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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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Sophia16 Ethnic dad with anger issues
  • replies: 21

Hi guys, I'm just really annoyed at my dad. He doesn't respect my mother, who has given him everything. She is the only one that works in the household since my dad has a broken leg. She pays for everything, she cooks and she cleans. My dad doesn't a... View more

Hi guys, I'm just really annoyed at my dad. He doesn't respect my mother, who has given him everything. She is the only one that works in the household since my dad has a broken leg. She pays for everything, she cooks and she cleans. My dad doesn't appreciate anything she does. and to top it off, he treats her parents with no respect. He stresses my mum out. I asked my mum to divorce him but she said no because he has good qualities about him. He literally emotionally abuses me, my sister and my mum. I seriously don't know what to do. I am not allowed to move out until I'm married. Everything is just hard.

rinkoko Losing confidence in my second language journey
  • replies: 4

Hi! As the title suggests, I'm seeking some advice on keeping my head up while trying to learn a second language. I'm mixed, and grew up speaking mainly English at home. My lacking skills at my second language has been a big insecurity for me, but I'... View more

Hi! As the title suggests, I'm seeking some advice on keeping my head up while trying to learn a second language. I'm mixed, and grew up speaking mainly English at home. My lacking skills at my second language has been a big insecurity for me, but I've started working a job at a local business where I need to speak my second language basically all the time with the owners (natives). They know my situation, and difficulties, and they are super nice, but often when I'm speaking to them I make mistakes that I overthink for the next week or so. It's just so embarrassing, and stops me from initiating conversations or keeping them going. Today was one of those days - somehow I told the owners that my mother has 4 brothers.... she has two. My own brother has aged a few years according to my pronunciation. The other day I managed to say I haven't left the country in ten years, when it's only been half that? They think I travel to uni on a bike, when I really drive (TOO FAR!!), because I pronounced it improperly and didn't realise why they were surprised until MUCH later? I have no confidence to correct any of these small "lies" with my broken language, and no hope in forgetting them. These are just examples of one kind of mistake too - on the daily I am receiving confused faces, clarifications on two words I just said, and outright swaps to English from the people fed up with my attempts to explain something in the second language. Serving customers in English is like a break from destroying my confidence by going in the back. I don't see any one else's attempt to speak another language as embarrassing, and I've watched my immigrant mother do it for years, but I feel like crawling into a pit and never coming out every time I flub it up myself. All of my mixed friends are fully bilingual. I really need to hear from some mixed monolingual comrades. :((

Yen2 Educating locals
  • replies: 4

Hello, I’m an international student from south east Asia (Chinese) and want to open a discussion about the best way to educate Australian locals about cultural differences and why ethnicity and nationality matters in a foreign country. I have a frien... View more

Hello, I’m an international student from south east Asia (Chinese) and want to open a discussion about the best way to educate Australian locals about cultural differences and why ethnicity and nationality matters in a foreign country. I have a friend who is Australian and in every way not Asian. I realise that there are some differences in how we were raised in respect to physical intimacy, humour, temperament, etc. He’s a lovely friend don’t get me wrong. And he isn’t the only person that I wanted to educate. I wish to find gentle ways to educate locals on the reasons behind my actions (cultural). I have seen people brush past me, my friends (all Asian) and foreigners in general on situations such as racism, stereotyping and believing we have the same rights as citizens do. (Surprise, not really.) And our way of coping is “That’s how it is as a foreigner in Australia”.

randomperson Feeling guilt/shame in taking therapy when dad told me that I can rely on him instead
  • replies: 14

Hi, I’m an international student and I’m currently seeing a psychologist. My Taiwanese dad says that we shouldn’t rely on meds and psychologists, since it’s mostly placebo and we are the only ones who can solve the issues we have w/in ourselves (don’... View more

Hi, I’m an international student and I’m currently seeing a psychologist. My Taiwanese dad says that we shouldn’t rely on meds and psychologists, since it’s mostly placebo and we are the only ones who can solve the issues we have w/in ourselves (don’t need other ppl telling us what to do). He asked me to confide in him instead, and I do feel better after doing this. Please note that I don’t want to generalise the Taiwanese culture. The thing is, the psychologist has helped me in managing existential crisis and other things I don’t tell my parents about. Also, hw extension is useful, tho I feel like I’m taking advantage of it. I did tell him about my dad’s views, and he said that if I find it helpful, then I can continue (ergo, my choice). I do agree, yet I also feel a bit guilty. Maybe I don’t need to rely/burden ‘other’ people if I can just talk w/ my dad. Maybe I don’t need to uselessly spend money. Maybe things would be easier & resolved if I just become brave enough to tell my parents about my issues directly instead of confiding w/ the psychologist first. Maybe I don’t have to hide anything from my dad. I also kind of agree w/ my dad’s reasoning (for my situation). However, I don’t know how I can tell my parents about my existential crisis, etc. I’m scared of their reactions. I also think I’m quite selfish; most of the stress is from w/in e.g. procrastination, laziness, self-loathing. They might tell me to be ‘more open-minded’, not meanly, but I would feel very irritated. I’m sure I’m just overthinking tho. I sometimes think that maybe it’s all in my head. I’m not diagnosed w/ anything. Maybe I’m just an attention-seeker who wants help from ‘other’ people (e.g. lifeline, beyondblue, psychologist) even tho I can solve my problems on my own. A counsellor told me that the psychologist could help me find a better way to talk w/ my dad about my issues. I don’t think I’m ready, but I wonder if I should just get it over with. I’m feeling overwhelmed w/ uni rn and very unmotivated to the point where I don’t know what I’m doing with my life (uni -> job kind of mindset). And honestly, it’s not like I’m doing much about it. I still procrastinate, I don’t go thru modules in cci, etc. I don’t exactly know what I want to do w/ this, whether it’s just ranting or wanting advice on how to deal w/ the guilt from hiding this from my dad? It’s just something that I think about sometimes. Nonetheless, I would be thankful if someone could give me tips on this?

