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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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AJH Why do all white girls hate me?
  • replies: 10

I'm a 37 year old mixed race male where unfortunately my mothers Philippine genes left a stronger mark on my looks than my white Dads genes did. Theres a saying that 'we can't help what we are attracted to' and in my case that is white girls; those o... View more

I'm a 37 year old mixed race male where unfortunately my mothers Philippine genes left a stronger mark on my looks than my white Dads genes did. Theres a saying that 'we can't help what we are attracted to' and in my case that is white girls; those of English, Scottish and Irish descent. Blondes, redheads and blue eyes do it for me. My misfortune with women has plagued me my entire life. No girlfriends through high school. I couldn't even get any of my female peers to partner up with me to do the Deb in year 10 or the year 11 formal or year 12 valedictory. I had to miss out or just go alone. I did hear that they all rejected me because apparently I would have spoilt the photos of their special night...I tend to agree now. I'd turn myself down if I could too lol. After high school I did TAFE for 4 years and same thing again; no interest in my whatsoever despite my attempts and advances. I didn't kiss or hug my first girl until I was 33. We met at church. An unrewarding relationship stumbled along for 3 painful unrewarding years. We never had sex...I wanted to but she declined. Towards the end the kissing stopped as well because apparently I made her sick...glandular fever or something. So I'm still a virgin and a loser because of it. I've had no luck at singles events, speed dating, online dating which I've spent a small fortune on. No one is interested or replies unless they are a scammer. I've lost money to that as well...perhaps I care to much. I don't know what to do. It gets me down quite badly not being good enough for anyone. It gives me a headache every day of my life. My zest for life has dried up. The days where I don't have work it is a battle to even get out of bed. This isn't how I imagined my life would turn out. I'm not a bad person and I haven't done anyone any wrong. But the nightmare is real. I don't see a way forward apart from undergoing plastic surgery which will be very expensive. I've done the psychologists via the mental health care plan, antidepressant medication, hypnotism (didn't work but I went along with it because I felt bad for the practitioner), life coaching which was very expensive, love coaching in Melbourne, reading a lot of self help books and more. Does anyone suggest what I should do? Thanks.

Bush_Loner Overcoming abandonment
  • replies: 7

I'm not sure i'm posting in the right board I arrived in Australia with a beloved partner in 2018 on a Working Holiday Visa. Coming from Europe and in a relationship since 2015 we wanted to travel before settling up somewhere as farmers. We had the s... View more

I'm not sure i'm posting in the right board I arrived in Australia with a beloved partner in 2018 on a Working Holiday Visa. Coming from Europe and in a relationship since 2015 we wanted to travel before settling up somewhere as farmers. We had the same life goals, politicals views, ideals, passions, interests... We travelled around this amazing country before putting down our backpacks and settling in an absolute beautiful house. We both had a steady job, and were working on our visas to stay in Australia as long as possible. She fell for my best friend, took our 4WD, bought a caravan and after weeks of complete emotional breakdown cut all ties, deleted me on social media and every mean of communication. Just a few weeks after we got our student visa granted for 3 years. All this happenned throught March/April/May. I also had a pretty bad car accident when all that happenned, rolled it over on a mountain road. I never felt that lonely when trying to recover from that trauma. Thank god for the miracle as i wasn't hurt physically, but i now have anxiety when i drive. This is a very very short version of a long story of mental abuse from them during those months. When i look back in time, its still almost feels unreal. I always had mild depression/anxiety, not the best self-esteem and now clearly abandonment issues. I could say that was the last nail on the coffin. I know time heal everything, so i held on. I did a 10 days Vipassana course in June that helped me a lot overcoming the emotionnal pain. I then met an incredible girl, we fell in love, we had a genuine attraction, same interests and even looking like traumas thats we wanted to heal together. But everything went to quick and she ended up breaking my heart, that she didnt want a relationship. I held on again, but after a few weeks of breaking down in tears daily i feel like i really need to share my story.

