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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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Donte Are you multicultural or are you Australian?
  • replies: 114

I’ve been pondering for a while about the whole ‘multicultural’ notion. We often hear ‘multicultural people’ or ‘multicultural experiences’ etc but what exactly does that mean? I am from a culturally and linguistically diverse background, (was born a... View more

I’ve been pondering for a while about the whole ‘multicultural’ notion. We often hear ‘multicultural people’ or ‘multicultural experiences’ etc but what exactly does that mean? I am from a culturally and linguistically diverse background, (was born and raised in a non-English speaking country), like the 46% of our population. However, I never think of my self as ‘diverse’ or ‘multicultural’. This is a term other people have created to describe me and my experiences. I am me. A human being like everyone else. The term ‘multicultural’ often implies ‘different’ or ‘diverse’, but different from what or whom? Well, clearly, from the white-Anglo Australians. So, my experience has been that in Australia today we have the dominant or mainstream White-Anglo culture and the ‘multicultural’ culture - anything and anyone who doesn’t fit in the white-Anglo category. The reality of course is that the white-Anglo segment of the population is also part of the whole ‘multicultural’ society, even if it’s the dominant one. This is never viewed in my opinion, its proper light, perhaps for political reasons and the hidden racism that still lurks in the background of today’s mainstream culture. Interestingly enough, even non white-Anglo Australians have come to accept this white propaganda and every time I hear them refer to ‘Australians’ they connote ‘anglo’. They usually say I’m Greek or Turkish or Maltese etc. - and any reference to ‘Australians’ seems to indicate ‘the others’, ‘the whites’. This of course has created an ‘us’ and ‘them’ mentality which stems from the remnants of the ‘white australia’ policy and the ‘melting pot’ days. So, who is really an Australian? What makes you true blue Aussie? Is the woman covered in burqa from head to toe who’s been naturalized three decades ago an Australian? And if so, equal like the fifth or sixth generation white-Anglo neighbors of hers? Often, you’ll find that this is not the case. I propose that it’s time to scrap the labels, erase the terms and start treating all people of Australia with equity despite their looks, skin color, gender, age, sexual orientation, religion etc How does that sound?

black_doggie international student with depression
  • replies: 6

being an international student is just exhausting. first of all im suffering from depression (since last month i was being diagnosed) and adhd. it has always been hard to find somebody to talk with. i’ve tried to utilise free resources from my campus... View more

being an international student is just exhausting. first of all im suffering from depression (since last month i was being diagnosed) and adhd. it has always been hard to find somebody to talk with. i’ve tried to utilise free resources from my campus, like making appointments with my favourite teacher and the counsellor. but, u know, we all have our own lives, i can’t find them very frequently and talk about what’s going on in my life. in fact i’ve got a lot of friends here. but most of them are like ' hi bye friends '. even the closest friend i’ve met here made me felt so hurt last week. she just don’t understand me having depression. she was just lecturing to me and thought i could understand a word when i felt really overwhelmed from my classes? no. definitely not. everything i need was space, listening and empathy but she didn’t even know. she thought giving advice would make me less unhappy. but that’s not the thing. i thought i can’t express my problems and negativity to anyone anymore, except those who are suffering from mental health disorders. or my close friends who really do listen and understand me. i often do feel overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, and anxious in school (at that time i still haven’t diagnosed depression). this can be explained through my hard-working and serious personality. in addition to my tutor whom i’ve met her since my first year of secondary school, my negative thoughts started intensifying. she emphasised a lot about the public exam in my final year of secondary school life, whereas i still have got five years to go at that time. overtime, my depressed feelings triggered my suicidal thoughts, and i did self-harm, have frequent mental breakdowns, and have diarrhoea very often. and more. i was so out of control. and my depressive feelings still continued after i start studying in aus. i was always alone as my closest friends are all in my home country. and english isn’t my first language. even though im finally blended into aussie life and am confident in using english, i still felt difficult at times which i couldn’t fully express my thoughts. and school has been really busy. and taking adhd medicine always increases my anxiety level. and often i just wanted someone to listen and hug me tightly but i don’t have one. so i ended up crying all night on bed very often. i’ve experienced difficulty in getting out of bed too as of immense stress and negativity. yeah that’s just how i feel. thanku for reading till here

