What do I do?

[Night]

This is my first post, so excuse me if I make any mistakes.

I hardly know where to start when discussing my sotuation. For just over a year I've been extremely stressed with family issues. I can't cope but I don't feel comfortable telling anyone. I lack trust as it seems every time I trust someone, they lose my trust almost as quickly. From things I've read on beyondblue and the Internet in general, I believe I have social phobia and depression. I helped care for a friend who suffers depression and it's been great to see him recover from the suicidal slump he was in. The only problem is now I've found myself in the same hole he was in. I don't know anyone who wouldn't judge me or react in some negative way if I told them I was suicidal. I tried to tell some friends about my mental state. At the time I was still unsure if I wanted them to know or not, so I double encrypted a message. It was devastating to see how quickly it was shrugged off as 'just some random letters to get attention'. Tonight I took the 'K10' test and scored 39. Last week I had possibly the scariest moment in my life. I was researching different suicide methods when my parents came in. I'm still unsure if they saw or not, but ever since they've been acting strange. I also have two school assignments coming up with very large weightings. Both are speeches- something I'm not looking forward to in the slightest. I don't know what to do. I know I need help, but I'm unsure if I want it.

Sorry if I rambled a lot in different directions, but I'm just so confused.

Thanks,

Night

[Night]

Hi Kaz,

Thanks for the reply. I can't help but feel bad for my response to the student's death. While I didn't know him, I feel horrible about it because it makes me think of my friend's death. When I first heard the news, I was even upset because it wasn't me. I feel so ashamed and disrespectful for this.

As far as the assignment goes, I managed to finish it less than twelve hours before it's due. I also know that it is horrible and will do poorly. I feel like I rambled too much and went off topic, but too tired to fix it. As far as sleeping goes, when I'd like to have slept until at least 12 this weekend, I was woken up before 9 on Saturday because we had an electrician coming, and also at 9 this morning for seemingly no reason. I've always had trouble sleeping- unable to stop thinking about something. Almost thinking for the sake of thinking. I don't know the last time it hasn't taken me hours to fall asleep after trying to get to sleep.

As far as positives go, the only thing I can think of is that we finish school an hour early tomorrow, but it's also a negative because the reason for it is that a funeral is being held for the student who passed away.

Thanks again

-Night

[james1]

Hey Night,

Oh man, i'm so sorry to hear about that. I don't really know what to say.

It sounds like you're really trapped at the moment. You're tired, losing hope, but there are people who just want to will you on. Just because there have been lots of negatives in your life so far doesn't mean that there isn't an abundance of good just beyond in the future. Think of it like a prison cell. If you've lived in that prison cell for most or all of your life, it's no wonder you can't see beyond the walls. But, as you know, sunlight does exist beyond the walls.

Think about some of the things you're struggling with now: teachers, assignments, speeches, past family issues, and immature school mates. I'm 24 now and I can guarantee you that many of those - teachers, assignments, speeches, immature school mates - won't even exist in your life as you get older.

Life absolutely 100% changes. And people change too. Back in high school I remember we tied a kid with glad wrap to a bench. He was on the fatter side and seemed happy to be tied down. In hindsight though, I can see he wasn't really happy. He was just feeling the peer pressure. Would that group of people tie the same guy down now? No way. They're older and more mature.

You're facing a lot of stressors at the moment so it's no wonder you're feeling really flattened. But these stressors aren't forever and I'm really glad you're still coming here to talk to us 🙂

What's hyperspeed? I've never come across it. I think spacing between notes could be really helpful...some songs are really hard to get the beat and rhythm right! Especially for hammer ons if I miss a note I get freaked out haha.

[Night]

Hi James,

While I see that there are positives, the negatives seem so much more plentiful, especially when I really don't need them (I'll talk about one later in this post).

I suppose that a lot of issues I have wouldn't be a problem down the road, but don't more just take their place?

Hyperspeed is basically where the time notes appear for is reduced (they appear to come faster, but they are more spread out so they have the same timings, but appear faster). In all guitar hero games except warriors of rock (I believe) it comes under the cheats section, and has to be unlocked with a cheat code). In WOR however, it is under the extras tab under 'play'. As far as hammer ons go, they can be your best friend. In a few of the solos I have mentioned previously (Through The Fire and the Flames intro and Fury of the storm OMGWTFBBQ?!) I play the hammer ons with two hands on the fret board for increased dexterity. The only problem is that you have to hit every note to not mess up all of them. Some of the even trickier solos require you to strum with your elbow! Sadly though, I won't be playing guitar hero for a while. When I tried to play today, none of my frets worked. I've done some further troubleshooting and it appears as if the frets aren't transmitting their signals. As a result, I'm going to have to see if I can find a new guitar that isn't insanely expensive. Not something I needed considering the fact that I can't play CoD because of my CPU, and overwatch (like any game) gets boring after a while.