StayinAlive2 I feel like a failure, on every front.
  • replies: 4

My heritage is South Asian and I'm gay. I'm struggling with my feelings of being a complete failure and not being able to support my parents' aspirations in any way. I met my spouse a few years ago and moved to Australia as a natural progression of o... View more

My heritage is South Asian and I'm gay. I'm struggling with my feelings of being a complete failure and not being able to support my parents' aspirations in any way. I met my spouse a few years ago and moved to Australia as a natural progression of our relationship. My parents are not willing to accept my sexuality and the challenges that come with it, so they do not know of my marriage. I have a younger sibling who is dating someone who is in the process of getting a divorce, which is culturally unacceptable to my parents. While I understand my parents should attempt to find joy in the joy of their children, I feel they are constantly being let down and as the elder child of the family, I feel like I'm constantly letting them down. I do not know how to demonstrate to them that their children are happy while not being bound by the societal status and standards that we grew up in. Most of all, I am tired of the constant lying. Every single day, I have to lie to them, make up situations and create a web of lies that I sustain by my failing sanity. My spouse is a great support, but there is always that hatred that I have against myself gnawing at me. These are just my ramblings, I don't know what I'm asking for or what I really need.

Aussiekeke any Chinese speaking people in this forum?
  • replies: 5

Hi guys, My wife has post natal depression over 4 years. Recently she stopped her anti-depressent completely. In stead, she entirely relies on chinese medicine, acpunture and psychology conselling. It is very difficult time for her and her family. I ... View more

Hi guys, My wife has post natal depression over 4 years. Recently she stopped her anti-depressent completely. In stead, she entirely relies on chinese medicine, acpunture and psychology conselling. It is very difficult time for her and her family. I wonder if there is anyone who has Chinese background that I can talk to? No offence to others, it is just easier for me to ask some questions to someone has similar background. Many thanks. Regards, Nick

lily098 Violent traditional middle eastern father
  • replies: 5

My father is a traditional middle eastern man that protects his “honour” at ANY cost. he came back home to find my sisters boyfriend at home. He severely physically abused her until my brother came back home and interfered to stop while my mum couldn... View more

My father is a traditional middle eastern man that protects his “honour” at ANY cost. he came back home to find my sisters boyfriend at home. He severely physically abused her until my brother came back home and interfered to stop while my mum couldn’t say anything fearing him as she was cleaning all the broken glass and hysterically crying. I was at work when this happened. I understand that it’s not acceptable in our culture to be involved with the opposite sex but I can’t accept the physical and verbal abuse my sister enduring and seeing the bruises and her moaning pain. I’m scared for her, we are both adults I’m 25 and she’s 22 years old We should be able to make ur decisions in life. She should feel loved and safe in her home, that’s why we came to Australia. It’s a struggle trying to balance these stupid traditions and culture in a western society. we are always scared, I don’t know what to do, I can’t speak or reason with my dad his so stubborn, Everly doubtful and suspicious of everything you say or do. Nothing is ever good enough. I’m getting married and moving countries and I can’t leave my family like this. I’m torn. Sometimes I wish he was dead and we won’t have any fear or problems. I am writing this with my sister in my room sleeping in absolute pain and I’m silencing my cries. I don’t know how to help my family, what is the solution..

Artemisia_Tau Losing hope of being happy in Australia.
  • replies: 18

Hello. I'm a 27 year old woman, born in Italy but of mixed race Dominican. I've lived my childhood and teen years between Italy and Dominican Republic and I'm very close to all my relatives and my family as is usual in my two cultures. Family is ever... View more