Priya_C Losing myself after marriage- due to restrictions from in- laws
  • replies: 3

I got married a couple of years back and ever since I have never felt the same way I used to feel when I was unmarried. I live with my parents-in laws. Due to the Indian culture, we are expected to stay with parents to help them in their old age. See... View more

I got married a couple of years back and ever since I have never felt the same way I used to feel when I was unmarried. I live with my parents-in laws. Due to the Indian culture, we are expected to stay with parents to help them in their old age. See I would not have a problem with that only if they were not so controlling. I am expected to dress a certain way, can not wear dresses (show my legs), I cannot cut or open my hair (I used to love my hair open, I felt so confident and free). I feel guilty every time I leave the house in a pony tail/ braid and open it up afterwards when I am out of their sight. I feel so trapped in this family/ house. I am expected to behave a certain way, boys get more lee-way, girls can not do certain things boys can do. My husband is supportive however, at the end of the day he is their son as well. I am beginning to regret this marriage and this kills me because I do love my husband very much. I just wish I had control of my own life and the decisions I make. I want to wake up whenever I want to wake up, I want to leave my bed unmade, I want to eat whatever I want to eat, I want to dress the way I used to dress, I want to leave my hair open at home, I want to lay on the couch for hours and not feel guilty. I feel like a child in this house, who's life has been taken over. I have absolutely no freedom of my own thoughts, speech, choices. I want to leave the house but my husband does not want to leave his parents. I feel so stupid, my husband had warned me his parents were a bit old-fashioned, I never gave it a second thought I was so lost in love, I left my family, friends, country only to feel so stuck in this marriage a few years later. I just want to. be. free. I don't know what to do. Please help.

Emmen Strategies for coping with racist behaviour
  • replies: 51

Hello everybody, With coronavirus, there has been a spike in racist behaviour against people of Asian ethnicity in Australia. I’m sure there are people in our community who have been on the receiving end of such behaviour. You may also be Indigenous ... View more

Hello everybody, With coronavirus, there has been a spike in racist behaviour against people of Asian ethnicity in Australia. I’m sure there are people in our community who have been on the receiving end of such behaviour. You may also be Indigenous or of other ethnicities, struggling with the emotional impact of racism directed against you over the years. This could include anxiety, depression and reduced sense of self-worth. I though we could open up this forum as a way of sharing coping strategies when facing prejudiced behaviour. I’ll start by listing some ideas: Build a network of people around you who can make you feel good about yourself Identify the behaviours that have led you to internalise the idea that you are 'not good enough' for society and work on accepting yourself as you are Reminding yourself that the actions/words of racist people stem from their own insecurity rather than you What are your strategies? For those seeking more information on racism, its impacts and what you can do about it, here are some links that can help. BB article: Respond to racism (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/the-invisible-discriminator/respond-to-racism) BB campaign: The Invisible Discriminator (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/the-invisible-discriminator) BB article: Educate yourself about racism (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/the-invisible-discriminator/educate-yourself-about-racism) Forum thread: Racism (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/racism#qgLmI3HzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A) Sending love, M

spanish19876 First generation immigrant- 16 years old
  • replies: 2

I am a South Asian first-generation immigrant and 16 years old, with only one sibling aged 4. I’ve never had great relations with my parents, acting against their wishes from a very young age of 6, but really, their standards have always been, to thi... View more