Thanks for just being here. It's nice to have someone to talk to.

-Night

[james1]

Hey Night,

Yeah there are other problems that arise, but they're different and I've found that even if we can't handle certain problems well, others we can. For example, I'm not good at being challenged on my beliefs (mostly because I don't really have any) but I'm good at managing my finances because of my more mathematical/analytical mind. It's tough to say how you'll manage those new challenges, but I imagine with your introspective nature you'll do a lot of developing between now and then. I know I certainly did between year 9 and 12, then another big leap in 2nd year uni to my 2nd year at work.

Hmm...I should check out the cheats section. I've never looked. If I need a code for Metallica, will I just be able to find it online? Haha that's the exact problem I find. I can try with two hands, but I inevitably miss one and then I'm screwed!! I -hate- the intro to through the fire and the flames. I once turned it on expert just to see and as soon as I played the first note, I knew I was done, lol.

Ah man that sucks...can you find one on Gumtree or eBay? So are you just saving up for the GTX960 at the moment? When do you think you can get it?

Have you ever tried strategy games? I'm enjoying Starcraft 2 again at the moment. I really like the maps where you just have to build a defence somewhere and fight off waves.

You too 🙂

James

[Night]

HI James,

I suppose that issues come and go, but I hate how frequently they seem to come. They just seem so plentiful. Finances is not something I'm worried about. In economics the other day, we weren't put in groups of 4 or 5 and we had to 'produce' things and buy/ sell them to try and make a profit. While I could clearly see a strategy in how to exploit and benefit from the system, my group wouldn't cooperate- making impulsive andsporadic descisions. I suppose it's just my mathematical mind and their non-mathematical minds.

I'm more worried about people. I've always hated talking and socialising, unless it's with people I'm really close friends with (even then I'm still hesitant). I know I've mentioned it before, but I hate being the centre of attention, judged etc, even if it's illogical.

Yes, for all cheats you need the codes. To find the one you need, just search up the game, console and cheat you want, and you should find it. When I played ages ago, I unlocked all of them, just to see what they did. Now I just have Hyperspeed, as it feels cheap using things like No-Fail and Easy Expert.

I think that's what everyone thinks when they first see the intro. Some tips are to try it in practise on a slower speed. Also, if you hit the first red, then swap to the green, you can just hold green and tap the rest. So long as you let go after each note, it will automatically hit the greens. From there, just tap the rest of the notes. I tap the oranges with my right hand, but whatever works for you. Other than that, just practise.

I'm hopefully going to pick one up from EB games on the weekend, but the closest place they have one is a while away from me. I currently have a GTX 960 and am saving for the 1060 (assuming I get my i5 4460 around or for Christmas), hopefully I can get it around mid next year.

I haven't tried Starcraft, but I have tried a few MOBA's, and hated them. I played a few games of Heroes of the Storm recently, as Blizzard had a limited edition unlockable in Overwatch for doing so.

Thanks,

-Night

[james1]

Ah yeah, the issues do tend to pile on a lot. But I think that's just because we tend to focus our memory on them. I know I tend to remember the negatives rather than the positives. E.g. if I think about yesterday, I'd summarise it as not feeling anything, being late to pick up my sister, leaving a writing group early which I wanted to stay at, and not being able to focus at work. But if I counted the positives - I didn't have to talk to anyone in the morning, I got to listen to my music most of the day, I finished something at work I'd been working on, I ate, and I got to chat to some new people at the writing group - there's quite a few. It's just that the issues feel like they outweigh the positives.

It does seem like you struggle a lot with people. I think that's one of the things that will change over time. People become more accepting and less judgemental, and as you encounter more of these people, it will be easier for you to open up more. But while you're in the school environment you're in, it's going to be tough and I understand why it's hard for you to see how things could change.

Yeah I try doing it on the slower speeds on practice mode but I end up getting really tired fingers haha. They start being less nimble then just feel like I've lost control of them!

Do you go on the ozbargain website? I think I've seen a bunch of 1060's there on sale. I check the site almost daily, haha.

Ah yeah MOBAs can be super frustrating. I hate having bad teammates who just rage at everyone else. I just play single player starcraft. I also used to play city builders because I found them peaceful. Oh I didn't know Overwatch was blizzard. Have you ever played the gears of war franchise? It's quite different to COD/Battlefield in the pacing.