AJH Why do all white girls hate me?
  • replies: 10

I'm a 37 year old mixed race male where unfortunately my mothers Philippine genes left a stronger mark on my looks than my white Dads genes did. Theres a saying that 'we can't help what we are attracted to' and in my case that is white girls; those o... View more

I'm a 37 year old mixed race male where unfortunately my mothers Philippine genes left a stronger mark on my looks than my white Dads genes did. Theres a saying that 'we can't help what we are attracted to' and in my case that is white girls; those of English, Scottish and Irish descent. Blondes, redheads and blue eyes do it for me. My misfortune with women has plagued me my entire life. No girlfriends through high school. I couldn't even get any of my female peers to partner up with me to do the Deb in year 10 or the year 11 formal or year 12 valedictory. I had to miss out or just go alone. I did hear that they all rejected me because apparently I would have spoilt the photos of their special night...I tend to agree now. I'd turn myself down if I could too lol. After high school I did TAFE for 4 years and same thing again; no interest in my whatsoever despite my attempts and advances. I didn't kiss or hug my first girl until I was 33. We met at church. An unrewarding relationship stumbled along for 3 painful unrewarding years. We never had sex...I wanted to but she declined. Towards the end the kissing stopped as well because apparently I made her sick...glandular fever or something. So I'm still a virgin and a loser because of it. I've had no luck at singles events, speed dating, online dating which I've spent a small fortune on. No one is interested or replies unless they are a scammer. I've lost money to that as well...perhaps I care to much. I don't know what to do. It gets me down quite badly not being good enough for anyone. It gives me a headache every day of my life. My zest for life has dried up. The days where I don't have work it is a battle to even get out of bed. This isn't how I imagined my life would turn out. I'm not a bad person and I haven't done anyone any wrong. But the nightmare is real. I don't see a way forward apart from undergoing plastic surgery which will be very expensive. I've done the psychologists via the mental health care plan, antidepressant medication, hypnotism (didn't work but I went along with it because I felt bad for the practitioner), life coaching which was very expensive, love coaching in Melbourne, reading a lot of self help books and more. Does anyone suggest what I should do? Thanks.

Bush_Loner Overcoming abandonment
  • replies: 7

I'm not sure i'm posting in the right board I arrived in Australia with a beloved partner in 2018 on a Working Holiday Visa. Coming from Europe and in a relationship since 2015 we wanted to travel before settling up somewhere as farmers. We had the s... View more

I'm not sure i'm posting in the right board I arrived in Australia with a beloved partner in 2018 on a Working Holiday Visa. Coming from Europe and in a relationship since 2015 we wanted to travel before settling up somewhere as farmers. We had the same life goals, politicals views, ideals, passions, interests... We travelled around this amazing country before putting down our backpacks and settling in an absolute beautiful house. We both had a steady job, and were working on our visas to stay in Australia as long as possible. She fell for my best friend, took our 4WD, bought a caravan and after weeks of complete emotional breakdown cut all ties, deleted me on social media and every mean of communication. Just a few weeks after we got our student visa granted for 3 years. All this happenned throught March/April/May. I also had a pretty bad car accident when all that happenned, rolled it over on a mountain road. I never felt that lonely when trying to recover from that trauma. Thank god for the miracle as i wasn't hurt physically, but i now have anxiety when i drive. This is a very very short version of a long story of mental abuse from them during those months. When i look back in time, its still almost feels unreal. I always had mild depression/anxiety, not the best self-esteem and now clearly abandonment issues. I could say that was the last nail on the coffin. I know time heal everything, so i held on. I did a 10 days Vipassana course in June that helped me a lot overcoming the emotionnal pain. I then met an incredible girl, we fell in love, we had a genuine attraction, same interests and even looking like traumas thats we wanted to heal together. But everything went to quick and she ended up breaking my heart, that she didnt want a relationship. I held on again, but after a few weeks of breaking down in tears daily i feel like i really need to share my story.

