Stressed

[1fr4]

Hi everyone, I just wanted to let you know that life can be so exhausting, even when I haven't done much. I've struggled a lot with caring for myself, feeling safe and having fun. I worry too much about what others will think and always assume that others hate me. It's gotten to the point where when I first started living independently to now, I barely go out and just maladaptively daydream. It's stopped me so much. I've also thought of seeking professional help. If anyone wants to, please use this post to share your experiences, I want to know how others are or have been working things and if you have any advice (of course I've heard of the 'don't give two hoots of what others think and do it!' but it's so hard). Anyways, thank you for this 

[Catto23]

Hihi 1fr4,

I'm pretty new to this forum too, (did my first post a few months back), and still trying to understand the format of this place. Pretty much I can relate too, when you said you "always assume other people hate you", I instead "feel like those around me are automatically lessor because they chose me" HA. I used to also have this thing where I felt like other's just didn't like me. My experience is that, I have ideas about myself, ways I automatically do things -- from my upbringing or experiences that sometimes make me feel sad or bad about myself. But I am *trying, to take the approach, hey, can I learn some other way to do things or talk to a therapist. 

Professional help for me has helped me realised 1) It's not all my fault, who I am 2) ways for things to be easier, but it has taken a lot of time and effort to *learn what I didn't know and it's expensive.

Hope this all made sense,

👍 

[1fr4]

Hi Catto23, 

Thanks for responding to me, it means a lot. And you're right, hearing from you and reflecting, I've realized that I have these beliefs that keep me locked in this state of self loathing. Like I don't like it at all and it's sad we think of ourselves like this. I also feel like the fact it'll take time and it's not going to be a straight road makes me go "ahhhh noooo" but I have to do it. Otherwise nothing changes. Thanks a lot, Catto. I'll see what I can do to seek help and get a diagnosis too cause I've suspected of ✨ ADHD ✨ and yesss it did make sense and make me feel like it'll be worth it for me too to seek help however possible 

[Catto23]

Hi 1fr4,

omygosh, I replied to this cos I could relate but I didn't expect a reply, I'm almost tearing up. lol ah I can a bit relate to the ahh nuuu bit (like I am assume you are younger, first time living more independently) -- for example we feel like other people are moving forwards, like our friends are doing things, we see a lot of "progress" in social media, our families have expectations of us - eek, and maybe we feel like we are falling behind a bit. I have A LOT to say about this topic, but pretty much for me in a really dark place, a family friend told me *you are a fighter for seeing a psychologist and *trying to fix ur problems. I never saw it like that before. (also totally everyone's upbringing and backstory are totally variable but no body sees that, no body is on equal grounding starting out I swear)

A diagnosis may also seem scary at this stage, but you've lived with it for this long, it is not going to get *worse. But I hate diagnoses myself, it just feels like I've done something wrong, but technically it does give me more ways/information/learning to learn how to co-exist with it, and once I get over telling people *technically, it's supposed to be freeing.

I'm glad you're reflecting, that was the hard bit for me, looking inwards, is kinda really scary sometimes. And something you said did resonate with me too, I wonder if * I too have these beliefs that keep me locked in a constant state of self-destructiveness, or I can't do it-ness *, hmmm interesting

👍

[Guest_68990973]

did it help with friendships?? I have tended to lean on my friends to much hang out all the time etc and has ended up toxic and loosing friends I am also in a small town which doesn’t help at all I’m so lonely and stressed and so awks meeting new people other than in a work setting but they arnt people I gel with either I don’t know what to do 

[Guest_10120]

Well, thank you for sharing your experience. It makes perfect sense to me, and I appreciate your view. It's phenomenal that you are learning or unlearning patterns and developing different ways of navigating through the hard stuff; that's not easy, but certainly worth it to achieve. Therapy may not be cheap and easy, but it can turn an individual's world around. You aren't the only one in this, and I hope you manage to find more ways to develop kindness towards yourself.

[Catto23]

Hi Guest_68990973,

oops I didn't know more people replied to this, soz I just got around to replying~ About friendships and possibly if psychology has helped with friendships, it has taught me something I wouldn't have thought of, like by learning more about myself (what I like, what I'm good at or not) can help me know more what to say/be confident. And what you said sounds hectic, like you haven't found your people? For me it has taken me YEARS and years especially recently to also start thinking about what type of friend I want to be. Sounds counterintuitive, but this weird *worldy rule of the universe* seems to be happening to me where things come back to me how I put it out. Ie if i smile more meeting someone they smile more too, If I like them they seem to more like me more, if I don't like them, they don't seem to be as friendly to me. So I guess for me my random strategy is to be a good friend first. Hm not sure. So I'm learning a lot still about friendships.

Random but recently I've started volunteering and I thought that was lame but have gotten the opportunity to practice my social skills in an area I like (kids and new migrants). I am also quite socially awkward, and knowing it's a non-pressure situation and if I hate it I can not come back has helped lol