Assault/Anxiety - how to move on? [TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT]

[sydneyharbour17]

Hi all,

I'm not really sure where to begin, but about 4 months ago I was sexually assaulted by a guy I was seeing. We had been seeing each other for about 2 months and had a very complicated, but intense, relationship due to the fact that I was still healing from a previous 3-year relationship in which I had been severely emotionally-abused (gas-lighting, triangulation, lies, theft, silent treatment, you name it). The guy in question was under the influence of drugs when the assault took place and therefore couldn't remember it. When I confronted him about it the next day, he told me I was a liar and a perpetual victim. A week later, he told me he didn't feel anything for me anymore, that I was a terrible person, and then he cut me out of his life completely. Honestly, the things he did in the aftermath were more hurtful to me than the actual assault. I was seriously shattered by his behaviour but decided that the only thing I could do was focus on myself. My psychologist has helped me immensely in dealing with everything, and I am no longer depressed, with panic attacks becoming fewer and far between. My life at the moment is also very fulfilling. I do full-time uni, work 2 jobs, have a volunteer position at a mental health facility, and have 2 major holidays planned for this year. I also try to exercise regularly and maintain my hobby of writing. My anxiety, however, is still almost debilitating. My entire body is constantly tense and sometimes shaking, my sleep is shallow and unsatisfying so I am tired all the time, the smallest disappointment can send me spiralling off into a mini depressive-episode, I constantly have headaches, etc. Basically, what I am trying to say is that even though my life appears to going great, I still feel pretty horrible all the time, and I don't know how to make it better because I feel like I am doing everything right. One thing that I would also like to mention is that I still constantly miss the guy who assaulted me, and that makes my anxiety worse because I feel like there must be something wrong with me to miss someone who did that to me, especially when it has been 4 months since it happened and I only really knew him for 2 months. We go to the same university as well, so I see him often and every time he pretends I'm not there and it makes me feel terrible. So I guess what I'm asking is, what tips do you guys have for improving anxiety without medication, and how do I get over this guy?

Thanks so much in advance.

[sydneyharbour17]

That makes sense about not telling your mum. My dad knows about my depression/anxiety but sometimes he finds it hard to understand and we argue. Mostly he is supportive though, but it can be frustrating when he says stuff like 'just be positive' and 'other people have it worse'. Sometimes I think it's better not to tell certain people.

And you are right, that is probably the reason he is doing this. I guess I just wish sometimes I would get an apology or even just an acknowledgement that it happened, but I know it's pointless because he is obviously in denial. I just wish I didn't go to uni with him, then I would never see him and things would be much easier for me to get over.

[startingnew]

My mother knows
about my other ptsd event but she told me to get over it and grow up.
Im already on two high doses of medications to get some sort of
control over my anxiety and depression and ptsd events and even thats
not taking the edge off much.

I know it gets
frustrating but maybe he doesnt fully understand how it affects other
people. My mother damn well knows I cant even protect her there but
your dad might not be fully aware of depression and how it is
affecting you. Sometimes I think keeping it to yourself is ok but
make sure you still talk to people you trust even if its on here. Im
usually on and off throughout the day if you need anything just give
a shout out.
Oh BTW im only 20
and studying as well so I know how hard it is to study and worry
about these things as well.

I wouldnt expect an
apoligy he seems too ignornant and pig headed for that. Just
rememebr you wont always be in uni. Start creating a life wihtout him
and dont worry about what he thinks either its none of his concern

[startingnew]

oh and btw i most certaily beleive that you can get through this and are courageous yourself for telling me your story. i know its not easy to share this sort of thing.

but i know that with time you can move forward from this, might be a while but you can get through it. you may not ever forget but it wont be so much in your view, itll be stored in a box packed away

[sydneyharbour17]

Oh I definitely talk to people, especially my dad, about things, and it's great, it's just that people who have never had a mental illness kind of just don't "get it", if you know what I mean.

And yeah, getting assignments done when your head is a mess is a real struggle, but I have always loved learning so that helps me through it. It's getting easier day by day. I hope it is for you as well. 🙂

[startingnew]

yes i certainly do get what you mean about not getting it, i guess you have to have experienced depression or anxiety to actually understand it.

im glad your still living your life though and not so much worrying about him and that you also have your dad to talk too 🙂