I am a South Asian first-generation immigrant and 16 years old, with only one sibling aged 4. I’ve never had great relations with my parents, acting against their wishes from a very young age of 6, but really, their standards have always been, to this day, insanely unrealistic. The things I have done to this day that they would use to describe me as a horrible and wicked person are really very simple parts of the life of a child and adolescent, and if I was being real, any understanding parent would agree with me. I am used to both of my parents screaming at me, judging me and all on a daily basis for VERY SMALL THINGS- SMALL MISTAKES ANY HUMAN BEING MAKES!! They have always been terrible at trying to understand me, and are too traditional in their parenting method. My mum is quite co-dependent on my dad, she’s naive for someone living in a 1st world country, and oh boy has she got anger issues when it comes to parenting me. My dad has definitely gotten better at understanding me, but key word: ‘better’, but has not become decent at it yet. They drag on everythinggg I’ve done and when they’re mad at one small thing, they start to complain about everything they have against me, which are all unrelated things, most of which are assumptions about my behaviour when they’re not present. They’re quite unfriendly and hypocritical to everyone, and there is no respect at all in our household, with constant disgusting, unnecessary remarks that I can’t treat as more than ‘just family jokes’. Whenever arguing, they're 'always right' and they can never hear me out. They see problems in each other but don't do enough to address or rectify them and don't realise their own issues. Anything that I want to do as a teenage girl, for my self care and happiness is apparently just because I need attention from boys, and whenever I fall slightly from my grades, it is an act of grave sin. I have a 2013 phone since 2016, right, and my mum was so overly excited about buying me the iPhone 11 on black friday this year, but I ended up falling from a High Distinction from last semester to a Distinction this semester and they gave me so much crap for it and you guessed it, I am not getting that phone anytime soon- even though I go to a private school paying $$ a year. I’m mentally unstable because of their lack of focus on my happiness and wellbeing for the last 10 years and I really don’t know what to do anymore.

Not_so_hot Recurrent traumatic events
  • replies: 14

I don't trust authority. I know I should, but I always end up thinking I have made a huge mistake. I was adopted by whitefellas from birth and experienced childhood sexual abuse for several years. My birth father was here on a student visa and althou... View more

I don't trust authority. I know I should, but I always end up thinking I have made a huge mistake. I was adopted by whitefellas from birth and experienced childhood sexual abuse for several years. My birth father was here on a student visa and although engaged to marry my mother, was threatened by her parents to have him expelled from Australia if he attempted to claim any rights to me. When I met my birth mother half a lifetime ago she told me they refused to allow any black children in the family and sent her to another state to give birth and have me adopted. My adoptive family were extremely racist in their treatment of me, so much so, that I actually thought for much of my life I was a purchased slave and we just had another name for it in this country. They weren't evil, just ignorant and abusive. At primary school, I was taunted into fighting every day. At secondary school I was most commonly compared to "Kissy" from Roots and although I was punched, by 12 I had learned not to bother punching back. I was the only black person anyone had ever seen. Since the early days of abuse, I find it just keeps repeating. Racism felt like it was manageable for a short while during my 20's, then politics went another way (One Nation, etc). Being abused while walking down the street, zero service in many shops, harassment by neighbours, property managers, work colleagues, mates down the pub, you name it - it just keeps escalating. No healing of my brain can fix this. Right now (last couple years), my neighbour has been blocking access to my garage by parking across it, idling his car for up to 2 hours per day, at least one of those times is between 1 and 3-30am. He parks less than 2 metres from my window. I wrote him a note to ask him to settle down, he escalated. Got a note back saying he reported me to the police as he finds my face aggressive and intimidating. I had a massive attack last night when he woke me again after less than 2 hours sleep, could not stop sobbing, couldn't breathe, threw up, some kind of convulsions, it went on for about 40 mins. I was calm afterwards. Realised I am not going to survive under these circumstances. I just don't see how I could go back to fighting everyone like I did to survive as a kid, so many bullies. Late last year was turned away by reception when I tried to make gp appt- they said I would be better elsewhere - all they had to base that decision with was appearance. Too scared to try again. Ideas?

What_am_I_ Am I being too sensitive?
  • replies: 4

Let’s start: I am a first generation Australian from a South East Asian background. Problem is I don’t look like a ‘traditional’ Asian; I’m too dark and I’m my body is too big. For as long as I can remember I’ve had to defend myself in regards to my ... View more

Let’s start: I am a first generation Australian from a South East Asian background. Problem is I don’t look like a ‘traditional’ Asian; I’m too dark and I’m my body is too big. For as long as I can remember I’ve had to defend myself in regards to my culture: no, I’m not South Asian. No, I don’t speak that language. No, I actually am South East Asian. This also included when I had to go to the temple and my entire family would be clowned because we didn’t look like everyone else. When you are growing up and look different from everyone, including the race you belong to you are told to not take up so space and be quiet, so that’s what I did. I grew up and have led a pretty mediocre life. Even when confronted with racist situations I just walk away or make excuses for the other person. Recently, globally we have experienced the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement, and it’s brought up all sorts of issues for me. Growing up in the 90’s when everyone pretends they are more enlightened I remember all the racism, I also experience racism as an adult. It’s really messing with me mentally. I can’t exactly talk to my counsellor about it, as she identifies as Anglo-Saxon and I feel weird being all this up with her. The question I want to ask is: am I being too sensitive? I honestly feel so raw like an exposed nerve. I’m so sick of being asked where did I come from, what language do I speak etc. It’s like I’m constantly defending my existence, I just feel so angry about it (probably doesn’t help that I have a history of anxiety and depression as well)

