Wishing for a friend to talk to

[dragonflies]

Hi,

I feel alone. I'm 19 and I have no friends anymore. No one to confide in, trust, or share my life with. I just want someone to talk to. Someone who gets me and who I can relate to and vice versa. I find it hard trying to make friends. I dread the process of getting to know someone completely for who they are. It takes so much time and effort. I have only ever been hurt in the past after making such close friends and having them just drift away from you without a care in the world.

Does anyone feel like this too?

dragonflies

[dragonflies]

Hi LuLu,

Sorry for the late reply, I haven't been on the forums since start of Jan. Thats ok. It was an accident really. I had just harmed myself far more than I had intended to. It was scary and I was alone. But I am okay now.

My dad is very supportive and he has been the one who has been by my side through all I've been through. I can talk to him about practically anything. So I'm very grateful for that.

I am the same with nighttimes and being alone. I always self medicate myself as well as taking my prescribed medication at night. I strongly don't recommend it as its just a cycle that gets worse and worse - an addiction.

I have sh a lot growing up. On and off. Not harming myself until I had healed and scarred helped me to break the cycle and routine. Since going to the hospital and now living with this new scar that I have given myself has made me take a step back.

Don't scar your body. It isn't worth it, I promise. You don't deserve to have to live the rest of your life with more scars on your body, it is only hurting yourself and making things harder (which I know is sometimes why we feel the need to do it). But there are other ways to deal with the urges. I began punching a really big heavy punching bag. It really really helped and exhausted me. I figured, why not do that instead of doing something that will become part of my body, part of my appearance and part of who I am. Would you consider trying that next time and then telling me how it felt?

My dad used to make me feel like a horrible person too. The shame is that I believe him. Sometimes parents don't know how to help and they don't know what to say. All in all, they have an in built love for you no matter what.

Unfortunately she doesn't seem to talk to me as much. So then I end up backing off thinking she doesn't like me. And no, I haven't tried to befriend anyone else. It always ends up downhill. I'm just all alone again...

My life should be great, with all the opportunities I have been given and my living situation and support. I understand what you mean. But everyone, no matter what circumstances, deals with their own stuff and problems etc. Just because you're well off doesn't make you any different or selfish.

Like I've said before I never think you are rambling. We are both just talking. You can say whatever you like and there is no need to feel like you shouldn't talk about yourself. That is what we're here for

Talk as much as you feel, honestly

Hope to hear back soon

dragon x

[dragonflies]

Hey sn,

I'm sorry to hear you had to go into ED. It is good to hear you're okay now.

Also seriously well done to you for joining a social group. That is something I have found nearly impossible to do. I am positive you will meet and make new friends as from what I know of you, you are a great person and great to talk with. You're right about not rushing, just take it easy, see where it goes, don't build up expectations and who knows what could happen. And dating!! that will be a whole new chapter, exciting and different. I'm looking forward to hearing about it.

Hey LuLu,

I read what you said about wanting to feel horrible. I have been stuck in those thoughts for a long long time. My psychiatrist has helped me with medication to adjust the chemicals in my brain - because something was obviously off - hence why I was having the thoughts.

I was wondering if you see a psychiatrist or are currently on any medication? I was told that me without medication wasn't 'me'. It was a 'depression' that overtook my thoughts etc and in some way controlled me. I am not sure if this is the same case with you but it is worth looking into. You come across as a lovely girl with kind and caring qualities. You are not a bad person and you do not deserve to feel horrible - no one in the world does. It saddens me to think that you want to feel horrible, because I know exactly what it's like.

dragon x

[startingnew]

hey Dragonflies

its great to hear from you again

how have you been? whats been happening for you?

thanks for the vote of confidence, i get pretty bad social anxiety so will see how i go but its something i want to do. yes for sure dating is a slow once esp with past SA traumas.

[startingnew]

i cant remember if i just posted or not lol- will wait and see if it comes up

[LuLu_]

Hi SN and dragon

i did reply but it wasn’t posted. When I have the energy I will try again

lulu

[startingnew]

will keep an eye out for you Lulu

sending some comforting hugs xoxo

[LuLu_]

Hi SN and dragonflies

Ihave barely enough energy to know what to say. I feel a lot of guilt and stress. The act I’ve been putting on is taking over. I am too good an actor, now I don’t know what is real. 

Dont worry dragonflies. When the time is right I am sure you will find it easier to hold on to someone. I hope that I am right. Loneliness is a crushing and desperate feeling. I am on medication and I saw my psychiatrist a couple of days ago. No change to my medication. I am sort of just here. Survival and waiting for bed is where I am at. But when I am in bed I don’t try to sleep. I wait for my tablet to kick in. To knock me out I am going to start walking away when my dad hurts my feelings. I’ve had enough. I don’t need to listen to that.

Sn, I don’t have many thoughts right now. Congratulations on your victories. I hope sunshine brightens your weekend. I hope you have some nice moments. I am sorry I don’t have more to give. My mind is failing me.

I will be back soon. Thank you for everything

lulu

[startingnew]

thats ok Lulu its not all sunshine and daisies for me either. i wrote that quite a while ago and things can change with in a very short time. but like everyone else we will get through it. day by day. baby steps.

how are you going with your supports?

[LuLu_]

Hi SN

I am saddened to hear you are not doing so well. It hard when you are up one minute and down the next. It’s very disheartening.

my psychologist is helping me. I don’t particularly connect with my psichiatrist but she seems to be doing a good job. I told her I have bad days but she said my medication is to stay the same which I don’t disagree with. I just feel the down again.

My parents support me but I can’t confide in them. It’s just how it is. I don’t feel comfortable taking about what’s in my head. I feel lonely in terms of friends. I don’t feel the want to reach out to them.

I hope you feel better soon. Do you know what triggered your low mood?

Talk to you soon

lulu

[LuLu_]

Hi there

I do not find it easy to open up. I can’t talk to my friends. I feel so distant from them and I don’t know what to do. I ant help but separate myself from them. It’s hard otherwise. You either have to explain yourself or you have to put on a mask. The mask is the easier option.

I am quite lost at the moment. Not feeling too hopeful about the future and very uncertain about myself

Thank you for listening x

lulu