What do I do?

[Night]

This is my first post, so excuse me if I make any mistakes.

I hardly know where to start when discussing my sotuation. For just over a year I've been extremely stressed with family issues. I can't cope but I don't feel comfortable telling anyone. I lack trust as it seems every time I trust someone, they lose my trust almost as quickly. From things I've read on beyondblue and the Internet in general, I believe I have social phobia and depression. I helped care for a friend who suffers depression and it's been great to see him recover from the suicidal slump he was in. The only problem is now I've found myself in the same hole he was in. I don't know anyone who wouldn't judge me or react in some negative way if I told them I was suicidal. I tried to tell some friends about my mental state. At the time I was still unsure if I wanted them to know or not, so I double encrypted a message. It was devastating to see how quickly it was shrugged off as 'just some random letters to get attention'. Tonight I took the 'K10' test and scored 39. Last week I had possibly the scariest moment in my life. I was researching different suicide methods when my parents came in. I'm still unsure if they saw or not, but ever since they've been acting strange. I also have two school assignments coming up with very large weightings. Both are speeches- something I'm not looking forward to in the slightest. I don't know what to do. I know I need help, but I'm unsure if I want it.

Sorry if I rambled a lot in different directions, but I'm just so confused.

Thanks,

Night

[james1]

Hey night,

I'm glad it's the holidays now so you don't have to deal with that kind of stuff. What are the plans for this holiday period? Are you going away at all? We're just staying here so it's a bit boring for us!

I'm sorry about your sister. Is she older or younger? Perhaps she could be someone you could talk to and share your experiences?

I think it will be nice to have a pet around. Death is an inevitability, but it doesn't mean that the life before death isn't worthwhile. I've had a bird and some rabbits die on me, and it's very sad but the good times make up for it.

That's wonderful news about the guitar! Will they be sending it by post then? How long til you get it?

I've been looking at picking up an XBox One recently. I'll need a blu ray player when i move because the current one will stay with my sister, and the xbox one is actually cheaper than a lot of blu ray players. I'm pretty excited, but i'm kind of poor at the moment. I just bought a motorbike and after repairs, registration etc, i have no money!!

James

[james1]

Hey Night,

Sending you my best wishes and I hope you are doing okay.

James

[Starwolf]

Hey Night, I've been thinking of you. Hope you're OK ?