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BeyondBlue Hi! Read this if you are not sure what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond B... View more

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond Blue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage and want a specific space to share their experience. Please be aware that posts on the Beyond Blue Forums may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our Forums guidelines, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Beyond Blue

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AJH Why do all white girls hate me?
  • replies: 13

I'm a 37 year old mixed race male where unfortunately my mothers Philippine genes left a stronger mark on my looks than my white Dads genes did. Theres a saying that 'we can't help what we are attracted to' and in my case that is white girls; those o... View more

I'm a 37 year old mixed race male where unfortunately my mothers Philippine genes left a stronger mark on my looks than my white Dads genes did. Theres a saying that 'we can't help what we are attracted to' and in my case that is white girls; those of English, Scottish and Irish descent. Blondes, redheads and blue eyes do it for me. My misfortune with women has plagued me my entire life. No girlfriends through high school. I couldn't even get any of my female peers to partner up with me to do the Deb in year 10 or the year 11 formal or year 12 valedictory. I had to miss out or just go alone. I did hear that they all rejected me because apparently I would have spoilt the photos of their special night...I tend to agree now. I'd turn myself down if I could too lol. After high school I did TAFE for 4 years and same thing again; no interest in my whatsoever despite my attempts and advances. I didn't kiss or hug my first girl until I was 33. We met at church. An unrewarding relationship stumbled along for 3 painful unrewarding years. We never had sex...I wanted to but she declined. Towards the end the kissing stopped as well because apparently I made her sick...glandular fever or something. So I'm still a virgin and a loser because of it. I've had no luck at singles events, speed dating, online dating which I've spent a small fortune on. No one is interested or replies unless they are a scammer. I've lost money to that as well...perhaps I care to much. I don't know what to do. It gets me down quite badly not being good enough for anyone. It gives me a headache every day of my life. My zest for life has dried up. The days where I don't have work it is a battle to even get out of bed. This isn't how I imagined my life would turn out. I'm not a bad person and I haven't done anyone any wrong. But the nightmare is real. I don't see a way forward apart from undergoing plastic surgery which will be very expensive. I've done the psychologists via the mental health care plan, antidepressant medication, hypnotism (didn't work but I went along with it because I felt bad for the practitioner), life coaching which was very expensive, love coaching in Melbourne, reading a lot of self help books and more. Does anyone suggest what I should do? Thanks.

Guest_74671780 Mixed relationship
  • replies: 5

So I'm in a long distance relationship with a mixed male who is white-mexican and he grew up all Hispanic, I'm Australian white and when he told an aunt about me she said "I was going to taint the blood line" and so I've been trying to embrace his cu... View more

So I'm in a long distance relationship with a mixed male who is white-mexican and he grew up all Hispanic, I'm Australian white and when he told an aunt about me she said "I was going to taint the blood line" and so I've been trying to embrace his culture more so that they don't feel that way and I'm not really sure what do to and it stresses me out alot because if him and I get married and have kids I don't want his family to disapprove or make comments further as they should be happy he has someone who loves him, so I guess in a way I want to impress his family aswell as him.

Miraculously101 Belief systems
  • replies: 2

I'm a middle child of an immigrant family. Born in Australia, however conditioned, nurtured and natured by my parents values and belief systems. Recently, I discovered - Realised the most important life changing moment. Fear and control no flexibilit... View more

I'm a middle child of an immigrant family. Born in Australia, however conditioned, nurtured and natured by my parents values and belief systems. Recently, I discovered - Realised the most important life changing moment. Fear and control no flexibility in this way of thinking.how the family dynamics Made me feel inferior - like -something is wrong with me - I can't receive blessings - help care love support because there is a belief that there something wrong with me. The manipulation- self sacrifice, made to feel like the victim and this of course begins n the patterns - repeating cycles generation cycles a state of being in service no escape no spark no room for creating and I feel small Im not allowed to follow my desires, my energy or a to give to others. how dare I think about myself. i know some things are far too painful and I'm trying to make myself feel this to free myself from this patterns and rigid mind set of fear and control that's means removing myself from these people and replacing them with a redirect of consciousness. so wounded

1fr4 this is difficult
  • replies: 7

Hi guys, I'm a uni student who moved from India last year, I'm going to turn 20... it's 2025, a new year and for some time now, I've come to reflect on my experiences living alone here. This was my first time living independently and although I recei... View more

Hi guys, I'm a uni student who moved from India last year, I'm going to turn 20... it's 2025, a new year and for some time now, I've come to reflect on my experiences living alone here. This was my first time living independently and although I receive support, I come from a dysfunctional family. I have never done anything other than study until year 12. Coming here has shown me how I live life (and I don't think it's healthy at all, others can see it too). I suspect I have ADHD, Anxiety & Depression. It's been pretty hard for me but even taking care of myself like cooking meals and keeping myself clean has been a huge challenge. Most of all, I feel like I've barely even studied in my first year. I'll start the next year soon and recounting everything, I feel like everything is too much. I feel like crying but I've only done it from the inside. Seeking professional help is expensive and my relationships with family and friends and most of all, myself are very bad and inconsistent. What do I do? Where do I even begin?