StayinAlive2 I feel like a failure, on every front.
  • replies: 4

My heritage is South Asian and I'm gay. I'm struggling with my feelings of being a complete failure and not being able to support my parents' aspirations in any way. I met my spouse a few years ago and moved to Australia as a natural progression of o... View more

My heritage is South Asian and I'm gay. I'm struggling with my feelings of being a complete failure and not being able to support my parents' aspirations in any way. I met my spouse a few years ago and moved to Australia as a natural progression of our relationship. My parents are not willing to accept my sexuality and the challenges that come with it, so they do not know of my marriage. I have a younger sibling who is dating someone who is in the process of getting a divorce, which is culturally unacceptable to my parents. While I understand my parents should attempt to find joy in the joy of their children, I feel they are constantly being let down and as the elder child of the family, I feel like I'm constantly letting them down. I do not know how to demonstrate to them that their children are happy while not being bound by the societal status and standards that we grew up in. Most of all, I am tired of the constant lying. Every single day, I have to lie to them, make up situations and create a web of lies that I sustain by my failing sanity. My spouse is a great support, but there is always that hatred that I have against myself gnawing at me. These are just my ramblings, I don't know what I'm asking for or what I really need.

Aussiekeke any Chinese speaking people in this forum?
  • replies: 5

Hi guys, My wife has post natal depression over 4 years. Recently she stopped her anti-depressent completely. In stead, she entirely relies on chinese medicine, acpunture and psychology conselling. It is very difficult time for her and her family. I ... View more

Hi guys, My wife has post natal depression over 4 years. Recently she stopped her anti-depressent completely. In stead, she entirely relies on chinese medicine, acpunture and psychology conselling. It is very difficult time for her and her family. I wonder if there is anyone who has Chinese background that I can talk to? No offence to others, it is just easier for me to ask some questions to someone has similar background. Many thanks. Regards, Nick

lily098 Violent traditional middle eastern father
  • replies: 5

My father is a traditional middle eastern man that protects his “honour” at ANY cost. he came back home to find my sisters boyfriend at home. He severely physically abused her until my brother came back home and interfered to stop while my mum couldn... View more

My father is a traditional middle eastern man that protects his “honour” at ANY cost. he came back home to find my sisters boyfriend at home. He severely physically abused her until my brother came back home and interfered to stop while my mum couldn’t say anything fearing him as she was cleaning all the broken glass and hysterically crying. I was at work when this happened. I understand that it’s not acceptable in our culture to be involved with the opposite sex but I can’t accept the physical and verbal abuse my sister enduring and seeing the bruises and her moaning pain. I’m scared for her, we are both adults I’m 25 and she’s 22 years old We should be able to make ur decisions in life. She should feel loved and safe in her home, that’s why we came to Australia. It’s a struggle trying to balance these stupid traditions and culture in a western society. we are always scared, I don’t know what to do, I can’t speak or reason with my dad his so stubborn, Everly doubtful and suspicious of everything you say or do. Nothing is ever good enough. I’m getting married and moving countries and I can’t leave my family like this. I’m torn. Sometimes I wish he was dead and we won’t have any fear or problems. I am writing this with my sister in my room sleeping in absolute pain and I’m silencing my cries. I don’t know how to help my family, what is the solution..

Artemisia_Tau Losing hope of being happy in Australia.
  • replies: 18

Hello. I'm a 27 year old woman, born in Italy but of mixed race Dominican. I've lived my childhood and teen years between Italy and Dominican Republic and I'm very close to all my relatives and my family as is usual in my two cultures. Family is ever... View more

Hello. I'm a 27 year old woman, born in Italy but of mixed race Dominican. I've lived my childhood and teen years between Italy and Dominican Republic and I'm very close to all my relatives and my family as is usual in my two cultures. Family is everything. When I was 20, I met my now Fiancé online through MMORPG (we are both into gaming) and after a 6 year ordeal to get money and Visas, with me coming and going from AU multiple times, we've been finally living together for a year and a half in WA, in a small town near the beach. It made sense that I'd be the one moving, since I know English and I've traveled all my life, while my SO never left his town. We get along well, and the relationship is rock solid. Sadly, my problem has been the complete isolation I am in since I've moved. My SO has no family to speak of, dad was never in the picture and mother is an alcoholic and and an addict so I've never met her. Other than him, I have no friends, no connections, nothing. Although I partly blame this on Covid, our little town was not affected by any regulations, we never closed shops or had to wear masks, it was business as usual. I feel terrible all the time, I've always been on the shy side but in Italy I had a few solid friendships that kept me sane, and the boundless love of my family. Here I wake up in silence, spend my day in silence, and only find solace in my SO's company after work. I suffer from depression and anxiety disorder, plus PTSD, which brings me to how I finally broke. I had found a job after my bridging visa was approved, and sadly I was repeatedly abused mentally for weeks, which constantly triggered my PTSD which is work related, as I've been abused in the past.. I thought moving countries across the world would have helped, and yet I've been hurt again, had to be hospitalized for a week. I'm being followed by a psychologist and a wonderful GP, but while I feel better after I talk to them, the feeling never lasts. The extreme hour difference between here and Italy makes it so I can never hang out with my friends online, and I find myself not contacting my family so I don't worry them. I cannot relate to Australians here, they make fun of my accent, my food, my mannerisms. I go along, thinking jokes are the norm here, but no one has space for me in their world. I'm cute to have around so they can ask me random questions about Europe, but it never goes further than that. I wonder if I'll ever be happy here.