Hello. I'm a 27 year old woman, born in Italy but of mixed race Dominican. I've lived my childhood and teen years between Italy and Dominican Republic and I'm very close to all my relatives and my family as is usual in my two cultures. Family is everything. When I was 20, I met my now Fiancé online through MMORPG (we are both into gaming) and after a 6 year ordeal to get money and Visas, with me coming and going from AU multiple times, we've been finally living together for a year and a half in WA, in a small town near the beach. It made sense that I'd be the one moving, since I know English and I've traveled all my life, while my SO never left his town. We get along well, and the relationship is rock solid. Sadly, my problem has been the complete isolation I am in since I've moved. My SO has no family to speak of, dad was never in the picture and mother is an alcoholic and and an addict so I've never met her. Other than him, I have no friends, no connections, nothing. Although I partly blame this on Covid, our little town was not affected by any regulations, we never closed shops or had to wear masks, it was business as usual. I feel terrible all the time, I've always been on the shy side but in Italy I had a few solid friendships that kept me sane, and the boundless love of my family. Here I wake up in silence, spend my day in silence, and only find solace in my SO's company after work. I suffer from depression and anxiety disorder, plus PTSD, which brings me to how I finally broke. I had found a job after my bridging visa was approved, and sadly I was repeatedly abused mentally for weeks, which constantly triggered my PTSD which is work related, as I've been abused in the past.. I thought moving countries across the world would have helped, and yet I've been hurt again, had to be hospitalized for a week. I'm being followed by a psychologist and a wonderful GP, but while I feel better after I talk to them, the feeling never lasts. The extreme hour difference between here and Italy makes it so I can never hang out with my friends online, and I find myself not contacting my family so I don't worry them. I cannot relate to Australians here, they make fun of my accent, my food, my mannerisms. I go along, thinking jokes are the norm here, but no one has space for me in their world. I'm cute to have around so they can ask me random questions about Europe, but it never goes further than that. I wonder if I'll ever be happy here.

Donte Are you multicultural or are you Australian?
  • replies: 114

I’ve been pondering for a while about the whole ‘multicultural’ notion. We often hear ‘multicultural people’ or ‘multicultural experiences’ etc but what exactly does that mean? I am from a culturally and linguistically diverse background, (was born a... View more

I’ve been pondering for a while about the whole ‘multicultural’ notion. We often hear ‘multicultural people’ or ‘multicultural experiences’ etc but what exactly does that mean? I am from a culturally and linguistically diverse background, (was born and raised in a non-English speaking country), like the 46% of our population. However, I never think of my self as ‘diverse’ or ‘multicultural’. This is a term other people have created to describe me and my experiences. I am me. A human being like everyone else. The term ‘multicultural’ often implies ‘different’ or ‘diverse’, but different from what or whom? Well, clearly, from the white-Anglo Australians. So, my experience has been that in Australia today we have the dominant or mainstream White-Anglo culture and the ‘multicultural’ culture - anything and anyone who doesn’t fit in the white-Anglo category. The reality of course is that the white-Anglo segment of the population is also part of the whole ‘multicultural’ society, even if it’s the dominant one. This is never viewed in my opinion, its proper light, perhaps for political reasons and the hidden racism that still lurks in the background of today’s mainstream culture. Interestingly enough, even non white-Anglo Australians have come to accept this white propaganda and every time I hear them refer to ‘Australians’ they connote ‘anglo’. They usually say I’m Greek or Turkish or Maltese etc. - and any reference to ‘Australians’ seems to indicate ‘the others’, ‘the whites’. This of course has created an ‘us’ and ‘them’ mentality which stems from the remnants of the ‘white australia’ policy and the ‘melting pot’ days. So, who is really an Australian? What makes you true blue Aussie? Is the woman covered in burqa from head to toe who’s been naturalized three decades ago an Australian? And if so, equal like the fifth or sixth generation white-Anglo neighbors of hers? Often, you’ll find that this is not the case. I propose that it’s time to scrap the labels, erase the terms and start treating all people of Australia with equity despite their looks, skin color, gender, age, sexual orientation, religion etc How does that sound?

black_doggie international student with depression
  • replies: 6

being an international student is just exhausting. first of all im suffering from depression (since last month i was being diagnosed) and adhd. it has always been hard to find somebody to talk with. i’ve tried to utilise free resources from my campus... View more