Caitlin40 It's just not working out
  • replies: 3

I am a 39 year old South African who has moved to Australia 18 months ago. It hard! Harder than I thought and in ways I could never have imagined. I moved for my kids to have a better education and for us all the be safe. I have a working visa but it... View more

I am a 39 year old South African who has moved to Australia 18 months ago. It hard! Harder than I thought and in ways I could never have imagined. I moved for my kids to have a better education and for us all the be safe. I have a working visa but it will be a long time before I'm a permanent resident (4 1/2 years), this means I am in limbo in the meantime as I don't feel like I belong. Pile on the fact that as a South African we are known to be friendly but efficient and no nonsense ie direct. I also have high functioning anxiety for all my life (abused as a kid). All of this in S A didn't seem to be an issue. If I was stressed I'd take anxiety meds, and if I was a little short at work, because of my position it would be brushed off, I'd appologise and we would all move on. Sometimes the general manager has to Crack the whip, it's part of the job. I was never rude or abusive. Now... in Australia, I feel like my entire identity has been beaten out of me. I spend 90% of my energy trying to be extra nice, extra friendly, and nothing gets done...so I do it myself, working 7 days a week to make deadlines without any support. Which of course means I'm achieving but I'm exhausted and can get snappy. I get insecure and i hear people talking about me in the office. Again, I appologise immediately after. I've now been fired essentially for not being nice enough, and every interaction has been twisted and misunderstood/represented to the boss. I dont know what to do...whats the point of being here. Achieving goals at the expense of being a push over and killing myself didn't even work, and not being a pushover is seen as being aggressive. I just can't win. I've given up everything and have nothing to go back to, plus I'd never get my children to come back with me (ex husband is here in australia) so I really have to stay, but will I ever fit in, how do I find a job where I can be myself, or just get a bit of understanding while I acclimatise. I am embarrassed about humiliated by being fired, a second time, after 4 months of probation at each despite achieving and surpassing goals, essentially because of my personality. I know that I dont want to die but I certainly cant live like this anymore. I don't see any alternatives.

Carlo Carlo
  • replies: 2

Hi, My name is Carl and I’ve been in business most of my life and helped and mentored quite a few young people get their life back on track and give them direction and am still doing the same thing. I grew up in my younger years on the streets left s... View more

Hi, My name is Carl and I’ve been in business most of my life and helped and mentored quite a few young people get their life back on track and give them direction and am still doing the same thing. I grew up in my younger years on the streets left school at 15 and started working. My mother and father separated when I was 8 years old and spent most of my teenage years with an alcoholic mother. I had a son with a very debilitating autoimmune disease, which caused extreme physical and mental health. He suffered from anxiety, ptsd and ocd. He passed 1 year ago. I saw him go through alot of physical and psychological pain which I was allways there to help him through calmly. So if any of you guys out there would like to reach out for a chat or just someone to listen to you please feel free to contact me.

blueskye What makes you proud of your ethnicity?
  • replies: 14

Hi everyone! This is my first time starting a thread and I'm excited to hear what others have to say about - What makes you proud of your ethnicity? Please take a couple of minutes to reflect about this topic and then share with others. Australia is ... View more

Hi everyone! This is my first time starting a thread and I'm excited to hear what others have to say about - What makes you proud of your ethnicity? Please take a couple of minutes to reflect about this topic and then share with others. Australia is a gorgeous place to live in and I'm proud to be an Australia. What makes me proud of my Chinese ethnicity though is that Chinese food is amazing! Dumplings, Dim Sum, etc.... some of the food looks wacky but gosh, very yummy! I am also super proud of my parents who immigrated to Australia. Dad is fluent with English because he studied in Canada but my Mum came to Australia without knowing how to speak or read English. Dad worked in a white people dominated place, so he worked extra hard to prove his worth. Mum raised her 3 young daughters in a country that was foreign to her. Sometimes when I get mad at my mum when we have a disagreement, I try and remind myself of the difficulties she faced in the past. If someone chucked me in a foreign country where I had to live, buy groceries, catch public transport (mum didn't know how to drive for the first couple of years), didn't know the language.... that's scary! My parents make me proud to be Chinese. Your turn!