magiore Parent of an estranged Adult daughter
  • replies: 70

I need to connect with other parents who are going through what I am going through. I will be brief for now, but will discuss further once I connect with others who are going through the same crisis as mine. It's been six weeks now our daughter left ... View more

I need to connect with other parents who are going through what I am going through. I will be brief for now, but will discuss further once I connect with others who are going through the same crisis as mine. It's been six weeks now our daughter left the family, she eloped and we don't know where she is. she left us suddenly, our lives changed practically overnight. We cannot believe that she could such a thing, the guy and his family have brainwashed her and stolen her from us. I heard that she is already engaged to this guy and the family will marry her off as soon as possible. We cannot believe that she could do such a thing behind our back. I need help, I have no one around me who is approaching me to help. If there is anyone out there who is in a similar case to mine please reach out to me so we can come close to discuss our precious loss together. Thank you

Tezza79 Difficulty making close friends
  • replies: 5

Hi, im not sure if I’m posting in the right place. Today really hit me hard. My wife is working late shift, and last night I heard my wife crying to one of her friends oversea that she misses her. Me and my wife moved to Australia 6 years ago. I love... View more

Hi, im not sure if I’m posting in the right place. Today really hit me hard. My wife is working late shift, and last night I heard my wife crying to one of her friends oversea that she misses her. Me and my wife moved to Australia 6 years ago. I love Australia but to this day we still find it really hard to make those close net work of friends that we both have had in the past. We are both Christian’s and attend church, I play sports, I’m a pretty social individual for a 41 year old but it is still very difficult to make those close friendships where you can go out and have a drink and talk about everything and anything. At church everyone great on the outside but they seem to have their clicks. When I m asked how I’m doing and im honest I just get that glazed look then the conversation changes subject. i know people but I seperate myself from them as they try and be controlling and be manipulative. There are other people we know and we discuss about going away and do things such as camping etc which they all agree to, but when the time comes to actually doing such activities the excuses come out or we get ignored. It’s very frustrating and hurtful. We recently went on a trip down the coast and my five year old daughter even commented how come we don’t have friends that come away with us so she can play with their kids. My wife is pretty strong headed and says all of this has made her become emotional detached from people. I love this country and love everything about it I just wish I had that bond with people. I can’t rely on my wife as my only friend, my sports and my job all my life. On top of this I’m struggling to make any decent income in my job and it’s all started to effect me mentally. If anyone can share their experiences, or how they overcome this it would be awesome. thanks

Apfel Feeling very trapped in life
  • replies: 8

I moved to Australia four years and still haven't been able to find a friend. Most of the time I spent my time with my husband but the last couple years we have been arguing a lot. He has severe OCD and have been staying at home for the last few mont... View more

I moved to Australia four years and still haven't been able to find a friend. Most of the time I spent my time with my husband but the last couple years we have been arguing a lot. He has severe OCD and have been staying at home for the last few months without a job. I feel we can't really understand each other anymore. I feel so much anger, disapointment and resentment inside of me to him. I feel so guilty everyday for being so far away from my parents and couldn't look after them when they are aging everyday. On the other hand, I also feel guilty if I leave my partner. I feel sorry for him but I just don't feel happy with him. I feel like a failure too because I couldn't find a good job. I have been working as a waitperson for the last few years and have troubles finding a different career... I recently got my license but because of our financial situation I haven't been able to save money to buy my own car, which also makes it harder to get a job. I feel so trapped everyday. I have tried making friends by volunteering but I just can't seem to fit in. I'm not comfortable speaking to people because 1. I'm afraid people not understand my English (my partner always says he can't understand me and I'm a bad communicator) 2. being an introvert it's hard for me to speak loud.. I've tried websites like MeetUp but have never had the courage to actually go to one meeting..