being an international student is just exhausting. first of all im suffering from depression (since last month i was being diagnosed) and adhd. it has always been hard to find somebody to talk with. i’ve tried to utilise free resources from my campus, like making appointments with my favourite teacher and the counsellor. but, u know, we all have our own lives, i can’t find them very frequently and talk about what’s going on in my life. in fact i’ve got a lot of friends here. but most of them are like ' hi bye friends '. even the closest friend i’ve met here made me felt so hurt last week. she just don’t understand me having depression. she was just lecturing to me and thought i could understand a word when i felt really overwhelmed from my classes? no. definitely not. everything i need was space, listening and empathy but she didn’t even know. she thought giving advice would make me less unhappy. but that’s not the thing. i thought i can’t express my problems and negativity to anyone anymore, except those who are suffering from mental health disorders. or my close friends who really do listen and understand me. i often do feel overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, and anxious in school (at that time i still haven’t diagnosed depression). this can be explained through my hard-working and serious personality. in addition to my tutor whom i’ve met her since my first year of secondary school, my negative thoughts started intensifying. she emphasised a lot about the public exam in my final year of secondary school life, whereas i still have got five years to go at that time. overtime, my depressed feelings triggered my suicidal thoughts, and i did self-harm, have frequent mental breakdowns, and have diarrhoea very often. and more. i was so out of control. and my depressive feelings still continued after i start studying in aus. i was always alone as my closest friends are all in my home country. and english isn’t my first language. even though im finally blended into aussie life and am confident in using english, i still felt difficult at times which i couldn’t fully express my thoughts. and school has been really busy. and taking adhd medicine always increases my anxiety level. and often i just wanted someone to listen and hug me tightly but i don’t have one. so i ended up crying all night on bed very often. i’ve experienced difficulty in getting out of bed too as of immense stress and negativity. yeah that’s just how i feel. thanku for reading till here

Priya_C Losing myself after marriage- due to restrictions from in- laws
  • replies: 3

I got married a couple of years back and ever since I have never felt the same way I used to feel when I was unmarried. I live with my parents-in laws. Due to the Indian culture, we are expected to stay with parents to help them in their old age. See... View more

I got married a couple of years back and ever since I have never felt the same way I used to feel when I was unmarried. I live with my parents-in laws. Due to the Indian culture, we are expected to stay with parents to help them in their old age. See I would not have a problem with that only if they were not so controlling. I am expected to dress a certain way, can not wear dresses (show my legs), I cannot cut or open my hair (I used to love my hair open, I felt so confident and free). I feel guilty every time I leave the house in a pony tail/ braid and open it up afterwards when I am out of their sight. I feel so trapped in this family/ house. I am expected to behave a certain way, boys get more lee-way, girls can not do certain things boys can do. My husband is supportive however, at the end of the day he is their son as well. I am beginning to regret this marriage and this kills me because I do love my husband very much. I just wish I had control of my own life and the decisions I make. I want to wake up whenever I want to wake up, I want to leave my bed unmade, I want to eat whatever I want to eat, I want to dress the way I used to dress, I want to leave my hair open at home, I want to lay on the couch for hours and not feel guilty. I feel like a child in this house, who's life has been taken over. I have absolutely no freedom of my own thoughts, speech, choices. I want to leave the house but my husband does not want to leave his parents. I feel so stupid, my husband had warned me his parents were a bit old-fashioned, I never gave it a second thought I was so lost in love, I left my family, friends, country only to feel so stuck in this marriage a few years later. I just want to. be. free. I don't know what to do. Please help.

Emmen Strategies for coping with racist behaviour
  • replies: 51

Hello everybody, With coronavirus, there has been a spike in racist behaviour against people of Asian ethnicity in Australia. I’m sure there are people in our community who have been on the receiving end of such behaviour. You may also be Indigenous ... View more

Hello everybody, With coronavirus, there has been a spike in racist behaviour against people of Asian ethnicity in Australia. I’m sure there are people in our community who have been on the receiving end of such behaviour. You may also be Indigenous or of other ethnicities, struggling with the emotional impact of racism directed against you over the years. This could include anxiety, depression and reduced sense of self-worth. I though we could open up this forum as a way of sharing coping strategies when facing prejudiced behaviour. I’ll start by listing some ideas: Build a network of people around you who can make you feel good about yourself Identify the behaviours that have led you to internalise the idea that you are 'not good enough' for society and work on accepting yourself as you are Reminding yourself that the actions/words of racist people stem from their own insecurity rather than you What are your strategies? For those seeking more information on racism, its impacts and what you can do about it, here are some links that can help. BB article: Respond to racism (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/the-invisible-discriminator/respond-to-racism) BB campaign: The Invisible Discriminator (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/the-invisible-discriminator) BB article: Educate yourself about racism (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/the-invisible-discriminator/educate-yourself-about-racism) Forum thread: Racism (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/racism#qgLmI3HzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A) Sending love, M