James

[Night]

Hi James,

I suppose I do focus on the negatives more, because the tend to have the biggest impact in my opinion. Speaking of negatives, I had a pretty bad day today. My health class has been given an assignment about risk taking. This would be fine if it wasn't a video that we have to present in front of the whole class. It also doesn't help that I don't have any friends in my class. So I'm stuck with a group who know I hate being the centre of attention, so they're making the video in an attempt to fail- because that's something that horrifies me. I've also not been able to have a say in anything because 'It's 2 against 1'

I also found that some friends of mine are going to the beach on Saturday, and were wondering if I wanted to go. While it's not my first choice of how I'd spend my time, I was going to go, just so my mum couldn't complain that I don't leave the house. But then I found that someone had invited someone I hate. I believe I have mentioned him before- constant harassment and bullying, trying to annoy me. Because he is going, I declined. Though I will try to look at the positives- someone in the group who I have only spoken to briefly before asked why I didn't want to go. It was nice to know that someone cared. They even offered to save me a churro :), though I declined due to the impracticality.

Since my guitar broke, I tried playing some of the easier songs with a PS4 controller. I got about 80% on expert 'Slow ride'. The controls seem really weird though, so hopefully I can get my guitar soon.

I haven't heard of ozbargain, so i guess I'll check it out.

I don't so much hate MOBA's because of bad teammates, but rather because I don't find it fun clicking where I want to go and having AI do the rest of the work. I love overwatch because I can play 'Widowmaker' (a sniper) really well due to good aim. If something doesn't hit, it's either my fault or lag (100+ ping spikes are no fun). Bad teammates are annoying though- locking damage heroes, doing poorly with them and blaming the supports or tanks.

I haven't played many games aside from CoD, guitar hero and overwatch. It always annoyed me when my friends would buy a game, play it for a few weeks then never touch it again. I put over 900 hours into CS:GO, CoD BO2, and I'm at about 200 in overwatch. I like the sense of challenge in outplaying my opponents (something only possible by learning the intricacies of the game)

Thanks again

-Night

[james1]

Hey,

Your classmates are idiots. It also sounds like they're actually envious of your ability and desire to do stuff, instead wanting to just be 'cool' because they're afraid of being different and challenged. Your maturity seems to be both a blessing and a curse I guess. You could do so much but you're hamstrung by the people around you.

Let's do a bit of make believe to see what kind of stuff you could aim for in the not too distant future, or even just over the holidays. Suppose you had a group of like minded people, whatever that means. What kind of stuff would you want to do with them or talk to them about? Would you want to learn software development and actually do a workshop on it? Would you want work experience somewhere? Or just talk about games or rant about people at school?

That's so nice of your friends to invite you and offer to save a churro. A shame that person was there though. One of the big skills we learn over time is how to deal with people we don't like, because they will always exist in some form or another. It gets easier as we get older because people mellow as well, but something worth thinking about. People's responses vary hugely from simply ignoring them to actively trying to befriend them. For me, I just treat everyone as my friend - if they're being idiots, I tell them and also tell myself to ignore what they say because they're just being stupid. But equally, if they have something useful to say, I'll listen. It alleviates the pressure from me because I know I'm giving them the chance to be friends, if they want to.

Ah yeah...my sister and I tried cooperative with a guitar and controller...that was impossible lol.

Mhmm...how do you find cooperative games like LFD2? So in a way there's then the challenge of outplaying the computer through good cooperation with teammates. Gears of War has a cooperative last stand type mode which I really enjoy. You learn the maps, the weapons, the enemies and teamwork. And if someone messes up, it all falls apart hahaha.

James

[Night]

Hi James,

Saying they're idiots is an understatement. It seems like not wanting to be the centre of attention etc. is a joke to them, and when I try to reason with them it's even funnier.

If I had a group of people similar to me, I'm not sure what I'd like to do. I'd love to have a group of friends who are good at the games I play. Having a team in overwatch is a necessity to improve in the ranked mode, and having a challenge on guitar hero justness makes it more fun. I have one friend who plays guitar hero. He averages 70-80% on expert. I played him yesterday and, while he won every song except 'My Curse', this was likely only because I was playing on a PS3 controller 😛

I have heard mixed responses about whether or not this person will be there tomorrow, so I suppose I will go and, if he tries anything stupid, I'll hope that my friends back me up. I try to ignore people when they're trying to harass me, but it seems like they're satisfied by either me giving a reaction, or not giving one. I can't win.

I've never really got into cooperative games because I've never had friends to play with. I played l4d2 a few years ago with a friend from school, and it was lots of fun, but it's one of those games that is just boring solo. The only 'last stand mode I've played is CoD zombies, but I played that solo. I remember leaving my PS3/4 on for days to get high rounds (rounds took a long time when you get up there). As far as teamwork and learning enemies/ counters, that's a huge part of overwatch. Knowing which heroes counter you and your teammates and what you can pick to counter the enemy.

Thanks again,

-Night

[Kazzl]

Hiya Night - I just want to wish you well for the trip to the beach tomorrow. Even if the idiot person is there, try not to let them spoil it for you.

I like churros - have one for me eh?

Kaz