Multicultural experiences

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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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spanish19876 First generation immigrant- 16 years old
  • replies: 2

I am a South Asian first-generation immigrant and 16 years old, with only one sibling aged 4. I’ve never had great relations with my parents, acting against their wishes from a very young age of 6, but really, their standards have always been, to thi... View more

I am a South Asian first-generation immigrant and 16 years old, with only one sibling aged 4. I’ve never had great relations with my parents, acting against their wishes from a very young age of 6, but really, their standards have always been, to this day, insanely unrealistic. The things I have done to this day that they would use to describe me as a horrible and wicked person are really very simple parts of the life of a child and adolescent, and if I was being real, any understanding parent would agree with me. I am used to both of my parents screaming at me, judging me and all on a daily basis for VERY SMALL THINGS- SMALL MISTAKES ANY HUMAN BEING MAKES!! They have always been terrible at trying to understand me, and are too traditional in their parenting method. My mum is quite co-dependent on my dad, she’s naive for someone living in a 1st world country, and oh boy has she got anger issues when it comes to parenting me. My dad has definitely gotten better at understanding me, but key word: ‘better’, but has not become decent at it yet. They drag on everythinggg I’ve done and when they’re mad at one small thing, they start to complain about everything they have against me, which are all unrelated things, most of which are assumptions about my behaviour when they’re not present. They’re quite unfriendly and hypocritical to everyone, and there is no respect at all in our household, with constant disgusting, unnecessary remarks that I can’t treat as more than ‘just family jokes’. Whenever arguing, they're 'always right' and they can never hear me out. They see problems in each other but don't do enough to address or rectify them and don't realise their own issues. Anything that I want to do as a teenage girl, for my self care and happiness is apparently just because I need attention from boys, and whenever I fall slightly from my grades, it is an act of grave sin. I have a 2013 phone since 2016, right, and my mum was so overly excited about buying me the iPhone 11 on black friday this year, but I ended up falling from a High Distinction from last semester to a Distinction this semester and they gave me so much crap for it and you guessed it, I am not getting that phone anytime soon- even though I go to a private school paying $$ a year. I’m mentally unstable because of their lack of focus on my happiness and wellbeing for the last 10 years and I really don’t know what to do anymore.

Not_so_hot Recurrent traumatic events
  • replies: 14

I don't trust authority. I know I should, but I always end up thinking I have made a huge mistake. I was adopted by whitefellas from birth and experienced childhood sexual abuse for several years. My birth father was here on a student visa and althou... View more

I don't trust authority. I know I should, but I always end up thinking I have made a huge mistake. I was adopted by whitefellas from birth and experienced childhood sexual abuse for several years. My birth father was here on a student visa and although engaged to marry my mother, was threatened by her parents to have him expelled from Australia if he attempted to claim any rights to me. When I met my birth mother half a lifetime ago she told me they refused to allow any black children in the family and sent her to another state to give birth and have me adopted. My adoptive family were extremely racist in their treatment of me, so much so, that I actually thought for much of my life I was a purchased slave and we just had another name for it in this country. They weren't evil, just ignorant and abusive. At primary school, I was taunted into fighting every day. At secondary school I was most commonly compared to "Kissy" from Roots and although I was punched, by 12 I had learned not to bother punching back. I was the only black person anyone had ever seen. Since the early days of abuse, I find it just keeps repeating. Racism felt like it was manageable for a short while during my 20's, then politics went another way (One Nation, etc). Being abused while walking down the street, zero service in many shops, harassment by neighbours, property managers, work colleagues, mates down the pub, you name it - it just keeps escalating. No healing of my brain can fix this. Right now (last couple years), my neighbour has been blocking access to my garage by parking across it, idling his car for up to 2 hours per day, at least one of those times is between 1 and 3-30am. He parks less than 2 metres from my window. I wrote him a note to ask him to settle down, he escalated. Got a note back saying he reported me to the police as he finds my face aggressive and intimidating. I had a massive attack last night when he woke me again after less than 2 hours sleep, could not stop sobbing, couldn't breathe, threw up, some kind of convulsions, it went on for about 40 mins. I was calm afterwards. Realised I am not going to survive under these circumstances. I just don't see how I could go back to fighting everyone like I did to survive as a kid, so many bullies. Late last year was turned away by reception when I tried to make gp appt- they said I would be better elsewhere - all they had to base that decision with was appearance. Too scared to try again. Ideas?

