fighting back sounds very human to me. Fight or flight. The energy to survive kicks in. It doesn't mean anythig bad to want to survive or escape. U must be going through so much. i am also angered by the cunning acts of ur ex in terms of running to a frind to display his "bruises" - it shows to me where his head was at.... please protect urself and stay safe. From ur words u sound very strong and determined. Please take care of urself every day and give yourself kindness, you have gone through so much and deserve so much better than your exes treatment. Kind thoughts, sleepy