I am a 39 year old South African who has moved to Australia 18 months ago. It hard! Harder than I thought and in ways I could never have imagined.
I moved for my kids to have a better education and for us all the be safe. I have a working visa but it will be a long time before I'm a permanent resident (4 1/2 years), this means I am in limbo in the meantime as I don't feel like I belong.
Pile on the fact that as a South African we are known to be friendly but efficient and no nonsense ie direct. I also have high functioning anxiety for all my life (abused as a kid).
All of this in S A didn't seem to be an issue. If I was stressed I'd take anxiety meds, and if I was a little short at work, because of my position it would be brushed off, I'd appologise and we would all move on. Sometimes the general manager has to Crack the whip, it's part of the job. I was never rude or abusive. Now... in Australia, I feel like my entire identity has been beaten out of me. I spend 90% of my energy trying to be extra nice, extra friendly, and nothing gets done...so I do it myself, working 7 days a week to make deadlines without any support. Which of course means I'm achieving but I'm exhausted and can get snappy. I get insecure and i hear people talking about me in the office. Again, I appologise immediately after. I've now been fired essentially for not being nice enough, and every interaction has been twisted and misunderstood/represented to the boss.
I dont know what to do...whats the point of being here. Achieving goals at the expense of being a push over and killing myself didn't even work, and not being a pushover is seen as being aggressive. I just can't win.
I've given up everything and have nothing to go back to, plus I'd never get my children to come back with me (ex husband is here in australia) so I really have to stay, but will I ever fit in, how do I find a job where I can be myself, or just get a bit of understanding while I acclimatise. I am embarrassed about humiliated by being fired, a second time, after 4 months of probation at each despite achieving and surpassing goals, essentially because of my personality. I know that I dont want to die but I certainly cant live like this anymore. I don't see any alternatives.