What_am_I_ Am I being too sensitive?
  • replies: 4

Let’s start: I am a first generation Australian from a South East Asian background. Problem is I don’t look like a ‘traditional’ Asian; I’m too dark and I’m my body is too big. For as long as I can remember I’ve had to defend myself in regards to my ... View more

Let’s start: I am a first generation Australian from a South East Asian background. Problem is I don’t look like a ‘traditional’ Asian; I’m too dark and I’m my body is too big. For as long as I can remember I’ve had to defend myself in regards to my culture: no, I’m not South Asian. No, I don’t speak that language. No, I actually am South East Asian. This also included when I had to go to the temple and my entire family would be clowned because we didn’t look like everyone else. When you are growing up and look different from everyone, including the race you belong to you are told to not take up so space and be quiet, so that’s what I did. I grew up and have led a pretty mediocre life. Even when confronted with racist situations I just walk away or make excuses for the other person. Recently, globally we have experienced the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement, and it’s brought up all sorts of issues for me. Growing up in the 90’s when everyone pretends they are more enlightened I remember all the racism, I also experience racism as an adult. It’s really messing with me mentally. I can’t exactly talk to my counsellor about it, as she identifies as Anglo-Saxon and I feel weird being all this up with her. The question I want to ask is: am I being too sensitive? I honestly feel so raw like an exposed nerve. I’m so sick of being asked where did I come from, what language do I speak etc. It’s like I’m constantly defending my existence, I just feel so angry about it (probably doesn’t help that I have a history of anxiety and depression as well)

magiore Parent of an estranged Adult daughter
  • replies: 70

I need to connect with other parents who are going through what I am going through. I will be brief for now, but will discuss further once I connect with others who are going through the same crisis as mine. It's been six weeks now our daughter left ... View more

I need to connect with other parents who are going through what I am going through. I will be brief for now, but will discuss further once I connect with others who are going through the same crisis as mine. It's been six weeks now our daughter left the family, she eloped and we don't know where she is. she left us suddenly, our lives changed practically overnight. We cannot believe that she could such a thing, the guy and his family have brainwashed her and stolen her from us. I heard that she is already engaged to this guy and the family will marry her off as soon as possible. We cannot believe that she could do such a thing behind our back. I need help, I have no one around me who is approaching me to help. If there is anyone out there who is in a similar case to mine please reach out to me so we can come close to discuss our precious loss together. Thank you

Tezza79 Difficulty making close friends
  • replies: 5

Hi, im not sure if I’m posting in the right place. Today really hit me hard. My wife is working late shift, and last night I heard my wife crying to one of her friends oversea that she misses her. Me and my wife moved to Australia 6 years ago. I love... View more

Hi, im not sure if I’m posting in the right place. Today really hit me hard. My wife is working late shift, and last night I heard my wife crying to one of her friends oversea that she misses her. Me and my wife moved to Australia 6 years ago. I love Australia but to this day we still find it really hard to make those close net work of friends that we both have had in the past. We are both Christian’s and attend church, I play sports, I’m a pretty social individual for a 41 year old but it is still very difficult to make those close friendships where you can go out and have a drink and talk about everything and anything. At church everyone great on the outside but they seem to have their clicks. When I m asked how I’m doing and im honest I just get that glazed look then the conversation changes subject. i know people but I seperate myself from them as they try and be controlling and be manipulative. There are other people we know and we discuss about going away and do things such as camping etc which they all agree to, but when the time comes to actually doing such activities the excuses come out or we get ignored. It’s very frustrating and hurtful. We recently went on a trip down the coast and my five year old daughter even commented how come we don’t have friends that come away with us so she can play with their kids. My wife is pretty strong headed and says all of this has made her become emotional detached from people. I love this country and love everything about it I just wish I had that bond with people. I can’t rely on my wife as my only friend, my sports and my job all my life. On top of this I’m struggling to make any decent income in my job and it’s all started to effect me mentally. If anyone can share their experiences, or how they overcome this it would be awesome. thanks

Apfel Feeling very trapped in life
  • replies: 8

I moved to Australia four years and still haven't been able to find a friend. Most of the time I spent my time with my husband but the last couple years we have been arguing a lot. He has severe OCD and have been staying at home for the last few mont... View more

I moved to Australia four years and still haven't been able to find a friend. Most of the time I spent my time with my husband but the last couple years we have been arguing a lot. He has severe OCD and have been staying at home for the last few months without a job. I feel we can't really understand each other anymore. I feel so much anger, disapointment and resentment inside of me to him. I feel so guilty everyday for being so far away from my parents and couldn't look after them when they are aging everyday. On the other hand, I also feel guilty if I leave my partner. I feel sorry for him but I just don't feel happy with him. I feel like a failure too because I couldn't find a good job. I have been working as a waitperson for the last few years and have troubles finding a different career... I recently got my license but because of our financial situation I haven't been able to save money to buy my own car, which also makes it harder to get a job. I feel so trapped everyday. I have tried making friends by volunteering but I just can't seem to fit in. I'm not comfortable speaking to people because 1. I'm afraid people not understand my English (my partner always says he can't understand me and I'm a bad communicator) 2. being an introvert it's hard for me to speak loud.. I've tried websites like MeetUp but have never had the courage to actually go to one meeting..