Luce_M New to Australia, different expectations
  • replies: 5

Hello, this is my first time using this kind of forums, never used them before. I am currently feeling quite out of place, lonely and lost in Australia. I moved here to be close to my husband, we met in Canada and at that time I had already a establi... View more

Hello, this is my first time using this kind of forums, never used them before. I am currently feeling quite out of place, lonely and lost in Australia. I moved here to be close to my husband, we met in Canada and at that time I had already a established life in there, friends and work. I moved here with the expectations that living in here was going to be similar to my experience in Canada. It has almost been a year and I haven't been able to make close friendships. My husband works in the medical field, I am most of the time lonely at home. I initially started working in customer service at a luxury store and unfortunately developed a lot of anxiety and depression. I faced quite a lot of discrimination at work and was generally excluded from the team, I was the only foreigner. I am currently at a different job which is from home, it does not enable me to build relationships with other people in person but it has been better than my previous job. Since it is customer service sometimes I get discouraged by uncomfortable comments about my accent, however, I am trying my best to not take it personally. My husband has been really supportive since I arrived in here and even got me a dog to not feel as lonely. I have been trying my best to join volunteering groups and extracurricular activities, however, I kind of have developed anxiety to be in social groups, I have started to feel scared to interact with others due to my past experiences. I have had some sessions of counselling which were helpful. I have not really have much contact with my family and friends due to the time difference, I miss them so much at times that at nights I just want to cry. Right now, I just feel that my motivation to stay in here is my husband and my dog. Everyday I am feeling lost and recently I have thought about leaving Australia for several months to be with my family. I will sincerely appreciate any recommendations. Thank you so much for reading.

Rolls157 Anxiety by new friendship
  • replies: 6

Hi I am new to this so apologies if this is all over the place.I moved to Aus in 2007 with my wife and two kids 6&10 at the time. My wifes side of the family is settled here moving from india, i thought it would be better for her (being close to her ... View more

Hi I am new to this so apologies if this is all over the place.I moved to Aus in 2007 with my wife and two kids 6&10 at the time. My wifes side of the family is settled here moving from india, i thought it would be better for her (being close to her family) and my kids growing up in a rural setting. I left my career, family and friends since childhood to do this. A long drawn out visa process caused a lot of stress but has now thankfully been resolved in aug 2022. This process made me anxious for the first time in my life. In about dec22 a female started to talk to me at work which was not usual for the area. Through regular interactions i really began liking her and it started reminding me of what i was missing with my friends from uk. Although i liked the chats i noticed it made me more anxious when they didnt happen (when she was busy at work etc). Ive told her that all i want is friendship and that i am happy with my marriage. Ultimately I dont know if this relationship is good for me or is making me more anxious. In my heart I dont think she really wants to be friends but just likes to chat occasionally. I haven't made any other friends since moving here although there is new family connections. I dont like sitting in pubs etc and dont follow aus football which excludes a lot of people. I feel lonely and really miss speaking to friends in social setting. I try to talk via phone but its often difficult due to time differences. Ive told my wife how i feel and she has been awesome, she phones me throughout the day which helps to an extent. Should i stop talking to the new 'friend' if it makes me anxious?

C-S Struggling with speaking English in confidence
  • replies: 2

I came here around Year 8. I suffered from moderate social anxiety in primary school in my home country. Things got better when I entered year 7 while I was still in my home country. I made friends I was happy I got pushed to speak in front of the cl... View more

I came here around Year 8. I suffered from moderate social anxiety in primary school in my home country. Things got better when I entered year 7 while I was still in my home country. I made friends I was happy I got pushed to speak in front of the class sometimes, even though I still felt scared but a little bit better than in primary school.Then boom, I was out in a foreign country in Year 8 where one of my parents was with me. At first, I was still able to keep myself motivated from the experiences I gained from Year 7. Then I simply just couldn't handle any stress that anyone would judge or criticise my speaking (they acted impatient), and it happened before. It brought my mood down for days and lost my confidence, giving me huge anxiety. I have this severe social anxiety when I need to open up a conversation in English until now (I just graduated from Uni). I kept trying to avoid stepping out of my comfort zone by only making friends with my people. I jigged high school days a lot, to make myself feel comfortable.And sometimes, I'm not able to catch what other people are saying, even if I ask them to repeat, I still don't get it, and some people would lose their patience. This has happened so many times while I was a barista. I could only handle the language within that cafe setting, I cant do much casual talk as my mind goes blank and felt anxious. I am ok with writing my thoughts down as it gives me time to think and phrase it. But my mind just goes blank when I need to open my mouth. I think of going to some English speaking club, but then I am afraid of speaking with a group of strangers and scared that I can't engage and people think I am boring.And the two years of remote study make everything worst. Yes, I stayed perfectly in my comfort zone, I had pseudo security for the last few years. limited interaction with school or new people. Now that I need to find a job (also have no clear or even vague direction), I have to face all the issues in one go.I don't know how I can tell myself to do all these tasks. and idk what should I do first.