Mil Coping with the guilt of being far away from family in hard times
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Hi all, I'd like to know if anyone here is having a hard time dealing with the guilt that comes with being far away from your family, especially when times get tough or if someone needs care. I really feel at home in Australia, I have my whole life h... View more

Hi all, I'd like to know if anyone here is having a hard time dealing with the guilt that comes with being far away from your family, especially when times get tough or if someone needs care. I really feel at home in Australia, I have my whole life here now, which I love. But sometimes I worry that my parents are getting old and I'm not there to help them, I feel far away from long time friends when a lot of big things are happening (hello late 20s/early 30s with weddings and babies), missing all family reunions etc. I messed up my partner visa application (long story) and I currently have a bridging visa that has a "no travel" condition, meaning if I leave the Australian territory I won't be allowed re-entry, which we don't want to risk. The waiting times are huge and only getting longer. It's been 1.5 year already, and I probably won't hear anything for another 6 months at least (but we don't even know for sure). Until now I reassured myself by knowing that once I get a visa, I would go spend a long time in Europe to visit everyone. But yesterday I learnt one of my uncles, who I kind of had a special connection with, passed away (he had been very very sick for 2 years now). It wasn't a big surprise considering his condition, but I guess I was hoping he would continue holding on as he had and that I'd finally be able to visit him. Now that's never going to happen and I can't even go to his funeral. I feel so sad, super guilty because the whole visa mess is partly my fault, and also selfish for feeling bad for myself at a time like this. Any people with similar experiences? How do you cope? I need to work today but I feel like I'm in a cotton fog, can't really focus. Hoping writing here might help. Mil

Red_Velvet Exiled for no reason
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m Red and I’m of Asian background. Recently corona and black lives matter has been taking over 2020. But many people realise, that while black lives matter, so does every other life. But apparently that doesn’t matter. I have nothing against th... View more

Hi, I’m Red and I’m of Asian background. Recently corona and black lives matter has been taking over 2020. But many people realise, that while black lives matter, so does every other life. But apparently that doesn’t matter. I have nothing against the protests or any race, but you can’t ask to be treated as an equal and then turn around and belittle someone. Due to Corona, my family is coping it, due to our decent. People have been calling eachother names since the start of time! But, Have you ever walked down a street only for everyone to cross the road to the other side? Have you ever walked with you grandma only for a man come over and call her a prostitue due to her race? Have you ever had someone deliberately cough on you? Have you ever been sent to the back of the class and shunned into being forced to wear a mask? I don’t understand why people use race as an excuse to belittle others, to make themselves feel better. In the end we are all human and there is nothing we can do about it. This was not meant to offend, it’s based off of my experiences. I apologise if it does offend. — Red Velevet

sowhat making friends difficult
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Hi, I am just wondering about peoples experience of making friends. I am Australian but spent time (10 years) living in Canada and know the feeling of isolation experienced when you are in a new place. Since coming back to Australia I seem to be unab... View more

Hi, I am just wondering about peoples experience of making friends. I am Australian but spent time (10 years) living in Canada and know the feeling of isolation experienced when you are in a new place. Since coming back to Australia I seem to be unable to make friends even though I am proactive in trying to. I have volunteered, joined sporting groups, tried to get involved in the local community, even completed another degree in university but although I try I only seem to make superficial acquaintances and really feel like a loser because of this. I have read some threads that seem to illustrate that many people also feel this way. I am wondering why this seems to be such a common thing and wonder what we can do about it. As a society we do not seem to be very inclusive and whilst there is a large contingency of people feeling he way I do, how do we connect with others in our community who obviously also desire the same thing. Any input into this conversation would be greatly appreciated.

JazzK I want to smile so badley
  • replies: 29

I havent smiles in a long while and i cant remember how i laugh. Last time i did both it felt good but when u get questioned so u feel quitly what you have done has put me in such a dark spot which should be ther best years of my life. My main issues... View more

I havent smiles in a long while and i cant remember how i laugh. Last time i did both it felt good but when u get questioned so u feel quitly what you have done has put me in such a dark spot which should be ther best years of my life. My main issues are partner relationship problems but as of recent the one person i thought i could say anything too my bestfriend has gone mental at me and blaming me for conveying a story of the past and that vrought up issues for her which i was the rebound. Its so hard t9 not be able to talk to anyone. When i get yelled at or put down i just feel like self harming. The thoughts are there but never since being a newly mother i havent self harmed. My partner priotises his friends and addictions and ditches me even when it comes to family friends. I had so many chats saying i just want to be loved and i want his company. Being a mum i dont want to be a huge social butterfly as i want to be a family too. I just want therr to be a balance. I strongly believe people need space and have timr to themselve or friends but when its so much from his side i just feel like a only parent. Theres so much on my mind i just want to be able to smile and be happy again. Im not confortable in my skin anymore and sometimes i jist dont want to be on earth anymore. Thankfully ny daughter has a beautiful energy and surrounds me with love and pure white light. Can anyone help me. Im so lonely i just want to speak to anyone